I got three words to work with. Three. Lousy. Words. You can do better than that. I mean, how hard is it to open the comments and type in a word. Any word.

Victor, Susie, and Pixy Misa are cool. They get links, you don't. Until you gimme a word.

Victor: Calendar.
Susie: Redundant.
Pixy Misa: Obstreperpous.

calendar + redundant
A live journal blog. Not the most exciting start.

Calendar + obstreperous
Legal stuff. A calendar of events at a seminar or something. Among the things you can learn are how to "Deal with obstreperous opposing counselÂ…". I watched Jaws the other night, and I think the correct method is to stuff a compressed air tank down his throat and start shooting with a rifle.

obstreperous + redundant
A list of unusual words beginning with the letter ‘O’. Now this is kinda cool if you like words. I do.

Wasn't that fun and exciting and stunted and short and abrupt? Yeah, I thought so too, so I threw in a couple more just for fun.

ambient + penumbra
"As is readily apparent, smooth penumbras require high oversampling."
Sounds like the Vulcan edition of the Joy of Sex.

publius
Michigan voter information.

And just to prove that I'm not terminally bitter, here's one I found just because.

cheese + pizazz
Pizazz!

"A premium quality no-fat cheese, Pizazz™ is less than one percent fat and cholesterol free while providing an excellent source of calcium and protein. This fat free pasteurized process cheese product is specially manufactured using a proprietary process that was developed by Century Foods. The flavor, aroma and texture is retained resulting in a healthier fat-free, cholesterol-free cheese that melts, stretches and tastes like full fat cheese. The perfect answer for today’s healthy diet aware cheese consumer.

Pizazz has a firm and uniform body that minimizes fines when shredded and reduces loss for precuts. Packaged in 20 pound exact weight box with liner for pre-cutters and shredders or coated box that improves rectangular shape and minimizes trim loss, shredded or diced in bag in box."

Comments demanded.

Posted by: Ted at 11:37 AM | category: Google Junket
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Post contains 359 words, total size 4 kb.

Boy howdy! ThiS epiSode iS eSpecially Spectacular becauSe of that letter that never StraightenS out - "S". Special thankS to thoSe who Suggested wordS.

Today's fuel:
Jennifer (from the hold queue) suggested splice.
We also had a leftover from Victor, with safety.
Pixy Misa chimed in with squamous.
Jennifer added in shapely, as in "You'll never know, loser boy".
Victor seems to be in a rut, volunteering stinky.
Nic anted up with strontium.

Good words all. Thanks for playing!

First off, I want to mention that the word 'squamous' rattled around deep within the dungeon of useless information inside my skull. I thought about it a little bit, and remembered - I hoped - how to spell 'squamish', which was the subject of an imaginary sport courtesy of Mad magazine. Google is your friend! Here's that article, now who's up for a game or two of 43-man Squamish? By the way, when this article came out in 1965, I was 6 years old, so I suspect that I caught it first in a later 'best of' edition of Mad. But it's not inconceivable that I was reading the magazine that young, because Mad was the one magazine that I made sure to read every month for years and years.

Oh yeah, Squamish is also a place in British Columbia, Canada, and an Indian tribe. I had no idea.

Back to the words at hand.

shapely + squamous
I was afraid of this combo, for good reason it turns out. Four out of the first five hits were plastic surgery or otherwise medically related, all discussing forms of cancer. No links folks. Feel free.

safety + splice
Wow, the Safety-Splice signpost system! Snaps off at the ground when hit by a car, I think. The site is a little light on hard information.

safety + shapely
There were quite a few artsy hits for this combo, but nothing with nudity. Dang. For those who insist on sleaze, ask Stevie about her underoo-buddy.

On the second site, Joe Muscle wants to sell you suppliments to build shapely legs.

squamous + stinky
The first hit is the rather imaginatively named “Sweaty Vagina Stories”, which turns out to be mundane porn. Not worth going to (I checked so you wouldn’t have to).

Next up is the Carnivorous Plant FAQ. Very similar in concept to the above porn site, I suppose. Not really, unless youÂ’re a parent trying to scare the hell out of your pubescent young man. Convince him that everything his friends have told him is wrong, that helps.

splice + strontium
The poetic table of elements. Boron? Not Fermi. Ok, I'll stop now.

strontium + shapely
An article titled My Experiences In Reef-Keeping, from SeaScope magazine. Interesting for you aquarium buffs.

splice + stinky
What do a sinkhole, a park ranger, and a broken sewer pipe have in common? Add 'em all up, and you get news from legendary Tombstone, Arizona. Read all about it in the Tombstone Epitaph (which gets my vote for coolest newspaper name ever).

