March 31, 2006

The carpets never looked so streak-free!

My wife reached under the sink, grabbed the Febreze upholstery freshener and spritzed the entire main floor. When she went to put the bottle away, she realized that she'd accidentally grabbed the Windex.

Posted by: Ted at 10:11 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Fantasy come true

From Pratt Hobbies, the Surface to Idiot Missile.

Disclaimer: It's a sad but true fact that in today's world it must be explicitely stated that it's a joke. *sigh*

Posted by: Ted at 09:58 PM | category: Links
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Forest for the Trees

File this under "why didn't I see this?", from Hold the Mayo:

How ironic that the argument goes that illegal immigrants are just here doing the jobs Americans don't want to do when the one job the government seem to be trying hard to avoid doing is dealing with illegal immigration.

For that matter, why doesn't anyone else see the simple beauty here?

Posted by: Ted at 09:50 PM | category: Links
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Why I could never be a lawyer - 2

Chutzpah! With a heaping helping of poetic justice.

Me: So you snuck into the bar to drink even though you were under the legal age.

Plaintiff: Yeth.

Me: And an older gentleman bought drinks from the bar and gave them to you all night long, so that nobody would find out that you were underage.

Plaintiff: Yeth.

Me: And you were... let's see... almost three times over the legal limit for operating a motor vehicle when you left the bar.

Plaintiff: Yeth.

Me: And in the parking lot, you climbed up onto a pickup truck's tailgate, at which point you passed out and fell face first to the pavement. The impact shattered your teeth, lips and gums.

Plaintiff: Yeth.

Me: Wow-

Plaintiff's lawyer: YOUR HONOR, I OBJECT!!! He's going to call my client "stupid".

Judge: Sustained.

Me: Your honor, "stupid" is a given. However, "graceful" isn't.

Posted by: Ted at 05:31 AM | category: Square Pegs
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March 30, 2006

Whipping those tenants into shape

A Rocket Jones bondage post is long overdue, and wouldn't you know, the news provides the hook.

First of all, I have a problem with the headline:

Church ousts Dominatrix from Vicarage.

When you read the story, you find out that the Dominatrix rented the property from the church and she claims she held a long-term lease with an option to buy. Once the church found out what her business was, then they wanted to evict her.

She decided not to fight the church in court. They didn't "oust" her, because I suspect that they didn't have a legal leg to stand on.

A couple of questions come to mind. First, is being a Dominatrix illegal in South Africa? It doesn't appear to be, judging from the story. She had even given a tour of her "torture chamber" to reporters. Notice also that she didn't have sex with her clients and it wasn't a brothel. You were paying to be dominated by a woman, you weren't paying for sex.

Was there a "morals" clause in her lease? You know what I mean, something that states that the tenant will only behave in ways acceptable to the church. I don't know if that's enforcable, especially if said actions aren't illegal.

Finally, are any of the church congregation clients? Just curious. It would be professional suicide for her to mention names, because confidentiality would be crucial in her line of work. I wonder if any of the church members are heaving huge sighs of relief that this is all going away (semi) quietly.

Whip me, beat me, make me evict you. *snicker*

Personally, I think she was in the right, but decided that the fight just wasn't worth it. That's a shame. I'm all for tweaking the nose of authority whenever possible.

Posted by: Ted at 05:55 AM | category: Links
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Why I could never be a lawyer

iPod lawsuit.

Me: You never realized that piping music directly into your ear at high volume could damage your hearing?

Plaintiff: No.

Me: Wow. You're stupid.

Posted by: Ted at 05:12 AM | category: Square Pegs
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March 28, 2006

EU. Pronounced "ew".

Nanny Stateism strikes again:

The European Commission is to propose legislation aimed at slashing "unproportional" charges on international mobile phone calls within the European Union (EU).

EU commissioner for information society and media Viviane Reding said the executive European Commission has to propose an EU regulation after mobile telecom operators failed to respond to her calls for lower costs six months ago.

"I have warned the industry repeatedly that price must be brought down, but it seems the industry has had trouble understanding my message," Reding told a press conference on Tuesday.

Got that? She asked telecom businesses to lower their prices, and they had the gall to ignore her. So her solution is to ram through a binding "regulation" that will force the companies to limit their rates. Never mind what charges the market will bear, you've got to provide another entitlement to all those unemployed youngsters I guess.

I love this part:

"There is no way that these prices are justified," said Reding. "The regulation would ensure that operators do not charge substantially more than the actual cost."

The wholesale savings of operators would then be made to pass on to consumers, she said.

