February 29, 2004

Movie Review worth reading, because it's somewhere else

Over at Who Tends the Fires, Ironbear reviews a Jackie Chan movie. It ain't pretty, but the review is fun and the comments are great!

Posted by: Ted at 11:49 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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February 27, 2004

Just lay off the pretzels, ok?

Three lightweight presidentially themed movies I enjoy, especially during this political season:

Dave

The American President

My Fellow Americans

Posted by: Ted at 04:18 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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It's probably just me, matey. Arrrgh!

I finally got to watch the rest of Pirates of the Carribean last night. Good movie, but am I the only one who thought Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) sounded an awful lot like Arthur (Dudley Moore) in the movie?

Posted by: Ted at 05:28 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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February 21, 2004

Movie Review Time

Boy Howdy, do I have some off-the-wall fun for you this time around. Y'all know that I enjoy the lesser-known classics (translation: crappy movies), but some of what I watch falls more literally into the actual classic category. These movies are perfect examples.

The Gorilla (1939) – This is a true Hollywood production, and the quality shows. Featuring great sets, real actors, a plot and special effects, this early spoof of horror movies has plenty of slapstick comedy to go along with the thrills and chills. Bela Lugosi makes a fine butler, and the Ritz Brothers play a trio of private eyes hired to protect a millionaire targeted for murder. The high point of the movie is the funniest maid (Patsy Kelly) ever to steal a scene, but it’s pretty obvious why the Ritz Brothers never made it as big as Abbot and Costello or any of the other great comedy teams. Nevertheless, this zany movie is an ok way to escape for a little while. My favorite line: “Did you see that face? I’ll bet when snakes get drunk they see him.”

The Ape Man (1943) – More Bela Lugosi and more monkey business! In this film, he plays a mad doctor who ends up the victim of his own experiments. To recover, he must kill. Overall, the mood is darker than in The Gorilla, but this flick still has some humorous moments and a rich plot full of details and minor storylines. The ending has a twist that you’d never guess in a million years.

When The Ape Man was originally released, World War II was in full swing and there are frequent mentions of it. In fact, in one scene a female character makes fun of a guy for being a “4-F reject”, and he proudly let’s her know that in 30 days he goes into the Navy. She apologizes immediately.

Something else I noticed, in both movies, was that guns were common and unremarkable. Many of the characters (male and female) were armed, and casually pulling a pistol out for protection caused no great reaction from other characters. At the same time, the guns were always handled safely and nobody was trigger-happy, in fact they were never used at all in The Gorilla and not until the very end of The Ape Man – and it wasn’t a hail of gunfire either.

Both of these movies get two opposable thumbs up.

Posted by: Ted at 09:02 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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February 15, 2004

Movie Review - Whoops Apocolypse (1982)

This was a six-episode series that ran in Great Britain, and was later made into a much inferior movie. If you do manage to snag a copy of this title, and it has Loretta Swit (HotLips of M*A*S*H fame) as the US President, then you've got the movie (bummer). You want the one with Barry Morse as American President Johnny Cyclops. I found my copy-of-a-copy version while stationed in Germany, and it's on my perpetual list of gotta-haves for when it finally (hopefully) is released on DVD.

Whoops Apocolypse is a brilliant satirical spoof of the world in the 80's.

Wow, that sounded so simple. If you are a fan of anime, and are familiar with the Excel Saga, then this is the live-action version of that concept. No idea is sacred, no institution unscathed, no tradition left untrampled.

Here's the synopsis from IMDB.COM:

A light-hearted look at the final week before doomsday. American President Johnny Cyclops is trying to run a re-election campaign while dealing with the Russians, a deposed Shah needing to be hidden, and a new weapon called a 'quark' bomb. Meanwhile, Lacrobat, the infamous terrorist, has stolen one of the quark bombs and is trying to get it into the Middle East. Stopping Lacrobat, getting the Shah to safety, placating the Russians and winning the election will require a brilliantly planned and perfectly executed strategy on the part of President Cyclops...

Like Airplane!, there is so much happening on so many levels that the mind boggles. You'll find yourself suddenly cracking up long after watching when a joke finally clicks inside your head.

