Russia is developing a new type of missile which will render the US Missile Defense Shield useless. So the reporters breathlessly claim.

Not so fast.

It's not really "new" in the sense that nobody knows what it is or might be. There are very few actual "new" types of weapons throughout history, the vast majority are variations and enhancements on already existing designs. Since this is a missile, then we already know basically how it's going to work. The devil is in the details.

Secondly, the MDS is designed to deal with today's threats, knowing that most of tomorrow's threats will just be better versions of what's already out there. Even if Russia deploys a superduper missile that the MDS can't handle, there's still a world full of existing threats that it can deal with. To claim that one new missile makes it worthless is like saying everyone should throw away their bulletproof vests because we've now got an Airborn Megawatt Laser system.

Posted by: Ted at 07:32 AM | category: SciTech
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I tell you, it's a scandal that I'm not rich already. Ideas pop out of my head like golden eggs from a goose's patoot. For instance:

Gir of Your Moosey Fate is hosting this weeks Carnival of the Cats.

There's a Carnival of the Recipes making the rounds too.

Who wants to host the first Carnival of the Cat Recipes?

You saw it coming, but you continued reading anyway, didn't you?

Posted by: Ted at 06:05 AM | category: Links
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Some links that should have been done long ago, now added to the sidebar.

Maelstrom (aka Rich), he flies rockets, which automatically makes him cool. He's also a heckuva nice guy and has a great joke up on his new blog.

Derek, aka Son of Cheese. Let me tell you, this guy describes restaraunt visits like DeSade described girlfriends. His toons are first rate too! Oh, and he plays rec-league hockey! Three very good reasons to pay him a visit.

Catt. I'm looking forward to meeting this funny lady and her family in the near future, since my oldest daughter will be going to school right near her neck of the woods (whatever that really means).

Jenn, who's little man plays hockey. Like she says, it ain't NHL, it's better!

Brian J Noggle, part of a duet with Munuviana's own Heather. He's smart, funny and interesting. In other words he's just like me, and since you're already here, who needs him, right? Wrong. There's no such thing as too much smartfunnyinteresting (although I'm still working on the weight thing).

Dr. Funk -- Canadian Funk? How could I pass this up?

Professor Chaos -- He linked me in a post, I'm putting him on the sidebar. Let's see if it's reciprocal. Let's see if I can spell reciprocal.

Sheila O'Malley - I have no idea how I wound up on her blogroll, but I'm a sucker for redheads good writing, so welcome to the sidebar and thanks for including me on yours. It doesn't hurt that the last O'Malley I knew was played by Tom Selleck in High Road to China. He's not my type.

Posted by: Ted at 05:35 AM | category: Links
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Back to back tracks on a CD full of love songs:

"Kiss the Girl" from Disney's Little Mermaid

"Damn, I Wish I Were Your Lover" by Sophie B. Hawkins

Posted by: Ted at 04:04 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I was offered up to three little kittens at work today. I told the lady that I appreciated the offer, but I already had two house dogs and they wouldn't know how to deal with live food.

Posted by: Ted at 06:38 PM | category: Square Pegs
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My very first ever "official" poll, over on the right column. I needed something to tabulate the thousands of votes submitted so far, although "Viagra" and "Human Growth Hormone" weren't valid choices and were immediately eliminated. Hey, is it ok for a guy to say his box was stuffed?

And I just had to add Spork's suggestion. Wish I'd have thought of that one!

So vote away, and unlike some elections, it's expected that you'll vote more than once. C'mon, feed my ego. Carryout dreams are depending on you.

Posted by: Ted at 01:28 PM | category: Square Pegs
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YOU ARE CATNIP


What herb are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ignore that last bit about being left alone. My inner-child constantly screams for attention.

Thanks to LeeAnn for the extra bit o' spice in my day.

Posted by: Ted at 09:04 AM | category: About Ted
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1 I am Moly, What the *%@! is Moly?

