Seen on an online bulletin board:

In LotR all the elves sailed to the “undying lands” to the west. Continental drift caused those lands to move further north and eventually they were left to spend eternity making toys for their new red-suited overlord.

Posted by: Ted at 06:57 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Ho.

(in the extended entry - not quite safe for work) more...

Posted by: Ted at 06:12 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 Allright!Cherry cheesecake!

Posted by: Russ at December 09, 2004 07:00 AM (tKwxe)

2 I wish I knew how type a round of applause...

Posted by: Paul at December 09, 2004 09:19 AM (vbP6L)

3 Now, to be fair to us of the fairer gender, you need to post a picture of some firemen in their red suspenders...and just their red suspenders...

Posted by: Susie at December 09, 2004 02:17 PM (3nS88)

4 Yum I want some llol

Posted by: Malorie at July 12, 2005 03:38 PM (iTUn7)

5 Now that is HoT!!!!

Posted by: Christina at September 21, 2005 02:49 PM (Gel+0)

6 hotties kissin wat else is better

Posted by: nick at October 20, 2005 08:33 AM (oghPA)

7 oh yes!!

Posted by: jack at October 31, 2005 04:06 PM (7zOLs)

8 well i'd much perfer wochin men and woman kissin n gttin it on .....mmmm i'm horny lolll want sum ne1 -- ima female lookin 4 sum hunks!

Posted by: sexy at November 07, 2005 01:46 PM (H4Q5s)

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Remember the Beverly Hillbillys and their loaded-down truck? Pots and pans hanging off'n it, and the washtub lashed to the front bumper. Granny's rocking chair was sitting up top, balanced precariously on the pile of everything they owned.

The trip back from Michigan wasn't quite that bad.

Bungee cords are your friend.

No college student should own that much crap.

I carefully planned this one around good weather, and we made the return trip on the one non-rainy day forecasted for the week. The ride up was an adventure, going through Pennsylvania I hit fog so thick you couldn't see fifty feet in front of you, then a blinding driving rain on the turnpike's downhill run. Mostly though, it was drizzly and rainy and showery and blustery. Enough to keep you alert and paying attention to the road, not enough to dampen my good spirits.

I saw the most vivid rainbow in my life in Ohio. The colors were electric and it was very close. A few minutes later it was joined by a second, slightly more faint arc. Awesome.

We packed the truck twice. The first time in the parking lot of her dorm and the second time in a commuter lot about 10 miles south of her campus. I made her give stuff away to the kids who helped bring her stuff down from the room. Stuff that wouldn't fit in the truck.

No one should own that many shoes. Her nickname as a teen was "Imelda", and she's still living up to that name.

I ended up driving the entire way back (11+ hours) because I just couldn't contort myself enough to sit in the passenger seat around the crap on the floor. When we tried to make the driver swap, Robyn popped into the Starbucks on the turnpike plaza for a large coffee and a double-shot of caffeine. It was kinda funny watching her buzz for awhile after that. Yakata-yakata-yakata-yakata...

So I drove on, doing fine and enjoying the ride. We got home late last night and unloaded granny's rocker Robyn's life, and even got most of it put away (at least temporarily).

Son just left for work - job 1 this morning, first day at job 2 this afternoon - and Mookie is bumbling around getting things together for school. So why am I up? My legs are griping a little bit this morning about the long drive, teetering on the very edge of a massive charlie horse. I get up and walk around every few minutes, do the stairs a couple of times, stretching out and keeping them warm.

The whole family is home again. Nice. (temporarily... temporarily... temporarily...)

Posted by: Ted at 05:19 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Headed to Michigan to pick up oldest daughter from college. Be back in a couple of days. Take care.

Posted by: Ted at 11:16 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 After posting that Santa picture, are you sure she'll want to come home?

Posted by: Victor at December 06, 2004 11:25 AM (L3qPK)

2 Drive safe.

Posted by: GEBIV at December 06, 2004 01:47 PM (egVBU)

3 Happy trails!

Posted by: dawn at December 06, 2004 04:55 PM (Rgkju)

4 Don't ferget to point and say "Ha Ha!" to Michael Moore while yer up there!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at December 06, 2004 09:15 PM (Ar7wg)

5 Take a big truck for the dirty laundry. And have a safe trip!

Posted by: Catt at December 06, 2004 10:03 PM (2XMgB)

6 Are you there yet?

Posted by: GEBIV at December 07, 2004 05:48 PM (6Nsma)

7 Nope, he isn't up here yet...should be here tomorrow morning

Posted by: Robyn at December 07, 2004 06:44 PM (gWcjd)

8 You know what they say...I don't either. But don't let the door hit you in the butt, Don't go away mad...etc,etc. Drive safely and carry a big _______.

