Fido is a sweet, funny, heartwarming and nostalgic look at the world back in the 1950's, just after the zombies attacked.

Think of this as a cross between Night of the Living Dead and Leave It To Beaver to get a general feel for the movie. As for the look, it's reminiscent of Edward Scissorhands, although greatly toned down from the pastel hell that Ed was.

The Robinson's are the only family on their block that don't own their own zombie, and status-conscious Mrs. Robinson is bound and determined to do something about that. When she finally orders one, Timmy and the zombie (whom he names Fido) become fast friends.

Of course, even the most domesticated zombie can still be dangerous, and that's where the problems begin. Through it all, we're treated to a family becoming closer than ever thanks to love, acceptance and the undead.

Ok, that's enough dancing around the plot. Despite the fact that in a very real way this is a family movie, Fido also features some blood and mild gore. It is, after all, a movie about zombies. There are disturbing scenes and some parts of these people's lives that are genuinely scary, but it's perfectly balanced by some of the most delightful situations and funniest writing I've experienced in a long time. We actually had to stop the movie once because we were laughing our asses off.

Believe it or not, actor Billy Connolly manages to give Fido a full range of emotions and motivations, making you care for him despite the fact that he never falls out of his zombie persona.

If you've ever wanted to introduce someone to horror movies, this is about the most gentle way I can imagine. It's what the Donna Reed Show would've been like if they added all the classic horror elements, and that, my friends, is excellence. Good enough to go straight to the top of my "to buy" list.

Fido. See it. Seriously.

Posted by: Ted at 08:27 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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This weekend I've watched two of the oddest flicks I've ever seen. Both were very beautiful to watch, with powerful visuals and memorable scenes. I'll never watch either again, because for all their reputation and supposed greatness, I just wasn't that impressed.

Eraserhead - David Lynch's first movie. An hour and a half of strange nonsense that kind of tells a story. I've said before that as a youngster I would've been wowed by something like this, digging deep for hidden meaning and substance. Now that I'm older and jaded, I believe that Lynch just throws weird shit on screen for the sake of being weird.

Audition - I'm kind of a Takashi Miike fan (he did Happiness of the Katakuris), but this movie dragged horribly. At an hour and ten minutes Mookie and I were rewarded with something other than long, slow, meandering conversation. I wanted to love this, really I did! I would've settled for like, even. Nope, not even that. It was disturbing and terrifying at times, but mostly it was just yawn-inducing. And for God's sake, would someone give that lead actress something to eat?!? Every time she asked, "what are you thinking about?", my first thought was, "Dachau."

Two misses, but at least now I can say I saw them. And debate those who claim these are masterpieces. Sometimes it's possible to be *too* artsy.

Posted by: Ted at 09:35 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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Wildside Cinema is up!

For those few who haven't heard, I am a staff reviewer there. It used to be called Joe Horror, but we've expanded. The old reviews are going to be migrated over, and the new ones are already available.

Looking for a great movie? Or maybe wondering about that obscure title on the shelf at the rental store? Wildside Cinema. Spread the word.

Posted by: Ted at 09:32 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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The lovely Joan opined in the comments elsewhere that perhaps I watch too many horror movies. I'm not sure that's even possible, but I want to assure everyone that I don't confine myself strictly to horror flicks.

Netflix has broken my heart not once, but *twice* this week when a sci-fi DVD arrived cracked and unplayable. Both times, it was Slave Girls From Beyond Infinity.

So there, I watch horror, sci-fi, *and* T&A.

Update: Heh, I just thought to myself, "I put the 'ick' in eclectic." Sometimes I just crack myself up.

Posted by: Ted at 10:52 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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1 Ha! Slave Girls. I suspect that the mixing of SciFi and Sexual Fantasy genres should qualify as its own category? I suspect there's already a name for that category: Star Trek. )

Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at December 08, 2007 09:02 AM (8F+iI)

2 ROFLMAO You're probably right. I'm really not much of a Trekkie. Some of the spinoffs were interesting, but I feel that the franchise went downhill after the original.

Posted by: Ted at December 08, 2007 11:49 AM (yRolC)

3 "I suspect that the mixing of SciFi and Sexual Fantasy genres should qualify as its own category?" I got it: Vagi-ence-Fiction. Or, Vagi-Fi. I know, it's a stretch, so to speak.

Posted by: ericasherman at December 08, 2007 03:52 PM (8ywTC)

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I am not Sancho.

Posted by: Ted at 05:09 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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Disclosure: Recently I was asked by the folks at Wild Eye if I’d like some screeners to watch, and if I felt so inclined, they’d apprecieate it if I posted reviews of their offerings. My answer to them was “Hell yeah!”, and in a surprisingly short time I had two of their movies in my grubby hands.

These guys are starting to release old made-for-TV thrillers and horror flicks. This is the Rocket Jones review of the first one, in my own informal style. As an added bonus, Wildside Cinema has asked me to post reviews there as well (in their own format). So the astute businessmen at Wild Eye are getting a two-fer, which should be a lesson to all, Rocket Jones is an efficient use of your resources and you should all send me free screeners to review. End disclosure and shameless self-promotion.

