February 10, 2004

Movie Review - Destination Moon (1950)

First words spoken from the surface of the moon:

"By the grace of God, and in the name of the United States of America, I take possesion of this planet on behalf of and for the benefit of all mankind."

Impressive movie, and prescient in a lot of ways considering it was made years before space travel was even seriously considered possible. The special effects are surprisingly good for the day, and the Bonestell lunar dioramas are spectacular. Minor nitpick: keep the remote handy, because the DVD soundtrack changes from barely audible dialog to blaring music repeatedly. A little more balance would've been nice.

This would make a great rainy-day double feature with When Worlds Collide. Heck, throw in The Day the Earth Stood Still and The Angry Red Planet and make it a marathon.

Two enthusiastic spacesuited thumbs up.

Posted by: Ted at 06:06 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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February 09, 2004

Like I threatened promised

Oooo goody, a movie review! Well, it's a DVD review, because besides the two movies here, there are some extraordinary extras included on the disk. Besides lots of gratuitous boobage. And by boobage, I'm talking gratuitous! This go-round, I'm talking about a double-feature from the shlock 'nudist camp' genre of the mid-60's.

In The Beast that Killed Women, the setting is a nudist camp for no discernable reason other than it gives the opportunity to show lots and lots of topless women. The concept here is to keep trotting out the boobs, in hopes that you'll never notice weaknesses in the movie, like plot, acting, dialog, acting, directing, continuity, believability... you get the idea.

How bad is it? Solidly in the "so bad it's good" category, long stretches focus on a tree or steps in the background while naked women repeatedly walk by, "enjoying nature" as nudists do. Mostly, people stand around until joined by someone else, at which point they improvise a conversation that tries to advance the story. But hey, as long as they're naked, eh? Actually, it's fun picking the movie apart, because silliness abounds.

The beast is a guy in a really tacky gorilla suit, and the total body count by the end of the movie is one. Yep, one lousy dead girl, and she was dressed. But most every other girl is naked. Did I mention the gratuitous boobs?

The second movie on the DVD is The Monster of Camp Sunshine. Rats play an important role in this movie, since one of the characters works in the lab at the hospital and is very sympathetic towards her little friends. This flick uses the pretext of warning about the dangers of runaway science to quickly move the story from the hospital lab to - you guessed it - a nudist colony. But first, the nurse accidentally drips an unknown chemical on a cage full of rats, and "their killer instinct is unleashed!" The rats jump at the nurse, causing her to fall out of the window, where she manages to hang on long enough for a doctor to come to her rescue. She's so upset that her roomate decides that they should visit the camp to cheer her up. Oh yeah, her roomie is a nude model. Big surprise, that.

Back to the plot, and from here on out just assume that any actual story is sporadically interjected between lengthy stretches of naked women and men (sorry ladies, it's butts-only on the guys). The doctor in charge of the lab figures out what happened and in a stroke of genius decides that the best way to dispose of the killer chemicals is to put them into a jar and throw them into the bay! But fate has different plans, and the jar is found the next day, upstream at the camp (we know it's upstream because they helpfully tell us so).

The stream running through the nudist camp becomes contaminated with the contents of the jar (in the most hilariously contrived and convoluted set of circumstances possible), and the simpleton camp gardener takes a drink from the stream, which "unleashes his killer instinct!" This time, they just say the hell with all restraint and go for it. The army is called in, and we're treated to stock war footage from the Civil War to World War II. I laughed out loud as a troop of US Cavalry from the old west rode by, followed by clips of troops coming ashore on D-Day. While the doctor buries the softball-sized remains of the gardener (all that was left, and he was actually kicking dirt over it with his shoe), the rest of the characters decided that it was too nice a day to be sad. So they get naked. Once again it's so bad it's fun (zero body count this time, though one girl did get her arm cut by an axe).

One of the funniest lines in the movie is where the nurse explains her love for the nudist movement. She says "I spend all day at the hospital around sick bodies. The nudist camp is my chance to be surrounded by healthy bodies." Of course, as she says this she's puffing on a cigarette, as does most everyone throughout the movie.

Like with the first movie, great fun can be had watching for the assorted silliness, especially the contortions the actors go through so as not to show anything frontal below the waist. Warning: Zither alert!