So there you have it. Suggest a word, any word, and we'll see where Google takes us. Sometimes it seems like the decorator is Dali, which is when it's most fun for me. Gotta run, the clock is melting.

Posted by: Ted at 07:04 AM | category: Google Junket
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Post contains 557 words, total size 4 kb.

I let this slide during my life-threatening illness (it's called poetic license, give me a break), but it's back and even better than Virtual Jennifer: Skin or Other. Negotiations continue on version 2 of that game.

Words for this go-round:
Ostentatious by John at SilverBlue.
Flatulence also by John, going for the double play here.
Quagmire as suggested by Jennifer, she of History and Stuff.
Lucky from Victor, over at Publius & Co.
Jejune by our own Pixy Misa. My comments below on this one.
Proximity from Susie of Practical Penumbra. Obviously some sort of 'P' word fetish.

Ostentatious + Flatulence
An auspicious start - I misspelled flatulence (flatulance), and still got one hit. We’re supposed to trust this guy’s jargon dictionary even though he can’t spell the uppity word for fart? What the hell is 4/3 anyways?

Spelling the word correctly means that yours truly comes up as numbers one and two on the Google hit list. Thanks John, I think.

Interesting. Add quagmire and I’m still first and second, but in the fourth spot is a document titled “The 1000 Most Common SAT Words” (no link, it's a .pdf document).

Better yet, on the side of the google page is an ad for personal fart filters! Here’s my favorite bit:
Take Back Your Life Again! - No Need to Remain Trapped in Your Home!
Now you can go out in public without fear of embarrassment due to the odor of excessive intestinal gas - flatulence - caused by any reason or condition! Say Good-bye to excess gas odor -PERMANENTLY! Live Life Again!

Why not just do like the ladies, and keep a small dog around to blame?

Lucky + Quagmire
Bill Maher makes his first appearance on the Junket! Quagmire refers to the War on Drugs in a link to another article. The rest of this little rant is actually pretty funny. It’s very short, so screw it, I’ll quote the whole thing:

DID LUCKY LINDY GET LUCKY?
Three German siblings (Dyrk, David, and Astrid) are claiming that aviator Charles Lindbergh was their father and they want to take DNA tests to prove it. Their proof is that their mother talked about Lindbergh a lot and also received over 100 love letters from him. They also say they don’t want money; they just want “recognition”. So I guess in lieu of three fat checks from Lindy’s estate they’ll settle for the world knowing that their mother was a slut who banged foreigners and than an American icon was a philanderer. Thanks, people, for ruining our collective day over absolutely nothing.

Lucky + Flatulence
Hey, who would’ve guessed the virtual cornucopia of links this produced?

Whale flatulence, as reported on Electric Venom in the last couple of weeks. Do a search there if you must.

Mr. Goodbeer offers up the FartMatic 5000. Also check out the Whoopie Cushion costume advertised farther down the page.

The Flatulence Dictionary. Someone felt a need for this?

And finally (finally!), a real news story about farmers protesting a proposed flatulence tax. The idea is bad enough, but just thinking about wearing the meter gives me the willies.

Ok, enough with the fart jokes. Let’s move on…

Jejune + proximity
This combo nets us a blog entry about springtime. And for those of you who don’t know what the word ‘jejune’ means, I checked the dictionary for you (I didn't either). It means ‘devoid of substance or interest’, much like the Google Junket. By the way Pixy, that thinly veiled insult was pretty darned snotty. Now I’m glad I looked it up. I shall retaliate, or maybe I already did. I lose track sometimes.

I also found the word Jackassery in the Dictionary too! And it means exactly what it sounds like. You learn something every day. In modern usage, we’d say Asshattery.

I’ve still got Safety and Splice for the next Junket. How about a few more ‘S’ words to add to the mix?

Posted by: Ted at 10:21 AM | category: Google Junket
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Post contains 667 words, total size 5 kb.

I let this slide during my life-threatening illness (it's called poetic license, give me a break), but it's back and even better than Virtual Jennifer: Skin or Other. Negotiations continue on version 2 of that game.

Words for this go-round:
Ostentatious by John at SilverBlue.
Flatulence also by John, going for the double play here.
Quagmire as suggested by Jennifer, she of History and Stuff.
Lucky from Victor, over at Publius & Co.
Jejune by our own Pixy Misa. My comments below on this one.
Proximity from Susie of Practical Penumbra. Obviously some sort of 'P' word fetish.

