Quite a while ago our local "community" magazine started a monthly themed recipe contest. At first I was anticipating all the new recipes to try, but now I can't even look at the page without becoming enraged.

Here's a sample First Place winner:

Creamy Chicken Chili

1 cup chopped cooked chicken
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 can white beans
1 tsp chili powder (optional)

Mix and heat together in saucepan with enough water to make it chili thick. Serve with shredded cheese on top.

I shit you not.

Out of all the other recipes to pick (a page full), that one was judged best. The "chef" also remarked that sometimes she uses black beans instead because that makes it more "authentic".

I'm sorry, but the only way "authentic" is related to that travesty is that they're both in the dictionary. And using black beans would make it look like bugs floating in pus. I'm just saying.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find a stamp so's I can submit my recipe for "Lightly Scorched White Bread with Butter". I figure I've got a real shot, especially if I mention that sometimes we use whole wheat instead.

Posted by: Ted at 04:48 PM | category: Recipes
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1 Just call it "blackened" white bread.That'd seal tha deal.Or,how about "dry white toast and four fried chickens and a coke?"
BTW,that "chef" is a dumbass.Just for his info real chili doesn't have beans in it.Honest!

Posted by: Russ at July 04, 2005 01:04 AM (ObxzR)

2 I see "recipes" like this in our local power company magazine all the time. It's like these people have no concept of spices or preparation. But I have to agree, that "recipe" takes the cake. Pardon the pun... ;-)

As for myself, even the most simple item I whip up usually has more put into it than that half-assed culinary tragedy. Sheesh. The "chef" might as well have submitted a recipe for bean burritos starting with the line "Unwrap burritos and microwave on High for 1 minute..."

--TwoDragons

Posted by: Denita TwoDragons at July 04, 2005 11:29 AM (YyphT)

3 LOL!!! The really sad part is, more and more alleged "cook books" are publishing those kinds of recipes, too! Thank God I have my grandma's "Household Searchlight" Cookbook. You know, the one where the recipe starts "Catch a plump chicken" ...

Posted by: Susie at July 04, 2005 02:31 PM (PWYyH)

4 I'm not sure, but adding butter to your lightly scorched bread might be too difficult. Maybe just sprinkling on some salt instead?

The real question is, if that was first place, what the heck lost?

Posted by: owlish at July 05, 2005 01:20 PM (fKZxn)

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