WWII, as an online interactive game:

deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick

Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army

paTTon: yah hurry the fock up

Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded

deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck

*deGaulle has left the game.*

And it just gets better from there.

Follow the links over at The Ministry of Minor Perfidy and read the whole thing. Warning though, your co-workers will be looking in to see why you're making those strangled choking noises at your desk.

Posted by: Ted at 10:54 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 97 words, total size 1 kb.

My wife and I, discussing an idiot she had to deal with at her workplace:

Me: Welcome to Stupidit-- Welcome to Stupidititt-- Welcome to Stupidville.

Wife: And you're their spokesman.

Sometimes, I'm their king.

Posted by: Ted at 08:24 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 36 words, total size 1 kb.

Posted by: Ted at 08:02 PM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 10 words, total size 1 kb.

We Walk the Levee.

Posted by: Ted at 04:11 PM | category: Links
No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 12 words, total size 1 kb.

I work in Rosslyn, Virginia, right across the river from Washington, D.C. I work early hours, so when I first started I'd park in the garage and then walk all the way around the block to get to the front lobby of my building. When winter rolled in, someone showed me a couple of shortcuts through the connecting garages underneath the city block so that I could reach my destination without having to brave the elements.

I missed those walks though. Every morning, I'd walk along mostly deserted city streets, and each morning I'd pass the sign for the Spectrum Theater. For all that time, the Spectrum was presenting a one-man show, Defending the Caveman.

Stay with me, I do have a point and I'm getting there.

It's been almost a year since I'd noticed the sign at the Spectrum, and I was amazed when this past week I found myself in front of the theater (fire drill) and "Caveman" wasn't on the sign. I noted the contact information and on Friday evening I stayed late after work and caught a performance of Dracula.

The Spectrum is a small and intimate space, maybe 400 seats. It doubles as a conference center. The stage itself is small and I imagine that it presents significant challenges to the theatrical folks.

As for the play itself, I wasn't sure what to expect. I'd done a little research on the Synetic Theater troup. They call themselves "non-traditional" and use a fusion of mediums to create their productions.

As the lights came up and illuminated the misty room (they had the fog machines going strongly enough fill the entire room - nice effect), a very stylized battle was acted out. Without a word being spoken, one heroic yet barbaric man fought alone, and we witnessed the birth of Dracula.

They closely followed the original story of Dracula, not the melodramatic "I vant to suck your blood" nonsense that I love, and that many people remember from the movies. Nor was it the over-romanticized Ann Rice mythos. Instead, you were drawn in and keenly felt the horror, the otherworldliness, the passion and sensuality of the story. Dracula is, at one level, a very erotic tale, and this performance captured that.

The one word that keeps coming to mind is "remarkable". The sets were minimal and for the most part, successful. As you would expect, flat blacks and crimson red were the dominant colors. Even the main characters were dressed in muted browns. The only exceptions were the two ingenues, who wore whites and creams. The soundtrack was wonderful, being an integral part of the story and effortlessly moving from background to foreground as needed. One memorable scene involved a character writhing and fighting off a cloud of swarming bats, with the existance of the bats wholly created via the music suggesting the fluttering of papery wings. Likewise, the lighting was masterful, especially where, in several scenes, one character would be barely illuminated at the back of the stage, as if you were seeing the thoughts of the foreground character. Choreography... I could go on and on.

I did think that the performance dragged a little about halfway through. Mostly, this may have been caused by the need to use more dialogue to make clear the storyline. I was completely enthralled up to that point, and after a brief time, the concluding scenes drew me into their world again.

I thoroughly enjoyed it, although I'm not sure that their style would lend itself equally well to all tales. I wouldn't want to see their version of, say, "It's A Wonderful Life", but I noticed in their program that they mentioned a production of "Jason and the Argonauts" that I would've loved to have seen.

I'm going to close with a quote from my favorite critic:

Fluid. Lyrical. Concupiscent.

A perfect description in three words.

