Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Arggh, pirates and rockets, shiver's me timbers, it does!

Any further bloggin' done today will be done with one o' these.

Posted by: Ted at 05:26 AM | category: Links
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This week at Joe Horror is my review of Gwendoline, the movie version of the classic 1940's comic strip "Adventures of Sweet Gwendoline". Complete with mondo boobage, bondage galore and Tawny Kitaen in the title role! Woot!

Posted by: Ted at 07:36 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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So far today, I've installed an underground downspout extender on the corner of the house, set in a small stone patio, filled in some low spots in the yard with topsoil and put new grass seed and fertilizer down to get established before fall comes on.

It's not even noon yet, I've showered and right now breakfast is sounding pretty good.

Posted by: Ted at 11:42 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I saw this thanks to Dustbury, from Writer Chick, on the subject of Assclowns:

Personally, I blame the schools. Back in the day when I was in school, you werenÂ’t taught about sexuality and multiculturism, you were taught math, english, history and economics. You were expected to use your brain and be aware of the fact that there were actually other people in the world, who also had opinions. And said opinions were expected to make sense by using facts and critical thinking. Can you say, debate club? You were expected to actually earn your grades through study, hard work and turning in legible papers, reports and passing tests. You werenÂ’t graded on a curve - you were graded on what you got right and what you got wrong.

Seems like these days you donÂ’t need facts, the ability to think or even a valid argument of any kind. Having an opionion is more than enough. And since weÂ’ve leveled the playing field, we are supposed to be willing to listen to anybody about anything, lest we show our racist, bigoted or intolerant selves. Hey, just because is a convicted serial killer and rapist doesnÂ’t mean he doesnÂ’t have a right to an opinion. Charles Manson is just a grossly misunderstood guy. Suddam wasnÂ’t hurting us, why did we hurt him? That five year old who kissed the little girl in the playground awaits trial for sexual harrassment. If heÂ’s lucky, heÂ’ll get counseling and some mind altering drugs that will set him straight.

Amen.

Posted by: Ted at 06:02 PM | category: Links
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Besides the Yankees, it's a given that they have no class.

First, the Patriots get busted for cheating, to the tune of a half-mil fine for the coach, a quarter-mil for the team itself, and the loss of either a first round or second and third round pick in the next draft. In other words, this wasn't a slap on the wrist. So then Patriots fans throw a huge collective tantrum because life is so unfair and the cheating bastards were nailed for it. No class.

Next up, Buffalo Sabres defenseman Teppo Numminen will be undergoing open-heart surgery next week to repair a valve. He's known for years that he would eventually need it, and doctors decided that now is the time. He could conceivably rejoin the team by December. So what does the team do? The oh-so-supportively suspend him without pay. What scumbags. Utterly without class.

At least when I do it, it's cute.

Posted by: Ted at 11:32 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Rocket Jones is number 5 on Google for "I hate the Denver Broncos" and number 3 on Yahoo for the same.

Posted by: Ted at 07:34 AM | category: Square Pegs
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On Mars, the rovers Spirit and Opportunity were in danger of failing because of a massive months-long dust storm that engulfed them both. The amount of dust in the air severely restricted their ability to generate electricity from their solar panels, so NASA controllers put both into hibernation mode. Even so, there was a real danger of one or both of the rovers shutting down for good.

But these little guys are tough!

NASA's Mars rovers Opportunity and Spirit have resumed their three-year-old mission after surviving giant dust storms that nearly destroyed the twin robots, the US space agency said.

The rovers, which arrived on the Red Planet in January 2004 on a mission that was originally supposed to last three months, had been placed in hibernation mode in July to protect them from the Martian dust storms.

Posted by: Ted at 11:31 AM | category: Space Program
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C'mon, a *spoiler* on a pickup?

Even without that nonsense, your gelding is already so fancified it's clear you're not driving a real truck. You might as well paint it pink, you pussy.

Posted by: Ted at 05:05 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Mookie sent this link to the first "Old Timer" T-shirt designed for today's kids. And by that, I mean, it's a shirt today's kids can wear when they become oldsters. You know, like 30 or something.

On a related note, I kinda like this one too.

Posted by: Ted at 05:19 AM | category: Links
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Cheech and Chong did this first, but they made it up. This, on the other hand, is real.

At a job fair today, you can interview with a company who's touting their location on the coast in SouthEastern North Carolina. Interview where? Why, the Westin hotel, of course.

Posted by: Ted at 04:51 AM | category: Square Pegs
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My archives.

Posted by: Ted at 05:23 AM | category: Countdown to 9/11
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Local independent musician Blue sent out an email late last week:

Hi kids!

I hope this finds you all well.

I've (finally) finished the 8-song preview for the forthcoming Booze
Monkey album, "4th St."

I'm going to distribute this preview freely to anyone who is willing
to give it a listen. I'm currently preparing to print up a short run
of preview discs. I have two songs remaining to record. After
recording those I will be manufacturing the record for full
distribution (ala "Gorsky" or "Holly").

