This weeks Carnival of the Recipes is up over at Blonde Sagacity, and it's a special edition. The focus is on pork, because those politically correct nitwits in England banned Piglet!!! What's next, Lassie?

... oh jeez, I don't wanna know when *that* edition of the Carnival comes out!

Posted by: Ted at 11:34 AM | category: Recipes
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Worth passing along:

Ever wonder what the difference between prison and work is?

Just in case you ever get the two mixed up, this should make things a bit clearer.

IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK...you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK...you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.

IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family.

IN PRISON...the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON...you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...they are called managers.

Have a Great Day at WORK!!

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Posted by: Ted at 06:03 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I was feeling so lousy on Friday that I didn't mention that my review copy of MaddenNFL 2006 arrived.

Neener neener.

Posted by: Ted at 04:17 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Just saw the first-ever shootout in Washington Capitals history, and they beat the Tampa Bay Lightning 3-2.

Posted by: Ted at 08:44 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Fantasy football, and two, repeat TWO of my starting wide receivers didn't play today. Both were game-time decisions, so thanks guys, for giving me a little warning. I'm glad the Steelers lost (Hines Ward), and I wish the Bengals had too (T.J. Houshmandzadeh).

Serves (half of) you right, dammit.

Update: Somehow I'm hanging in there. Now I need Edgerrin James to have a great Monday Night and the rest of the Colts to fall off the face of the planet, and I might just pull this one out.

Posted by: Ted at 05:20 PM | category: Square Pegs
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There was a time when the National Park Service would provide an estimate of the crowd size for events held on the mall in Washington DC. After being criticized for not sufficiently inflating the estimates to soothe the egos of various organizers, the parks people did an intelligent and reasonable thing. They declined to provide crowd estimates any more.

That made everyone happy. The National Park Service no longer had to deploy people to "count" the crowds, and they deftly sidestepped various complaints ranging from bad mathematical skills to racism.

The organizers of various events were happy too, because now their "official" numbers were, in fact, official.

Yesterday was a classic example. After hearing reports throughout the day about "thousands massing at the mall" or "a throng numbering in the thousands", the Nation of Islam released their official crowd count at 1.8 million people.

I'm happy, because now I know for sure that every estimate I hear from these events is complete and utter bullshit.

Posted by: Ted at 10:53 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Last night, I had the extreme pleasure of meeting several local - and one very not-local - bloggers for dinner in Olde Towne Alexandria. John Lanius of Texas Best Grok got the ball rolling a couple of weeks ago via email, because he would be in town on business, and was wondering if it would be possible to set up a blogmeet.

Besides John, those in attendance included Cat of A Swift Kick and a Bandaid, her blogless friend Matt, Dawn of Caterwauling, Lysander (who is alive and kicking, despite the evidence at his blog), Robert the Llamabutcher, Naked Villainy's Maximum Leader, and Buckethead of The Ministry of Minor Perfidy. Oh, and yours truly.

As usual, it was like getting together with old friends even if most of us had never met each other. The food was good (mine was, I don't recall hearing anyone else mentioning it), and the conversation excellent. Topics ranged from the history of communism to TShirt Hell, and just about anything and everything in between. Four and a half hours later, we settled up and on the way out the conversations continued on the sidewalk out front.

For the locals, Nic has suggested a get-together for a Washington Capitals hockey game one evening. I'm up for that!

Posted by: Ted at 12:50 AM | category: Links
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1 Envy.

The only Munuvian I have met in person (so far) is Simon.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at October 16, 2005 11:19 AM (QriEg)

2 Well then, Pixy, get yer ass on over Stateside! You will be treated regally, I promise!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at October 16, 2005 08:47 PM (Kfkyk)

3 But that would involve travel.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at October 17, 2005 04:13 AM (RbYVY)

4 I guess he's waiting for the age of teletransport or he's waiting for the next 38 months to go bye before he takes another vacation?

Still, I'm jelous too. Some of these peeps are some of my favorites.

Posted by: michele at October 18, 2005 05:52 PM (UrdCE)

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Earlier this week we had the headline:

Avian Flu Found in Turkey

Today we see:

Thousands Attend Millions More March

But of course, this is deliberate:

Rice Fails To Gain Russian Support Over Iran

When the more accurate statement would be:

Russians refuse to change mind despite Rice efforts. But hey, she failed, you know?

Posted by: Ted at 10:54 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1. There are about 1/2 ton of termites living for each human being on the planet.

2. Termites fart.

3. Farting releases methane.

4. Methane is a greenhouse gas.

5. Therefore, killing termites can stop global warming.

(Chemistry in Context: Applying Chemistry to Society, 4th edition, page 125)

Hand me that aerosol can of bug spray, would you?

Posted by: Ted at 08:54 AM | category: Square Pegs
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You do realize that there's a salty side and a not-salty side to a Pringles, don't you?

