September 30, 2005
Hello, my name is Vic...
(crowd): Hi, Vic!
...and I'm a vampire.
Vic has a problem. He's a young vampire (as vampire ages go) who only wants a reasonably normal life. But every time he gets a girlfriend, when things get hot and heavy he's overcome with bloodlust and winds up killing her.
The only thing to do is to join a 12-step program: Vampires Anonymous.
The first part of the process involved taking a battery of tests to develop a complete psychological and physical profile. At the end, the vampire is presented with an animal especially matched to provide an alternative to feeding on human blood.
So Vic gets sent to a small town in North Carolina, known for it's sheep farms. You can imagine the fuss when sheep start disappearing, and of course there are complications with the small town badasses and women troubles.
Things really go to hell when a corporate slayer shows up in town.
There are mildly gory scenes and blood (it's a vampire movie, whaddaya expect?), and some nice minor plotlines and running gags appearing throughout the story. The VA meetings are a riot. A good description would be Doc Hollywood with fangs.
I like this movie. It's a nice blend of comedy and vampires.
Posted by: Ted at
04:50 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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September 25, 2005
I recently had the opportunity to see two incredible films, neither of which involved creatures stomping Tokyo.
Onmyoji. Set in 18th century Japan, the main character is perhaps the greatest of the Onmyoji. Fortuneteller and astronomer, wizard and priest, these adepts were the guardians and monitors of the interface between the material and spiritual worlds. Beyond the swords and sorcery, this is an epic story of love, loyalty, friendship and the triumph of good over evil (although it's a very near thing). The movie is beautiful to look at, and the world it creates is alien to the western mind, yet the underlying rationale for everyone's actions are understandable in human terms. You'll have to pay attention, because the story has layers of meaning and several themes that weave in and out of the forefront of the tale. It's in Japanese with English subtitles, and if you don't mind that then I'd say that Onmyoji is a must see.
A while back, I saw a news item where opthamologists in India were petitioning the government to ban a certain horror movie. Apparently, donated organs are rare in India because the belief in reincarnation is widespread, and relatives wouldn't dream of sending their loved ones onto the next life minus parts. Especially acute is the shortage of corneas. The movie that the medical community wanted banned may have been this next one.
Jian Gui (literally: Seeing Ghosts, but released internationally as The Eye), was made by (I think) a Hong Kong filmmaker. This movie is one of those genuinely creepy films that scares you without grossing you out. In this one, a woman named Mun receives a cornea transplant which allows her to see. This turns out to be a mixed blessing, because she loses important parts of her life since she is now sighted, yet must relearn everything about the world around her - a world she only knows by touch. Again, because of the oriental slant on life (no pun intended), actions and situations are already vaguely strange, and the atmosphere and situations that come about build upon that unease to really amp up the chills. Mun begins to realize that some things she sees are invisible to others, and she's not sure if she's hallucinating or seeing ghosts that walk among us. Eventually, she comes to believe that she must discover the truth behind the donor of her corneas, and the visions become more disturbing as time goes by. The ending is just, wow.
So there you have it. One spiritual trip through feudal Japan, and one helluva chilling ride through east spooksville. You won't go wrong with either of these.
Posted by: Ted at
01:14 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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September 21, 2005
If you haven't seen the show, the premise is that some sixty people survive an airline wreck and wind up on a seemingly deserted island. Their flight was way off course when they crashed, so the search and rescue are looking for them in the wrong place. There are a dozen or so main characters, and each episode tells one of their stories along with their continuing tale of survival. Of course there are no 'normal' background stories here, presumably the rest of the survivors are the ho-hum people, not to mention that they make the perfect pool of victims if someone needs to be killed off.
There's plenty of mystery and oddness going on, and a sweet touch of horror. Ultimately though, it's about the people. I hope they can keep up the quality, because so far I'm enjoying it.
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05:14 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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September 15, 2005
Plenty more classics to check out here too!
Thanks to Pete for the pointer.