Below is a link to a zip file containing digital copies of this
preview, with lyrics and artwork embedded into the mp3s. They are
LAME encoded at 160. A preview-cover jpg and an rtf featuring lyrics
and quasi-liner notes is also included. If you use iTunes you can
simply unzip, and then drag the folder over the "playlist" portion of
iTunes to generate a gapless (important) playlist for the album with
the lyrics and artwork displayed as well.

If you are interested, please check it out. If you dig it, please
share it by any means possible... (except selling it... grin)... burn
it, rip it, mix, muddle, cut, copy, paste, et al.

The website (including the page linked below) is currently dead wood.
I will revisit it as I gear up for the launch of this record.

http://SanityCheck.net/music/music.html

The link is located in the body of the text on the page.

Smoodles!

Blue

What I'm hoping for is to set up some sort of blogmeet in Winchester, Virginia when Blue does a live show in that area. Hopefully this fall or winter. A bar-based get together with live music? What a switch, eh?

Posted by: Ted at 05:19 AM | category: Links
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This is the best unintentionally funny corporate name since Wang.

Posted by: Ted at 10:54 AM | category: Links
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At least, I've fooled the ones who think I'm a nice guy. Evidence: my recent movie viewing, and I'm talking about the stuff I'm not writing reviews for over at Joe Horror.

Movies like Flower and Snake, where professional dancer Shizuko is handed over to the Yakuza by her industrialist husband when they threaten blackmail for some shady business dealings. She spends much of the movie in various stages of undress and in beautifully done Japanese-style Shibari bondage as the gangsters force her to star in sexual fetish shows. She had kinky fantasies before being betrayed by her inattentive husband, and over time she begins to enjoy the constant humiliation and frequent gangbangs. It sounds like an odd thing to say, but the film is very beautiful to look at, as the director and cinematographer were both at the top of their game during the making of the film. Japanese Pinku are not for everyone tastes, but I enjoyed it. There are sequels too.

At the other end of the quality spectrum is Black Candles, a creepy low-budget Italian flick from the 80's in which a woman and her fiance travel to England for her brother's funeral. Her sister-in-law and the locals are all part of a satanic cult and things get topless confusing in a hurry. The "highlight" of the movie is a ritual involving beastiality with a goat. That's a kind of horror porn I've never seen before, and realistic enough to make you wonder if it was really simulated. Ick. Besides that, there's lots of nudity and softcore sex between good looking humans, but overall this one is only recommended for fans of the genre and PETA activists (trust me, the goat looks happy).

Yeah, yeah, I'm going to hell. But I also keep cute little bunnies as pets. It all evens out.

Posted by: Ted at 08:48 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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Am I the only one who thinks it would be hilarious to serve Chinese food in one of these bowls?

Posted by: Ted at 04:35 PM | category: Links
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1 I'm afraid that just hits a LIT-tle too close to home for us. What a great site. Did you see the "Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure"? The dog-butt with handi-wipes coming out of it?

Posted by: dogette at September 08, 2007 05:02 PM (q/UVc)

2 HA! If I wasn't trying to tighten my belt a bit (in more ways than one) I'd pick one of those up. That's awesome

Posted by: Mad William Flint at September 08, 2007 05:52 PM (Ew03t)

3 HAX!! (Ha to the infinite power)

That's great!

I wonder if there are others in the series:

"Everything tastes better with a little pussy hair in it."

Ian

Posted by: Ian at September 08, 2007 10:48 PM (X27CB)

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This week at Joe Horror, I contributed reviews for Happiness of the Katakuris (previously reviewed here on Rocket Jones and Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. Go check 'em out.

Posted by: Ted at 03:42 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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It was *that* kind of week at work.

Posted by: Ted at 10:26 AM | category: Links
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Hi Ashley!

Posted by: Ted at 05:10 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 Only the cool chicks, of course.

Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at September 08, 2007 09:25 AM (8F+iI)

2 Hi Rocket Jones!

Posted by: Ashley at September 09, 2007 04:52 PM (5ToSh)

3 Happy Birthday ROCKET JONES and yes Chicks DIG Rocket Jones

Posted by: Kenny at September 10, 2007 08:44 AM (Y8V7U)

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Because Mookie buys me stuff like this for my birthday.

Glow-in-the-Dark Flesh Eating Zombies Play Set

You know I giggled like a little kid and immediately ran into the dark bathroom to see 'em glow.

It's the perfect accompaniment to the Horrified B-Movie Victims Figure Set that she got me for Christmas.

Hey, I've got a zombie *dog*! Not to mention the bathrobian zombie on the far right. I know Dogette is jealous.

Posted by: Ted at 03:11 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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Got back a little bit ago from dropping Liz off at the airport. She's headed to Vegas for the week.

Why does it freak people out when they find out that she's off on her own? The whole idea of a powered wheelchair is that you *gain* some independence! Sheesh.

Posted by: Ted at 11:06 AM | category: Family matters
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