I first reviewed the podcast Second Shift here. For those not inclined to click that link, Second Shift is an audio play done in the old-radio serial episode format. They've now completed their first season and during my vacation I downloaded all of the episodes (they're free) and listened to the entire story again before finishing up with the two-part grand finale. Let me tell you, it's a crackerjack ending.

Highly recommended. I can't wait for their next season.

Posted by: Ted at 06:11 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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I picked up Decoys from the $5.50 discount bin at WalMart, and it turned out to be a likable little horror movie from Canada. That word - "likable" - is the first thing that came to mind after watching it, and it's as good a word as any to describe it.

First things first: the title sucks. "Decoys" bears no resemblance to anything that happens in the movie. I have no idea what it's supposed to mean.

As for plot, it's cliched from beginning to end, with a "surprise" twist you can see coming from a mile away. Despite that, it's fun and sometimes funny and it doesn't hurt that the bad guys are three great looking blondes.

But you know things can't be as they seem (or there wouldn't be a movie). The story takes place in the winter at a small college in New Brunswick, Canada. A freshman is doing his laundry when he meets two sexy blonde coeds who claim to be cousins. They outrageously flirt and tease him, and thanks to the magic of plot twists the creep later finds himself alone in their dorm room. He takes time for a personal perv moment with some of their laundry, and then has to quickly hide in the closet when the girls return.

At this point, we're all treated to the only bare breasts of the movie, just before one of the girls sprouts her tentacles, letting us all know (including peep boy in the closet) that these girls are really aliens in disguise.

Of course, none of his friends believe him. His roomie has the serious hots for one of the blondes, and this causes a strain in their friendship, especially when roomie announces plans to lose his cherry to her.

Things go from bad to worse when guys start to show up dead. Our hero tries to convince people that he knows it's alien babes doing the murders, but circumstances make everyone think he's jealous and being a dick about it. Probably because for much of the movie, he *is* a dick (well, aside from the whole unbelievable "alien tentacles babe" bit).

In the end, hero wins over the aliens, saving Earth and all that crap. More or less. No spoilers for you.

As I mentioned before, the alien women are gorgeous, as is practically every other female in the movie. It almost makes me willing to move to Canada and brave the great white north again. It was nice to watch a movie like this and not see gratuitous boobage every other scene, because it was sexier watching the girls do their thing half dressed. The hero is well built, so there's plenty for the ladies to drool over too.

The acting was mostly ok, although oddly uneven. Some major characters were one dimensional cartoons, while others had real depth and complexity. The differences could be jarring, especially in scenes where the two types appeared together.

There are story holes big enough to drive a zamboni through. Important plot points are introduced and almost instantly forgotten. Logic goes right out the window at times, and while you're at it, close the damn window! It's Canada and winter and cold!

The special effects are nicely done and very understated. There isn't a whole lot of blood and gore, so slasher fans will be disappointed. The real scares come via short shock scenes, which some folks might think are cheap tricks. They'd be right, but you're still gonna jump.

I'll admit to something a little stupid here. One scene opened showing a frozen body on a morgue table. The camera was still, the room was empty and quiet, and all you could see was the body. I sat there for a few seconds, waiting for the scare. And waited. And waited. I began to marvel at how the director could ramp up the anxiety in a scene by doing absolutely nothing. I *knew* something was going to happen, and it finally did. I noticed the "pause" icon on the screen and restarted the movie.

Sometimes I scare myself.

The tone of the film keeps changing, as if they couldn't figure out whether the movie was supposed to be serious horror or a T&A teen flick. It's more of that uneveness that interrupts the flow of the story. Towards the end, there is a really nice scene between the roomie and one of the alien babes. By "nice" I mean thought provoking and even touching, it's some of that darned character development creeping in. Unfortunately, the very next scene cuts to Rambo-Boy and his flamethrower (figuratively, at that point), and all trace of that potential storyline is scorched.

Mostly though, I keep coming back to "likable". Despite the many flaws, I enjoyed the movie. And that's what it's really all about, eh?

Posted by: Ted at 05:35 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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Destroy All Planets will make you go “Man! And I’m not even stoned!” which is always the hallmark of an enjoyable bad movie night.
- Sci Fi Movie Page

Everyone knows who Godzilla is, but outside of Japan and a small but devoted group of fans, not many people know who the various monsters are that populate the Japanese Monster Movie universe.

Destroy All Planets will make you go “Man! And I’m not even stoned!” which is always the hallmark of an enjoyable bad movie night.
- Sci Fi Movie Page

I can't think of a better starting point than Gamera. Friend to man, protector of the planet, he's been called Guardian of the Universe (amongst other things, keep reading).

He's easy to identify (besides being giant, I mean). Gamera is an overachieving turtle with a spiky carapace and two enormous upward pointing tusks. To get around he can draw in his arms and legs and shoot jet flames from the openings, making him spin around like a top as he flies. Physically, he mostly relies on brute force to defeat other monsters, preferring to fly around and bludgeon them. He's crafty and will use wits and guile to win his battles. Being a monster though, he's not above biting and clawing or using his dagger-like elbow spikes to punch holes in the hide of his enemies (great big, deep holes that gush oddly-colored watery blood). Gamera can also shoot fire out of his mouth, but doesn't use that weapon very often.

Young children who are central to the story are almost universal in Japanese monster movies. Fans have collectively dubbed these characters "Kenny".

One disturbing thing about Gamera is his... er, fondness for young boys. Every movie must have one or two youngsters (preferably chubby) who become the human focus of the story. Kidnap the kids and you might control Gamera for a while, but for certain you will piss him off. This trait of Gamera led one reviewer to describe him as "the Michael Jackson of Japanese movie monsters".

Gamera has appeared in at least eleven movies, doing his share of stomping Tokyo, but mostly he's the good guy. These are typical Japanese monster movies, full of crappy dubbing, goofy stories full of illogical plot twists, and cheesy special effects. If you enjoy the genre, you'll love these.

File this under "Big Surprise": In one movie the UN unilaterally surrenders the entire planet to the aliens to save the lives of two hostage boy scouts.

The Shrine of Gamera is a pretty good place to find out about all things Gamera.

Posted by: Ted at 10:58 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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