Posted by: AnonymousKyle at December 09, 2004 07:43 AM (blNMI)

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Being male, there are certain things you can't help but notice in a public men's room. Audio things. Things you might not even realize conciously, but you notice.

For instance, some men like to direct their stream against the side of the porcelain to minimize the sound, while others aim directly for the deep end to go for the big splash. The more frivolous might be trying to recreate in miniature the effect of water erosion against the deodorant cake, and there are always the bubble games to amuse the mind while neccessarily occupied in standing still (cool, that one looks just like Florida!).

More fundamental are the physical differences. The male organ is highly variable in detail, even in it's non-recreational role. A gentleman with a larger diameter urethra sounds like he's pouring water into the toilet from a glass (or a fire hose). A man closer to garden hose functionality won't make nearly as much noise and will take considably longer to complete the task at hand. Then there are those guys who seem to have a sprinkler head attached to the end of their willie, and cannot hit the target regardless of range or proximity.

Those last are the ones you want to avoid ladies, else you'll be wiping the seat and mopping bathroom floors for the rest of your life.

Posted by: Ted at 06:05 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 If it looks like a mule whizzin' in a stream and it sounds like a mule whizzin' in a stream then........

Posted by: russ at December 06, 2004 08:46 AM (tKwxe)

2 Hehehe, finally some humor found this Monday morning.

Posted by: Maelstrom at December 06, 2004 11:36 AM (z62e3)

3 Now that's fascinating!

Posted by: dawn at December 06, 2004 04:56 PM (Rgkju)

4 Well, if I've been holding for a while and reeeeeally gotta go, then I like to hit the deep water hard and get that loud, rumbling Niagra Falls roar goin'... sounds like victory!

But usually (especially in Men's Room) I just stream along the porcelain just because I think we'd prefer the peace and quiet.

Then there are the times when I like to go for the shore -- just at the edge of the water and bowl. When you hit it right you can get a gentle shhhhhhhhh sound goin'. I consider it the happy medium where you don't wanna make too much noise, but you also don't want others to think you're holding yer member idly while waiting for it flow.

Darn it, I've said too much again....

Posted by: Tuning Spork at December 06, 2004 09:27 PM (Ar7wg)

5 Saw this on another blog:

"
In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After the US published the study, France decided to do their own study. After $250,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex. Australia, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead."

Posted by: dawn at December 07, 2004 05:21 PM (Rgkju)

6 Some of us have modified ours so that we have a sprinkler head for real. :-)

Posted by: Keith at December 09, 2004 01:28 PM (jbvVc)

7 Damn, I thought nobody noticed the erosion of the deoderant cake.
Successive visits can result in pleasing sculptures, BTW.

Posted by: Alan E Brain at December 13, 2004 08:47 AM (1635s)

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Tennessee Birdwalk

Take away the trees
and the birds'll have to sit upon the ground.
(Hum)
Take away their wings
and the birds'll have to walk to get around.
Take away the birdbaths
and dirty birds will soon be everywhere.
Take away their feathers
and the birds will walk around in underwear.
Take away their (whistle)
and the birds'll have to whisper when they sing.
(Chirp chirp!)
Take away their common sense
and they'll be heading southward in the spring.

Oh, remember me, my darling when spring is in the air,
And the bald headed birds are whispering everywhere.
When you see them walking southward in their dirty underwear,
That's the Tennessee Bird Walk.

How about some trees
so the birds won't have to sit upon the ground?
(Hum)
And how about some wings
so the birds won't have to walk to get around?
And how about a birdbath or two
so the birds will all be clean?
And how about some feathers
so their underwear no longer will be seen?
How about a little (whistle)
so the birds won't have to whisper when they sing?
(Chirp chirp!)
And how about some common sense,
So they won't be blocking traffic in the spring?

Oh, remember me, my darling when spring is in the air
And the bald headed birds are whispering everywhere
When you see them walking southward in their dirty underwear
That's the Tennessee Bird Walk (Chirp chirp!)

-- Jack Blanchard and Misty Morgan

You can hear the whole thing here (chirp chirp).

Posted by: Ted at 05:13 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Have you seen that Staples commercial where grandma takes a picture of the family with a stapler? The voiceover helpfully tells us that she's hinting that she wants a digital camera from Staples.

