July 25, 2004

Hot Jets and Cool Competition

Time to call in the big guns, literally! Get yer mind outta the gutter, because I'm talking about Sarah, who has a picture on Trying To Grok of herself in a tank. Woohoo! Ya know, it never hurts to have a little armor support.

She graciously accepted, and mentioned that she's already been recognized for her cheerleading - check this out. Actually, don't bother, unless you want to deal with a bunch of annoying popups, and then read some lame anti-intelligence (in the literal sense, not in the "spy" kinda way) nitwittery. It's a hate site, and Sarah's been named to their Hall of Infamy for being a true supporter of the US military. At least they mention that she writes well and interestingly, they just don't like her opinions.

Anyways, welcome to the Hot Jets Sarah!

That little banner is starting to crop up in other places...

The Hot Jets are:
Stevie, of Caught In The XFire!
Jennifer, of Jennifer's History and Stuff!
Mookie, of MookieRiffic!
Emma, of Miss Apropos!
Blogoline, of Blogoline's Journal!
LeeAnn, of The Cheese Stands Alone!
Gir, of Your Moosey Fate!
Heather, of Angelweave!
Kat, of Mostly Fluff!
Lynn S., of Reflections in d minor!
Tink, of Flitting Here and There!
Denita, of Who Tends The Fires!
Cindy, of Squipper!
Susie, of Practical Penumbra!
Nic, of Shoes, Ships, and Sealing Wax!

Pick a sweetie, any sweetie. In fact, go visit them all.

Posted by: Ted at 09:04 AM | category: Links
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July 24, 2004

Something rarely seen around here

Velociman did this one a while back, and I meant to, but never got around to it. My results are in the extended entry.

Which Childish Practical Joke Are You?

Aside to Velociman: you've been comment spammed on the post with some rather rude links. Just lettin' ya know. more...

Posted by: Ted at 02:11 PM | category: Links
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Beats Beal

So I'm putzing around the rocket workshop today, taking care of some items on the ol' to-do list, when I remember an old post idea I wanted to do. Jot it down and come back to it later, and when I do I googled up a few things to research. And I found this page, which has nothing to do with what I was looking for - honest! - but with a title like Bikini Karate Babes, how could I not investigate, eh?

In the interview with the creator, he has this to say:

Bikini Karate Babes is a fun and silly game. If you're looking for the greatest fighting game since Tekken... you won't find it here. But if you're looking for something unique with solid gameplay and high replay value, then this game is for you!

BKB uses actual video images of real women. You can control these women in real time. It is by far the best example of interactive video controlled in real time ever made. The animation is excellent, not choppy like so many 'other' games using video images. The full range of motion is captured for every punch, kick, and jiggle!

I don't play computer games, but if I did I suspect that this would be on my list of favorite games. There's pictures too at the link.

Posted by: Ted at 01:45 PM | category: Links
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Andromeda Strain

I'm not going to do a regular review of this 1971 flick (adapted from the book by Michael Crichton), but I will say a couple of things about it.

First, if you haven't seen it lately, do yourself a favor and watch it again. If you've never seen it, you should. It's very much in the techno-science style of Fantastic Voyage.

Secondly, one of the most frightening scenes I've ever seen in any film is when they're testing for the whatever-it-is, and you watch the first rhesus monkey die from exposure to it. Absolutely chilling.

Posted by: Ted at 12:22 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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July 23, 2004

It's Never A Bad Time To Be Polite

Tombstone Generator thanks to LeeAnn, Susie and others...

Posted by: Ted at 11:07 PM | category: Links
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Money Quote

"The enemy is not just 'terrorism'. It is the threat posed specifically by Islamic terrorism."

[emphasis theirs]

-- Final Report of the 9/11 Commission, as reported by the Wall Street Journal

Posted by: Ted at 09:10 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Not Lemmy, Lemming!

I found a spam in my email this morning that tickled my funny bone. The subject was:

Qcute Teen Girl Sexed Up Inertially

I'm going to type random letters now and go spam the Ukraine.

Posted by: Ted at 07:32 AM | category: Square Pegs
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No Particular Place To Go

That was a Chuck Berry song, wasn't it?

Yesterday morning, I'm flying down the interstate on my way to work - and believe me, at 5:15am there ain't no traffic and you fly! - and I've got Chicago II cranked on the CD player. And Hello Sunshine came on, triggering a whole rush of memories.

