December 24, 2004
Mookie and I just finished watching Nosferatu, the silent classic and original vampire movie made in Germany in 1922. Good enough story to keep the MST3K moments to a minimum, and a riveting organ soundtrack added. My only complaint is that the Americanized version I have changed the names of the characters, making the story more familiar yet taking away from the original intent (for instance: Graf Orlok was changed to Count Dracula and Profesor Bulwer became Dr. Van Helsing). Still, that's a minor quibble, and if you can find a copy of this one, I highly recommend seeing it.
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December 23, 2004
D.O.A. Starring Edmond O'Brien, this 1950 film noir release is about as good as it gets.
The plot is intriguing: a man on vacation is poisoned and will die within a week. In that time, he tries to discover who poisoned him and why.
Parts of this flick are sheer brilliance, while others are... let's say less brilliant. Things move along quickly, and I wouldn't be surprised if this film were at least indirectly the inspiration for the series 24.
Because of the pace and complexity of the plot, most characters flash in and out of the picture, sometimes returning later, sometimes never to be seen again. There's enough going on that I'm going to rewatch it and take some notes to tie up some loose ends in my mind. The film is good enough that doing that isn't going to be a chore, it'll be pure pleasure.
Since the movie is set in the 1940's, men are tough guys and gals are dames. A lot of the acting is broad and overdone, especially one love scene between the main characters that just drags on and on and on.
The relentless pace of the story masks a lot of odd leaps of logic and believability, which helps because there's little time to reflect on the "huh?" moments. One bit that defies understanding is an odd slide-whistle "wolf call" that's used every time the main character sees a good looking dame. It's presence is senseless and distracting and goes onto my top-10 list of stupid movie moments. What the hell was the director thinking?
There's no happy ending, if there were it wouldn't be film noir. All in all this is a satisfying little film and well worth the buck you'll spend to snag a copy.
Trivia:
Pamela Britton plays O'Brien's girlfriend, and she later played Dagwood's wife Blondie in the television series and the landlady in My Favorite Martian.
Beverly Garland, credited as Beverly Campbell, made her debut in D.O.A. and continues to be active both in movies and television to this day. She later went on to star in the TV series My Three Sons and most recently in recurring rolls in 7th Heaven and Port Charles.
Actor Nevil Brand also made his movie debut in D.O.A. as Chester the sociopathic thug. With his chilling performance, he stole every scene he was in and went on to a successful career playing tough guys including Al Capone on television's The Untouchables. Brand originally intended to make the Army his career and emerged as the fourth most-decorated US Soldier in WWII. He caught the acting bug while making US Army training films and used his GI Bill to study acting after his discharge.
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December 18, 2004
While cruising the net, I ran across this image, which brought back memories:
[The stamps issued consist of] five portraits of the actors based on publicity photographs of their most famous horror films. Lon Chaney appears as the Phantom of the Opera, Bela Lugosi as Dracula, Boris Karloff as Frankenstein and the Mummy and Lon Chaney Jr. as Wolf Man.The descendants had wanted stamps that carried two portraits of their famous relatives, one with monster makeup and one without. Designer Derry Noyes of Washington met their wishes by placing signed photographs of the four actors at the top of the sheets of 20 stamps.
The stamps are the second to contain hidden images, using a process developed by Graphic Security Systems Corp. of Lake Worth, Fla. This time designers have scrambled an image -- not letters -- into each of the stamps: bats on the Dracula stamp, hieroglyphics on the Mummy, masks on the Phantom, wolves on the Wolf Man and lightning bolts on Frankenstein.
To see the images requires purchase of a $4.95 "decoder lens" from the Postal Service.
With that as inspiration, here's the last in a series of brief bios based on those classic stamps.
(in the extended entry) more...
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December 16, 2004
Father Goose - Cary Grant
Victor Victoria - Robert Preston, Julie Andrews, James Garner
King Ralph - John Goodman
Sahara - James Belushi
Maybe this has been done before, but feel free to post yours and link back, or leave 'em in the comments.
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December 12, 2004
Ursula Andress will be forever remembered by me as Ursula Undress, thanks to Mad Magazine and one of their most accurate parody monikers ever. She starred in Dr. No, the first James Bond movie, and became the prototype Bond girl.