Posted by: Kyle at November 17, 2004 12:14 PM (blNMI)

2 Google is your friend.

Not that it helps in this case.

Posted by: Ted at November 17, 2004 01:10 PM (blNMI)

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Over at 1000 Words, the latest photoshop contest is "What if Pirates Ruled the World?"

A full broadsides to that scurvy dog Frinklin for pointing it out.

Posted by: Ted at 05:46 AM | category: Links
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Alan E. Brain (who you should be reading every day), proposes this curriculum for those who want Creationism taught alongside Evolution, and I'll give you this little bit before sending you off to read the rest:

In keeping with our American heritage, the primary theory being taught will be that of the Lakota Nation of Native Americans, and the majority of the course will concentrate on the roles of Thunderbird and Coyote, and experimental verification of the Theory. Students engaged in Advanced studies will perform a critical analysis and comparison of the primary Theory with that of the Arunta people of Northern Australia, in particular the concept of the "Dreamtime" and the role of the Rainbow Serpent.

His last line nails it:

After all, this is about "Science" and not any particular religion, isn't it?

Go. Read.

Posted by: Ted at 04:57 AM | category: Links
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He just won his seventh MVP award (fourth in a row, both records), without any real protection behind him in the Giants lineup. He's third on the all-time home run list, and will certainly pass Babe Ruth this season and could make a serious run at Hank Aaron. The man gets walked intentionally more than some teams over the course of a season. His mere presence at the ballpark automatically influences the game, which no other player currently playing can say (and few in history for that matter).

And for those who think he might have cheated to accomplish this, a sportswriter puts it as well as anyone I've ever read:

Yet in the absence of positive tests on Bonds and the lack of convictions in the ongoing investigation, the only conclusive evidence is the fact that Bonds is doing things at bat that simply can't be attributed to any known drug.

There isn't a steroid in the world that can account for his patience at the plate as he waits for hittable pitches, or his uncanny solid contact with the ball when he does swing. His body armor lets him hug the plate, and his short, compact swing is the deadliest in the game.

Bonds has two seasons left on his contract in San Fransisco, and he'll break the home run record sometime in that span. After that, if he wanted to he could sign on with an American League team (Yankees anyone?) and play DH for another ten years. Nine hundred homers isn't out of the question. I honestly don't think he'd go that route, but the possibility is there and kinda fun to consider.

Posted by: Ted at 04:18 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Son: "I've been drinking that crap coffee they sell by the Metro. Why didn't you tell me there was a Starbucks down the street?"

Me: "You live at home. You can't afford Starbucks."

Posted by: Ted at 06:35 PM | category: Family matters
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1 You could have told him to brew it at home like the rest of us po' people. At least he gets to go out for it!

Posted by: dawn at November 18, 2004 11:03 AM (Rgkju)

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Surprising Second Black Hole Found in Milky Way's Center.

Do you know how painful it is to not even mention Paris, Madonna, Anna Nicole, J-Lo or others? Ok, a small one:

Just two?

Oops, I did it again.

Posted by: Ted at 02:45 PM | category: SciTech
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1 man do i ever feel dumb that i can't figure out what you're talking about.

Posted by: chris at November 16, 2004 04:56 PM (zH1Gw)

2 Chris, this one might go into the "I crack myself up" file. Wouldn't be the first time.

Count your blessings, you don't think like me.

Posted by: Ted at November 16, 2004 05:03 PM (ZjSa7)

3 The problem is the word "center". If it just said "Second black hole found in the Milky Way [galaxy implied]" then we would have naturally gone where you went, Ted!

Though I'd include Hillarity Clinton in the list...

Posted by: Tuning Spork at November 16, 2004 10:40 PM (9PsSb)

4 Spork, I thought Hollywood *was* the center of the universe?

Posted by: Ted at November 17, 2004 05:52 AM (blNMI)

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I was laughing to near tears over this:

I mean, look, the state of Texas has a law--and it is still enforced--that says owning 5 marital aids is perfectly legal, but owning 6 is a felony. Stupid? You bet. Constitutional? You bet. And, really, IÂ’ve never come across any situations in which more than 4 were ever needed anyway.