I was in the Guinness Book of World Records once, for one edition. Actually, it was my entire high school band, and we held the record for longest continuous performance, which at the time was something like 80 or 90 hours.

I believe we started on a Friday morning, and played straight through until Monday afternoon. One five-minute break every hour, and fifteen minutes every six hours for food. We turned it into a big fund-raiser, and local restaurants donated food and drinks to keep us going.

Things got silly as we got more and more tired, and after a while you get loopy. Not to mention the swelling. You want to know what bee-stung lips are? Try playing the trombone for four freakin' days. The whole bottom part of my face was numb for a week.

And parents would show up in the middle of the night to cheer us on, and donate money for requests. And every couple of hours, we'd play a medley by Chicago that always got us fired up again. It started with Hello Sunshine, and we'd stand up in the back row and just let it ring.

The school was heavily into music of all types. Band, orchestra, jazz band, chorus - both men and women, mixed choir, plus various small combos and groups, our school was known for it's music program. And the band was dominated by the trombone section.

I was playing fourth trombone that year, all by myself. I'd transferred in as a sophomore from another school, and rather than futz with the dynamics of the section, I just took the bottom end and enjoyed myself. There were three seniors playing first part that year, and they were all very good. Next year, I'd take over first chair, so I could afford to be patient. Besides, we all got along just fine, so there was no jealousy or looking down on anyone.

I may have told this part before, but on my first day at the school, in the first band class, all the new people had to introduce themselves. All freshmen, and me. The band teacher explained that I was transferring from the east side, and you could hear the collective 'ooooo' at that. The east side was the 'bad' side of town, and I'm sure they thought I'd pull a switchblade on someone eventually. So after the introductions were made, all the freshmen had to play the school fight song together. They'd gotten the music the year before and practiced all summer for this moment. I just stood there, because I didn't know the song. When they got done, someone said I should play something, so I did.

My first performance at school was the Budweiser theme song. Remember that one? "When you say Bud..." Perfect music for trombone, and I really got into it.

Back to the band marathon. We loved to play anything brass: Chicago, Earth, Wind & Fire, Tower of Power, Average White Band, Wild Cherry, Ohio Players, plus the standard classical and folk tunes included in the curriculum. And when one of 'our' songs came on, we'd drag ourselves out of our comfy chairs (we'd brought beanbags and other seating rather than spend days on those metal folding chairs), and be energized for an hour afterwards.

We also traded instruments, and it was the first time I'd gotten up the nerve to talk to the owner of the finest ass I've ever seen in my life. To this day, I measure all female tushie against hers, and have yet to find her equal, although some have come close. She was Japanese, she played the flute, and she sat right in front of me in the front row (three rows, I was in the far back). For an hour she sat by me and showed me some flute basics, and I helped her play a little trombone. I was in heaven.

So we set the record, and made lots of money for new band uniforms, and got into the Book, and lost the record to another school a few months later. Que sera sera.

"...with no particular place to go..."

Posted by: Ted at 06:03 AM | category: Boring Stories
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"Rain Some Doom, Rocket!"

Title courtesy of the spirited Gir. How can you not love someone who quotes Invader Zim?

Well, using my pitiful Paint Shop Pro skills, I've come up with a banner for the Hot Jets.


Feel free to add it to your template, or post it once up, or ignore it altogether. I'm easy.

Posted by: Ted at 04:56 AM | category: Links
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July 22, 2004

Mosquito in the room

Must be, what else could be whining like that?

I mean, Victor mentions bad juju because his girlfriend, Nic, becomes a Hot Jet cheerleader for Rocket Jones. Did she pick me over Victor? Of course not, it's all in the timing, and I notice now that Victor has formed a team in the league as well. Rats of Chaos, eh? Good name, Victor. Strong juju.

Then there's Nick, who suspects coercion. Don't forget the bribes Nick. Dig deep and find evidence for bribes too. It couldn't possibly be that I just emailed each and every lady individually, asked nicely, and said 'please'? "Hired", indeed.

Darn mosquito. Probably irate that he didn't think of it first.

It's annika I fear, because she's already doing research. Unless one of us lucks out and the fourteenth best wide reciever available in the draft has an absolutely monster year, she might stomp us all. On the field, that is, because on the sidelines, you all might as well change your names to Jacques.