When Ursula is in a movie, you just know that at some point she's gonna get naked, right?
Slave of the Cannibal God was a pleasant surprise. Costarring Stacy Keach, there's a lot of plot going on, the acting was better than average for the genre and Ursula manages to stay dressed through more than half the movie. That last might not seem like a plus, but by not taking the easy copout (who needs plot when we can distract the audience with breasts?), the movie manages to sustain interest and when she finally does get naked, well, that just makes it better.
To wildly oversimplify the story, Ursula hires explorer Keach to lead her and her brother in a search for her missing husband, who disappeared on an expedition into the jungle. Shit happens.
There are uncomfortable scenes in the movie. It's about cannibals after all, and what would a cult flick be without some gruesome, eh? A lot of the jungle atmosphere is achieved by stock wildlife scenes, and we're not talking Bambi nibbling grass in a meadow. These are mini-vignettes of mother nature at her most violent and vicious, very in-your-face and disquieting.
Overall, I recommend this movie, especially if you like the jungle/cannibal sub-genre. It's done better than most, and it's got Ursula Andress naked.
Anita Eckberg. Say it slowly, let it roll off your tongue. Ah-neet-ah EK-berg. Sweeeeeet. The second movie unmistakably demonstrates that beauty overcomes talent (or lack thereof) every time.
This time the title is Fangs of the Living Dead. Originally made in Spanish, the half-assed dubbing done here adds to the charm and unintentional hilarity. As good as the other movie was, this one isn't, which is not to say it isn't worth seeing if you love crap movies. Since it is set in Italy and Transylvania, brunette ladies abound, which is worked into the story when the conspicously blond Ms. Ekberg arrives in the village.
You get a double-shot of Anita as she plays both the main character Sylvia and her mother (in a brunette wig) in flashbacks. Sylvia, as far as I could tell, is a fashion model who inherits a castle from the mother she never knew. Or something like that. She travels to the castle to find that she has a creepy and mysterious uncle still living there. He might be a vampire, and the women chained up in the dungeons below probably are too. Her boyfriend follows her across the continent and tries to rescue her until the uncle foils his plans with, of all things, a locked gate. Yep, true love is no match for a good fence.
You can tell that this was meant to be a serious film because there's additional (some would say redundant) comic relief in the character of the boyfriend's best friend, who tags along for the adventure and bumbles his way through the movie.
"I knew your mother. She was very blonde." - Fangs of the Living Dead
One more thing, in a cherry on top kinda way, is the background music. Here's a sample:
Dahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
That's the sound of an organ chord in some minor key, signifying suspense. You hear it about 600 times during the course of the film.
The acting is melodramatic and overwrought (especially Anita Ekberg's) and the dialogue doesn't help matters at all. On the other hand, we get mondo cleavage, vampire women cat fights, shirtless guys chained up (for you ladies), and cheesy special effects. In other words, Fangs of the Living Dead earns Rocket Jones' highest recommendation!
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December 05, 2004
While cruising the net, I ran across this image, which brought back memories:
[The stamps issued consist of] five portraits of the actors based on publicity photographs of their most famous horror films. Lon Chaney appears as the Phantom of the Opera, Bela Lugosi as Dracula, Boris Karloff as Frankenstein and the Mummy and Lon Chaney Jr. as Wolf Man.The descendants had wanted stamps that carried two portraits of their famous relatives, one with monster makeup and one without. Designer Derry Noyes of Washington met their wishes by placing signed photographs of the four actors at the top of the sheets of 20 stamps.
The stamps are the second to contain hidden images, using a process developed by Graphic Security Systems Corp. of Lake Worth, Fla. This time designers have scrambled an image -- not letters -- into each of the stamps: bats on the Dracula stamp, hieroglyphics on the Mummy, masks on the Phantom, wolves on the Wolf Man and lightning bolts on Frankenstein.
To see the images requires purchase of a $4.95 "decoder lens" from the Postal Service.
With that as inspiration, here's the third in a series of brief bios based on those classic stamps.
(in the extended entry) more...
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December 03, 2004
Pep and Liz from Truly Bad Films lend their take.
Steve and Robert, the Llama Butchers give their two yips worth.
"Seen it" in bold, occasional comments made (in the extended entry). more...