Not what you expect to read in the middle of a discussion about Roe vs. Wade and Constitutionality. Nice ambush, Dale.

Posted by: Ted at 12:10 PM | category: Links
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The allegedly uninteresting annika (don't you believe it!) was my opponent this past week. She's also one of the Hot Jets cheerleaders, so although she's sad about being soundly spanked (sorry, couldn't resist) in front of everyone (really, it just happens), she also got to cheer and wave her pompoms to celebrate a Rockets victory! Because we know I'm all about feelgood happytimes, vaulting into 6th place is enough excuse for me to party (in public I'm gracious, in private I dance enough to make Mark Gasteneau blush).

Also of note, congrats to Daniel for knocking off the previously undefeated Fire Ants.

So next week I face the cellar-dwelling Vehement Spittle, no pushover to be sure. I am equipped with my sturdy eye goggles and antibacterial spittle sponge just in case, and expect another resounding victory.

And as always, because they're the best and because it annoys Victor, may I present the finest group of cheerleaders to grace a virtual sideline, the Hot Jets!

annika, of annika's journal!
Denita, of Who Tends The Fires!
Gir, of Your Moosey Fate!
Tink, of Flitting Here and There!
Sarah, of Trying To Grok!
Kat, of Mostly Fluff!
Big Hair, of Left & Right!
Jennifer, of Jennifer's History and Stuff!
Heather, of Angelweave!
Margi, of Margi Lowry!
Nic, of Shoes, Ships, and Sealing Wax!
Lemur Girl, of... uh, Lemur Girl!
LeeAnn, of The Cheese Stands Alone!
Lynn S., of Reflections in d minor!
Susie, of Practical Penumbra!
Blogoline, of Blogoline's Journal!
Cindy, of Dusting My Brain!
Wegglywoo, of On the Beach at the End of the World!
Dawn of Dawn Enterprises!
Stevie, of Caught In The XFire!
Helen, of Everyday Stranger!
Mookie, of MookieRiffic!

Posted by: Ted at 12:01 PM | category: Links
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The first European spacecraft sent to the moon has entered lunar orbit, the European Space Agency (ESA) said on Tuesday.

It has scientific experiments that it will conduct, but possibly the most important part is this:

SMART-1 has also been the test flight for a new solar-electric propulsion technology, a kind of solar-powered thruster that is ten times more efficient than the usual chemical systems employed when traveling in space.

The so-called "ion" engine was tested over a long spiraling trip to the moon of more than 84 million km, a distance comparable to an interplanetary cruise, ESA said.

It does not burn fuel like chemical rockets do but instead converts sunlight into electricity via solar panels and uses it to electrically charge heavy gas atoms, which speed away from the spacecraft and thereby drive it forward.

Bravo, ESA!

Posted by: Ted at 10:12 AM | category: Space Program
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Last night I made a chinese chicken recipe for the first time, and broke my own rule about doctoring it right off the bat. Not only that, but I've got additional things I'm going to change the very next time I make it. I'll post the recipe next time, but for now I need a catchy name for the dish.

It's chicken, vaguely similar to General Tso's except that the sauce is pineapple based. The recipe is flexible enough to go from mild to tongue-searing. The way I made it, there was a subtle but definite heat. My son likes food much hotter than I do, and he said it wasn't hot enough.

So folks, I need you to vote in the comments. I've got a few names listed, and write-ins are welcomed. Help me name this new culinary masterpiece!

Should it be called:

General Ted's Chicken*

Chicken Mo Fo

Pineapple FireCluck

*that's "Phipps" with 3 "P"s and 4 stars, and don't you forget it!

Posted by: Ted at 05:17 AM | category: Recipes
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1 I think General Ted's Chicken is a fine name. Will carryout be available?