Now on to the DVD itself, which is a gem. It's put out by Something Weird Video, and besides the two (crappy but nudity filled) movies, you get all kinds of extra goodies, and this is where it shines. Three different sets of drive-in intermission features chock full of those snack bar teasers, local business commercials, and more. Notable is Ed McMahon in a Budweiser commercial, and a reminder to sign the petition in the lobby against "pay TV" and that evil "cable TV".

That's not all. There's also a gallery of trash movie posters accompanied by remastered original radio spots. These are cool as hell.

But there's more! The original theatrical trailer for The Beast that Killed Women is included, as are the trailers for the nudie flicks Eves on Skis, Goldilocks and the Three Bares, Nudes on Tiger Reef, Nudist Life, and Pussycats Paradise. Be still my heart.

And there are 'short subject' features dating as far back as the 1920's about nudists, done up in semi-documentary style. It's interesting to see what each era considered racy for the day, although each contains nudity. I especially enjoyed the variety of music used.

Finally, there's "Let's Go to the Drive-In!" - an interactive selection on the DVD that allows the uninterrupted playback of hours of content, just like being at the movies. Nifty neat-o keen.

Boobs and drive-in atmosphere. It doesn't get much better than that. Pass the popcorn, because this one was a pleasant surprise.

Posted by: Ted at 06:18 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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February 08, 2004

So I walked into Suncoast Video yesterday...

... serious mistake.

I'm now the proud owner of the science fiction classic Destination Moon, directed by George Pal, based on a story by Robert Heinlein, with moon sets and backgrounds designed by Chesley Bonestell.

In the cult classic category, I got Cannibal Women in the Avacado Jungle of Death, starring Bill Maher (yep, that Bill Maher), Adrienne Barbeau and Shannon Tweed.

Next up is a straight horror double feature of Fade to Black and Hell Night.

Finally, a 'drive-in' double feature from the rare nudist camp horror genre, The Beast that Killed Women and The Monster of Camp Sunshine. I'd never seen those last two available outside of specialty catalogs, so I just had to pick them up.

Reviews coming. I know you can't wait.

Posted by: Ted at 06:24 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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January 31, 2004

I'm cute *and* fluffy!

Best line from Lilo & Stitch.

Posted by: Ted at 03:44 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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Mixed feelings about this one

The X From Outer Space.

I always considered myself the guy who never met a Japanese monster movie he didn't like, until now. I kept waiting for this movie to fall over the precipice into the "so bad it's good" category, but no matter how hard I wished, it just stayed firmly in the 'bad' place.

From the TV guide:

A spaceship returns to Tokyo with a spore, which grows into a spear-spitting monster.

There was actually more plot than that. Basically, the spaceship is sent to Mars to find out why the previous six ships haven't reported back. The Japanese suspect a mysterious UFO is causing the disappearances. The UFO appears, spaceship finds sparkly egg spore and returns to earth where the egg hatches spore grows into a giant monster named Guilala (Goo-La-La). Which attacks Tokyo.

"Fireball" and "spear" must be synonyms in Japanese.

Scientists find solution. Monster is reduced back to spore, and they "Shoot it out of the universe" on a rocket to nowhere. Tokyo saved.

Love triangle not resolved, no further mention of UFO nor missing spaceships.

Plenty of cheesy 60's pop music in the soundtrack if you like that sort of thing. If you ever have the chance to see this one, run screaming in the opposite direction. If you can do that and shoot fireballs at Tokyo at the same time, so much the better.

Update: I did some further digging and found the following in a movie review:

they defeat GUILALA using a rare material known as "Guilalium", which blocks GUILALA's main drive; it stops the flow of energy. Using some remaining jets, the Japanese Defense Air Force literally bukkakes the mighty monster into his small, harmless spore form. This movie marks the first bukkake scene in history.

That ought to be good for a few Google hits, eh? Anyway, this movie does seem to have it's champions among the cult movie afficianado's.

Posted by: Ted at 09:13 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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January 23, 2004

Two down...

Many have already written about the passing of Captain Kangaroo. I grew up watching him (and Romper Room with Miss Maryann, and Beany & Cecil). He was my first best friend.

Also, the incredible Ann Miller has left us. In my opinion, she was the greatest female tap dancer of all time, and one of the overall best as well. If you've never seen her work, on January 27th, the Turner Classic Movie (TCM) network is going to air a tribute to her with four of her movies - On the Town, Easter Parade, Kiss Me Kate, and Hit the Deck - and an interview from 1997. I'll be setting the TiVo for this one.