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November 28, 2004
While cruising the net, I ran across this image, which brought back memories:
[The stamps issued consist of] five portraits of the actors based on publicity photographs of their most famous horror films. Lon Chaney appears as the Phantom of the Opera, Bela Lugosi as Dracula, Boris Karloff as Frankenstein and the Mummy and Lon Chaney Jr. as Wolf Man.The descendants had wanted stamps that carried two portraits of their famous relatives, one with monster makeup and one without. Designer Derry Noyes of Washington met their wishes by placing signed photographs of the four actors at the top of the sheets of 20 stamps.
The stamps are the second to contain hidden images, using a process developed by Graphic Security Systems Corp. of Lake Worth, Fla. This time designers have scrambled an image -- not letters -- into each of the stamps: bats on the Dracula stamp, hieroglyphics on the Mummy, masks on the Phantom, wolves on the Wolf Man and lightning bolts on Frankenstein.
To see the images requires purchase of a $4.95 "decoder lens" from the Postal Service.
With that as inspiration, here's the second in a series of brief bios based on those classic stamps.
(in the extended entry) more...
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November 25, 2004
While cruising the net, I ran across this image, which brought back memories:
[The stamps issued consist of] five portraits of the actors based on publicity photographs of their most famous horror films. Lon Chaney appears as the Phantom of the Opera, Bela Lugosi as Dracula, Boris Karloff as Frankenstein and the Mummy and Lon Chaney Jr. as Wolf Man.The descendants had wanted stamps that carried two portraits of their famous relatives, one with monster makeup and one without. Designer Derry Noyes of Washington met their wishes by placing signed photographs of the four actors at the top of the sheets of 20 stamps.
The stamps are the second to contain hidden images, using a process developed by Graphic Security Systems Corp. of Lake Worth, Fla. This time designers have scrambled an image -- not letters -- into each of the stamps: bats on the Dracula stamp, hieroglyphics on the Mummy, masks on the Phantom, wolves on the Wolf Man and lightning bolts on Frankenstein.
To see the images requires purchase of a $4.95 "decoder lens" from the Postal Service.
With that as inspiration, here's the first in a series of brief bios based on those classic stamps.
(in the extended entry) more...
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November 23, 2004
Thanks to The Astounding B Monster for the pointer.
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November 15, 2004
I've been doing crappy movie reviews* since almost the beginning of Rocket Jones, and thought it might be a good time to recap and give you a one-stop place to see what's been done to this point.
Movies
American President
Andromeda Strain
Angry Red Planet
Ape Man, The
A Smell of Honey, A Swallow of Brine
Astro Zombies
A Sweet Sickness
Attack of the Puppet People
Attack of the Sixty-foot Centerfold
Beast from Haunted Cave
Beast that Killed Women
Beast, The
Bite Me!
Bound
Braniac, The
Brick Dollhouse
Brotherhood of the Wolf
Bubba Ho-Tep
Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death
Clerks: Uncensored
Creature from the Haunted Sea
Curious Dr. Humpp
D.O.A.
Dave
Dawn of the Dead (remake)
Destination Moon
The Devil Bat
Don't Look in the Basement
Dr. Horror's Erotic House of Idiots
Electric Dreams
Eye, The
Fangs of the Living Dead
First Spaceship on Venus
Frankenstein (Frankenstein Legacy Collection)
Bride of Frankenstein (Frankenstein Legacy Collection)
First Spaceship on Venus
Ghost Gunfighter
The Giant Gila Monster
Gladiator Eroticus
God, the Devil, and Bob
Gorilla, The
Happiness of the Katakuris
House at the Edge of the Park
Idle Hands
The Invisible Ghost
Last Man on Earth
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
Lord of the G-Strings
Malibu Beach Vampires
Metropolis
Monster of Camp Sunshine
My Fellow Americans
Night Train to Terror
Nosferatu
Omega Man
Onmyoji
Phantom of the Opera (original silent version)
Play-Mate of the Apes
Reptillicus
Retroactive
Revolt of the Zombies
Severed Arm, The
Shogun Assassin
Slave of the Cannibal God
SnowBeast
Sorority House Vampires from Hell
Story of Riki-Oh
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (original and remake)
They Came from Beyond Space
Toy Box, The
Toys Are Not For Children
Vampires Anonymous
Van Helsing
The Veil (TV series)
Virtual Girl
Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea
What's the Matter With Helen?