IÂ’m not a big television watcher, which is probably a good thing because if I watched more of it nowadays, then IÂ’d really mourn for the days when network movies like this aired on a regular basis.

Crawlspace (1972) is a psychological drama about a retired couple who discover that a creepy young man named Richard is living in the crawlspace at the back of their basement. Being childless, the womanÂ’s maternal instincts kick in and she talks her husband into letting Richard stay at least through the cold New England winter. TheyÂ’ve met the guy before (he did some work for them in the old cottage they bought when they retired), and although heÂ’s weird, he seems more socially retarded than scary. Before long theyÂ’re taking him meals and talking to him in the darkness, although he rarely answers back.

Slowly, the couple begin to draw Richard out of his shell. They appeal to his “civilized” side, which only works occasionally. It’s pretty obvious that Richard has mental problems, but he appears to be harmless and starts doing chores around the house for the couple. At the same time, the local police are suspicious of Richard and warn the couple about the dangers of the situation. The couple are offended by the attitude towards Richard as an “outsider”, without realizing that the townsfolk view them in the same way.

That right there, the distrust of people different than themselves, is the key to this movie. In and of itself itÂ’s not a terrible thing, but when it crosses the line from suspicion to exclusion, then it becomes a problem. ItÂ’s kind of like if the town had had a local nutcase, theyÂ’d feel protective and make allowances for the odd behavior because theyÂ’d known him or her their whole lives. Yet if an eccentric hobo passes through town, then theyÂ’re ready to do the whole torch and pitchfork routine to rid their quiet community of the unknown menace. ItÂ’s one of the darker aspects of human nature.

RichardÂ’s lack of social skills cause problems, especially since the prickly locals are looking for any excuse to be assholes. Things escalate, as these things tend to do, except that normally you donÂ’t have a mentally unstable dude on your side. ThatÂ’s not the advantage youÂ’d think it would be in a situation like this, at least this time it wasnÂ’t.

IÂ’m not going to tell you any more of the story, because it really is worth seeing. The movie wastes no time and jumps right into an uncomfortable situation, and from there the tension gradually builds right to the end. Now, because it was a TV movie, Richard doesnÂ’t seem all that scary and the parts that are supposed to be chilling are rather mild. DonÂ’t expect a Hollywood-style blood and gore.

What you can expect is some damned fine acting and writing. The dialog rings true and the various performances are well done, and itÂ’s especially interesting to watch the coupleÂ’s attitudes do a complete one-eighty as the movie progresses. The score is nicely done too. I donÂ’t often mention the music in my reviews, so take that as a positive note.

Albert, the retiree, is played by Arthur Kennedy. Kennedy won a Tony award and was nominated four times for Oscars as Best Supporting Actor and once for Best Actor. His wife Alice is played by Teresa Wright, who was nominated for three Oscars in her first three movie roles! See what I mean about damned fine acting?

On to the details and the disk itself. The color of the transfer is slightly shifted to the red end of the spectrum, which made me think ofÂ… well, old television. It wasnÂ’t so bad that it was a distraction. The fullscreen picture is clean and almost completely free of artifacts, although in places it is showing its age. Considering the original source is thirty-five years old, itÂ’s a damn nice transfer.

ItÂ’s only 74 minutes long, meaning the original hour and a half was padded out with 16 minutes of commercials. Nowadays, it would be a miniseries. Sad.

There are no extras on the DVD, but I canÂ’t think of anything Wild Eye could have included besides trailers from their other releases or some television commercials from that era or a plug to Rocket Jones (RocketJones.mu.nu). Any ideas?

I don’t see it on Netflix (yet), and unless you’re a television afficianado you will probably want to rent before buying. That said, I think they’re worth picking up. Yes, I said “they”. I have another review coming soon, for The Devil’s Daughter, and as much as I liked Crawlspace, I liked that one even more!

IÂ’m going to finish this up by mentioning one unintentional laugh-out-loud moment during the movie. Richard comes upstairs for dinner, wearing a suit. With his wild hair and scraggly beard, he looks like the Geico caveman!

Posted by: Ted at 11:25 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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ROFLMAO

Harold: Did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?

Kumar: Yeah.

Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle

Posted by: Ted at 05:58 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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I've mentioned before that Joe Horror is changing its name to Wildside Cinema. The main site is still under construction, but we continue to post new movie reviews on the very lively forums (the old JH reviews are still here). Plus, we've expanded our coverage beyond horror and grindhouse. So c'mon over, and check out all the new reviews, including my latest on:

Blackula
Lust for Dracula
Lust for a Vampire
D.O.A.
The Beast
Parents

If you feel so inclined, sign up and jump into our hot and heavy debate over the "Top 50 Horror Movies of All Time". Lots of fun.