Posted by: Maelstrom at November 16, 2004 10:54 AM (z62e3)

2 General Ted's gets my vote, because you might as well immortalize yourself. But Chicken Mo Fo is damn funny. And I like the carryout idea...

Posted by: nic at November 16, 2004 11:57 AM (etHvD)

3 General Tso's Chicken but with pineapple (chunks and juice) ?

The recipe I have like that is called "Sweet & Sour Chicken"

Posted by: Rob @ L&R at November 16, 2004 04:22 PM (sttTI)

4 Damn, I'm split between General Ted's Chicken and Chicken Mo Fo!

You know what you oughta do for spice, hon? Gorw some Kung Pao peppers next Spring. Those are the devils they put in Chinese cooking (Like Gen. T's Chicken) that will cause half your face to melt off if you bite into one. If my plants are any indication, they're prolific as mice on Viagra, preserve well, and depending on whether you chop them up or just toss 'em in whole they'll season everythign up nice. I've been using them in my Asian-style and Indian-style cooking all this year!

You can find them online, or I'll be more than happy to send you a few seeds from my crop! :-)

--TwoDragons

Posted by: Denita TwoDragons at November 16, 2004 04:44 PM (4BNR6)

5 Rob, the chicken is closer to what you'd find in Chicken & Cashews rather than sweet & sour. The sauce is kinda halfway between the thick glaze of General Tso's and sweet & sour too. And just for trying to rain on my parade, when I start doing takeout, if I see you in line it'll be "no soup for you!"

Denita, I wish I had a good spot to grow peppers. Our yard is too shaded for a good garden. We've tried.

Posted by: Ted at November 16, 2004 05:00 PM (ZjSa7)

6 how 'bout
General Ted's Chicken, Mo Fo
?

Posted by: chris at November 16, 2004 05:17 PM (zH1Gw)

7 General Ted's Mo' Fo' Chicken?

Cho Kyo Chicken?

Posted by: Tuning Spork at November 16, 2004 11:13 PM (9PsSb)

8 Cho Kyo Chicken!?!?!?!?! ROFLMAO

Posted by: Ted at November 17, 2004 11:19 AM (blNMI)

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Lionel Trains files for bankruptcy!

Not so fast though, there's this:

M.T.H., owner of Columbia, Md.-based Mike's Train House, accused Lionel and a South Korean subcontractor, Korea Brass, of getting drawings and plans for the toy train that were stolen from M.T.H. subcontractor Samhongsa, also based in South Korea.

A jury found Lionel guilty, and it's the awarded judgement that's driving the bankruptcy notice. Very sad, every aspect of this is very sad.

Posted by: Ted at 05:05 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Wheeeeeee! I'm having fun with more scary headlines.

China plans to launch more than 100 satellites before 2020 to watch every corner of the country, state-run China Central Television quoted a government official as saying Tuesday.

They're gonna watch over their own country. Which is pretty much what we do too. Check it out:

A "large surveying network" would be set up to monitor water reserves, forests, farmland, city construction and "various activities of society," a government official said without elaborating.

It's that "various activities of society" that makes one wonder though. Like Rocket Jones, the Chinese seem to have better success with the 'up' part of rocket launches than the 'down' part.

Last month, the retrievable chamber of China's 20th recoverable satellite returned to Earth with a bang, crashing through the roof of a house.

Posted by: Ted at 04:56 AM | category: Space Program
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Rocket Jones got a comment that I won't reprint here (it's deleted now), but the gist was that I've been voted one of the 100 worst websites on the net. If I want to rebut, blah blah blah, send an email to (hotmail address).

Note to commenter: Gee, thanks for the opportunity to get on your spam mailing list, but no thanks. Thanks also for assuming that I'm an idiot, and while we're on the subject, you can kiss my ass. Thank you.

Note to everyone else: If I *were* voted one of the 100 worst, you can bet I'd be doing the happy dance and shouting it from the rooftops.

Posted by: Ted at 06:06 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 Almost Congrats, Ted!