Whoops, Apocolypse!
Wizards
X from Outer Space, The
Zulu
Bios
Bela Lugosi
Lon Chaney
Lon Chaney Jr.
Boris Karloff
Brinke Stevens
Steve Reeves
*As in: the movies I review are usually crappy, the reviews themselves are brilliant if unconventional.
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November 12, 2004
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November 05, 2004
Two movies take this basic storyline on divergent paths: Virtual Girl (199
and Electric Dreams (1984). What a difference 15 years makes.
Lets start with the sweet stuff first. Almost nobody saw Electric Dreams when it first premiered, which is a shame because this is a charming love story with a SciFi-ish twist. In it, an architect named Miles buys his first PC (in the days before PC's were everywhere), with plans to control his entire home with it. Of course, things get screwed up right from the start, since almost the first thing he has to do at setup is input his name. He mistypes it, and for the rest of the flick the computer calls him "Moles". The PC gradually builds itself a male personna and things seem to be reasonably under control (with amusing exceptions here and there).
Then a new neighbor moves into the apartment downstairs. Madeline hits it off with Moles Miles, and also with Miles' computer without realizing it. The computer becomes jealous over the relationship between Miles and Madeline, and an interesting if improbable love triangle develops. When Miles realizes that the mysterious 'other man' is his own PC, he tries to take control of the situation and all hell breaks loose. I said this was a sweet movie, and there is a happy ending.
Electric Dreams is one of those movies that stuck with me and I'm not sure why. It bills itself as a fairy tale, which is as good a description as any. The soundtrack is pure 80's with a strong European lean, the story is fun and interesting, the special effects are ok (considering their age), and the acting is better than average. If you get a chance, grab a bottle of wine and a blanket big enough for two and cuddle up with your snuggle buddy for this one.
Note: in the end credits, the movie is dedicated to UNIVAC 1, one of the earliest supercomputers of the 1950's.
Virtual Girl is a modern, raunchier movie that's based on the same basic plot elements. I caught it on late-night cable, so the fact that there's plenty of nudity and softcore sex wasn't a surprise. What was a surprise was how much plot there actually was. To be sure, this isn't a good movie, but it's far above the usual late-night skinflick trash that's on.
A hotshot programmer is given the task of debugging a virtual sex simulation. The underlying rationale makes sense, and the scene between him and his boss arguing over it was a nice touch and unexpected in this type of movie.
Where you'd usually see the lead male actor panting in anticipation for every woman in sight, this guy is happily married. They have a baby, and near the beginning there's a brief attempt to show him as a devoted family man. Mostly the baby is used as a prop to advance the storyline when necessary - evil threatens baby! Ratchet up the tension.
Once again, the computer becomes jealous of the man. More correctly, the computer software is the jealous partner this time. Virtuality is her name ("Just call me Virtue"), and she starts to influence reality and cause problems in interesting ways.
The special effects in this one are way beyond what you'll see in Electric Dreams, but still fall short of today's best efforts. The best bits are when Virtue morphs from one girl to another ("What do you want? blonde cheerleader? brunette amazon? Anything you desire."). I have a quirky taste in women, so I'll admit that the lead actress is good looking enough but did absolutely nothing for me.
So there you have it. I recommend Electric Dreams, and if your tastes run in that direction you could do worse than Virtual Girl.
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October 29, 2004
Not long ago they discovered a complete Jimi Hendrix concert filmed in 1968.
Check out what they've found now:
Danny and Shirley are a young couple with a problem: it seems that Danny can't rise to the occasion, and Shirley's running out of patience. The mysterious Madame Heles is a necromancer who has the solution to their boudoir blahs - a hands-on approach involving her two lovely assistants, the house stud, and some very special rituals.
Oh yeah. They're releasing one of Ed Wood's 'lost' smut films, Necromania (link safe for work, but I'd wait until I was home). Best known for "Plan 9 from Outer Space", some say his films were so bad that it's sure proof of his genius. Besides his attempts at sci-fi, westerns and horror, he also did porn. But of course even his blue movies are blessed with that Ed Wood magic.