Those folks don't hear the voiceover. If I were in dad's place, I think grandma would get a nice room at a home for Christmas.

Posted by: Ted at 04:11 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Ho.

(in the extended entry) more...

Posted by: Ted at 10:48 AM | category: Square Pegs
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A Trebuchet simulator.

Contests for distance, accuracy and power. Lots of background information too, so don't tell your kids that they'll be learning about physics while they play.

Thanks to the Ministry for the pointer.

Posted by: Ted at 10:30 AM | category: Links
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Our online community, Munuviana has grown enormously over the last year, and Pixy deserves more good karma than I alone can give for all the hard work he does to help us thrive and survive. He also gets the best spam.

It has come to my attention that there are two new-ish Munuvians that were not on my sidebar. That has been corrected, and I extend my apologies for not adding Loren and Kirsten sooner. They're both excellent writers with interesting things to say, and you should pay them a visit.

If you're wondering about the odd order of the Munuvians over on the right, I list them in chronological order of citizenship instead of alphabetic by title. Also, clicking on the NASA MuNu meatball logo will get you to our Community blog Munuviana.

Finally, please remember the new comment policy on Rocket Jones. It makes about as much sense as anything else around here.

Posted by: Ted at 07:39 AM | category: Links
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1 Guess I better get on to updating that pull down scripty thingie too.

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at December 05, 2004 09:54 AM (U3CvV)

2 HAI HAI!!!

Oh, and we have a cure now for your blogrolling blues.

BYE BYE!!!

Posted by: Pixy Misa at December 06, 2004 04:01 AM (+S1Ft)

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Introduction
While cruising the net, I ran across this image, which brought back memories:

[The stamps issued consist of] five portraits of the actors based on publicity photographs of their most famous horror films. Lon Chaney appears as the Phantom of the Opera, Bela Lugosi as Dracula, Boris Karloff as Frankenstein and the Mummy and Lon Chaney Jr. as Wolf Man.

The descendants had wanted stamps that carried two portraits of their famous relatives, one with monster makeup and one without. Designer Derry Noyes of Washington met their wishes by placing signed photographs of the four actors at the top of the sheets of 20 stamps.

The stamps are the second to contain hidden images, using a process developed by Graphic Security Systems Corp. of Lake Worth, Fla. This time designers have scrambled an image -- not letters -- into each of the stamps: bats on the Dracula stamp, hieroglyphics on the Mummy, masks on the Phantom, wolves on the Wolf Man and lightning bolts on Frankenstein.

To see the images requires purchase of a $4.95 "decoder lens" from the Postal Service.

With that as inspiration, here's the third in a series of brief bios based on those classic stamps.

(in the extended entry) more...

Posted by: Ted at 01:05 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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Posted this last December, and cute enough to repeat (plus I know most of you wouldn't click if I just linked to it).

Posted by: Ted at 07:58 PM | category: Square Pegs
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The latest is up at Fresh as a Daisy, and it includes culinary yumness from fellow Munuvian Triticale as well as my world-famous recipe for roadkill reindeer tartar.

Just kidding, my entry are the Veggie Patch enchiladas, and thanks to Dawn for suggesting the name.

And welcome to new visitors to Rocket Jones. I hope you poke around and stay awhile, and come back again. Exchange links on the sidebar? You betcha, just let me know in the comments.

Posted by: Ted at 07:25 AM | category: Links
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1 Ted, I think you forgot to close a tag somewhere.

Posted by: Victor at December 04, 2004 07:27 AM (etHvD)

2 Thanks Victor. Got it.

Posted by: Ted at December 04, 2004 07:34 AM (ZjSa7)

3 OMG, I just had visions of linking to this from my page. Another day when I am safe, maybe. LOL

Posted by: dawn at December 04, 2004 06:21 PM (Rgkju)

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In far northern California is the little rural town of Weaverville. In Weaverville is a beautiful little part of the California State Parks system called The Joss House (refresh that link for more pictures too).

The temple is the oldest continuously used Chinese temple in California. On display are art objects, pictures, mining tools, and weapons used in the 1854 Tong War. This Taoist temple is still a place of worship and a fascinating look into the role played by Chinese immigrants in early California history. The temple was built in 1874 as a replacement for another that had burned.

My family visited the Joss House occasionally because the head ranger there was an old friend of my dad.

The temple and museum contain some striking pieces of Chinese history. Check out this page for some beautiful pictures of the temple and it's contents, especially the traditional Lion headdress (scroll to the the bottom).

