1 Rocket Jones is better than ice cream because it doesn't melt when you leave it out on the counter.

2 Rocket Jones is better than intestinal distress because it doesn't stink like a chemical fire.

Probably not what you're looking for, but the best I could do on short notice.

3 Rocket Jones is better than soylent green because it's made of people and kittens.

4 Rocket Jones is better than Sugar-Free Oreo Cookies because it's less likely to give you explosive diarrhea afterwards.

(True story. Great cookie, but heed the warnings on the label...)

--TwoDragons

5 Rocket Jones is better than a beef sausage because it's meatier and has added grease.

6 Rocket Jones is better than a bad case of syphilis because, though it may drive you insane, it's not going to give you cauliflower-shaped growths on your genitalia.

Hmm..let's dial it back a few notches.

Rocket Jones is better than Pocket Stones because it's not a rip off.

Ehhhh, a little more edge than that would be better.

Rocket Jones is better than 90% of the blogs out there, because 90% of bloggers are socially retarded misanthropes who've nothing to share.

Rocket Jones is better than bondage because it's top-rack dishwasfer safe.

Rocket Jones is better than Wal-Mart because the more time you spend there, the more you actually like it.

Rocket Jones is better than the Edmonton Oilers because he didn't lose the Stanley Cup to a bunch of Canadians displaced to a redneck hell-hole like North Carolina.

Rocket Jones is better than Snooze Button Dreams because he never posts links to smut.

Rocket Jones is better than metastisized cancer because it won't slowly eat away at your body; choking the life out of you cell by cell until you become a lump of black crumbled carcinoma.

Rocket Jones is better than light beer because it has zero calories and ten times the flavor.

Rocket Jones is better than Star Jones because it's sticking to it's strict diet.

Rocket Jones is better than Indiana Jones because it's secure with its sexuality and doesn't have to carry a long 'whip' around with it.

Rocket Jones is better than a Democrat because it's consistent.

Rocket Jones is better than the World Cup because it posts more than every four years and it doesn't involved getting trapled by a bunch of Neo-Nazi hooligans.

Rocket Jones is better than a full body massage because it doesn't charge extra for the happy ending.

Rocket Jones is better than getting kicked in the cunt because . . . well, getting kicked in the cunt fuckin' hurts.

7 Rocket Jones is better than Shank because it's a blog you can show your friends without them thinking you hang out with Tourette's patients.

8 Ouch!

9 That, my friend, is what we call a brain fart.

Wow.

10 LOL Damn, that was like watching a train wreck. Jenelle, you're my hero.

11 Rocket Jones is better than a zombie bite because you're usually OK after reading.

Rocket Jones is better than a colonoscopy because he doesn't shove a massive tube up your fundamental orifice.

Rocket Jones is better than a bj because...oh, hell, who am I trying to kid?

12 Rocket Jones is better than a banana because it doesn't start to go bad two days before it ripens.