June 21, 2004


My first day was memorable in a quiet and unassuming kinda way. The drive home was hella traffic and I'm beat. More tomorrow after I work a more normal (for me) shift.


PS: The new job is jes' ducky!

Posted by: Ted at 07:48 PM | category: Square Pegs
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A dirty joke with no naughty words

A woman walks into a deli, points to a pepperoni and says, "I'll take that one."
The guy asks her, "Do you want that sliced thick or thin?"
She replies, "What do I look like, a piggy bank?"

Posted by: Ted at 05:13 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Things that make the boss go 'hmmmm'

Twice now, Dawn's boss has caught her headbanging, and once it was a song with rather... *ahem* inappropriate lyrics. It's good to remind the boss that total control over their realm isn't gonna happen.

I caught hell once in the Air Force for my music. I was jammin' to Zappa's "Joe's Garage" when an unexpected VIP dropped by. The music wasn't loud, so I didn't even think to turn it down or off. Once the VIP left my boss called me in for an ass-chewing.

Wet T-Shirt Night

Looks to me like something funny is going on around here
People laughin' 'n' dancin' 'n' payin' entirely too much for their beer
And they all think they're clean outta-sight
And they're ready to party 'cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE
And they all crave some hot delight

Well the girls are excited because in a minute they're gonna get wet
And the boys are delighted because all the titties will get 'em upset
And they all think they are really awright
And they're ready to boogie 'cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE
And they all crave some pink delight

When the water gets on 'em their ninnies get rigid and look pretty bold
It's a common reaction that makes an attraction whenever it's cold
And all of the fellas they wish they could bite
On the cute little nuggets the local girls are showin' off tonite
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
I know you want someone to show you some tit!


Another time (same squadron), my best friend and I volunteered to work at the Special Olympics. We had a great time and scored a couple of cool t-shirts, which we promptly took home and tie-dyed. We wore them to our next squadron picnic, and were both called in the following day for drug testing. I loved drug testing because when the results came back I always teased them about being naturally crazy.

With the right attitude, drugs are redundant.

Posted by: Ted at 05:07 AM | category: Links
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June 20, 2004


Check out Google! It's the Menendez brothers getting ready to take out Dad on his special day!

Hey, you don't live to be an old geezer without being a little paranoid.

Posted by: Ted at 07:41 PM | category: Links
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Box Hockey redux

The memory is the first thing to go. I completely forgot about our half-finished box hockey set until this evening, when I got a comment from this place. It's not the same game, but it still looks pretty cool. I'll finish up our series this week sometime, although judging from the lack of feedback I don't think anyone was paying all that much attention.

Posted by: Ted at 07:28 PM | category: Build It
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It's the little things that count

But this is huge:

In a joint statement at the conclusion of two days of talks in the Indian capital, officials said the dedicated secure hot line between the countries' foreign secretaries was intended to "prevent misunderstandings and reduce risks relevant to nuclear issues."

An existing hot line between directors-general of military operations in both countries also will be upgraded and secured, the statement said.

The future in Southwest Asia just got a whole lot brighter.

Posted by: Ted at 10:01 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there!!!

Remember I told you that Mookie had my gift delivered last weekend, but I wasn't supposed to open it? Well, the box has been sitting by the door ever since...

She bought me a hybrid motor to replace the one destroyed when the Air Munuviana lawn darted. Also in the box was a sonic beacon (aka "screamer") to replace the one from that flight as well. You may recall that I found the original still blinking at the bottom of the creek - that's pronounced "crick" by the way - and although the water ruined the piezo buzzer and it was silent, the battery powered the LED blinker for another week after the soaking. Doug Pratt had some fun with this one, because I'm the proud owner of an original "Ted Phipps Edition" waterproof sonic beacon. LOL I'm not even going to open the packaging, this instantly became a keepsake.

Thanks Mookie. Thanks Doug. Gotta build a new rocket for the motor.

Posted by: Ted at 06:51 AM | category: Rocketry
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June 19, 2004

A chance to relive your childhood

If you flew model rockets as a youngster, you probably fondly recall your first rocket. In an effort to improve communications between rocketeers, rocketry clubs and Estes, their marketing folks have established a new email address, and want to hear from you.

EstesRockets (at) CenturiMS (dot) Com

Send 'em an email and let them know what classic kits you'd like to see them bring back!

Don't remember details about that favorite rocket? Listed below are a couple of sites that will really bring back the memories. They're incredible resources, and just plain fun to look through.

Jim Z's hobbies - the premier site for archived plans and pictures of those classic rockets.

Ye Olde Rocket Shoppe - another fine collection of classic plans.

Posted by: Ted at 01:59 PM | category: Rocketry
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Dear Chucklehead

If we're talking about someone, and you can't exactly place the person I'm talking about, and if I describe him for you and begin with "he's black", that doesn't make me a racist. Skin color or race is the most obvious feature to start with because then you narrow down the group pretty quickly, just like "male" or "female" instantly eliminates about half of the possible population to consider.

So lose the chip on your shoulder and grow up, because I never expected that shit from you, and it bothers me that you think that lighter skin color than yours is a sign of the devil.