As I went through the Ed Wood filmography, I was delighted to discover that Rene Bond starred in several of his more mature offerings. You may recognize her, she was very popular in adult movies and as a model in men's magazines in the 60's. Knowing that doesn't mean I'm old, it means that I can appreciate vintage erotica.
I don't watch much porn, but since this is Ed Wood, well, you know I'm gonna order it.
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October 27, 2004
A rattle of the bones to Dave for pointing it out. I saw it in the comments at Vadergrrrl's place, and she has an excellent post on her personal favorite scary films too.
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October 26, 2004
Creepy assistant. Check.
Pulsing brains and hearts. Check.
Homicidal monster. Check.
Splashing blood and gruesome gore. Check.
G-Men. Check.
Foreign spies. Check.
Busty babes in bra and panties or bikinis. Check.
So can someone please tell me why this movie is so damned dull?!?!?!?!?
Astro Zombies has a decent cast, and you'll probably recognize several of the actors. Robert Carradine stars as the evil scientist, but he's barely trying here. Robert Bagdad checks in as the odd assistant, and while he looks like an evil assistant, he spends a lot of time alternating between evil genius in his own right and bumbling idiot servant. Tura Satana of Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! is the head of an international ring of spies out to steal the doctor's secrets, but her acting is if anything even worse in this movie. The G-men are just annoying, and tend to die after long boring chase scenes. They're supposed to be the good guys, but such faceless drones that I really didn't care whether or not they lived or died.
I think the idea was to build suspense by dragging out the action, but the director had no real clue about how to really build tension. There wasn't a lot to work with either, because the script is bad, the acting is bad, the plot is bad, the sets are bad... The cars are nice though, it's fun to see yesterday's roads filled with Mustangs and Galaxys.
About three-fourths of the way into this movie, you can almost hear the director say "time to liven this mess up!" Suddenly spies and G-men start to get shot and stabbed, the monster starts to attack, the gore becomes more graphic, and characters actually run instead of meander around the screen. Not that any of it saves this bomb.
One part that made me laugh was that the monsters (the Astro Zombies), are powered by photoelectric cells stuck to their heads. Yep, solar powered evil. For nighttime badness, they also have a built in battery pack that recharges during the day. In one fight scene, a G-man manages to remove the battery pack from the monster. The monster grabs the G-man's flashlight, and we're treated to a long sequence where the monster is struggling through the back alleys of Los Angeles, trying to make it back to the doctor's secret laboratory, all the while holding the flashlight to his forehead!
An interesting bit of trivia, this movie was co-written and produced by Wayne Rogers - Trapper John of television's M*A*S*H. I'm curious to know how many times he's been punched for having a hand in this movie.
Simply put, this movie sucks, and not in a good way. Stay away from this one, unless you need the sleep. What a shame, because it had so much potential too.
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October 17, 2004
"Mexican horror films are, without a doubt, the closest thing to a cinematic acid trip you are ever going to encounter." Keith Crocket - Cinefear Video
Like Japanese monster movies, there's a certain atmosphere and quirkiness to these flicks, a "feel" that is recognizable and (to me) much more accessable than the Japanese flicks. Keith Crocker pegs it with his definition: simplicity. These are no-frills, straightforward efforts. No tongue-in-cheek, no broad overacting, no subtle messages or morality plays, these movies are simply meant to entertain.
The movie that fired me up again is called The Brainiac. It was part of a three-movie collection I found digging through the WalMart bargain bin.
In the movie, a Baron is condemned to death by the Catholic Inquisition in Mexico. As he's being burned alive, he looks up and sees a comet passing overhead. He then proclaims a curse whereby he'll return when the comet appears again and wreak his revenge upon the court's descendents.
And that's just what happens, except with typical Mexican-style surreal twists. It's 1961 and 300 years have passed. The Baron doesn't just come back with the comet, he comes back *from* the comet, as a brain-sucking alien monster who can assume his human shape as the Baron, turn invisible and hypnotize people with his eyes!
That 'brain-sucking' description is literal, in fact, the medical doctor who does the autopsies on the victims describes it just so:
"Two puncture wounds are here at the base of the skull, and the brains are sucked out."
I love technical medical terminology.
During the movie, you see a lot of this monster, there's no fleeting subliminal glimpses here. Obviously, the makers of this movie are proud of the mask they created (it is pretty cool), so they show it often. You might think that he's got massive fangs to make those "two puncture wounds", and you'd be wrong. The monster has this giant dorky-looking forked tongue that flops out when he's about to kill someone.