Ostentatious + Flatulence
An auspicious start - I misspelled flatulence (flatulance), and still got one hit. WeÂ’re supposed to trust this guyÂ’s jargon dictionary even though he canÂ’t spell the uppity word for fart? What the hell is 4/3 anyways?

Spelling the word correctly means that yours truly comes up as numbers one and two on the Google hit list. Thanks John, I think.

Interesting. Add quagmire and I’m still first and second, but in the fourth spot is a document titled “The 1000 Most Common SAT Words” (no link, it's a .pdf document).

Better yet, on the side of the google page is an ad for personal fart filters! HereÂ’s my favorite bit:
Take Back Your Life Again! - No Need to Remain Trapped in Your Home!
Now you can go out in public without fear of embarrassment due to the odor of excessive intestinal gas - flatulence - caused by any reason or condition! Say Good-bye to excess gas odor -PERMANENTLY! Live Life Again!

Why not just do like the ladies, and keep a small dog around to blame?

Lucky + Quagmire
Bill Maher makes his first appearance on the Junket! Quagmire refers to the War on Drugs in a link to another article. The rest of this little rant is actually pretty funny. ItÂ’s very short, so screw it, IÂ’ll quote the whole thing:

DID LUCKY LINDY GET LUCKY?
Three German siblings (Dyrk, David, and Astrid) are claiming that aviator Charles Lindbergh was their father and they want to take DNA tests to prove it. Their proof is that their mother talked about Lindbergh a lot and also received over 100 love letters from him. They also say they don’t want money; they just want “recognition”. So I guess in lieu of three fat checks from Lindy’s estate they’ll settle for the world knowing that their mother was a slut who banged foreigners and than an American icon was a philanderer. Thanks, people, for ruining our collective day over absolutely nothing.

Lucky + Flatulence
Hey, who wouldÂ’ve guessed the virtual cornucopia of links this produced?

Whale flatulence, as reported on Electric Venom in the last couple of weeks. Do a search there if you must.

Mr. Goodbeer offers up the FartMatic 5000. Also check out the Whoopie Cushion costume advertised farther down the page.

The Flatulence Dictionary. Someone felt a need for this?

And finally (finally!), a real news story about farmers protesting a proposed flatulence tax. The idea is bad enough, but just thinking about wearing the meter gives me the willies.

Ok, enough with the fart jokes. LetÂ’s move onÂ…

Jejune + proximity
This combo nets us a blog entry about springtime. And for those of you who don’t know what the word ‘jejune’ means, I checked the dictionary for you (I didn't either). It means ‘devoid of substance or interest’, much like the Google Junket. By the way Pixy, that thinly veiled insult was pretty darned snotty. Now I’m glad I looked it up. I shall retaliate, or maybe I already did. I lose track sometimes.

I also found the word Jackassery in the Dictionary too! And it means exactly what it sounds like. You learn something every day. In modern usage, weÂ’d say Asshattery.

I’ve still got Safety and Splice for the next Junket. How about a few more ‘S’ words to add to the mix?

Posted by: Ted at 10:21 AM | category: Google Junket
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Post contains 673 words, total size 5 kb.

Ok, for reasons I talked about below, I didn't do the Junket last night. I do need more suggestions folks, so keep it up. The comments are down below, just leave a word, any word. And we'll see what back alley we wind up in, eh?

Tonight's words:
Snorkle - from LeeAnn
Ricochet - from Tuning Spork
Nyquil - from Jennifer
and a special request from Victor for
"Stevespurriercantcoachhiswayoutofapeepeesoakedpaperbag"

1. Snorkle + ricochet - I’m not going to post any links for this combo, because the first several were all about ATV’s. Go figure.

2. Nyquil + ricochet - brought up two uninteresting sites, the first is a message board where we read "Tanks Ushiro. I tink I will ricochet back to bed now and hug my Nyquil..", and a site where we can learn all about a singer/songwriter from Taos, New Mexico, who’s written songs titled Nyquil Blues and Ricochet. Mike, you've just been Rocket Jonesed. Do you think I'd be pushy if I asked for a percentage of future gross?

3. nyquil + snorkle - this is a natural, eh? Only one travel hit, and we learn "They use mint liqueur and it tastes like Nyquil!"

Which brings us to 4. Stevespurriercantcoachhiswayoutofapeepeesoakedpaperbag - which against all reason brought up zero hits. Being the persistant type, I slightly edited the search criteria to "Steve Spurrier coach paper bag" and whattayaknow... 258 hits.