Posted by: Ted at 11:48 AM | category: Cult Flicks
Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 651 words, total size 4 kb.

T-Shirt.

From Buckethead, at the Ministry of Minor Perfidy.

Posted by: Ted at 06:11 AM | category: Links
No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 19 words, total size 1 kb.

I stayed up until midnight last night, happily hacking away at this strange new universe called PHP. This morning, my body followed it's normal weekday routine and woke me up at 4am. Knowing I had more homework to catch up with, I jumped right into functions, arrays, objects, string manipulation and all that other geeky wonderfulness. It's big fun, peoples, and if you don't think so, then odds are good that your job will never be outsourced to India.

Posted by: Ted at 08:33 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 91 words, total size 1 kb.

I've almost completely switched over to the new PC and no longer have Yahoo Messenger. Now I'm using something called GAIM that the kids installed for me (I needed it for an online job interview). If you have a compatible IM service, give me a holler at "RocketTed".

Update: Ok, thanks to my daughter for clearing a few things up in the comments. GAIM is a free "universal" IM utility that is AOL messenger and Yahoo compatible, as well as a few others. I've got a Yahoo account, but for some reason the new PC will not let me open it. I'll work on that as I get the chance.

Posted by: Ted at 08:25 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 120 words, total size 1 kb.

This page gives directions on how to knit a replacement breast for women who've undergone a mastectomy.

What a beautiful idea! Thanks to Rachel Ann for the pointer.

Posted by: Ted at 08:17 AM | category: Links
No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 32 words, total size 1 kb.

This evening, after countless hours of work, I have managed to install Apache, PHP and MySQL onto my PC. More importantly, I've convinced them to get along (Apache had decided to roll over and play dead for a while), so that I can now do my homework (PHP class) at home. There's a reason we mainframe programmers have a systems shop to handle crap like this.

I'm having a magical weekend.

Posted by: Ted at 08:47 PM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 85 words, total size 1 kb.

This is kind of a non-linking linking thing, but if you go over to the right sidebar and scroll down (or do the search thing... not the box, the cntl-F search), look for Two Nervous Dogs and click on it.

Behold one of the funniest, most original and creative people I've never met but wish I could someday.

Posted by: Ted at 03:58 PM | category: Links
No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 66 words, total size 1 kb.

There's always been a degree of "if it bleeds it leads" thinking in the media, and the local versions are no exception. Mostly though, I tended towards thinking that the more outrageous stupidity was due to lesser talents being at the local level. After seeing a piece on last night's broadcast, I'm no longer sure.

A wanted member of the gang MS13 was apprehended in the area, apparently a very bad hombre. It was a peaceful arrest, probably due to the extreme amount of firepower the police deployed to get this guy.

Afterwards, the breathless reporter interviewed other residents of the apartment complex where the guy was arrested. Most notable was the sloppy and amatuerish editing, all designed to make it sound like Jack the Ripper himself had been lurking in their midst. But if you listened to what people were actually saying, you noticed that the guy was quiet, kept to himself, wasn't bothering anyone. In short, he was laying low. The reporter was falling all over herself to find someone, anyone, who would claim that he was terrorizing the neighborhood.

The capper was when they showed the door of the apartment where the guy was apprehended.

Reporter's voice-over: This is the apartment where the arrest was made, number 76. Note that 7+6=13, and he belonged to the gang MS13!

No word on whether the residents of apartments 13, 49, 58, 67, 85, or 94 were taken into custody as well

Posted by: Ted at 05:27 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 244 words, total size 1 kb.

John posted pictures taken at last weekend's get together.

Posted by: Ted at 12:01 PM | category: Links
Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 13 words, total size 1 kb.

So the NBA implements a dress code in an effort to cut down on the hiphop gangbanger look. Whatever. I'm sorry, you pay these guys millions a year to play a game, and then expect them to not be flamboyant? Your entire marketing strategy is based on individual stars.

And then Marcus Camby (who, incidentally, has a guaranteed multi-year contract paying him around $10 million per), claims that players should receive a clothing stipend to be able to afford the new clothes.