Posted by: Ted at
08:25 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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September 14, 2005
In a dramatic reversal of decades-old medical wisdom, the late Dr. Albert Rossum, director of the O'Bannon Institute For Postmortem Nutritional Studies, recommended an all-brain diet for zombies Tuesday.
The Onion has the full story.
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September 13, 2005
Sore Losers - They wanted meat, so they ate the flower children! Hot rod juvenile delinguents and amazons from outer space have come to Memphis to kill hippies! As it were drained directly from the big throbbing vein of super 60's sexploitation movies, Sore Losers is an acid flashback thrill ride! Move over Quentin Tarentino, they don't make 'em like this anymore!
Now movies like this piss me off because I know that after reading that awesome description, I'm going to be disappointed. I set myself up for the heartbreak every time.
Stigma - Philip M. Thomas stars as Dr. Calvin Crosse, an ex-convict doctor just out of medical school. When Dr. Crosse returns home to his small New England town to set up a medical practice, things go drastically wrong. Long ago, the sheriff (Peter H. Clue) of the town infected Dr. CrosseÂ’s wife with syphilis. The disease spread to their unborn daughter, and now an adult, and very contagious, the daughter (Josie Johnson) has been having group sex with the townÂ’s young people in order to pay the old man back for his crimes. The doctor has to treat her victims and track down the diseaseÂ’s source.
So what do you think? Convict movie? Medical drama? Crime thriller? Deviant sex expose? I'm hopeful on so many levels.
Pizza Wars - San Jose State professor Babak Sarrafan directed the comedy Pizza Wars. After freeing a genie (Elliott Peele) from a bong, brothers Cornelius (Omar Miller) and Scooter (Andy Sims) are granted the traditional three wishes. They transform the oregano in their family pizza recipe into marijuana. Business at the restaurant hits an all time high, arousing the jealousy of other pizzerias in the area that each fight back in their own unique style.
I own this one. It's odd but pretty darn funny. Kind of a modern, darker Cheech and Chong movie.
Shaker Run - With the accidental discovery of a lethal bio-agent at her research facility, Dr. Christine Ruben (Lisa Harrow) decides to double cross her own government by stealing the deadly formula to keep it out of the clutches of the military! To make her rendezvous with some confederates who promise to get her out of the country, she recruits daredevil driver Judd Pierson (Cliff Robertson) and his partner Casey Lee (Leif Garrett), who are down on their luck and take the job without knowing what they're getting into. Thus begins a wild thrill ride across scenic New Zealand with evil pursuers on the ground and in the air, and the fate of the human race in the trunk of the car.
Those evil New Zealander bastards, messing with lethal bio-agents. Good thing America had Cliff Robertson and Leif Garrett around... uh... Leif Garrett? And isn't New Zealand an island? If you wanted to get out of the country, wouldn't you want to hire a pilot instead? There'd better be some gratuitous nudity in this one, that's all I can say.
Run Virgin Run - A blacksmith in a remote mountain village services the local women to their complete satisfaction, but when he expresses his desire for a virgin they fear he will leave for the city. If they hope to keep him around they must find him a virgin.
I'm seriously thinking about a career change. Unless the virgin has a baby afterwards and it runs around bleating "da-a-a-a-a-a-d".
Graveyard Tramps - They'll love the very life out of your body! A powerful cosmic force is turning earth women into queen bees who kill men by wearing them out sexually. This wonderfully enjoyable, campy sci-fi film was called "A guilty pleasure" by Siskel and Ebert. This film is also known as "Invasion of the Bee Girls."
I was all hyped by this one, right up until the last line. Invasion of the Bee Girls? I already own it. *sigh*
It's good though!
Track of the Moon Beast - During a meteor storm, a fragment strikes Paul Carlson, burying itself deep in his skull. An unpleasant side-effect develops causing Paul to mutate into a giant reptilian monster at night and go on murderous rampages.
Don't you hate when that happens?