More classy, sassy, bold and brassy Hot Jets on the squad. Say hello to:

Emma, of Miss Apropos!
Blogoline, of Blogoline's Journal!
Kat, of Mostly Fluff!
Lynn S., of Reflections in d minor!
Tink, of Flitting Here and There!

...to go along with the original batch o'lovelies:

Denita, of Who Tends The Fires!
Cindy, of Squipper!
Susie, of Practical Penumbra!
Nic, of Shoes, Ships, and Sealing Wax!
LeeAnn, of The Cheese Stands Alone!
Gir, of Your Moosey Fate!
Heather, of Angelweave!
Stevie, of Caught In The XFire!
Jennifer, of Jennifer's History and Stuff!
Mookie, of MookieRiffic!

What color are your helmets, toast-boy? I hope they match that lovely shade of green I see hear.

Posted by: Ted at 05:46 PM | category: Links
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Too funny

Major thanks to QandO for pointing this one out (via Wizbang). Scroll down, read the last paragraph, and remember Rule Number 1: never piss off the people who make you look good.

Posted by: Ted at 01:04 PM | category: Links
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Ignore the headline and understand the article

Bigger Breasts Offered as Perk to Soldiers.

Key quote:

"the surgeons have to have someone to practice on."

And that's the bottom line. Military surgeons have to deal with wounds and situations that most civilian doctors rarely or never see (other than maybe urban ER staff). The cosmetic side of the procedures is something you don't normally think about. A friend of mine in Germany went into the hospital with a hot appendix. That night, the surgeon on duty was a plastic surgeon, and since it was a slow night he took the extra time to do whatever they do to reduce the scar left behind. You almost couldn't tell that a cut had been made. It was beautifully done, and some day those same skills could be used to reduce the visual impact of a healed shrapnel wound.

It's frivolous in the same way that running around shooting blanks at each other in simulated combat situations is frivolous.

Posted by: Ted at 09:44 AM | category: Military
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Fashion tip

In Ted's Universe, when the ladies are walking to work and they're wearing a nice skirt, and instead of heels or strappy shoes they're wearing white sneakers and socks (for comfort I guess), well, I like that.

Posted by: Ted at 06:48 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Commitment to Excellence

And the desperation sets in. Annika has already purchased a fantasy football draft guide, and I've heard rumors that one of the other teams is trying to hire Bill Walsh as a draft consultant.

But while secret (and not-so-secret) plans are being laid for future success, Rocket Jones is already whupping the competition. That's right folks, it is my privilege to introduce, for the first second time ever, the Hot Jets, cheerleaders for the Rockets! Give it up for the classiest and sassiest group of ladies to ever shake a pom-pom.

In no particular order (how could you ever put one above another?);

Heather, of Angelweave!
Stevie, of Caught In The XFire!
Susie, of Practical Penumbra!
Nic, of Shoes, Ships, and Sealing Wax!
LeeAnn, of The Cheese Stands Alone!
Gir, of Your Moosey Fate!
Denita, of Who Tends The Fires!
Cindy, of Squipper!
Jennifer, of Jennifer's History and Stuff!
Mookie, of MookieRiffic!

Spirits are high, tryouts continue, and I expect the squad will grow.

For those wondering (humor me), team colors are black, white and red. The reason for that is that NASA and the military did visibility studies to determine the best colors to paint a rocket. Large swaths of - you guessed it - black, white and red, alternated for contrast works best. For extra visibility, we often add sparkly and shiny bits, so they'll catch the light on the way down and make it easier to follow. Come to think of it, that's what we do with cheerleaders too.

Posted by: Ted at 06:39 AM | category: Links
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My daughters are nicer, they don't throw sharp kitchen implements at me

I had Vietnamese food yesterday for lunch, which was a first. Remember that scene in the original Carrie where Piper Laurie is telling Sissy Spacek about sinful, evil sex with her drunken husband? She got that creepy wild smile and said, "and I liked it!" Yep, that was my reaction.

No momma, please. Not the closet...

Posted by: Ted at 06:23 AM | category: Square Pegs
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July 21, 2004


A lot of people don't have contact email addresses on their blogs. Lots of folks who do, have outdated or broken ones. Just something I've noticed lately.