Proof positive that you don't have to be smart to play in the NBA, just tall.

Posted by: Ted at 06:04 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 104 words, total size 1 kb.

According to Pixy, MuNu is now considerably larger en toto than Instapundit.

If I were a woman, I would now ask if this blog made me look fat.

Posted by: Ted at 05:42 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 40 words, total size 1 kb.

Just a few random thoughts...

Yesterday at work I got a new 17" flatscreen LCD monitor, just because I asked for one. I wish it worked that way at home, but then I suppose y'all wouldn't be helping to pay for it.

Canadian visitors can stop snickering now. I figure the Aussies are still mad at me because of yesterday's eHarmony joke.

When making a meat sandwich, try a crank or two of fresh cracked pepper on it. It makes a world of difference.

I'm having a hard time being concerned about bird flu. If it does avalanche into an epidemic, well, that's also called "thinning the herd". And for those who're worried that one group will be more affected than another, well (again), that's the way Mother Nature works.

It's easy to type the above because I'm in a low-risk group.

I'm less than impressed with hockey coverage on the Outdoor Life Network. The other night the New York Rangers played the Montreal Canadiens, a classic matchup. Instead, we got reruns of the 2004 BBQ Championship Tour or some such nonsense.

Congratulations, by the way, to the ladies of Squeal of Approval for their win in the finals. Those ribs looked gooooooood.

Now I want a banana.

Posted by: Ted at 05:05 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 218 words, total size 1 kb.

At the recent blogmeet, the Maximum Leader told me more than once, "More Wernher Von Braun!" He also hinted at some Von Braun stories that I'm going to beat out of him if plying with beer doesn't work insist he tell next time.

But you know me, I'm always happy to oblige...

In my own way, of course.

Posted by: Ted at 08:00 PM | category: Square Pegs
No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 62 words, total size 1 kb.

Australia launches world's largest sheep database.

Posted by: Ted at 05:55 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 22 words, total size 1 kb.

Robbo the Llamabutcher has spent considerable time defending the ol' homestead from deer and rabbits. The cute, cuddly and innocent woodland creatures believe that a beautifully maintained flower garden means "salad bar". You can try to scare them away, you can put up fences or many other time-tested methods that don't work all that well, because when Bambi and Thumper get hungry your garden looks a helluva lot more appetizing than Mother Nature's ordinary fare.

Being a fellow gardener (although I don't share the wildlife problem), I was inspired the other night while watching an old movie on TV. So Rob, here's what you do...

First, build a sandbagged bunker atop one corner of your roof, near the trouble spot in the garden.

Next, hire George Takei. I can't imagine that he's not available, and it'll be a nice change for him to dress up in cammo fatigues rather than that threadbare Star Trek uniform.

You'll need to do some secret prep work, probably at night so that your neighbors and the animals don't know exactly what your defenses are.

When the time comes next Spring, be in the bunker with George. And when you spot Bambi and friends dropping by for a midnight gnosh, George will smile at you inscrutably and say, "I was prepared for that". Then he pushes a button on a small box in front of you and FWOOM!!!! Bambi, Thumper, and the rest of the critters are incinerated by carefully laid out trenches full of foo gas.

Remember, the key to successful defense is overlapping layers and depth, so you should be prepared for a second, third, or even fourth wave of mixed-grill on the hoof.

I wondered about the authenticity aspects, and decided that you should probably forego blowing up the little dog with a mortar. To make up for it though, you could wait for the inevitable visit from PETA, and then snare one and fling him into a wall of punji stakes. That would probably persuade them to leave and might even cause the local police to look upon the agressive but justified defense of your personal property in a more lenient light.

Let me know how it goes.

Posted by: Ted at 05:12 AM | category: Links
No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 383 words, total size 2 kb.

Last night my beloved Sharks lost to the Detroit Red Wings in OT. Congrats to Machelle and David.

Posted by: Ted at 04:58 AM | category: Balls and Ice
Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 37 words, total size 1 kb.