Yep. Don't allow the Telecoms to make a profit, then pass the "savings" on to the people!

She dismissed fears that EU-level intervention would push operators to make up their lost revenue in the domestic market.

Of course she did. Cause and effect doesn't apply to fantasyland. Just ask the California electricity industry.

Posted by: Ted at 04:37 PM | category: Links
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March 26, 2006

Drac Facts

Dracula (1931), Universal Studios.


  • Bela Lugosi only appeared in one other film as Dracula, in 1948's Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein.

  • Although Lugosi played Dracula during a successful Broadway run and subsequent tours, he wasn't the first choice for the film role. He wasn't the second, third or fourth choice either.

  • There were three versions of Dracula made at the same time. During the day the English version was filmed. At night a Spanish language version was filmed on the same sets with an entirely different cast and crew. And lastly, because at the time many theaters weren't wired for sound, a silent version of the film was simultaneously edited with dialogue boards.

  • Not once during the film does Dracula display fangs.

  • The word Nosferatu is widely considered to be Hungarian for "vampire" because Bram Stoker used the word after reading about it in a book on folklore and the occult. Problem is, no such word exists.

  • The studio insisted that Dracula only attack women in the movie because they were worried about homoerotic overtones. Dracula's first movie victim is male, but you don't see it.

  • The actor who plays Dr. Seward (Herbert Bunston), had met Bram Stoker earlier in his career when he appeared in a stage production at the theater that Stoker managed.

  • Actor Dwight Frye (Renfield) and Bela Lugosi had worked together before, on Broadway in a comedy production.

Posted by: Ted at 07:22 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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Grab popcorn and a Rosary, it's movie review time!

Sometimes you see a thing that you simply must have. For a year I made almost weekly visits to a music store in Grand Forks, North Dakota to sit and play "my" guitar while I saved the money to buy it (the one on the right).

That's kind of an extreme example, but recently I had a mini version of that emotion over a movie (surprise, surprise), and of course I'm going to tell you all about it.

Now this category isn't called "Cult Flicks" for nothing, and if you've visited before you already know that I love B-movies and old horror and things a little (or a lot) off of the beaten path. This film certainly falls into the last category. Before I tell you about it though, I'd like to take a moment to give a little background on a type of these crappy movies that I love so much.

Exploitation films are movies designed to appeal to those looking for things like nudity and/or gore. Back in the 30's and 40's, nudist camp "documentaries" filled the bill, as did "danger of drugs" movies. In the 50's Swedish "blue" movies found their niche. Some makers soon realized that actual product quality was optional as long as plenty of bare breasts or simulated gruesome violence was on display, so true exploitation flicks are always low budget and almost always feature rotten acting, directing, dialogue, etc. Go through the Rocket Jones Cult Flicks archives, and you'll find other reviews of just these types of films. Yes, I am a fan.

Within the exploitation umbrella, there are subgenres. Sexploitation movies focused on nudity and softcore porn - Russ Meyer was one leading director - and so-called Blaxploitation movies aimed at the African American audience (Abby, aka "the black Exorcist" is a fine example, although films like Shaft and Foxy Brown are much better known). There were gory cannibal movies and mondo "documentaries" that went for shock valuie by being about taboo subjects (like Toys Are Not For Children which explored psychotic incestual themes). Women in prison movies were popular, and included the sub-subgenre of Nazi women prison movies. I've got my eye on a couple of Hixsploitation collections, just to round out my library of crappy films. That wikipedia link above is a nice little introduction to the concept.

"Director Norifumi Suzuki doesn't have a clue about Christianity, but his delirious visual style is reminiscent of 60s Italian horror in its rich colors and hysterical zooming"
--Chicago Reader

So by now you've gathered that School of the Holy Beast is an exploitation film, and it's of a type I'd heard of but never seen before: nunsploitation. Actually, that was only one reason why I couldn't resist it, the other being that I never knew that any nunsploitation flicks were made anywhere but Europe. This unusual movie was made in Japan! Nunsploitation movies are generally set in a convent with plenty of nudity, sex, and frequent appearances by sleazy priests because apparently, unbeknownst to me, every nun is not a lesbian (kidding!). This type of movie is also critical of the Catholic Church and it's policies.

So what do we have here? The movie starts off with a girl named Maya having one helluva great day. She enjoys a hockey game, does some shopping, picks up a guy and later sleeps with him. When he finally asks her name (pillow talk!), she tells him that tomorrow she enters the abbey to become a nun.