This is typical: "Can Steve Spurrier coach his way out of a wet paper bag, or is it back to the NCAA for him?" I saw similar sentiments on more than one online betting site. Looks like he’s not convincing people that he can coach in the NFL.

So there you have it. Leave a word. Be amazed and amused. Besides, it keeps me off the porn sites.

Posted by: Ted at 08:43 PM | category: Google Junket
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Post contains 307 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Word suggestion: ostentatious

(hey, it was either that or flatulence)

oh, how about ostentatious flatulence?

Posted by: John at September 15, 2003 09:05 PM (Sqh6n)

2 quagmire

Posted by: Jennifer at September 15, 2003 09:11 PM (E9paH)

3 Can't decide between "lucky" and "safety."

I didn't really think this would be more fun then Jennifer: Skin or Other?

Posted by: Victor at September 15, 2003 09:20 PM (FNHVL)

4 I agree about the Jennifer game, but everyone wanted real rules and stuff, and she's already told Bill "no chest shots". I'm doing my charming best to change her mind, but no luck so far.

Posted by: Ted at September 15, 2003 09:25 PM (2sKfR)

5 Hey Ted,
Thanks for commenting on my blog today. I sent you a private e-mail.

Posted by: tasberry at September 15, 2003 10:20 PM (J65d5)

6 jejune

Posted by: Pixy Misa at September 15, 2003 11:01 PM (LBXBY)

7 proximity

Posted by: Susie at September 16, 2003 01:42 AM (SM1Wt)

8 splice

And I thought the Jennifer contest ended due to lack of interest.

Posted by: Jennifer at September 16, 2003 01:54 AM (rZmE1)

9 Heh, you wish Jen.

Posted by: Ted at September 16, 2003 07:09 AM (2sKfR)

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Ok, for reasons I talked about below, I didn't do the Junket last night. I do need more suggestions folks, so keep it up. The comments are down below, just leave a word, any word. And we'll see what back alley we wind up in, eh?

Tonight's words:
Snorkle - from LeeAnn
Ricochet - from Tuning Spork
Nyquil - from Jennifer
and a special request from Victor for
"Stevespurriercantcoachhiswayoutofapeepeesoakedpaperbag"

1. Snorkle + ricochet - IÂ’m not going to post any links for this combo, because the first several were all about ATVÂ’s. Go figure.

2. Nyquil + ricochet - brought up two uninteresting sites, the first is a message board where we read "Tanks Ushiro. I tink I will ricochet back to bed now and hug my Nyquil..", and a site where we can learn all about a singer/songwriter from Taos, New Mexico, whoÂ’s written songs titled Nyquil Blues and Ricochet. Mike, you've just been Rocket Jonesed. Do you think I'd be pushy if I asked for a percentage of future gross?

3. nyquil + snorkle - this is a natural, eh? Only one travel hit, and we learn "They use mint liqueur and it tastes like Nyquil!"

Which brings us to 4. Stevespurriercantcoachhiswayoutofapeepeesoakedpaperbag - which against all reason brought up zero hits. Being the persistant type, I slightly edited the search criteria to "Steve Spurrier coach paper bag" and whattayaknow... 258 hits.

This is typical: "Can Steve Spurrier coach his way out of a wet paper bag, or is it back to the NCAA for him?" I saw similar sentiments on more than one online betting site. Looks like heÂ’s not convincing people that he can coach in the NFL.

So there you have it. Leave a word. Be amazed and amused. Besides, it keeps me off the porn sites.

Posted by: Ted at 08:43 PM | category: Google Junket
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Post contains 313 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Word suggestion: ostentatious (hey, it was either that or flatulence) oh, how about ostentatious flatulence?

Posted by: John at September 15, 2003 09:05 PM (Sqh6n)

2 quagmire

Posted by: Jennifer at September 15, 2003 09:11 PM (E9paH)

3 Can't decide between "lucky" and "safety." I didn't really think this would be more fun then Jennifer: Skin or Other?

Posted by: Victor at September 15, 2003 09:20 PM (FNHVL)

4 I agree about the Jennifer game, but everyone wanted real rules and stuff, and she's already told Bill "no chest shots". I'm doing my charming best to change her mind, but no luck so far.

