Over the last week plus, I've watched:

The Innocents - Classic British creepy ghost movie, the kind that scare the hell out of you without grossing you out or making you jump out of your seat. Highly recommended.

Ilsa, the Wicked Warden - Final episode of the "Ilsa" series, preceded by Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS and Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Sheiks. Lots of boobs and S&M going on, if you're into that sort of thing.

Masters of Horror: Imprint - This one was from season one and was directed by Takashi Miike, who also did Happiness of the Katakuris (that I gush about so often). This episode also has the honor of never being shown on US television because of concerns about the incest, abortionists, and graphic torture. This was a difficult hour to watch. Unforgettable and brilliant, but very uncomfortable viewing, like great horror should be.

Amadeus - Salieri hates Mozart. Beautiful movie. Love it.

300 - I liked this a lot. It helps to remember that this was based on a comic boo- er, graphic novel. If you're whining about historical accuracy or realism, then you're being a twit.

Malpertuis - I'm still making up my mind about this one. In Dutch with English subtitles. Stars Orson Wells and Susan Hampshire (who plays three parts!). This one is like a glimpse inside a madman's thought processes. Utterly insane and I think I loved it.

I'm too lazy to get links for all of these, but some are listed over on the sidebar.

Posted by: Ted at 12:21 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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This fun little flick comes to us from Germany and should be watched with the English language dubbing for the best effect. The dubbing is every bit as bad as a Hong Kong kung fu movie, which only adds to the fun.

Basically, three high school losers take part in a late-night ritual to raise the dead in a local cemetery, which doesn't work the way the goth gang had hoped. In fact, there appears to be no effect at all, and the losers wind up covered with the ashes of a cremated "zombie". On the way home, the three die in a traffic accident, and later wake up in the morgue. Back at school, they try to figure out how to control their craving for flesh and how to retard their ongoing decomposition (staple guns are used to hilarious effect). Things quickly get out of hand.

This reminded me a little bit of Fast Times at Ridgemont High (or most any other ensemble "teen" movie). There were a lot of minor storylines and the film bounces back and forth between them all. All the various loose ends get tied up nicely in a decent ending.

The movie does drag a little from time to time, but then again there were several scenes that were laugh-out-loud funny. Every single character is a stereotype but the good guys are genuinely likable. The supposed "hot" chick has a serious horse face, which made me wonder why everyone in the school lusted after her. The gore is low-budget but there are some squick-a-licious moments. Lots of juvenile humor, sight gags, a smattering of slapstick and some actual intelligent comedy thrown into the mix.

Set your sights low and you'll enjoy this one.

Posted by: Ted at 07:28 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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This exchange was, sadly, the highlight of Satan's Cheerleaders:

High Priest: Women! They're nothing but trouble!

Monk: I know what you mean.

High Priest: How would you know?

Monk: I'm well read, and I dream a lot.

John Ireland, Yvonne De Carlo and John Carradine are wasted in this nonsense. Their performances are so far above the airheads who play the main characters that it's just sad. The minimal amount of gratuitous boobage didn't help matters either.

Posted by: Ted at 05:21 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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It's Rocket Jones movie review time! Cheer or cringe, it's all the same to me.

There have been some classic "low budget" moments in film history. For instance, in "The Beast from Yucca Flats", the entire movie was filmed silent, and all dialog and sound effects were added during post-production. To avoid synchronization problems, the character speaking always has his face turned away from the camera or is off-screen. This results in the odd effect of having two people talking, and you only ever see the person listening as the conversation happens.

Another example is the movie (danged if I can recall what the title was) where all of the sound equipment fell into the lake on the first day of shooting. Their budget didn't allow them to get new equipment, so once again they shot it silent and dubbed in the dialog in post production.

This review is about "Rat Pfink A Boo Boo". That's not a typo, at least, it's not anymore. When the original movie titles were created, instead of "Rat Pfink *and* Boo Boo", they said "Rat Pfink *A* Boo Boo". There wasn't enough money to correct the mistake, so the movie title was changed to match. The cover art also spells it out as "Rat *Phink* A(nd) Boo Boo", which introduces a whole new misspelling to the mix and may have been intentional.

Anyway, if it wasn't for the "legend" behind the movie, this stinker would've been long forgotten. Taking full advantage of low-budget strategies like extended close ups and long, repetitive chase scenes, the movie stretches out to an hour and ten minutes or so, while actually having about twenty minutes of actual action.

If you're a big fan of crappy "rock and roll" singers and the even crappier songs they write and perform - see my review of "The Giant Gila Monster" for the all-time big bag o' barf award - then you're gonna *love* this one. At one point the narrator explains:

Lonnie Lords is a rock star. He carries his guitar with him everywhere he goes because he never knows when he'll be called upon to perform. Lonnie likes to sing.

Sing by the window Lonnie, I'll help you out.

The first half of the movie shows a gang of three guys who... I'm not sure what they do, but they do it as a gang. One always carries a hammer on a string, another a length of chain, and the black guy laughs a lot and they make him ride in the back of the truck. They pick women at random and psychologically abuse them before robbing them.

When they kidnap Lonnie's girlfriend, Lonnie and Titus the gardener become the title heroes and head out to rescue the fair maiden and save the day. This takes a while because mucho time is spent in close ups, car chase scenes and incredibly badly done fights. Did I already say that? Gee, just like this movie! Oh, and there's a gorilla loose too, for no reason that I could figure out. Also, there are many long close ups, car chase scenes and badly done fights.

If - and I mean that in a questioning-your-sanity kinda way - IF, you need to see this just to complete your viewing list of all-time worst movies ever, you have my sympathies. Otherwise, leave it alone. Or go watch "Giant Gila Monster".

Posted by: Ted at 05:13 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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Wow.

I mean it. Just. Wow.

I started to write a review, and said the heck with it. Go read this review. If it sounds at all interesting to you, see it.

Definitely. See it.

Wow.

Posted by: Ted at 08:48 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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