Imagine the newly-elected conservative Prime Minister of England, sitting in quiet satisfaction with his closest ministers, basking in their victory. He decides to reveal a secret to his friends and colleagues, now that they're in power. The Prime Minister has a plan to save vast amounts of money by completely eliminating the military. When his ministers question the wisdom of leaving the country undefended, he reveals his secret. He is, underneath the clever disguise, actually Superman, and he will provide all defense of the homeland.

Watching the ministers trying to grasp the fact that their leader is a complete loon is priceless. Especially when the Prime Minister wants to announce to the world that he is Superman, thus deterring any and all enemies from ever again committing agression against the United Kingdom.

Meanwhile, international terrorist Lacrobat (John Cleese!) has stolen one of the new 'quark' bombs, and is making his way across Europe with it. It's not a little bomb either, so some of the camoflauge he uses have to be seen to be believed.

This one is mucho rare and hard to find, but if you ever get the chance...

Posted by: Ted at 02:06 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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February 11, 2004

Movie Review - Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death

This is one of my all-time favorite movies. It pokes fun at everyone and everything, managing to slip from parody to parody without totally falling over the stupid-cliff. In fact, in places it's downright erudite.

The beginning of this movie is reminiscent of the opening of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Well, not really, but work with me here. The story moves right along, where the feminist anthropologist Dr. Hunt (Playboy playmate-of-the-year Shannon Tweed, playing the part almost straight) is coerced by the US Military to enter the dreaded Avocado Jungle of California to search for the mythical Piranha tribe and the missing feminist Dr. Kurtz (Adrienne Barbeau).

Cutie Karen Mistal as sidekick Bunny provides airhead relief, and Bill Maher plays the guide.

I don't want to give any spoilers, because I really do recommend this movie. Like Starship Troopers Earth vs. Soup, ignore the title and be prepared to enjoy this movie more than you thought you would.

Sample dialog:

Dr. Hunt: "Dr Kurtz. I'm unfamiliar with the academic guidelines at Radcliffe, but I would think that any major university would consider warring on the United States and eating prisoners of war a serious breach of ethics."

Dr. Kurtz: "Always the cautious scholar, eh Dr. Hunt?"

Go on, take a chance. Run out right now and rent this movie. You'll thank me, and if you don't like it, well, then there's just something wrong with you.

Posted by: Ted at 05:09 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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February 10, 2004

Movie Review - Destination Moon (1950)

First words spoken from the surface of the moon:

"By the grace of God, and in the name of the United States of America, I take possesion of this planet on behalf of and for the benefit of all mankind."

Impressive movie, and prescient in a lot of ways considering it was made years before space travel was even seriously considered possible. The special effects are surprisingly good for the day, and the Bonestell lunar dioramas are spectacular. Minor nitpick: keep the remote handy, because the DVD soundtrack changes from barely audible dialog to blaring music repeatedly. A little more balance would've been nice.

This would make a great rainy-day double feature with When Worlds Collide. Heck, throw in The Day the Earth Stood Still and The Angry Red Planet and make it a marathon.

Two enthusiastic spacesuited thumbs up.

Posted by: Ted at 06:06 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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February 09, 2004

Like I threatened promised

Oooo goody, a movie review! Well, it's a DVD review, because besides the two movies here, there are some extraordinary extras included on the disk. Besides lots of gratuitous boobage. And by boobage, I'm talking gratuitous! This go-round, I'm talking about a double-feature from the shlock 'nudist camp' genre of the mid-60's.

In The Beast that Killed Women, the setting is a nudist camp for no discernable reason other than it gives the opportunity to show lots and lots of topless women. The concept here is to keep trotting out the boobs, in hopes that you'll never notice weaknesses in the movie, like plot, acting, dialog, acting, directing, continuity, believability... you get the idea.

How bad is it? Solidly in the "so bad it's good" category, long stretches focus on a tree or steps in the background while naked women repeatedly walk by, "enjoying nature" as nudists do. Mostly, people stand around until joined by someone else, at which point they improvise a conversation that tries to advance the story. But hey, as long as they're naked, eh? Actually, it's fun picking the movie apart, because silliness abounds.

The beast is a guy in a really tacky gorilla suit, and the total body count by the end of the movie is one. Yep, one lousy dead girl, and she was dressed. But most every other girl is naked. Did I mention the gratuitous boobs?

