Remember a while back I mentioned that I'd been offered a review copy of an independent horror flick?

It showed up in my mailbox yesterday.

Woot!

Posted by: Ted at 06:02 AM | category: Square Pegs
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According to Mookie, the Bible is the most popular fanfic in history.

Posted by: Ted at 05:45 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Just got home from work. The girls are off to their respective schools, and Liz isn't back yet from helping Rachael to settle in. It's just me and the dogs and a house that seems a little more empty than usual... until I get to the basement and see the ever-present pile of laundry that needs doing.

At least it'll be a smaller ever-present pile.

Silver linings, people, silver linings.

Posted by: Ted at 04:56 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Yesterday, I listened to a co-worker gripe about having to go to yet another meeting.

Me: I know how to get out of meetings.

Co-worker: How?

Me: Ask questions they don't want to answer. Bring up points they don't want to consider.

Co-worker: What's the point of that?

Me: Be obnoxious. They'll quit inviting you.

Co-worker: Can you teach me?

Oh yeah, he got me good.

Posted by: Ted at 06:12 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 You mean he was kidding?

Posted by: michele at August 25, 2005 01:04 PM (DPFIK)

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Nothing definite here, but just in case I ever decide to start a cult, I've decided that this will be the official song.

(to the tune of Shambala by Three Dog Night)

Wash away my troubles, wash away my pain
With the rain in Shambala Rocket Jones
Wash away my sorrows, wash away my shame
With the rain in Shambala Rocket Jones

*Ooooh... yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah*

*This part repeats twice after each verse

Everyone is helpful, everyone is kind
On the road to Shambala Rocket Jones
Everyone is lucky, everyone is so kind
On the road to Shambala Rocket Jones

How does your light shine
In the halls of Shambala Rocket Jones
How does your light shine
In the halls of Shambala Rocket Jones

I can tell my sister 'bout the flowers in her eyes
On the road to Shambala Rocket Jones
I can tell my brother 'bout the flowers in his eyes
On the road to Shambala Rocket Jones

How does your light shine
In the halls of Shambala Rocket Jones
How does your light shine
In the halls of Shambala Rocket Jones
Tell me how, how does your light shine
In the halls of Shambala Rocket Jones
Tell me how, how does your light shine
In the halls of Shambala Rocket Jones

With various "oooo's," "yeah, yeah, yeahs," and "Shambala" "Rocket Jones" until the fadeout.

Until I make up my mind, just continue to treat me as usual, that is, like a wise and benevolent friend that you greatly admire.

I hear you snickering. Don't make me make kool-aid!

Posted by: Ted at 06:11 AM | category: Waxing Lyrical
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Poor ladies.

Belgian women's soccer team SK Berlaar had to stomach a 50-1 defeat against rival KV Mechelen on Saturday because their goalkeeper had opted to attend a music concert instead, a local newspaper said.

Oh man, that's gotta be tough, playing without a goalkeeper.

"Our keeper went to Pukkel Pop. That's why," substitute goalkeeper Charlotte Jacobs told Het Laatste Nieuws daily on Monday.

They had a sub? And the other team still scored 50 goals? I'd fine the starting goalie for not taking the substitute with her to the concert.

"At half-time the score was 27-0. But after half-time we were able to recover."

By "recover", she means she only allowed 23 more goals. Sounds like a political analyst working for the Democrats (yeah, I know, cheap shot).

"...we scored once ourselves, right at the end. They allowed us to score. That was sweet of them," Jacobs added.

That's just wrong.

Posted by: Ted at 04:50 AM | category: Square Pegs
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After my "stripper music" post, Michele points to a wonderful collection of videos that teach various forms of sensual dance. One, The Art of Exotic Dancing Core Moves, is described thusly:

Exotic dancing is much more than "dancing sexy", it is learning how to reach deep within yourself, find your own inner beauty and grace, and combine it into a sensual movement. Through Exotic Dancing, you will learn how to fully empower yourself, connect with others, boost your self-confidence and self-esteem, become a role model, attract people to you, overcome your fears of self expression, let down your guard, and discover new ways to spice up your relationships.

That's what the women get out of it. Us guys just like tits and hope we'll get laid.

Posted by: Ted at 04:24 AM | category: Links
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1 Yoohoo! Over here! I have a dollar!








... I love strippers. Even when forced to use a politically correct term for them.

Posted by: BLUE at August 25, 2005 09:54 AM (4Xncc)

2 I hear from Colin that he gives these tapes as Wedding and Anniversary presents and people just love them!

Posted by: michele at August 25, 2005 01:20 PM (FJ2Bh)

3 You might like this commercial.

Posted by: Malone at August 25, 2005 08:10 PM (l+W8Z)

4 Thanks Malone, that's funny!

Posted by: Ted at August 26, 2005 05:55 AM (blNMI)

5 Hi! I posted in another thread, but I guess I should have started here... ANYWAY

I am an 'A Pole Lot of Fun' party presenter in PA. I also teach more advanced classes and host parties through my own business, www.polecatalley.com. My personal goal is to teach anyone who wants to learn. I think that exotic dancing and getting to know yourself and see yourself as a sexy, powerful woman is truly transforming! Dancers have known this for forever and now it's 'mainstream' enough that every woman can discover that side of herself. If you're thinking about lessons, go for it! You'll never be quite the same again! THANKS!