Posted by: Ted at 08:04 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Oldest daughter Robyn turns 21 today! Yay!

Don't do anything stupid.

Posted by: Ted at 02:49 PM | category: Family matters
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1 Happy Birthday, Robyn! Do everything I would do, and then some. That should keep you sufficiently passed out until Thanksgiving!

Posted by: dawn at October 14, 2005 03:40 PM (jFpDX)

2 Oh don't worry, it will be a fairly tame night. Someone already called and gave me advice on how not to have a hangover...haha. Besides, my roomie is only 19 so since we are hanging out with her tonight, we will stay outta trouble

Posted by: Robyn at October 14, 2005 04:03 PM (PKzS4)

3 I think Dawn is a good role model. Happy birthday, Robyn!

Posted by: nic at October 14, 2005 05:01 PM (l+W8Z)

4 Happy Birthday Robyn!

Ted: Are you saying "Don't do anything stupid" to the commenters (because she's your daughter) or to Robyn, 'cause it's her birthday?

Posted by: Oorgo at October 14, 2005 06:10 PM (lM0qs)

5 Happy Birthday, Robyn!

I spent my 21st birthday in basic training. Hope you have a better day than I did!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at October 14, 2005 10:09 PM (I1rgZ)

6 Robyn's one of the brightest people I've met, Oorgo. She's probably more responsible than all of us put together -- we don't have to worry 'bout that one!

Nic? We need to go get into trouble away from the young'ns.

Posted by: dawn at October 15, 2005 11:51 AM (Dh1V0)

7 Hey...just a head's up...My birthday was great. And I will have everyone know I didn't even get sick and there is hardly any hangover here I am proud of myself
Dad: No stupidity was had

Posted by: Robyn at October 15, 2005 12:45 PM (PKzS4)

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I feel like hell, which means that y'all get to listen to me rant. And boy, did I find a doozy.

Let's start with this headline:

Sea farmers struggle to save kelp from predatory urchins

Cool. I think I like sea farmers. All high-techy and stuff, feeding the hungry millions in our world. Check out this promising start to the story:

Not many farmers wear wet suits to work. But Tom Ford isn't running your average ranch. Instead of a tractor, he drives a motorboat. And rather than chase away insects and rodents, he fights off prickly sea urchins.

But something starts to smell fishy in the very next paragraph, when you find out that Tom's "farm" is all of one acre. Seems that Tom, along with other biologists in Southern California, are struggling to restore the great kelp forests to the coastal waters of Southern California.

Now, I don't have a problem with that, because kelp is an incredibly useful plant, as the story goes on to explain. It provides fish with an underwater habitat that allows them to thrive in great numbers and even when it washes up on shore it's a boon for beach critters like crabs and birds.

I bet those bastard humans have destroyed it, right?

But in the last 50 years, frequent episodes of warm-water El Nino have devastated kelp, which thrives at lower temperatures. California and Alaska are the only two places in the Northern Hemisphere where giant kelp grows.

Oops. Maybe not.

Scientists say humans also are to blame for kelp's demise because they pollute the ocean and overfish the urchins' natural predators--lobsters, sheep-head fish and sea otters.

Sorry about that. I forgot to provide a warning about the obligatory "it's all our fault" paragraph. I guess I should feel bad, because I do love to sit down to a nice sea otter steak. Sheep-head fish? Not on any menu I've ever seen.

But we're fighting back. According to the story, they've spent millions of dollars in their effort to restore the kelp beds. Results?

Only two acres of kelp were restored in Southern California from 2001 to 2004, say environmental groups that spent $2.5 million in state and federal grants.

But it's hard work. Here's how the intrepid "sea farmers" (translation: tree-huggers) fight back:

Armed with a rake and mesh satchels, he and volunteers purged the area of purple, red and white urchins--bagging 25,000 last year alone.

Got that? They artificially manipulate an ecosystem in a wholesale and arbitrary manner, because they're like, you know, protecting the environment. The paragraph after that even includes a gratuitous and totally unsubstantiated scary anecdote.

So far, we've learned that they've spent millions of dollars fighting the ecological effects caused by a cyclical change in the environment of an entire hemisphere. In three years, they've restored two acres of kelp forest, at a cost of over one million dollars per acre. They've also destroyed hundred of thousands of living creatures during that time, because they're not the "right" kind. Ok, I'm assuming that they destroyed them, because if they just collected them and then dumped them into another area, then that's two different places where they've drastically altered the ecosystem. Which way is better?

This quote just seals it:

"If you go into a kelp forest, the place is swarming with fish," said Paul Dayton, a marine ecology professor at Scripps Institution of Oceanography. "Take out that kelp and the fish won't go extinct, but they'll be much rarer because they don't have the habitat. ... We should protect it just on the grounds that it's for our grandchildren.

