January 30, 2004

213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do

...in the Army, that is.

According to Avalanche Company's Sgt Stanford, SPC Schwarz was quite the soldier.

Among my favorites on the list:

16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my 'Sampson like powers'.

33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.

34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.

44. I am not the atheist chaplain.

61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean ‘I have been promoted three more times than you'.

84. Must not use military vehicles to ‘Squish' things.*

Ya know, I could go on and on. Just go read the darn list.

I don't remember where I found this, if it was from your site, let me know so I can give credit.

*I can relate to this one. Once on duty I was caught driving across a field trying to run over a bunny rabbit**. When asked why, I answered "because I knew you'd be mad if I shot it."

**The bunny rabbit was in no real danger. If you don't believe me, try it sometime.

Posted by: Ted at 06:55 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 And to think I actually thought you were a decent person! Poor bunny rabbit! What if it had had a migraine and couldn't get away as fast as usual?

Hrumph!

Posted by: Roxette Bunny at January 30, 2004 09:01 AM (GuDvW)

2 I was young and stupid, Roxette. What can I say? Everyone has their skeletons.

If it's any consolation, I never had the rabbit when they served it in the chow hall. I don't much care for it.

Posted by: Ted at January 30, 2004 09:19 AM (blNMI)

3 I ran across this a couple years ago, and now I'm pissed that I didn't think to post it. My favorite was always:

#35 Not allowed to sing 'High Speed Dirt' by Megadeth during airborne operations. ('See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I'm off to meet my maker')

I also liked:

#54 'Napalm sticks to kids' is *not* a motivational phrase.

and this series:

#167 Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.

#168 Especially not a pornographic movie studio.

#169 Not even if they *are* 'especially patriotic films'

Posted by: buckethead at January 30, 2004 11:17 AM (ztNrs)

4 For some reason number 101 just made me giggle: I shall not mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.

Posted by: Ted K at January 30, 2004 02:31 PM (bUIG8)

5 Could anybodyt send me the email address of the person who maintains this site?

The Skippy List Website will be going back up in a couple of weeks, and we want to ask for the list on here to be replaced with a link.

Jonathan (AKA Skippy)

Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at April 11, 2004 03:27 PM (0+muh)

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