Posted by: Ted at 09:33 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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January 20, 2004

Movie Review

Another in a series of Cult Flicks and Trash Picks posts.

Riki-Oh, The Story of Ricky

A friend at work lent me this one, with plenty of warning which I'll pass along to you. This is the most violent movie I have ever seen, with the blood and gore reaching absurd levels.

Basic plot: Ricky gets sent to prison where he winds up the target of practically everyone. He wins in the end.

It takes 90 minutes to tell the tale, and along the way people are disembowelled, chopped with machetes, impaled and... jeez, I can't go on. It's that graphic. Oddly though, you tend to de-sensitize and the story is just enough to keep you watching, if for no other reason than to be able to say that you've seen it (uh, that would be me Tim). The cartoonlike quality of the acting helps with the belief suspension too, especially the characters reaction to pain. And there's plenty of pain spread around for everyone. For instance, one guy is ripped open, and with his dying breath tries to strangle his opponent with his own entrails (I don't think so, Tim).

Anyways, I'll return it to my friend and thank him, and now I can say I've seen it. This movie is only for dedicated blood-freaks and Asian cinema devotees.

Posted by: Ted at 06:53 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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January 04, 2004

Rat Movie Sightings

I got to watch two fun movies yesterday that met my definition of 'decent', and both had guest appearances by Victor and Nic's furry little buddies.

In the SciFi flick Angry Red Planet, the explorers are attacked by a weird giant rat/bat/spider creature thing that was pretty cool.

Towards the end of Attack of the Puppet People, two of the shrunken victims are chased by a rat as they make their way along a city street. A cat comes along and scares off the rat while the people make an escape.

Two great movies, two football games (although the Ravens lost, dammit), and two hockey games in the evening (the Caps... *sigh*). It was a pretty good day, ya know?

Posted by: Ted at 07:30 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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December 29, 2003

The best kind of survey

Yep, the kind that's already been done and all you have to do is read the fascinating results. Plus it manages to combine two of my addictions - rockets and old crappy movies.

Courtesy of The Astounding B Monster! (an all-around fun place to visit), here's a pundit's guide to the top rocket jocks in movie history.

For an added bonus, check out this nifty look at SciFi's Coolest Conveyances. Notable is the invasion by the undersea Mu-vians, still pissed off at us dirtsiders after all this time.

Posted by: Ted at 07:12 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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December 20, 2003

Classic Trashy Movie Titles

I talked about movie stars appearing in less-than-memorable movies, and now I'll list some wonderfully crappy movie titles. Once again these are courtesy of Video Hound's Cult Flicks & Trash Pics.

Also, titles preceded with an asterisk are ones I've seen. I love these kinds of movies, although, to quote the hound: "An inspired title doesn't necessarily ensure an inspired movie."

* Assault of the Killer Bimbos

Attack of the Killer Refrigerator

Avenging Disco Godfather

The Beautiful, the Bloody and the Bare

* Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens

* Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death

* Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things

* Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Ferocious Female Freedom Fighters

Gore-Met Zombie Chef from Hell

* Hillbillys in a Haunted House

Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers

* I Dismember Momma

* I Spit on Your Grave

* Mars Needs Women

Oversexed Rugsuckers from Mars

* Pecker

Please Don't Eat My Mother

Rabid Grannies

Rat Pfink a Boo-Boo

The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here!

* Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

Satan's Cheerleaders

* Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-A-Rama

Three on a Meathook

Posted by: Ted at 08:20 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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December 15, 2003

Skeletons In Their Closets

A lot of popular movie stars did movies early in their careers that they might wish they could forget. Then again, if it pays the rent, eh? This list is courtesy of Video Hound's Cult Flicks & Trash Pics.

I'm proud to say that I've seen most of these. Update: Marked by an asterisk, as suggested by Victor.

* Kevin Bacon, Friday the 13th

* Kevin Costner, Sizzle Beach U.S.A.