Angels: Hard as They Come - A band of schizo bikers meets a van of wasted hippies in a weird ghost town, and their mutual anarchy evolves into a free-form orgy. This biker movie glows with raw, primitive energy, rustic location shooting, a progressive rock score, and a group of the most unscrubbed characters you're ever likely to see. A fascinating 70's look at hippy culture vs. biker culture, the two groups seem originally destined for compatibility, with goal-less philosophy and wandering, nomadic lifestyle, but the disparity between the pacificism of the hips and impulsive, war-like misery of the alcoholic bikers soon erupts into all- out war symbolized by the rape/murder of a hippie chick. The stoned losers roll between angry despair and reckless bravado, ending in mutual impasse that reinforces their elemental hopelessness. This film powerfully discloses the disintegration of a culture that feeds on its own spiritual rootless ness. The verite camera style and the earthy realistic dialogue, along with generous doses of nudity and violence, make this a startling, disturbing ultimately haunting experience. Starring Gary Busey, Scott Glenn...
Aside from the title, which is straight out of hardcore porn, the producer obviously spent a good bit of the budget on a writer for that blurb. Or maybe he knew an aspiring writer. Or a psychology student. Anyways, get past the "angry despair and reckless bravado" and "elemental hopelessness" nonsense, and the important part to remember is naked chicks. Gary Busey's appearance here is proof positive that there was brain damage done in his helmetless motorcycle accident. And Scott Glenn? Leif Garrett must've been busy.
Inbred Rednecks - Get ready for a cockfightinÂ’, beer-drinkinÂ’, ass-whoopinÂ’ good time! This outrageous comedy is the winner of three individual awards, including Hollywood OnlineÂ’s Top Underground Film of 1998! Billy Bob, Clovis and Bubba have a dream: to strike it rich cockfighting their enormous rooster, cleverly named Bigass Rooster, across North Carolina and Tennessee. But when they defeat the villainous Monty, the enraged redneck and his bumbling thugs decide to steal Bigass, earning some quick dough and beloved revenge at once.
Enhance your viewing experience by wearing a sweaty wife-beater t-shirt and three-day stubble. Now shut yer yap and fetch me a Pabst Blue Ribbon. Yep. Fo' sho'.
Cornman - A laughable loser stumbles into a bucket of toxic waste in a cornfield and gains the ability to communicate with corn. He obtains the sidekicks and spandex necessary to become a superhero and vows to protect the corn from the evil villain Dr. Hoe. This one-armed-hoe-bad-guy enlists the aid of a giant mutant-hybrid-freak and several crappy foot soldiers in an attempt to dominate ALL THE CORN IN THE WORLD!
This probably seemed like a good idea at the time, which is why it should be shown in every school as part of the "this is why you shouldn't smoke dope" curriculum.
Drums in the Deep South - The Civil War is the battle ground for emotions and loyalties when best friends Clay Clayburn (James Craig I) and Will Denning (Guy Madison) graduate from West Point only to find themselves fighting on opposite sides of the Civil War. When two men meet each other in combat, neither knows it, as each is in an artillery position hundreds of yards from the other!
Now that's suspense. Two friends in the same general area without realizing it. Oh, be still, my heart!
Crash of the Moons - This feature-length film is culled from three episodes of the classic science fiction TV series Rocky Jones, Space Ranger. Two planets are headed for collision, and Rocky Jones and his team race to prevent the catastrophe.
"Rocky Jones"? Never heard of him before. Honest!
Warning from Space - A race of aliens shaped like giant muppet starfish have come to warn us that a rogue planet is on a collision course with earth. As the planet approaches, its gravity wreaks all sorts of havoc with weather and tides. Earth scientists join forces with the five-pointed alien visitors in hopes of saving the world.
Muppet Starfish?!?!?! Oh baby, I am so there!!! I was pleased to find that I already own this one in one of my collections, but haven't had a chance to see it yet.
Posted by: Ted at
05:45 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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September 10, 2005
Actually, this is more like a warning to keep away from this incoherent mess of a film. I'll describe the movie a little bit, but please, don't think I'm trying to make it sound entertaining. Any implied enjoyment value is strictly accidental.
Wanna see the funniest bit in the film?