If it happens again, we're no longer friends, 'cause I don't play that game and I don't want to be around those who do. Of course, you'll probably just assume that it's because of your skin color.


Posted by: Ted at 10:38 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Another moving target

DeMythology has moved, and VoodooChild has renamed his blog The Temple of Rock (as in music). Check it out and change your links.

Posted by: Ted at 07:20 AM | category: Links
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June 18, 2004

Domesticated Blogging, or lack thereof

Things have slowed down here at Rocket Jones lately as I prepare for the big job change on monday and other random bits of reality interfere with my blogging time.

This weekend's projects include hanging a new bird feeder, building a new DVD rack for my den, finishing up some drywall work I'm doing in the dining room (and maybe beginning to paint), and replacing the motor in the attic fan (bearings seized).

In unrelated domestic news, wife Liz has a new red blouse, which inexplicably got mixed in with a load of whites. Since I do all the laundry, I have no one to blame but myself. Fortunately, pink is in style right now, because half my underwear is a lovely shade of coral. Eat your hearts out.

Posted by: Ted at 09:04 PM | category: Square Pegs
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15'll get you 20

You've probably heard that the state of Virginia is now cracking down on statutory rape, which is a good thing. Except that they've decided to do it by launching a milquetoast advertising campaign.

Kat at Mostly Fluff (nice new digs by the way, adjust your links) has some killer suggestions for slogans that might actually be effective. My favorite:

If she wants YOU sheÂ’s too young to know better, pervert.

Go on over and say hi. Enjoy the sweet everydayness of Mostly Fluff.

Posted by: Ted at 08:20 PM | category: Links
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Adios LMIS, it's been a pleasure

LMIS (pronounced "Limmis") stands for Logistics Management Information System, and I've spent a considerable portion of the last 14 years working with it. New modules, new customer requirements, Y2K, the list goes on and on, it's been a fun project precisely because there always seemed to be some new project on the horizon. But like all things, change happens, and in this case we got new managers who, although nice enough people, lack the vision, skill and leadership of the former bosses, so LMIS quit evolving and adapting. The final nail came when upper upper management realized that LMIS is old. It's been in use since the mid-80's, which is fairly ancient for computer systems. Never mind that over the years it's been finely tuned and customized to do exactly what the users needed. Never mind that the original design was so brilliantly flexible that it's never been unable to do what was asked of it. And don't even think about the fact that LMIS could've been easily modified to do everything the new system is supposed to do, for probably one-third the cost. Upper management could never get past the fact that LMIS is old.

Also, the users are supposed to ignore the fact that the new replacement system doesn't work. I'm extremely biased, but it's the truth to say that the new system that was bought to replace LMIS cost a whole lot of money to do a whole lot less for the users and customers. Of course, "whole lot less" only applies to the parts of the hideous nightmare that actually work.

I can vent about all this because this is the same stuff I've been telling management for two years now. It's not like I've been holding back. It's also part of the reason that I'm so looking forward to the next project.

I'm going to miss the people though, that's for sure. I've collected addresses and phone numbers from the folks I definitely don't want to lose touch with, and gone around to say goodbye to just about everyone. The desk is cleaned out, the PC is about as personally uncustomized as possible, and I'm leaving at lunch today.

I tried to keep it low key, but some close friends got together and are taking me out to lunch today, and they got me a gift certificate to my favorite rocket shop. How cool is that?

Since some of you guys read this, I'll put it in writing (you've already heard me say it): I'm going to miss you. You made it worthwhile coming in to work every day. Good luck, don't let the twinkies get you down, stay sane and in touch.

Special note: it's a misdemeanor if intentional damage to a vehicle is less than $500, but you can reach that limit just by keying the paintjob. Might as well just set fire to the fucker.

Thanks also to the folks who suggested wonderfulness to program my function keys. There are multiple job search sites and plenty of dancing, singing, flying, poking and viking cute things all there at the touch of a button.

Finally, a secret. I'm sure it kept you up at night, wondering. Remember I told you that I worked in a cage? I shared that cage with pallets of blank passports, visas, and all the machines used to process them.

Posted by: Ted at 08:21 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Any day can be a Special Occasion

Not safe for work (in the extended entry).

Mookie, don't look, it's dirty. For those of you at work and over the age of 18, come back to look later and double my daily hits. more...

Posted by: Ted at 05:09 AM | category: Square Pegs
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June 17, 2004


Curmudgeonly & Skeptical is shut down? What the hell?

Update: He's back. Dunno what happened.

Posted by: Ted at 10:29 PM | category: Links
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I admit it, I'm a font-lovin' fool. I've got a gazillion of 'em on my PC, and I'll spend time looking for just the right one when I need to add a little pizazz to a project.

Alan E. Brain posted this nice link to a slew of alien-style fonts from science fiction.

My favorite font resource on the 'net is Mary Forrest's Free Font Fiesta. The site has been around for many years, and she keeps the link list reasonably up-to-date. Here's her home page too, it's a fun place to look around.