And he goes about exacting his revenge, being the charming Baron to meet the people he later kills, and occasionally snacking from a bowl of brains he keeps in a locked cabinet in his castle mansion. Mmmmm, tapioca!
Just as he's about to feast on his last victim, two policemen who've been hot on his trail - sort of - show up and just happen to have flamethrowers handy. Bye bye Baron Brainsucking Alien.
I left a lot of plot out so's not to spoil it for you. The Braniac is a great introduction to Mexican horror, and an excellent example of the genre, but there's so much more to explore!
Here's a blip from The Astounding B Movie Monster archive:
Let's browse through the musty catalog of video categories. What am I in the mood for? There are B-movies. There are horror B-movies. There are Mexican B-movies. There are Mexican horror B-movies. There are Mexican wrestling B-movies. There are Mexican wrestling horror B-movies. There are Mexican wrestling WOMEN horror B-movies. That's the one! Just what the doctor ordered.
...
All of the Mexican Bs seem to star the same actors and were apparently all made by the same director, producer, writer and crew. More significantly, they all have essentially the same plot. (Mad doctor murders women. Wrestlers to the rescue.)
If you get a chance, these are fun movies to watch. Three of the best from this sub-sub-sub-genre are Doctor of Doom, Wrestling Women Vs. the Aztec Mummy (one of my all-time favorite titles), and Night of the Bloody Apes.
"Well, I think we better be careful! Maybe that stupid mummy has fits, and undresses! Who knows what he has beneath his clothes?!?" - Wrestling Women Vs. the Aztec Mummy
Why wrestling? Well, wrestling used to be big time in Mexico. Like American kids dreaming of growing up to be NBA superstars, Mexican kids used to dream of becoming wrestling stars. In pre-WWF days, American wrestling was fun but kind of bland. Mexican wrestling, on the other hand, added huge portions of schlock Hollywood to its product.
A typical match: To the beat of drums, ten beautiful Mexican ladies in brass bikinis would come down the aisle, dropping rose petals and waving feather banners on long poles. Next, four brawny men in loincloths would carry a gilded litter to the side of the ring, and out would step - The Aztec God. He would slowly and majestically climb into the ring, where some of his bikini-clad maidens would remove his headdress and perform silly purification rituals with incense and more dancing and drumming. When they finally withdrew, the Aztec God would be standing alone in the ring, stoic, arms crossed, waiting for his opponent.
And what an opponent! The cameras would suddenly pan upwards as bright beams of light shined down, and a UFO flying saucer would hover down on cables, belching smoke and flashing colored lights as it was lowered, until it rested on the ground. After a moment, the door would open, and two beautiful Mexican women in silver bikinis would step out. They would lay out a red carpet and suddenly a bright light would shine from the doorway, illuminating from behind a figure standing there. The Alien had arrived.
When he finally made it into the ring, they'd have a regular ol' wrestling match. And when it was over, the next match would be announced, and it would be more of the same wonderfully tacky theater, maybe Doctor Love against Snake Charmer.
For more about Mexican horror films, I highly recommend reading this article at Cinefear.
I took some trouble to format this one a little nicer than the normal Rocket Jones post. Two reasons: first, because I can use the html and css practice, and secondly because I'm truly fond of these movies and they deserve a little something special.
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October 09, 2004
"The music that was played throughout was so awful it makes you want to rip your eyes out of their sockets."
Huh?
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October 08, 2004
First up, and probably the best known here in America, is The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, starring Sean Connery. Critics panned it and a lot of people hate it for various reasons.
Too bad, 'cause I like this movie. Characters not true to legend? Boo hoo. Unbelievable special effects? That's the point. It doesn't follow the storyline it's based on? It's based on a comic book, get over it. Much like Starship Troopers Earth vs. Soup, you need to suspend belief and just enjoy the ride. I enjoy these bigger-than-life adventures in the Raiders of the Lost Ark style (I think RotLA is overrated too). Lots of fun.
Next, I've got a pair of international offerings courtesy of my friend Dan. He's got the same twisted taste in movies that I do, so we trade flicks often and suggest weird little offerings for each other.