These people are supposedly scientists. Why do they righteously insist on preserving a single snapshot of the living, evolving, ever-changing world we live in?

I swear, if environmentalists had been around at the beginning of the universe, they'd have protested against God himself for destroying all the nothingness when he created the world.

Posted by: Ted at 12:15 PM | category: SciTech
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1 Predatory sea urchins - are those like sea-going versions of some Dickensian pre-adolescent pickpocket?

Posted by: buckethead at October 14, 2005 01:13 PM (ztNrs)

2 Just imagine the smog and environmental devastation caused by the Big Bang!

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at October 14, 2005 01:22 PM (UquFN)

3 I smell sequel! Sebastian as Fagin:

"Under the sea.
Under the sea.
Everything's better,
When you bring leather
wallets to meeeee."

Posted by: Ted at October 14, 2005 01:24 PM (+OVgL)

4 wait a second, you said they are "fighting the ecological effects caused by a cyclical change in the environment of an entire hemisphere".

But previously you post that "Scientists say humans also are to blame for kelp's demise because they pollute the ocean and overfish the urchins' natural predators--lobsters, sheep-head fish and sea otters.".

Which is it, cyclical change, or change caused by human pollution and overfarming?

Posted by: Oorgo at October 14, 2005 03:56 PM (lM0qs)

5 Oh wait, you're saying El Nino caused the cyclical change right? What exactly caused el nino and the warming of ocean waters, dare I say... pollution and global warming? Oh I know you love those words, face it, you know you do.

Posted by: Oorgo at October 14, 2005 03:58 PM (lM0qs)

6 LOL El Nino has been around longer than man, my friend. Those pesky laws of thermodynamics, don't'cha know.

Posted by: Ted at October 14, 2005 04:05 PM (+OVgL)

7 I like making haphazard guesses based on non-fact, I learned that ability from your President.

Posted by: Oorgo at October 14, 2005 04:30 PM (lM0qs)

8 But they're doing it for the children.

cogito penuriosus oorgo sum bardus

Posted by: chris hall at October 14, 2005 05:13 PM (laRRX)

9 I bet you're talking about WMD. Ignore the fact that they found them. Not heaping stockpiles of them, but some were discovered.

I won't mention that I don't cheat people out of money, and that maybe I could learn something from your current government. Glass houses, my friend.

Posted by: Ted at October 14, 2005 05:26 PM (+OVgL)

10 well played sir! Touché

Posted by: Oorgo at October 14, 2005 05:43 PM (lM0qs)

11 Oh and Chris, c'mon... if you call me an idiot in a language that takes me 20 minutes to translate, I call you pretentious.

Posted by: Oorgo at October 14, 2005 05:55 PM (lM0qs)

12 Seems t'me that trying to change a place into someplace that doesn't change is kinda neurotic.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at October 14, 2005 10:24 PM (I1rgZ)

13 Save the Sea Urchins!!!!! Stop Ecologists Now!

Posted by: Susie at October 15, 2005 12:11 PM (a0oF7)

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If it were, I'm not sure I would tell it.

“I was driving my wife’s car the other day and saw a little round thing in the cupholder, thought it was a cigarrette lighter. I looked at it, it had a little handle you turn and push down so I thought, yeah, it’s a lighter, I wonder what the wife is doing with this- she don’t smoke. So I pushed the button down to see if it still worked and maced myself. It weren’t any damned fun, I’ll tell you that.”

Thanks to Random Nuclear Strikes for the pointer.

Posted by: Ted at 10:10 AM | category: Links
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If you wanted to have the KFC chicken dinner last night, don't.

Uh oh. Gotta run.

Posted by: Ted at 04:32 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Derek is a mad genius.

(click to add bacon, Dave would've wanted it that way)

Posted by: Ted at 04:11 AM | category: Links
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At my old worksite, there was the nog. At the current one, the fridge is full of whipped cream and beer.

Psychology paper? Coffee table book? Either way, there's an opportunity here.

Posted by: Ted at 11:44 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Check out these beautiful galleries of photographs taken by Amy's anti-Mother-in-Law (must be a Krypton thing).

Posted by: Ted at 06:11 AM | category: Links
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Click for biggie size

Posted by: Ted at 04:13 AM | category: Square Pegs
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*checking trash can*

Yep.

Posted by: Ted at 05:13 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Someone was kind enough to scan and post a whole heap of Players Cigarette cards. This particular set of 85 cards is of Actresses, and were released during the late 1930's (from clues like "her latest film was...").

I'll post one of these every once in a while, with a couple of simple links to IMDB.com or a bio if I can find one. You might be surpirsed at some of the familiar names you'll see. The category is "Star Cards" (over on the right column), and you can click there at any time to see all that I've posted. Hope you enjoy.

(in the extended entry) more...

Posted by: Ted at 06:09 AM | category: Star Cards
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