November 29, 2003
It was on the Showtime Beyond channel, Victor.
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I looked into it a little further, and it was a made-for-TV Showtime production. That explains the maximum boobage. Apparently these weren't normal rats either, groups of them could strip a skeleton clean quick enough to make piranha jealous.November 27, 2003
The blogosphere is an inside-out universe, where we can pour out our hearts and souls for all to see, writing things we wouldn't dream of saying to friends at work or church. Yet for all this honesty, the most common external details of our lives are hidden from each other. I may have a good idea of your fears and hot-buttons, even of your kinks, yet I don't have a clue as to what kind of car you drive or what your voice sounds like.
I'm richer for having known all of you. Thank you, and have a Happy Thanksgiving.
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08:03 AM | category: Munuvian Daily Tattler
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November 25, 2003
So the parenting gene kicked in (translation: my wife told me I'd better deal with my child), and I'm steering her morbid sense of humor towards a quest to learn more about capital punishment and the debate surrounding the issue. Hence the recent descriptions about methods of execution and even a little bit about her personal feelings on the subject.
Which is more than you folks are doing. C'mon people, in modern society everyone else is responsible, so if she grows up sick and twisted then she's a chip off the ol' block it's your fault too!
While you're there, engage her by leaving thoughtful comments. Challenge her, make her think. And don't forget to give her hell about her spelling and grammar too. Heaven knows she doesn't listen to me anymore, and lately that frightens me.
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09:57 AM | category: Munuvian Daily Tattler
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(short drive)November 23, 2003
At least, Goddard is what I'm leaning towards right now. Do you have a suggested name for our intrepid canine? If you do, leave it in the comments.
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02:14 PM | category: Munuvian Daily Tattler
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November 14, 2003
Congrats Heather!
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11:53 AM | category: Munuvian Daily Tattler
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November 09, 2003
I'm going to eat a heapin' helping of crow now, and post my Jets Raiders jokes. I said I'd rework them where possible, so the second part will be the ones that just can't be changed because they're too Jet-specific. Yeah, I'm still slamming them some, because they still suck. Just not as bad as the Raiders.
God invented the Raiders so Cincinnati fans would have someone to make fun of.
BillÂ’s toe was invited to the Raiders training camp next year. ItÂ’s already the right color.
They considered playing some Raiders home games in Puerto Rico next year, but the Puerto Ricans said they didnÂ’t need pro football that bad. Raiders fans suggested Vieques. During the shelling.
The Raiders are to football what Marc Gastineau was to sportsmanship.
And modern dance, come to think of it.
The Raiders play like theyÂ’re channeling Linda Lovelace.
Al Davis felt the need for a change, so he hired Barry Manilow to write a new fight song. They didnÂ’t use the song, but fit him for a uniform in an effort to toughen up the defense.
ThereÂ’s three things you can count on from the Raiders this year. First, they suck. After that first thing, who cares what the other two are?
And their cheerleaders, jeez. They look like a cross between the tackling dummy and Carol Doda.
I mean, if the dumbest half of the Jets cheerleaders joined the Raiders squad, the average IQ of both groups would go up.
It’s just a rumor that President Bush has given the Air Force permission to shoot down the Raiders team plane in the interests of “National Dignity”.
After the disaster that this season has been, Coach Callahan is concerned that his career is over. Word is that heÂ’s currently in talks with Madonna.
Last year to this year - there hasnÂ’t been that big a dropoff since the last two minutes of Thelma and Louise.
The Raiders are trying a new slogan this year: “Homeless America’s Team”
The Queer Eye for the Straight Guy team offered to redesign the Raider uniforms, but backed out after discovering that ‘tight end’, ‘split end’, and ‘wide receiver’ were football positions and not job descriptions. Several players were reportedly disappointed. And embarrassed, because they thought the same thing.
Of course it’s spelled differently, but did you know that the phrase ‘Oakland Raiders’ is phonetically the same as the French words for ‘fight to the last man’?
Gannon might become the new spokesman for AARP. I guess Bill will have to look for a new gig.
Part of the problem with the Raiders offense is that, after watching the coaches diagram a play, half the team doesnÂ’t know if theyÂ’re supposed to be the hugs or the kisses.
The Raiders are positioning themselves to be the dominant team in that new league starting next year – the AARPFL.
Jets Jokes (and personal attacks against John Collins)
They took x-rays. Collins is not playing with a corked head.
Admit it. You miss Pete Carroll.
What exactly do you call that color? Sea green, putrid green, gan-green? The last time I saw that color, I was changing a baby diaper.
The waiting list for season tickets is long, but look at the bright side John. ItÂ’s probably like the New York voter registration, and half those folks are already deceased.
Collins bitched about having to pay to be on the waiting list for Jets season tickets. But look at how much money he's saved not having to buy Super Bowl tickets for the last 35 years.
While interviewing Vinnie TestaverdeÂ’s new girlfriend, she shyly admitted that she thought sheÂ’d have to be an archeologist in order to see a bone that old.
Face it, things can’t be going well when four of your best players leave to join the Redskins. That’s as bad as having your lifeboat rescued – by the Titanic.
A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Jets jersey, helmet and is holding Jets pom poms.
The bartender says,"Hey! No pets allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"
The man begs, "Look I am desperate. We're both big fans, my TV is broken, and this is the only place we can see the game!"
After securing a promise that the dog will behave,and warning him that if there is any trouble they will be thrown out,the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The game begins with the Jets receiving a kickoff. They march downfield stop at the 30,and kick a field goal.
With that the dog jumps up on the bar,and begins walking up and down the bar giving everyone a high-five.
The bartender says,"Wow that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"
"I don't know," replies the owner, "I've only had him for four years."
Joe Namath proved that you can wear panty-hose and still be a man. John proves that all over again each and every day.
Remember that ditch they dug in front of John’s driveway? It was actually a 4” wide trench, but when you’re a Jets fan, every obstacle seems insurmountable.
I know exactly what that feels like.
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08:36 PM | category: Munuvian Daily Tattler
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November 06, 2003
It went according to plan for exactly one week, when Rob of Left & Right treated John like a red-headed stepchild. Then life got interesting for John, and the challenge went by the wayside.
Everyone seemed to just let it lie, but I already had some killer jokes prepared for him. I was confident then, before the Raiders started looking like a team in the new AARPFL. So on sunday, I'm going to watch the game, and if the Raiders beat the Jets, I'm going to slam Collins and his Jets according to the original plan. And if the Jets whup the Raiders, well, I'll rework the jokes where possible and do my drunken mick impersonation, showing no mercy to the Black & Silver.
Bill, Wind Rider, Paul or anyone else who talks to John occasionally, point him this way next chance he gets. I'm thinking about him.
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09:58 AM | category: Munuvian Daily Tattler
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