Related sites and more information can be found here and here.

There's more in the extended entry about the 1854 Tong War and life for early Chinese immigrants. more...

Posted by: Ted at 07:20 AM | category: History
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Over at Sanity's Edge, Paul is sharing a very funny story about his visit to Japan. One thing that intrigues me is the Japanese habit of everyone yelling a greeting as they enter and leave a restaurant. According to Paul, you walk in and the entire staff hollers at you, and you holler back when you leave. Or something like that.

So that's it. From now on, you come to Rocket Jones, you yell a greeting in the comments, and before you leave you yell again.

Maybe this way, next year I'll be eligible for "Best Asian Blog" award.

Posted by: Ted at 12:12 PM | category: Links
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I don't know which is my least favorite, but there are several hilarious choices to pick from.

Listeners of radio's Columbia Broadcasting System who tuned in to hear a Christmas Eve rendition of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol were shocked when they heard what appeared to be a newscast from the north pole, reporting that Santa's Workshop had been overrun in a blitzkrieg by Finnish proxies of the Nazi German government. The newscast, a hoax created by 20-something wunderkind Orson Wells...

Don't miss the lost Star Trek Christmas episode either!

Thanks to Dean Esmay for the pointer.

Posted by: Ted at 12:04 PM | category: Links
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And we all know how I avoid crap like that...

Pep and Liz from Truly Bad Films lend their take.

Steve and Robert, the Llama Butchers give their two yips worth.

"Seen it" in bold, occasional comments made (in the extended entry). more...

Posted by: Ted at 06:01 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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1 You absolutely have to make an efforet to see Buckaroo Banzai--it's a sci-fi/comic book/alien/monster/super hero movie...

Posted by: Susie at December 03, 2004 11:52 AM (3nS88)

2 I'm surprised that Animal House and Tron didn't make the list. And Pi.

Posted by: Phelps at December 03, 2004 06:04 PM (HlHi7)

3 There were several movies on there that I wouldn't classify as cult flicks. Being bad or unsuccessful isn't an automatic qualification, in my mind.

Posted by: Ted at December 03, 2004 06:17 PM (ZjSa7)

4 You've never seen UHF?!! Wierd Al is a musical genious. And the film was good, too.

And, ferchrisakes, watch This Is Spinal Tap. It comes with the Tuning Spork Seal of Approval!

Dittos on A Clockwork Orange, and, while it probably doesn't qualify as a "cult flick", Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket is one that my friends and I try to get together and watch ever so often.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at December 03, 2004 08:51 PM (vx/YO)

5 Is it that UHF? Wheel! Of! Fish!

So stupid!

Posted by: Pixy Misa at December 03, 2004 11:48 PM (+S1Ft)

6 Um, hello? Flash Gordon? C'mon.

Posted by: Scott at December 04, 2004 01:40 AM (M8Y41)

7 Didn't like Big Lebowski? It's my favorite movie! However it does lag a little near the end when the Dude is wasted out of his mind and gets picked up by the Malibu police.

Posted by: jpok at December 09, 2004 12:10 AM (2usjP)

8 You realize I won't talk to you until you've seen Akira. One of the most brilliant movies ever made. I always liked anime, but watching that made me realize cartoons weren't just fun for after school, they could be a real artform. A must see movie.
I recently saw Repo Man again. Loved it as much as the first 5 times I saw it.

As far as seminal high school moments, Heathers was also a big part in my life. Saw that and my walls were then plastered with Winona Ryder pictures. Great movie, a bit weak in the end, but overall sweet.
Missing from the list:
Big Trouble in Little China and Remo Williams

Posted by: Kin at January 09, 2005 01:52 PM (/Vdvc)

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You can access the interstate from a dirt road.

Posted by: Ted at 05:20 AM | category: Square Pegs
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This line from President Bush's speech in Canada:

Paul [Martin, Prime Minister] and I share a great vision for the future: two prosperous, independent nations joined together by the return of NHL hockey.

Thanks to Debbye and Gir (who's posted the entire transcript).

Posted by: Ted at 12:37 PM | category: Links
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Velma is *much* sexier than Daphne. She's intelligent, brunette and wears glasses.

Update: My wife doesn't read Rocket Jones, so when I told her about this post and the talk about Velma being gay, she instantly opined:

Velma? Hell yeah. Skirt and knee socks. Definitely gay.

Posted by: Ted at 06:09 AM | category: Square Pegs
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