Ignore the words, those are just stupid. Check out the teeth. Get it? Southern California? The desire for perfect teeth, even for vampires. I thought it was funny, but believe it or not, that shot in the opening credits was the highlight of the movie.
Bad, bad, bad. You'll see much better acting at your local high school production. You'll only understand the storyline if you read the description on the box first. The cameraman has parkinsons. Twice, they inexplicably break into tap dancing numbers or folk guitar sing-alongs (or both, intercut in one sanity-rending sequence).
I forced myself to finish watching, hoping for another "smile" moment that never came. This flick sucked so bad that I didn't even realize until later that there wasn't a single bare boob displayed, despite the advertising.
I can't even bring myself to blame the distributer for lying about the nudity. I'd probably lie too if I was stuck trying to sell this...
Words fail me.
Posted by: Ted at
07:35 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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September 06, 2005
Pre... whatchamacallit: When I jumped at the chance agreed to accept a reviewer's copy of this movie, I promised myself that I would give a fair and honest review. I do believe that I've kept that promise, and I hope that after reading it, you'll think so too.
I was thinking about what a pain it would be to have to keep typing "Dr. Horror's Erotic House of Idiots" throughout this review, but the acronym "DrHEHoI", is just as bad.
Everyone has had that moment while watching a movie or television show when you recognize an actor or actress but can't quite place where else you've seen them. It can drive you crazy, until at last your memory clicks, and then it's an almost physical feeling of relief. Likewise, it's often a pleasant surprise to see someone you recognize in an unexpected role. This movie is full of those wonderful and surprising moments.
Now I have to tell you that this isn't a horror movie... exactly. I mean, there are undead and werewolves that play prominent roles, but the focus isn't on horror, it's on satire and parody and spoof (spoofage? That might be a dirty word). In overall feel, I'd liken Dr. Horror (don't make me type the whole freakin' thing out people), to that paean to the surreal, Happiness of the Katakuris. Plotwise, the story is fresh, intricate and plausible in its own charming way.
Without giving away too much of the story, there are three people who come to visit a famous sex therapist. Unfortunately, the doc is away, and the caretaker scams them by passing off his buddy as the "substitute" doctor, Dr. Horror. And that's about as bare-bones a description as is possible about a movie that runs 2+ hours.
Yep, you read that right, but not to worry, because it keeps moving right along. There are several long vignettes, almost mini-movies, that are used to advance the story, and nothing is rushed or hurried. Like old-time roadshow movies, it even has an Overture, Intermission and whatever you call that music when the movie is done (Enditure?). In addition, there's one helluva entertaining documentary included on the disk called "That's Independent". All told, there's over 3 hours of viewable material.
Here are a couple of exerpts from the letter that Producer Paul Scrabo sent along with the movie:
"Dr Horror had one intention in its conception: whatever the "B-Movie rules" were, we would just do the opposite.
I wouldn't go so far as to say it's G-rated, but there's no nudity, no gore and no potty jokes. In fact, the humor and innuendo is often subtle and mature. I said "often", not always. This flick made me laugh out loud several times, and more than once I had to pause it so I could stop chuckling and then rewind to see what I'd missed.
In the low-budget world, horror is in good shape, so it did not make sense to make one. Rather, we decided to poke some fun at the world of "direct to video" fare. The "erotic" in the title is a joke on the many films that have "erotic" in the title in order to make them more "marketable".
Sex sells, even crappy B-movie sex. Dr. Horror, though, works the "erotic" into the story line, which is more than the typical indie flick. Pick up "Satanic Rites of the Erotic Cannibal Blood Sacrifice" (don't bother, I just made that up), and you can pretty much bet that "erotic" stands for gratuitous nudity. I'm all for boobs on screen, but face it, if you're spending the night at Camp Meathook, you should probably reconsider that urge to get naked. Especially since nude teenagers are the horror movie equivalent of Star Trek's guy in the red shirt.
"But mon ami," you may ask, "what about ze eye candy?!?!?"