Rober De Niro, Bloody Mama

* Johnny Depp, A Nightmare on Elm Street

Clint Eastwood, Revenge of the Creature

* Jane Fonda, Barbarella

* Melanie Griffith, Smile

* Tom Hanks, He Knows YouÂ’re Alone

* Ron Howard, Village of the Giants

* Don Johnson, A Boy and His Dog

* Michael Landon, I Was a Teenage Werewolf

Demi Moore, Parasite

* Jack Nicholson, Little Shop of Horrors

* Meg Ryan, Amityville 3-D

* Susan Sarandon & Barry Bostwick, Rocky Horror Picture Show

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Hercules in New York

* Billy Bob Thorton, Chopper Chicks in Zombietown

John Travolta, The DevilÂ’s Rain

* Renee Zellweger & Matthew McConaughey, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 4: The Next Generation

Posted by: Ted at 07:14 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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December 07, 2003

Lady Penelope

What guy wouldn't love a woman who was rich, classy, dabbled in espionage, and owned a pink six-wheeled limosine? Ah yes, Parker, go get the car...

Follow the link in that article to see the movie trailer for the new Thunderbirds movie, due out next summer. International Rescue rides again. Woo-hoo!

Thunderbirds was one of a series of sci-fi adventures produced by Gerry Anderson and the BBC during the 1960's that used puppets and the technique called Supermarionation. Similar shows included Fireball XL-5, Stingray, SuperCar and Captain Scarlet.

This is a neat page showing several of the various vehicles modeled and rendered. It includes several of the rocket ships from these shows in formats compatible with Microsoft Flight Simulator.

And if anyone was wondering (Bueller? Bueller?), I've seen flying rocket models of Thunderbirds 1, 2, and 3 (4 was a submarine, 5 the space station).

Posted by: Ted at 07:01 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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November 29, 2003

An unexpected visit from an old friend

Mookie (who blogs dead people) and I had the house to ourselves today while mom did her last day of work for awhile. We did some chores and straightening up, then sat down to watch George of the Jungle together. If you haven't seen that movie, then you need to be smacked upside. If you saw it and thought it was stupid, well... duh!

So as the closing credits rolled, we were watching for the song titles because one in particular had caught our fancy, when a name jumped out at me.

Sergio Aragones. He was listed as one of the animators for the opening credit cartoon. Does that name ring a bell? I spent years loving his little doodles in the margins of MAD magazine. Each issue had countless little masterpieces scribbled in random corners of each page.

And that brought back names I didn't even know I remembered. Don Martin (master of odd sound effects), Dave Berg (The Lighter Side...), Antonio Prohias (Spy vs. Spy) and Mort Drucker. These guys were my heroes growing up, because I wanted to be a cartoonist too. I wasn't bad, but nowhere near talented enough to make a living at it. Oh well.

On the first trip to the grocery store every month I'd scan the magazine rack and snag the latest issue of Mad. My mom would just roll her eyes and add it to the pile at the checkout. She never complained much because I would read them cover to cover. Heck, most of my popular culture came from those pages, as I read parodies of the movies of the day - movies I'd never see in their original versions. I'd carefully fold each back cover to find their secret message (thanks to Al Jaffe), and cover my lunchbox with Mad stickers trumpeting inane sayings.

Once my brother got old enough, he started to get Cracked magazine, and I always looked down on him for it. Cracked was funny (remember "Shut up's"?), but it wasn't the original, ya know?

I have a box of old Mad magazines in my basement that I rescued from my parents house a few years ago. I was actually kind of amazed that they had kept them for all those years. I was proud to introduce my kids to 'the usual gang of idiots'.

Update: While doing some research for this post, I found references to early illustrations done by Basil Wolverton. I loved his work, but only found it in the complilations and paperbacks. He was a little before my time.

Also, fans should check out Doug Gilford's Mad Cover Site, especially his very cool cover trivia pages.

Posted by: Ted at 08:35 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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November 23, 2003

The Duke

A while back I bought a two-DVD set of old old John Wayne westerns. I try to watch one every saturday while the girls are at work, and I've noticed a few things.

More happens in a one-hour western than happens in today's two-hour action movies. Yeah, the special effects are gazillions times better now, but for sheer plot movement and storyline, you can't beat 'em, and this includes the long stretches of horse chases and riding back and forth between town and the ranch (or wherever the secondary locations are). I'm also realizing that there is truly nothing new in Hollywood. Today I watched the Duke, in grainy black & white, run up the side of a wall and dive back onto the bad guys he was fighting. In how many kung-fu movies have we seen that done?