Posted by: Ted at September 15, 2003 09:25 PM (2sKfR)

5 Hey Ted, Thanks for commenting on my blog today. I sent you a private e-mail.

Posted by: tasberry at September 15, 2003 10:20 PM (J65d5)

6 jejune

Posted by: Pixy Misa at September 15, 2003 11:01 PM (LBXBY)

7 proximity

Posted by: Susie at September 16, 2003 01:42 AM (SM1Wt)

8 splice And I thought the Jennifer contest ended due to lack of interest.

Posted by: Jennifer at September 16, 2003 01:54 AM (rZmE1)

9 Heh, you wish Jen.

Posted by: Ted at September 16, 2003 07:09 AM (2sKfR)

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Without further ado:

Today's words were ashtray (suggested by Starhawk), dartboard (suggested by Gebiv - no URL), pimp (suggested by Mookie), and staplegun (suggested by Tuning Spork). Staple gun - according to Google - is two words, so that's what I used. Here we go.

1. Ashtray + dartboard + staple gun
Two entries of note (actually, there were only two), a list of money-making ideas, and a bunch of polls. Mmmmm, haggis!

Pimp didn't lend itself well to multiple word searches, so I did it one at a time with the other words.

2. pimp + ashtray
Phat Pimp Clothing. And other assorted useless things for sale.

3. pimp + dartboard
Pimp & Ho dart team. There's something very fruedian going on here.

4. pimp + staple gun
A short story titled Massage Parlor Murder. I just skimmed it, but I don't think it's porn. That doesn't mean it's any good. Then again, it doesn't mean it's not.

And finally, a little teaser from part of tomorrow's list:

5. Snorkel + Nyquil
Check out IndecisionGirl. It's a pretty fun read, but it looks like she's lost interest in her blog.

There ya go. Suggest words, get links up the wazoo. Don't suggest words, and get a lynx up the wazoo.

Posted by: Ted at 09:07 PM | category: Google Junket
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Post contains 223 words, total size 2 kb.

This worked out pretty good people! I got three quick entries from Victor, Jennifer and StMack, and then Tuning Spork chipped in with a fourth.

If you have no idea what this game is about, check the rules here. You'll notice that I changed things a little bit to work better.

Today's words:

Victor: coelacanth (google insisted it was spelled this way Victor)
Jennifer: amaretto
StMack: elastic
Tuning Spork: camera

1. Coelacanth + amaretto
Only one site was found for this combo, and it asked a bunch of weird questions. My favorite is “What are looser than normal in a double-jointed person?”

IÂ’d guess morals, but thatÂ’s just me being hopeful.

2. Coelacanth + elastic
From the first site hit:
Tokyo, January 19, 2001 -- Mitsubishi Heavy Industries, Ltd. (MHI), has started production of the world's first, radio-controlled lifelike robotic fish to be made available on the market, dubbed "Mitsubishi Animatronics." The animatronic device is in the likeness of a coelacanth, an ancient fish called a "living fossil." MHI is creating the lifelike creature in the hopes of marketing it and similar animatronic system to amusement parks and aquariums.

When Chucky Cheese gets stale, you just trot out the prehistoric fish robot. Be still my heart.

3. elastic + amaretto
Wow. An online bartender guide comes up first on the list, with a recipe for a drink called the:

4. coelacanth + camera + elastic
This one is... uh... interesting. Very avant-garde. Interesting. Uh... yeah.

5. camera + elastic + amaretto
This combo brings up a promotional marketing site. Besides corporate-logoÂ’d frisbees and paper clip holders, you can get see-thru cameras, ball on an elastic string (a popular seller IÂ’m sure), and the dreaded non-alcoholic amaretto-flavored truffles.

There you have it. Pretty good I think, so keep the words coming! Now, about the title, I've come up with a few names, but they're pretty uninspired I think. Let's hear your suggestions.

'Googling Gone Wild'
'Rorshach was a piker'
'Buckaroo Bill's Barnacle Bondage Roundup' [sorry - wrong game]
'Under Google's Basement Steps'

Posted by: Ted at 10:29 PM | category: Google Junket
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Post contains 345 words, total size 3 kb.

Time for a little group participation game, inspired by reading about wierdness other bloggers find in their search engine stats.

Here's the rules:

In the comments, post a word. Any word. The first thing that comes to mind. Don't even look at what other words folks have suggested first, just let it be random.

At the end of the day, I'll put all the words together into a search string and post the results - maybe the first three pages it hits.

Keep it reasonably clean.

Wow, first the Virtual Jennifer Map and now this. How come I'm not rich yet? Oh yeah, we need a snazzy name for this game!

Posted by: Ted at 06:07 PM | category: Google Junket
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Post contains 115 words, total size 1 kb.