Let me tell you, mi amigo (screw consistancy), this movie has plenty of nice looking ladies in outfits that make it fun to look. Which is as good a segue as any to start talking about the stars. The cast of "Dr Horror" is filled with familiar names, familiar faces and true legends from the world of B-movie cinema. One of the reasons this took so long to write was because every time I'd start researching the actors, I'd wind up off on a tangent following someone's career.
First up is Debbie Rochon. Now I'm partial to brunettes in the first place, but when my wife saw Ms. Rochon on the screen, her first words to me were "oh wow, you're in love, aren't you?" She knows me so well. Debbie Rochon is drop-dead gorgeous and the lady can act too, starting out on stage on and off Broadway before going into the scream queen biz, where she's won numerous awards. She displays a great sense of comedic timing, and her "dolphin book" scene will make you forget the diner in When Harry Met Sally.
Is she really a star? Well, she's been elected into the B-Movie Hall of Fame. I'd certainly roll out the red carpet for her.
Trent Haaga plays a complete jerk, yet still manages to make you care about his character. That's quite a tightrope to walk, but he balances everything with, again, a fine sense of comedy. This is the first time I've seen his work, and he shines.
The character of Ashley is played by Nathan Sears. This was his first role, and he is so convincing as the milqutoast nebbish that you just want to reach out and force him to strip to prove he actually has testicles shake some sense into him. That is, until he is compelled to become a hero, and then he becomes... well, maybe not John Wayne, but tougher than Wayne Newton for sure.
Dr. Horror is played by Michael R. Thomas. You might not recognize the name, but you've certainly seen his work, because he's been a Hollywood makeup artist for a long time. Among his credits are The Wiz, Neighbors, Ghostbusters (both of them), Wolfen, Fatal Attraction, and television. He also did a bit of work on... *drumroll please* softcore lesbian spoofs shot direct to video. Yay!
Mr. Thomas has done some acting too. I first saw him in front of the camera in Lord of the G-Strings (see above), but he played Smirnoff the wizard and hid behind a full beard. I recognized him from his part as the club owner in Bite Me! He's a funny guy, and if I had to describe him, it might be as a cross between Bela Lugosi and Michael Richards (Kramer from Seinfeld). His background in makeup is a bonus too. I wrote recently about enjoying the Frankenstein Legacy Collection. Well, imagine my delight when Michael Thomas appeared in one Dr. Horror vignette as Ygor! Originally played by Bela Lugosi in Son of Frankenstein, Mr. Thomas brilliantly recreated the character, right down to the accent and the scarred and broken neck. That scene right there is worth the price of the movie to me.
"His business card reads, "Conrad Brooks, Movie Star." The New York Times named him, "The Gielgud of Bad Movies," a title he embraces fondly."
-- I-Con 23 website
The last main character is the caretaker, played by Conrad Brooks. He's a likeable guy, but gives the weakest performance of the cast. On the other hand, he got his start in Ed Wood movies, and over the years has appeared in, directed, produced, and written some real stinkers - many of which I own and love. He made appearances in two of the worst films ever made: Plan 9 From Outer Space *and* The Beast From Yucca Flats. Folks, that's a pedigree right there, and I have no standing to criticize.
Even the supporting characters have solid B-movie credentials. An unexpected bit of wonderfulness was the appearance of John Zacherle, who had a top-10 song in 1958 titled "Dinner with Drac".
I will make mention that Dr. Horror was co-written by "my girl" (as Victor calls her), Brinke Stevens, who also makes a cameo.
"It also helps to have a lighting director for a wife (George Ann Muller), and she made all the sets herself!"
-- Paul Scrabo
(take note, Mookie)
All right, so all I've done so far is gush about how wonderful this movie is. Surely, there must be something less than perfect about Dr. Horror. Of course there is, because it's an independent movie. If you're looking for Hollywood, this isn't it. What this is, though, are cast and crew making movies because they love what they do and have fun doing it. I also want to make clear that independent doesn't mean amateur. Don't expect Gone with the Wind, and you'll have a grand time watching this.
Highly recommended. You can get your own copy at Scrabo.com.
For the record, I am not afraid of lesbians.
Posted by: Ted at
08:37 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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