He always got the bad guys and got the girl too. He was honorable when wrongly accused. When someone needed help, he was there for them. He never started trouble, but he always finished it.

John Wayne was America. What a cowboy.

Posted by: Ted at 12:53 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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November 04, 2003

Mad Scientist's Club

As a kid, my favorite book was The Mad Scientist's Club, written by Bertrand Brinley. This collection of tales were great fun as the seven club members used science to solve problems, uncover mysteries and pull off outrageous practical jokes. Many of these stories originally appeared in Boy's Life magazine.

Maybe you remember tales such as The Strange Sea Monster of Strawberry Lake, The Unidentified Flying Man of Mammoth Falls, The Secret of the Old Cannon, or The Great Gas Bag Race. If not, then you really missed out and should track down a copy.

Ok, so I tracked it down for you. Amazon has the original, the second collection, and the only published novel length story - The Big Kerplop!

There's talk of finally printing the final unpublished story in the future. I'll be getting a copy as soon as it's available.

Posted by: Ted at 01:38 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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October 27, 2003

Calling all Bruce Campbell fans

Bubba Ho-Tep is in the house!

Thanks to Bad State of Gruntledness for the pointers. See him for trailers.

Posted by: Ted at 04:54 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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October 22, 2003

Someone loves me very very much

I had to take half a day off with my wife today to deal with some things, and afterwards we did some shopping. I wound up with the following DVD's:

Killer Klowns from Outer Space
The Last House on the Left
Return of the Living Dead
WWII movie 3-pack including A Walk in the Sun, Gung Ho!, and Go For Broke!
Excalibur

Best Buy* has a sale going on, three for $20.00. The first three titles were from that deal. Other available titles were Amityville Horror, Burnt Offerings, Species and Child's Play, among others. Fun stuff for those who like their horror a little cheesy.

The WWII movies are the kinds of flicks I watch on AMC and TMT sometimes, starring folks like Van Johnson, Robert Mitchum and Dana Andrews. Sorry Victor, no Joe Don Baker.

Excalibur was a freak find at the Wal-Mart bargain bin. Classic.

* I hate Best Buy with a passion because they sell those crappy extended waranties and then weasle out of honoring them even though it breaks the heart of the little girl trying to get the service they promised. But sometimes you go where the deal is, and as long as you know that the bastards will screw you over given half a chance, well, forewarned is forearmed. Ya know?

Posted by: Ted at 08:27 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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October 17, 2003

Vintage Television

Anyone remember Harry Broderick?

Here's a hint:

Once upon a time, a junkman had a dream...

Ringing any bells? The name of the show was Salvage 1, starring Andy Griffith. It ran for 20 episodes in 1979, and was among the worst crap ever broadcast or the most brilliant and inspirational programming - depending on who you talk to.

In it, Andy... uh, Harry rounded up a team of experts and built his own rocketship. He was a junkman, and the moon was full of stuff that NASA had abandoned. The whole tone of the show was that ordinary people could do extraordinary things and like the original Star Trek, the technology was only a background to the 'people' stories being told.

Wonderful pilot movie. The series was pure crap, and I never missed a single forgettable episode. Am I the only one who remembers this?

Y'all were probably watching Three's Company or Dukes of Hazzard.

Posted by: Ted at 01:34 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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October 07, 2003

Cinema

Mookie's education in movie classics continued last night, with her first viewing of Blazing Saddles. It's been a while since I'd seen it myself, so we had a fun couple of hours together.

The other night on one of the movie classics channels, they showed the Hammer version of The Mummy. October is easily my favorite month for television movies because all the classic horror gets trotted out for Halloween. More fun for Mookie.

I also saw an advertisement on the Bravo network that starting in November, they will be showing the 60's classic war series Combat. One of my warmest childhood memories is of sitting in the living room with my Dad watching Combat and Bonanza. I was too young to understand what was going on, but it didn't matter, because I was with Dad. I'm really looking forward to seeing this series. The main star is Vic Morrow, who was killed in a stunt gone wrong on the set of the remake of The Twilight Zone movie. Something I didn't know about him was that his daughter is Jennifer Jason Leigh. Small world, eh?

Next up for Mookie is Slap Shot.

Posted by: Ted at 07:39 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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October 04, 2003

Dr. Strangelove

"You can't fight in here, this is the War Room!"

Gotta love this movie.

Posted by: Ted at 08:48 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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