Other resources I use:

Aquamarine's Fonts Place
Chankstore Freefont Archives
Eric Brooks

Google up "free fonts" for thousands more possibilities.

Posted by: Ted at 09:43 PM | category: Links
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Baseball Card Trivia

Don Rudolph pitched for the Chicago White Sox. On the back of his 1959 baseball card (in the extended entry), besides his stats they note that Don's wife is a professional dancer. Her name was Pat Wiggin, and professional dancer was a delicate way of saying 'stripper'.

I'm trying to track down a picture of her, but there's a bit of a flame war going on in the vintage erotica newsgroup, hence requests for help are getting lost in the mayhem. I remain hopeful. more...

Posted by: Ted at 05:38 AM | category: History
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June 16, 2004

Risking my sanity so you don't have to

This is going under Cult Flicks because I'm not sure where else to put it.

I watched the premier episode of Extreme Dodgeball last night on the Game Show Network. I watched it again this afternoon with Mookie, because she TIVO'd it, and this way you get more than first impressions. As if that's important.

Do you like Slamball? If yes, then you'll enjoy Extreme Dodgeball. I admit it, I liked it. But before I actually describe the "sport" itself, well...

William Hung did a video commercial plugging various Game Show Network shows. What did he butcher sing? What else but Queen's "We Are The Champions", in that WH style that causes mass suicides we've grown to tolerate. Cheesy, and the perfect introduction, in my humble opinion. Consider yourself warned.

It's showtime! You know the format: two chatty announcer/hosts - one being Bil Dwyer (that's not a typo, it's only one "L") from BattleBots, with a much more subdued 'do - and a hot babe down near the action to 'interview' the teams during breaks in the action. Throw in pointless segments about various players (called "Beyond the Ball") and you've about summed up the entire show.

Oops, forgot about the teams, didn't I? In the Extreme Dodgeball league (?!?!), the teams are supposedly put together based on occupation, but 'concept' is the real story. Face it, even in LA you're not going to find five real Sumo wrestlers who're willing to be stupid for what probably amounts to minimum guild scale, not to mention the fact that there's no such thing as female Sumo. So the team is actually four fat guys and a fat gal. Just calling it as I see it, and as one of the circumferentially overachieving, let's just say that if I were on the team, my nickname would be 'Slim'. The other teams are horse jockeys, mimes, CPA's, rent-a-cops, hot chicks (and a guy), bodybuilders and tatooed people. Yep, I always wanted to list my occupation as 'canvas for prolific tatoo artist'.

The game itself has enough interesting twists to actually make it, well, interesting. A match is best-of-three games. For the first game, two balls are used. Second game, a third, larger ball is added, and in the third game one team member is designated the "Dead Man Walking" and if you hit them it's all over. The rest of the rules were mostly familiar. My favorite was "no head shots", which meant that a valid strategy was to curl up on your knees facing the other team and let them wail away at your head for no effect - rules-wise, not concussion-wise.

The team balance is actually pretty good, which is what the show's producers want. The rules work well, the strategies and tactics used were logical and surprised me a couple of times. All in all, you can tell that these people extensively tested and tweaked the rules.

So yes, I'll watch it again, if I stumble across it one night when nothing else is on and I want some noise on in the background. It's certainly not something I'm going to seek out and look forward to. I've seen worse. But you already knew that.

Posted by: Ted at 05:42 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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Battle Reenactment

I noticed a license plate frame announcing the fact that the driver was a Civil War Reenactor.

I can't believe that it's strictly an American phenomenom, but I've never heard of it happening anywhere else. Are there groups in other parts of the world that reenact historical battles? Waterloo? Agincourt?

I'm curious, gonna go Google...

...found a couple. Here's a site that talks about an annual reenactment of a battle between Christian and Muslim forces in 1091, but it looks to be a small-scale representation held in the city square.

Here's a site that talks about an annual event that includes a reenactment of the WWII D-Day landings, from Lake Erie onto the shore at Conneaut, Ohio. This sounds cool.

I like this next one! The Californian Made Up Battle Reenactment Society recreates historically accurate battles which never actually happened. Among their recent reenactments were: Egyptians vs. Aztecs- The Battle of the Credit for Inventing the Pyramid, England vs. USA - The 1899 Battle of the 'Z' Pronuciation, and France vs. Itself - The 1986 Battle of No Point.

I found a site from the Ukraine that seems to be about a group of military history enthusiasts, but it's heavily under construction and I couldn't find a way to their reenactment pages. It appears that they do a reenactment of the 1812 battle of Borodino between Russian forces and Napoleon's invading army.

And of course, as often happens when Googling, I stumbled across some unexpected treasure: the site for the magnificent State Hermitage Museum in St. Petersburg, Russia. Very impressive online collection, well worth some time spent browsing.

Search results showed that the vast majority of the reencactments are American Civil War era, although I did find a few from the American Revolutionary War and some from other countries.

Posted by: Ted at 07:11 AM | category: History
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Finally, A Chain Letter I Can Relate To!

Long but funny (in the extended entry) more...

Posted by: Ted at 05:51 AM | category: Square Pegs
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