Posted by: Ted at 07:28 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Remembering Jimmy Hatlo

(in the extended entry) more...

Posted by: Ted at 06:42 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Win one for the Phipper

Sorry about the title, I couldn't resist.

I'm signed up for Blogger Bowl 2004, yet another foray into the world of fantasy sports. Football this time, in a league that looks to be mostly Munuvian. Thanks to Nick for the invite.

Now, some of you may think you're too inexperienced to join. Poppycock! Sign on up and we'll help you out, because we love fresh meat we're all friends and nice people. Right?

This will be an auto-draft, which means that Yahoo will determine the draft order, and then dole out players based on who's left that's best. In other words, when it's your pick, you'll get the best player left at that position at that time. Based on my fantasy hockey experiences, it's fair.

Now what you might not know is that you can "elevate" players to increase your odds of picking him up. For instance, say you absolutely must have Kelly Ripa at quarterback (or is that Jim Kelly? I get them confused), then you can go into Yahoo and - following their pretty good directions - bump that players' value up so that when it's your turn and he's available, you'll get him. Cool!

Specific tips for my opponents:

1. Mike Ditka is not running for office. Mike Ditka is one of the greatest Tight Ends in history. Put 'em together and you'll notice that he's available!!! Head over to Yahoo and put Mike Ditka as your first draft pick for Tight End.

2. This one is kind of a longshot, but if you draft Howie Long high enough, you'll probably lure him out of retirement. Worth a shot.

3. Gale Sayers was the one who didn't die in Brian's Song, so he's still available. Get thee to Yahoo now! Not convinced? Gale Sayer's didn't die twice!!! Obviously a winner, and someone you'd want on your team.

4. Don't be like the New York Giants, and accidentally draft a dead player. Live players will generally score more points for you than dead ones.

5. Kickers can be the difference between success and failure, and nothing is worse than losing because your kicker was on a bye week. Think creatively, and draft outside the box. Freddy Adeu has no NFL bye weeks, and he's one heck of a kicker.

6. Team names are important. You should spend hours if not days agonizing over yours. For instance, Rockets implies grace and speed, while using muscle and raw power to get it done. If you decide to call your team the Twinkly Fairies, they better be tough. Sometimes you can go for the humorous monicker, like Altoona Fish or Tijuana Lapdancers. The key here is to agonize, because angst makes for very good football.

7. Everyone else in the league is in it for one thing only - to win. Myself, on the other hand, am in it for the fun. And we all know that it's more fun if everyone's having fun. So if I offer you a trade, don't look at it too closely, just rest easy knowing that anything I propose is good for everybody equally. Just click "approve" and we'll all be happier.

8. This is fantasy football, so it's ok to have your weird superstitions. You wanna wear the same lucky underwear all season without washing them? Go right ahead, I don't mind a bit. Oh, and if you believe that the 'fantasy' part means you start having homoerotic daydreams about your players, well, I don't want to hear about it. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course.

8. Yep, I typed eight again, just to see who's still paying attention.

I'm sure there's more...

Posted by: Ted at 05:44 AM | category: Links
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July 20, 2004

New scam to double my hits

This link is absolutely not safe for work, so you'll have to come back this evening to check it out. And believe you me, it's worth it.

As Wegglywoo says:

thank gaia! someone finally found a way to combine breasts, phonecams, and the web!

That's right, it's Cleavage!

What? You don't visit Wegglywoo? For shame.

[her] head and stomach were in revolt against the alcohol in her system even before we got home, and she complained that i was driving in circles. i told her i knew where i was going, and that i was going quite straight. she explained that she meant vertical circles, like a ferris wheel.

She's witty and wise, and celebrates both Thong Thursday and Tits Out Tuesday. Now how can you argue with that?

As final evidence that she's a classy lady, Rocket Jones is prominently absent from her blogroll.

Posted by: Ted at 04:26 AM | category: Links
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July 19, 2004

Washington DC's only winning football team

The D.C. Divas professional woman's football team finished the season undefeated and made it into the second round of the playoffs before falling last weekend to two-time champs Detroit in a close game (20-14). The Divas are part of the 30-team National Woman's Football Association.

Divas team colors are burgundy and gold (big surprise there), but what's up with that Cowboy-esque star in the logo?

Posted by: Ted at 06:09 AM | category: Links
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