The second movie on the DVD is The Monster of Camp Sunshine. Rats play an important role in this movie, since one of the characters works in the lab at the hospital and is very sympathetic towards her little friends. This flick uses the pretext of warning about the dangers of runaway science to quickly move the story from the hospital lab to - you guessed it - a nudist colony. But first, the nurse accidentally drips an unknown chemical on a cage full of rats, and "their killer instinct is unleashed!" The rats jump at the nurse, causing her to fall out of the window, where she manages to hang on long enough for a doctor to come to her rescue. She's so upset that her roomate decides that they should visit the camp to cheer her up. Oh yeah, her roomie is a nude model. Big surprise, that.

Back to the plot, and from here on out just assume that any actual story is sporadically interjected between lengthy stretches of naked women and men (sorry ladies, it's butts-only on the guys). The doctor in charge of the lab figures out what happened and in a stroke of genius decides that the best way to dispose of the killer chemicals is to put them into a jar and throw them into the bay! But fate has different plans, and the jar is found the next day, upstream at the camp (we know it's upstream because they helpfully tell us so).

The stream running through the nudist camp becomes contaminated with the contents of the jar (in the most hilariously contrived and convoluted set of circumstances possible), and the simpleton camp gardener takes a drink from the stream, which "unleashes his killer instinct!" This time, they just say the hell with all restraint and go for it. The army is called in, and we're treated to stock war footage from the Civil War to World War II. I laughed out loud as a troop of US Cavalry from the old west rode by, followed by clips of troops coming ashore on D-Day. While the doctor buries the softball-sized remains of the gardener (all that was left, and he was actually kicking dirt over it with his shoe), the rest of the characters decided that it was too nice a day to be sad. So they get naked. Once again it's so bad it's fun (zero body count this time, though one girl did get her arm cut by an axe).

One of the funniest lines in the movie is where the nurse explains her love for the nudist movement. She says "I spend all day at the hospital around sick bodies. The nudist camp is my chance to be surrounded by healthy bodies." Of course, as she says this she's puffing on a cigarette, as does most everyone throughout the movie.

Like with the first movie, great fun can be had watching for the assorted silliness, especially the contortions the actors go through so as not to show anything frontal below the waist. Warning: Zither alert!

Now on to the DVD itself, which is a gem. It's put out by Something Weird Video, and besides the two (crappy but nudity filled) movies, you get all kinds of extra goodies, and this is where it shines. Three different sets of drive-in intermission features chock full of those snack bar teasers, local business commercials, and more. Notable is Ed McMahon in a Budweiser commercial, and a reminder to sign the petition in the lobby against "pay TV" and that evil "cable TV".

That's not all. There's also a gallery of trash movie posters accompanied by remastered original radio spots. These are cool as hell.

But there's more! The original theatrical trailer for The Beast that Killed Women is included, as are the trailers for the nudie flicks Eves on Skis, Goldilocks and the Three Bares, Nudes on Tiger Reef, Nudist Life, and Pussycats Paradise. Be still my heart.

And there are 'short subject' features dating as far back as the 1920's about nudists, done up in semi-documentary style. It's interesting to see what each era considered racy for the day, although each contains nudity. I especially enjoyed the variety of music used.

Finally, there's "Let's Go to the Drive-In!" - an interactive selection on the DVD that allows the uninterrupted playback of hours of content, just like being at the movies. Nifty neat-o keen.

Boobs and drive-in atmosphere. It doesn't get much better than that. Pass the popcorn, because this one was a pleasant surprise.

Posted by: Ted at 06:18 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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February 08, 2004

So I walked into Suncoast Video yesterday...

... serious mistake.

I'm now the proud owner of the science fiction classic Destination Moon, directed by George Pal, based on a story by Robert Heinlein, with moon sets and backgrounds designed by Chesley Bonestell.

In the cult classic category, I got Cannibal Women in the Avacado Jungle of Death, starring Bill Maher (yep, that Bill Maher), Adrienne Barbeau and Shannon Tweed.

Next up is a straight horror double feature of Fade to Black and Hell Night.

Finally, a 'drive-in' double feature from the rare nudist camp horror genre, The Beast that Killed Women and The Monster of Camp Sunshine. I'd never seen those last two available outside of specialty catalogs, so I just had to pick them up.

Reviews coming. I know you can't wait.

Posted by: Ted at 06:24 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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