Posted by: AnonymousKyle at November 15, 2004 07:55 AM (blNMI)

2 People sure do feel free to say whatever they want to on the internet, don't they? Pfft.

Posted by: Kat at November 15, 2004 01:34 PM (PwX2K)

3 I would probably put you on the "Top 100 BEST Web Sites that talk about rockets, hockey, bad movies, cooking, and turnips", but competition for that list is pretty tight.

You can join me on the list of "Top 100 male bloggers who live in Woodbridge and showed up for the 11/6 NOVAAR Sport Launch".

Pardon me while I scream for attention.

Posted by: Maelstrom at November 15, 2004 01:40 PM (z62e3)

4 oh please. take that as a compliment. my site is much worse than yours. in real terms.

your site rocks, and so do you. you make us laugh, cry, think. your a good person, and it shows in the quality of this blog.

happy monday sweetie

Posted by: vadergrrrl at November 15, 2004 04:29 PM (LhmlK)

5 Ted, who's vadergrrrl and why is she calling you sweetie?

Posted by: Victor at November 15, 2004 08:35 PM (etHvD)

6 It truely is a compliment. My site sucks ass and I didn't voted into the club. You're bad enough on their list exactly because you're good enough to be noticed and read by the enemy (whoever the #@&% they are...).

Keep on doing, Champ!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at November 15, 2004 09:08 PM (T/hsA)

7 Ooops. Should read: "...bad enough TO BE on their list..."
But you knew that...

Posted by: Tuning Spork at November 15, 2004 09:10 PM (T/hsA)

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Updated 10/01/05

I've been doing crappy movie reviews* since almost the beginning of Rocket Jones, and thought it might be a good time to recap and give you a one-stop place to see what's been done to this point.

Movies
American President
Andromeda Strain
Angry Red Planet
Ape Man, The
A Smell of Honey, A Swallow of Brine
Astro Zombies
A Sweet Sickness
Attack of the Puppet People
Attack of the Sixty-foot Centerfold
Beast from Haunted Cave
Beast that Killed Women
Beast, The
Bite Me!
Bound
Braniac, The
Brick Dollhouse
Brotherhood of the Wolf
Bubba Ho-Tep
Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death
Clerks: Uncensored
Creature from the Haunted Sea
Curious Dr. Humpp
D.O.A.
Dave
Dawn of the Dead (remake)
Destination Moon
The Devil Bat
Don't Look in the Basement
Dr. Horror's Erotic House of Idiots
Electric Dreams
Eye, The
Fangs of the Living Dead
First Spaceship on Venus
Frankenstein (Frankenstein Legacy Collection)
Bride of Frankenstein (Frankenstein Legacy Collection)
First Spaceship on Venus
Ghost Gunfighter
The Giant Gila Monster
Gladiator Eroticus
God, the Devil, and Bob
Gorilla, The
Happiness of the Katakuris
House at the Edge of the Park
Idle Hands
The Invisible Ghost
Last Man on Earth
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
Lord of the G-Strings
Malibu Beach Vampires
Metropolis
Monster of Camp Sunshine
My Fellow Americans
Night Train to Terror
Nosferatu
Omega Man
Onmyoji
Phantom of the Opera (original silent version)
Play-Mate of the Apes
Reptillicus
Retroactive
Revolt of the Zombies
Severed Arm, The
Shogun Assassin
Slave of the Cannibal God
SnowBeast
Sorority House Vampires from Hell
Story of Riki-Oh
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (original and remake)
They Came from Beyond Space
Toy Box, The
Toys Are Not For Children
Vampires Anonymous
Van Helsing
The Veil (TV series)
Virtual Girl
Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea
What's the Matter With Helen?
Whoops, Apocolypse!
Wizards
X from Outer Space, The
Zulu

Bios
Bela Lugosi
Lon Chaney
Lon Chaney Jr.
Boris Karloff
Brinke Stevens
Steve Reeves

*As in: the movies I review are usually crappy, the reviews themselves are brilliant if unconventional.

Posted by: Ted at 04:48 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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