Need advice? Ann Landers too tame and Dear Dotti too conventional? Try this column. The questions seem rather typical:

"Jane" and I have been in the same sorority for two years, and we were best friends from the time we met at freshman orientation. Last week I found Jane in bed with my fiance "John." I have been deeply hurt and don't know what to do. I can't break my engagement with John or he'll take his credit card back. And I just couldn't stand to look at Jane at the mixer last night. Do you think we should all go to some sort of counseling?

What a bunch of touchy-feeling crap. You need a dose of Klingon wisdom (edited for brevity):

The first thing you will need is a spear. If you don't have a conventional spear, any long sharpened wood will do. Now, go to Jane's house... Leaving her writhing body impaled on her front lawn as a warning to others might be a nice touch.

Since we're talking Klingon (not really, I'm a fan of the original series, but far from a trekkie), my favorite book from the original series is called The Final Reflection. Besides an early alternative view of the Klingon Empire (much different than as realized during the many incarnations of the Star Trek universe), the book revolves around the Klingon equivalent to human chess, known as Klin Zha. The glimpses of the game in the book are fascinating and not surprisingly have been formalized and expanded by trekkies. This site has the rules and many variations here, including this PDA version that I'll be downloading and testing just for fun.

But I digress (yeah, like I have a point). The best of the original Star Trek books (to my mind) were the ones where the focus was primarily on the alien cultures. Besides the prologue and epilogue, The Final Reflection told a great story without Kirk and the Enterprise. Only one regular makes an actual (and brief) appearance, and another is mentioned in passing. Other than that, it's all Klingon. It's very refreshing to see them as the good guys for a change. Big fun.

Another title focusing on the Klingons is Pawns and Symbols. The Enterprise crew is part of this tale, but only in a peripheral role. Once again you see the people behind the ridged foreheads and get to know the culture as more than the warriors usually depicted on television.

Coming from the other side of the sector (quadrant? nuetral zone? whatever.), is a story from deep within the Romulan Empire - The Romulan Way. Lots of outrageous SciFi action and adventure and a look inside a proud and haughty culture.

So there ya go, three of the better Star Trek books. Recommended by Rocket Jones.

Kai Kassai Klingon!

Posted by: Ted at 05:06 PM | category: Links
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1 Love that site!
But, I wonder what voice the author has in mind.

At first I read in a Wharf voice, but it wasn't working for most of the posts. Then I tried Kahless, which, again, was hit and miss.

Then I settled on Kruge. Brilliant!

The only Star Trek novel I ever read was The Vulcan Academy Murders. While the Enterprise crew were in it (mainly Spock), they were very much in the background. A great presentation of Vulcan academia with many (strike)cool(/strike) fascinating "Surakisms".

Posted by: Tuning Spork at January 02, 2005 08:33 PM (EI8+J)

2 Oh man, The Romulan Way was one of my most favorite books! I loved the stories about the original race and how they eventually split, one group adopting extreme discipline of the emotions--and became the Vulcans--while the other embraced their extreme passions--and became the Romulans.

I thought I'd tossed away my Trekkie-ness when I hit my 20's, but I guess you never really lose it after all, eh? ;-)

--TwoDragons

Posted by: Denita TwoDragons at January 02, 2005 09:25 PM (l3AWL)

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I'm looking forward to that new Fox series Point Pleasant (link is bandwidth intensive). I just hope the actual show lives up to the hype.

I also will not drink Miller beer as long as those lame-assed referee commercials air. Miller is quickly joining the short list of products I refuse to use on principle, because they blatantly insult my intelligence.

Posted by: Ted at 03:26 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Firefox. It's actually been downloaded onto my PC for a couple of weeks now, but I never got around to installing it until this morning. It seemed like a nice way to welcome the New Year.

In other trivial news, yesterday I discovered that my oldest daughter has no funk in her soul. She is funk-free. How sad.

Posted by: Ted at 09:59 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 "yesterday I discovered that my oldest daughter has no funk in her soul. She is funk-free."

Maybe you can find a donor. Is anybody in the family a soul match? Would a telethon help?

Posted by: nic at January 01, 2005 09:56 PM (etHvD)

2 She's young. Perhaps she'll find her funk.

Posted by: Catt at January 02, 2005 12:12 PM (2XMgB)

3 On the other hand, if she fakes the funk, her nose will grow.

Posted by: CGHill at January 02, 2005 03:01 PM (AUDQP)

4 Fake funk is what caused disco.

Posted by: Ted at January 02, 2005 03:22 PM (ZjSa7)

5 I'd just like to hear the story of how you discovered this.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at January 02, 2005 07:29 PM (EI8+J)

6 There's no story, just a definite lack of enjoyment as Sly & the Family Stone were playing on the stereo.

It's been kinda fun though, because she's rather insulted that I would write that about her.

Posted by: Ted at January 03, 2005 06:01 AM (blNMI)

7 CODE FUNK-A-LERT!

get that girl some Tower of Power and some P-Funk!

IV!

STAT!

Posted by: Rob@L&R at January 03, 2005 12:21 PM (dDlA0)

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