Posted by: Candace at August 31, 2005 01:05 AM (ywZa8)

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What a hoot! Screen captures of Revenge of the Sith, subtitled in English from the original Chinese translation.

Via Right Hand of God, via Susie.

Posted by: Ted at 07:00 PM | category: Links
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Of complete ass-hattery, that is. We have four, count 'em, four, fools from the world of sports who should just STFU. Of course, they have the right to an opinion, but the only difference between them and the loudmouth at the end of the bar is that nobody is sticking a microphone in the lush's face.

Leading off is columnist Tim Dahlberg, who has spent this entire season ripping on Barry Bonds for not playing. Of course, three knee surgeries and rehab are no excuse to this hack, he's got his schtick (Bash Bonds) and he's beating the dead horse as hard and as often as he can. If you follow the link, make sure you catch all of his oh-so-subtle steroid references. This fool hates baseball, pure and simple. It would be nice if he quit writing about it.

Up second, Milton Bradley of the Los Angeles Dodgers proves that the anger management counselling he received last year worked well. He never once raised his voice as he ripped into teammate Jeff Kent, calling him a racist. Personally, I think that his voice was muffled since his head was up his ass. Jeff Kent is not an easy guy to get along with, but to play the race card is just low and stupid.

Kent had the perfect response, "Ask Dusty Baker if I'm racist, Ask Dave Winfield and Joe Carter."

Bradley's problem is that he was promised by management that he would be the leader of the team, and he believes that all you need to do to be a leader is to be told that it's the way it will be. When Kent jumped him about not hustling during one baserunning play, Bradley fires back and displays his mad leadership skills. I'd call him a Dodger jackass, but that would be redundant.

And I didn't make a single board game joke.

And then there's Frank Robinson. I have a lot of respect for the man, which is why I choose to believe that reporters caught him at a bad time, like maybe he'd just finished snorting cocaine from a DC hooker's bellybutton.

I'd say "batting cleanup", but I'd rather use the bat on the skull of the director of the Tour de France. After yet another smear attack on Armstrong by the French newspaper L'Equipe (who do so regularly), Jean-Marie Leblanc has come out firmly on the side of science scientology. The newspaper printed copies of paperwork they claim proves that six year old urine samples belonged to the American cyclist.

Six year old urine sample? I guess the only question I have about the "proven scientific facts" is, tastes great or less filling?

He owes explanations to us and to everyone who follows the tour.

No, he owes you nothing. Armstrong has been repeatedly tested throughout his career and has never had anything but clean results. Now that he's retired and out of the country, French courage roars forth for one last cheap shot. It's telling that the other leading professional cyclists are all coming out in support of Lance Armstrong.

And until another American LeMond or Armstrong comes along to dominate, the Tour de France will drop back to the level of popularity enjoyed by Iron Man triathalons and Arena Football.

I suppose I should wrap this up somehow... ok, I've got it.

pftftftftftft!

Posted by: Ted at 06:44 PM | category: Links
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Via the Hockey Pundits (original link missing):

A large number of fans in the southern and western US hail from colder climes. Many, surprisingly, are even Canadian. I, for one, grew up a Boston Bruins fan, but over the years, I couldn't find any Bruins coverage after I moved away, and so I'm limited to what ESPN gives me in the morning. But what if there were a daily podcast of, say, five to ten minutes, for each home team? Many of these shows could be hosted by Comcast's regional sports network personalities -- who, naturally, would have access to the players themselves via the OLN deal. And finding podcasters to cover each of the Canadian teams would be like trying to find a cat who likes to watch mice. These are low-cost activities that would bring real fans in, wherever they may live. Fans who buy tickets, gear, and Internet access.

Posted by: Ted at 05:05 PM | category: Balls and Ice
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Gwen Stefani needs to get over herself.

Posted by: Ted at 05:04 PM | category: Links
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He revolutionized electronic music. Rob over at Left & Right has more.

Posted by: Ted at 08:05 PM | category: History
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Every day that nitwit stays with the Eagles, I thank the stars that he's not with the Ravens. Don't miss this hilarious letter from his biggest fan. Out of the mouths of babes, as they say.

Thanks to Off Wing Opinion for the pointer.

Posted by: Ted at 06:44 PM | category: Links
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What the hell happened?

Posted by: Ted at 05:30 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Spoons fires off a good one!

Posted by: Ted at 06:04 AM | category: Links
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And so begins its second mouth-watering year. Thanks Beth, for the original idea!

Posted by: Ted at 04:53 AM | category: Recipes
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Paul, of the defunct Sanity's-Edge, is back and blogging over at Id's Cage.

Yay!