Shogun Assassin. From Japan, this is the movie that inspired Kill Bill. In fact, Kill Bill is an Americanized version of this cult classic and pays tribute in little ways to the original, but you probably missed them if you've never seen this one. The cover of the box proclaims that this flick has been banned since 1983 (due to extreme violence), and that it's impossible to keep a body count. The violence is intense and frequent by 1980's standards, but is fairly tame in today's slasher flick-infested world. The gore mainly consists of gushing blood and is cartoon-like in the way it sprays all over the place.
Lone Wolf is an elite and loyal Samurai for a senile and paranoid Shogun. The Shogun's ninjas kill Lone Wolf's wife, so he vows vengence and, accompanied by his toddler son, they begin their quest to topple the Shogun. Lone Wolf pushes his son along in a stroller-like cart (remember, this is medieval Japan), vanquishing all mercenaries, samurai, and ninjas sent against them, and there are a lot!
The son narrates:
"My father tells me not to count the number of men he's killed, just to pray for the souls of those he's killed. I need to know how many souls to pray for, so I keep count..."
As silly as this sounds, it works. The actor who plays Lone Wolf has a powerful screen presence (unfortunately he died a few years ago of a heart attack), and the spiritual aspects of Japan are played up somewhat. There is some nudity, and like I said the violence is plentiful but not particularly gruesome by today's standards. In short, this is a Samurai movie, and an excellent one at that.
The third movie goes in about a dozen directions at once, and although it can't seem to make up its mind about where it wants to be, it's still a riveting and enjoyable movie.
Made in France, Brotherhood of the Wolf tells the story of a legendary beast that terrorizes a rural province in pre-(French) revolutionary times. The cinematography is beautiful, and you can enjoy it just for the scenery, which is a good thing because some aspects of the plot are just plain silly. I tend to be overlook that, because what do I know about French cinema (other than I can't stand Jerry Lewis)? Same for Japanese films, so I just shrug and move on.
We've got a beast running around wreaking havoc, killing men and women, children and adult alike, and the local French army garrison has had zero luck tracking it down. The King sends his Royal taxidermist to determine what exactly is going on, and he charms the local yokels as he begins to unravel the mystery.
And it's quite a mystery. A local brothel is involved, as is the Catholic Church. His sidekick, an American Indian he befreinded during the French Indian War, gets quite involved with the local gypsies, and between them and the peasants and the clergy and the hookers and the resident royalty, well, everyone has something to hide and an agenda of their own.
Remember that "silly" part I mentioned? For some odd reason, many of the fight scenes are straight out of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. In fact, I had no idea that the French in those days were such kick ass kung fu fighters! I have absolutely no idea why this was included in the film, and the film doesn't even try to justify it. You're just cruising along, digging on the hoop skirts and powdered wigs, and suddenly it's Bruce Lee time, baby.
Once again, suspend belief and just go with the flow, and you'll find a lot to like. The plot keeps you guessing pretty much right to the end, and I have to again mention the absolutely beautiful scenery and cinematography.
Finally, we have a flick that I saw on the SciFi channel, titled Retroactive. This is a little gem for action film fans. The premise is inspired: if you could go back and relive a moment, what would you do differently?
Jim Belushi plays the baddie in this movie, and enjoys the hell out of it. He's a low-class Texas redneck and the kind of guy who owns a gun and is always on the edge of the law. Critical, but oddly peripheral to the story is a government lab with an experimental but functioning time machine.
Belushi and his meek wife pick up a stranded hitchhiker, a good-looking lady who's car has broken down in the remote Texas desert. Along the way they encounter a few other people and things get out of hand quickly, resulting in Belushi killing his wife.
The hitchhiker gets away, finds herself at the lab and accidentally gets to relive the last stretch of time. Knowing what's about to happen, she tries to change events but just makes things worse. It happens again and again, and each time it gets more complicated and goes more wrong as she desperately tries to set things right.
There's lots of explosions and gunfire and car chases and crashes, and like I said, the SciFi aspect is critical to the plot but not really used beyond that. Once again, just go with the flow and enjoy the action. It's by no means a great movie, but it's interesting and entertaining and Belushi makes a great bad guy.
So there you go, four movies I can heartily recommend, and I only used the word 'silly' for two of them.
Posted by: Ted at
05:35 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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