A photograph of one of our dogs, in the extended entry. Just because. more...

Posted by: Ted at 08:05 PM | category: About Ted
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This is a song I wrote in 1979 or Â’80. I was in the Air Force, stationed in Grand Forks, North Dakota with the Strategic Air Command (SAC). It definitely reflects my life and mindset at the time, considering where I was and what I was doing. ItÂ’s a little dated now that the Soviet Union is no more, but I think it still works. I wish I could post the music with it (and you should be glad I donÂ’t know how to post audio). Anyway, the various snippets of Christmas carols are mostly sung to their original melodies and rhythms, and the background is a simple glockenspiel line or finger-picked guitar.

The Year Santa Started World War III

Deck the halls with jingle bells, jingle bells, and lots of Christmas cheer,
I remember all the fuss at Christmas time that year.

Our spies had found the Russians out,
Discovered quite a trick,
On Christmas eve a missile dressed as Santa Claus would hit.
Washington would be aglow,
With more than Christmas cheer,
WouldnÂ’t need no Christmas lights, the next ten thousand years.

Ho Ho Ho, Fa La La La Laaaaaa,
And a silent night,
WeÂ’ll intercept that phony Santa and blast it out of sight.

Christmas eve had rolled around,
And everything was set,
Our missiles were all poised to strike at Rudolph the Red Threat.
We tracked it on our radar,
And let our missile fly,
It hit and as we watched in awe it lit up half the sky.

Wise men ‘round the world agree,
That on that holy night,
We intercepted something and we blew it out of sight.

Radar screens began to light up,
All across the land,
It soon was plain to everyone that doomsday was at hand.
Kids still talk about it,
As the yule that never was,
America had shown itÂ’s might and nuked poor Santa Claus.

Dashing through the snow,
Up on the rooftop reindeer pause,
With Uncle Sam as Mr. Scrooge we nuked poor Santa Claus.

A lesson quite apparent,
No need to dig down deep,
Just need one to wage a war, need two to wage a peace.
“Do You See What I See”
is a motto for all men,
God intended Christmas as a time to start again.

Ho Ho Ho, Fa La La La Laaaaaa,
ChildrenÂ’s Christmas dreams,
First Noel reminds that nothingÂ’s as bad as it seems.

Partridges and pear trees,
Holly decks the halls,
Peace on earth to everyone, and God bless one and all.
Peace on earth to everyone, and God bless one and all.

Posted by: Ted at 07:10 AM | category: About Ted
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1 I LOVED that! You hit on such a nugget of wisdom with "Just need one to wage a war, need two to wage a peace." *chills*

For some reason, I could hear Johnny Cash singing the lyrics in my head. Can you sell this song to a record company? I do think it's that good!

Posted by: Dawn at December 23, 2003 09:54 AM (L6pam)

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Jennifer has posted my answers to a whole heap o' nosy damn questions. I ran the questions through the gender-determiner, and discovered that all of them were written by females! Boy howdy, that made me feel good.

Next, a quick stop at the syntax/rhetoric-analyzer, and I found out that all those females were really just two. I still felt ok about it.

A little further digging and parsing, and all I can say is: Thanks Mookie. Thanks also to Bill, because your style gives you away every time you whiny little bitch.

Heh. I still feel good. :p

(For the humor-impaired - or those that think I am - that was a joke. Thanks for all the questions. Seriously.)

Posted by: Ted at 08:55 AM | category: About Ted
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aka 100 Things more...

Posted by: Ted at 08:39 AM | category: About Ted
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1 Fantastic list..one of the best i've ever read!

More about #5 , I love stories about ingenuity and stupidity.

For #86, I think you should have your remains shot off into space, which can be done these days. Sending you out on a rocket somehow seems fitting.

#99 no offense, but is your wife trying to tell you something??

Posted by: jim at December 01, 2003 12:03 PM (RCjGK)

2 It seems one of my suspicions about you may well be true.

Posted by: Victor at December 01, 2003 01:33 PM (L3qPK)

3 Victor, you didn't read past #2, did you?

Jim, if my wife were pointing out guys she thinks I'd like, I'd be a lot more worried.

Posted by: Ted at December 01, 2003 02:09 PM (bov8n)

4 #14 and #24: the same five years?

Posted by: chris hall at December 01, 2003 02:12 PM (zH1Gw)

5 Ha, ha. How'd you guess?

Posted by: Victor at December 01, 2003 02:48 PM (L3qPK)

6 I'm impressed and a little jealous... I can't imagine 100 things about me, even if I just made stuff up.
Maybe I'll just steal yours. Like blog Monopoly rules or something.

Posted by: LeeAnn at December 01, 2003 07:45 PM (HxCeX)

7 The guy from 90. The Indian Shaman. He's one of my god fathers (notice one of. I have two. No god mother). If both mom and dad somehow kick the bucket per se, i want to go to him. Or my brother, or sister. My brother is under the water a lot. Hehe. Robyn, my sister, is just an air head. hehe. BUt hopefully they wont kick anytime soon.

Posted by: Mookie at December 01, 2003 08:26 PM (2sKfR)

8 Victor, 'great minds' you sick pup.

Chris, different five years, but I still do the laundry.

LeeAnn, it was harder than I thought it would be. I'd be sitting in traffic and think of something and didn't have a pen to jot it down. That's partly why it took so long to finish.

Posted by: Ted at December 01, 2003 08:34 PM (2sKfR)

9 "26. My last woodworking project was a wall vanity and mirror. There wasn’t a single screw or nail used."
Now, that's impressive!

"56. Once I helped kidnap a bride coming down the steps of a church. We grabbed her, threw her in our car, and spent the afternoon driving from bar to bar and avoiding the groom. We dropped her back off at the church that evening, drunk off her ass. (Yes, one of us knew her)"
Please expound on this tale!

"63. As a kid, spaghetti-o’s was my favorite food."
Dang, I can still taste 'em!

"78. Nothing is sexier than a woman wearing glasses."
Oh!! My ex used to put on here glasses when she was feeling a bit randy just because she knew how I'd react!!!!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at December 01, 2003 09:26 PM (c+t5E)

10 This was great and it inspired me to do a cornucopia of Tasberry. Maybe tomorrow.

Posted by: Tasberry at December 02, 2003 09:36 AM (SWUUN)

11 77. When I was born, I looked like Alfred Hitchcock.

Bingo! All newborns look like Alfred Hitchcock.

78. Nothing is sexier than a woman wearing glasses.

And nothing else Very true.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at December 02, 2003 09:44 AM (jtW2s)

12 Did you feel,ah, unloved, in yer military career? Someone commented on SgtStryker's blog that he'd been an AF SP; that the AF people hated him because he was a cop, and the non-AF military hated him because he was AF.

Posted by: Justthisguy at March 01, 2004 03:03 AM (77KTH)

13 Everyone looked down on SP's. Luckily, at the SAC bases, about 1/3 of the base population were cops, so it didn't seem so bad. As for other branches, the only 'joint' assignment I had was at HQ Defense Logistics Agency, so everyone there was on the ball. I gained a lot of respect for each service there.

Posted by: Ted at March 01, 2004 08:04 AM (blNMI)

14 Good God, man, you know I came here from yer daughter's blog, and before that from the Geek with a .45's blog. You lunatic! That list! Owhell.

Posted by: Justthisguy at May 24, 2004 02:07 AM (s0SzT)

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