Posted by: Ted at 04:32 AM | category: Links
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I'm proud of this place.

I enjoy finding interesting and funny things to share with y'all, and I really appreciate the fact that you keep coming back. Not only that, but many of you still talk to me. That kinda amazes me sometimes.

"This is my family. I found it, all on my own. It's little, and broken, but still good.
Yeah, still good."
-- Stitch

Besides the regulars, I get hits from people searching the web for things. Besides the usual odd and downright perverse stuff (we all get 'em), I get visitors quite often looking for things like "build a rubber band gun" and "model rocket plans". I still get comments almost every week on the Box Hockey posts, Rob's Favorite Guitarists of All Time list, and Nog Watch.

Like I said, I'm proud of all of this. But when I'm talking to someone about Rocket Jones and want to toss out one datum with maximum wow power, well, there's really only one choice.

If you google "stripper music", Rocket Jones comes up #1 on the list.

"I am a professional pole dancer and private dance teacher in Japan. Thanks for your ideas."
-- Sandy

Yeah, I brag about that often. I know you've heard it before, but dammit, it means something to me! Lots of blogs boast about how if you google "goat oreo rubber pants" then they come up at the top of the search results.

Bee Effen Dee.

"Stripper music" isn't some random pairing of words with a tenuous connection to my place, this is where actual DJ's and ladies of the dance come to check out the latest tunes and to leave their own suggestions. It's also become a popular target for women looking for pole dancing lessons. And up until now, all I could do was offer generic advice about where to look in their local areas, and to wish them luck.

Until now.

This first link, A Pole Lot of Fun, looks to be a 'party' style setup, similar to the way Tupperware used to work.

We bring the pole, you bring the friends and together we create a magical night of fun, laughter, and support.

Follow that link and see if there's someone local to you. Ladies, do it for yourself if not for your guy. Guys, grow some romantic initiative and set it up for her (and don't forget a dozen roses so she doesn't think you got her hooker lessons, you insensitive bastards).

This link, PoleStars, is based in the UK and Australia. It looks like this is more of the traditional (if I may use that word) class instruction on the art of pole dancing and strip tease.

Both sites offer equipment and clothing too. And remember ladies, it's exercise!

Posted by: Ted at 08:00 PM | category: Links
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1 Then maybe with that ranking you should consider selling Carmen Electra's video tape on pole dancing.

I understand it's one of Colin's favorite video tapes.

Posted by: Michele at August 23, 2005 06:24 AM (ht2RK)

2 I need to clean the smears off my glasses...when I saw "many of you still talk to me" I read it as "many of you stalk me"...and I thought, damn, Ted knows what I'm doing!

Posted by: nic at August 23, 2005 08:13 PM (l+W8Z)

3 That *was* your foot!!!!!

Posted by: Ted at August 24, 2005 06:38 PM (+OVgL)

4 Hi! I saw the link for 'A Pole Lot of Fun'. I'm an APLOF party presenter and I also have my own business that kind of spurred from that. I use my end of the business to teach more advanced pole moves, add a little bit to my parties, and offer dancewear and shoes, in addition to the 'A Pole Lot of Fun' routine - GREAT for beginners. Just wanted to 'plug' a bit. If you're looking for pole dancing lessons or parties, please check out my site. Thanks to Rocket Jones and all the other posters, because that thread about what you'd like a girl to dance to was wonderful - for my party music collection and for my personal dancing. There are a lot of great ideas and a lot of stuff I hadn't even heard of. THANKS, EVERYONE!

Posted by: Candace at August 31, 2005 12:58 AM (ywZa8)

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Rich got his Level 1 Rocketry Certification on Saturday.

That means two things:

1. He can fly high power rockets now (H and I motors).
2. His wallet is gonna be empty.

Posted by: Ted at 11:34 AM | category: Rocketry
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1 "His wallet's gonna be empty"

Yeah!You better believe it!But congrats anyway Rich.You'll have the whoopies for a while now.

Posted by: Russ at August 22, 2005 04:52 PM (ObxzR)

2 Heheh. Thanks guys

Posted by: Maelstrom at August 23, 2005 10:12 AM (V0o94)

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Thanks to the Maximum Leader for pointing this one out!

The world is crisscrossed by our navigational coordinates, latitude and longitude.

A confluence is defined as a flowing together; a meeting place (often of rivers). In our case a degree confluence is the exact spot where an integer degree of latitude and an integer degree of longitude meet.

Every person on earth lives within 50 miles of a degree confluence, and the world is dotted by 64,442 of these. Someone had the brilliant idea to have people visit each one and take a photograph, to be collected into one place and shared. Proof of visit is supplied by snapping a screen shot of a handheld GPS unit on the spot (or within a reasonable distance in some cases).

Of course, many are in the middle of the ocean, or located on the ice packs up where Santa lives (and his Summer home down South). So if someone visits one of those, it's great, but they're concentrating on the land-based confluences.

Maybe one is near you?

Posted by: Ted at 11:17 AM | category: Links
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