1 A spruiker was trying to drum up business for a Billy Graham crusade at an AFL (Aussie Rules) game during half time. He finished off by saying that everyone was welcome regardless of denomination or religious affiliation because "after all, we're all Christians". Someone in the crowd shouted loudly "Except the Umpires".

2 Being the mascot to a school sucks...Someone from admissions tried to kick clyde today, so Clyde had to **innocent smile** accidently hit them in the back as she turned around...Can you guess who Clyde was today Dad??
HAHHAHAHA

3 Some guy at an ECHL Chesapeake Icebreakers (the team is long gone) game was hilarious. Sadly, I can only remember one of his heckles: "Ref, if you had one more eye you'd be Sammy Davis Junior!"

Some guy at a Caps game last year, when everyone was skating (and playing) as if they were in tar: "OK, slow it down!"

And me, after the first period of Game 3, Stanley Cup finals, Washington vs Detroit. The Caps had only *one* shot on goal that period (while Detroid scored on their second shot): "OK, which one of you jokers took the shot?"

4 Me and my pal Norm have built up a good repertoir of heckles, such as:

I've seen better bunts at a bake sale!

C'mo-o-o-n! Yoko Ono has better pitch control!

This game has more foul balls than a rooster convention!

[to an infielder who flubbed a grounder:]
You shoulda realized something when Allstate turned you down...!

[To Jose Canseco when he did a brief stint in the Atlantic League:]
C'mon, Jose, let's see ya play like you did in the majors!! Oh wait....


[Delivered slo-o-wly and gutterally with a fair measure of frustrated anger:]
SWING at the STRIKES and TAKE the BALLS!


Okay, those aren't show-stoppers. But we usually get a cackle or two from the surrounding folks.

5 works at any sporting event with an official...

"get off your knees ref, cause you're blowing the game."

or for the hockey fans out there...

"are you sure your not pregnant ref, cause you already missed the first 2 periods"

those are my best 2