Maya isn't particularly devout, instead she's on a private mission to discover how her mother died in that same convent eighteen years before. Along the way she manages to unravel a long-held secret and finds her answers. She also sneaks a couple of guys into the convent to gang rape the Mother Superior (who doesn't fight very hard once it's begun. I guess falling asleep to her private porn collection might have made her a bit receptive). There are scenes of drugs, self-flagellation, bondage, blasphemy; in other words, everything you'd expect from the Church (kidding!). In the end the bad guys all get what's coming to them, and you're left sitting there thinking "wow".


School of the Holy Beast

Unlike the typical trashy exploitation movie, this film is beautifully acted and full of spectacular imagery. One memorable scene involves Maya being punished by being whipped with bunches of long stem roses. The thorns draw blood of course, and before long each punishing stroke results in a cascade of slow motion rose petals in a halo around Maya. Uncomfortable to watch, but undeniably beautiful.

This movie far exceeded my expectations, and it's worth seeing. In Japanese with English subtitles.

Besides, how can you resist two topless nuns involved in a whip fight?

Posted by: Ted at 10:02 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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March 24, 2006

That wasn't helpful

My beloved Sharks are scrambling to make the playoffs, and despite playing great hockey lately, they lost last night to the Detroit Red Wings. Congrats to Machelle and David.


hockeytown0ol.png

If you don't know what the Jamboree is all about, click this link.

Posted by: Ted at 06:06 AM | category: Balls and Ice
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Girls with Guns

More pictures of women in the military than you can empty a magazine at. Safe for work, but definitely not boring.

Thanks to the Jawa Report for the pointer.

Posted by: Ted at 06:05 AM | category: Military
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March 23, 2006

Bummer times two

Jennifer hangs it up.

The guys down at Whitakers, North Carolina lost their flying field. It's not actually lost, it's just been turned into a corn field without prior notice.

Posted by: Ted at 04:41 PM | category: Links
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March 19, 2006

Don't Overdo

Putting a roll cage on your jeep impresses the ladies.

Painting a roll pattern on your jeep, not so much.

Posted by: Ted at 09:13 AM | category: Square Pegs
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March 18, 2006

Got BUFF?

Uncle Sam does, and he's had it for half a century now.

Happy 50th Birthday to the B52 Stratofortress
. One seriously bad mofo.

Thanks to Transterrestrial Musings for the pointer.

Posted by: Ted at 07:22 PM | category: Links
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Pratt Hobbies Blog (aka "All the cool kids are doing it")

My friend Doug Pratt has started a rocketry blog, and named it, appropriately enough, Pratt Hobbies Blog. It will soon be on the sidebar.

He's off to a great start, including a post about how the BATFE is reacting to their recent smackdown by the Federal courts regarding rocket motors. Short answer: they are not taking it well, and it seems that the retaliation against the hobby has started. Read more over at Doug's blog, and, like most of us, he wanders off onto other topics as the fancy takes him. Check it out.

Posted by: Ted at 05:58 PM | category: Rocketry Resources
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March 17, 2006

I didn't even know there *was* a Mrs. Peanut!

And he keeps his nuts in a can!

Posted by: Ted at 01:35 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Oh yeah, that's a winning marketing strategy

A pop up ad for weight loss surgery.

What they envision:

Dude, you mean I can get ready for the Summer beach trips *and* save big bucks doing it? I am so there!

Reality: posts like this.

Posted by: Ted at 01:25 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Do it again and make the girl happy.

Princess Cat is closing in on her first MuNuversary and has a goal. Click the link and bump her hit counter.

Oh yeah, just like that.

Again.

Faster.

Don't stop.

And size does matter, so you higher traffic blogs should be joining in with a mention and links as well.

Treat the lady right.

Posted by: Ted at 10:52 AM | category: Links
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March 16, 2006

Vid Hits and Kicks

Over at Off Wing Opinion, Eric has been on a video jag lately. Check out the Alexander Ovechkin and Sidney Crosby highlights, and don't miss my personal favorite, the New Zealand National Rugby team doing a Maori Haka. Awesome!

Posted by: Ted at 08:31 PM | category: Links
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Not So Different After All

I was visiting Wegglywoo and found a link to a new group blog that she's part of.

The post titiled The Rules of Life for Australian (Heterosexual) Men had me laughing out loud. Here's a sample:

11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel and it's free.

26. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.


There's plenty more. Head on over, have a chuckle and don't forget to say hello.

Posted by: Ted at 07:24 PM | category: Links
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