Posted by: Ted at 12:13 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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Over the last week plus, I've watched:

The Innocents - Classic British creepy ghost movie, the kind that scare the hell out of you without grossing you out or making you jump out of your seat. Highly recommended.

Ilsa, the Wicked Warden - Final episode of the "Ilsa" series, preceded by Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS and Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Sheiks. Lots of boobs and S&M going on, if you're into that sort of thing.

Masters of Horror: Imprint - This one was from season one and was directed by Takashi Miike, who also did Happiness of the Katakuris (that I gush about so often). This episode also has the honor of never being shown on US television because of concerns about the incest, abortionists, and graphic torture. This was a difficult hour to watch. Unforgettable and brilliant, but very uncomfortable viewing, like great horror should be.

Amadeus - Salieri hates Mozart. Beautiful movie. Love it.

300 - I liked this a lot. It helps to remember that this was based on a comic boo- er, graphic novel. If you're whining about historical accuracy or realism, then you're being a twit.

Malpertuis - I'm still making up my mind about this one. In Dutch with English subtitles. Stars Orson Wells and Susan Hampshire (who plays three parts!). This one is like a glimpse inside a madman's thought processes. Utterly insane and I think I loved it.

I'm too lazy to get links for all of these, but some are listed over on the sidebar.

Posted by: Ted at 12:21 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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This fun little flick comes to us from Germany and should be watched with the English language dubbing for the best effect. The dubbing is every bit as bad as a Hong Kong kung fu movie, which only adds to the fun.

Basically, three high school losers take part in a late-night ritual to raise the dead in a local cemetery, which doesn't work the way the goth gang had hoped. In fact, there appears to be no effect at all, and the losers wind up covered with the ashes of a cremated "zombie". On the way home, the three die in a traffic accident, and later wake up in the morgue. Back at school, they try to figure out how to control their craving for flesh and how to retard their ongoing decomposition (staple guns are used to hilarious effect). Things quickly get out of hand.

This reminded me a little bit of Fast Times at Ridgemont High (or most any other ensemble "teen" movie). There were a lot of minor storylines and the film bounces back and forth between them all. All the various loose ends get tied up nicely in a decent ending.

The movie does drag a little from time to time, but then again there were several scenes that were laugh-out-loud funny. Every single character is a stereotype but the good guys are genuinely likable. The supposed "hot" chick has a serious horse face, which made me wonder why everyone in the school lusted after her. The gore is low-budget but there are some squick-a-licious moments. Lots of juvenile humor, sight gags, a smattering of slapstick and some actual intelligent comedy thrown into the mix.

Set your sights low and you'll enjoy this one.

Posted by: Ted at 07:28 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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This exchange was, sadly, the highlight of Satan's Cheerleaders:

High Priest: Women! They're nothing but trouble!

Monk: I know what you mean.

High Priest: How would you know?

Monk: I'm well read, and I dream a lot.

John Ireland, Yvonne De Carlo and John Carradine are wasted in this nonsense. Their performances are so far above the airheads who play the main characters that it's just sad. The minimal amount of gratuitous boobage didn't help matters either.

Posted by: Ted at 05:21 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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It's Rocket Jones movie review time! Cheer or cringe, it's all the same to me.

There have been some classic "low budget" moments in film history. For instance, in "The Beast from Yucca Flats", the entire movie was filmed silent, and all dialog and sound effects were added during post-production. To avoid synchronization problems, the character speaking always has his face turned away from the camera or is off-screen. This results in the odd effect of having two people talking, and you only ever see the person listening as the conversation happens.

Another example is the movie (danged if I can recall what the title was) where all of the sound equipment fell into the lake on the first day of shooting. Their budget didn't allow them to get new equipment, so once again they shot it silent and dubbed in the dialog in post production.

This review is about "Rat Pfink A Boo Boo". That's not a typo, at least, it's not anymore. When the original movie titles were created, instead of "Rat Pfink *and* Boo Boo", they said "Rat Pfink *A* Boo Boo". There wasn't enough money to correct the mistake, so the movie title was changed to match. The cover art also spells it out as "Rat *Phink* A(nd) Boo Boo", which introduces a whole new misspelling to the mix and may have been intentional.

Anyway, if it wasn't for the "legend" behind the movie, this stinker would've been long forgotten. Taking full advantage of low-budget strategies like extended close ups and long, repetitive chase scenes, the movie stretches out to an hour and ten minutes or so, while actually having about twenty minutes of actual action.

If you're a big fan of crappy "rock and roll" singers and the even crappier songs they write and perform - see my review of "The Giant Gila Monster" for the all-time big bag o' barf award - then you're gonna *love* this one. At one point the narrator explains:

Lonnie Lords is a rock star. He carries his guitar with him everywhere he goes because he never knows when he'll be called upon to perform. Lonnie likes to sing.

Sing by the window Lonnie, I'll help you out.

The first half of the movie shows a gang of three guys who... I'm not sure what they do, but they do it as a gang. One always carries a hammer on a string, another a length of chain, and the black guy laughs a lot and they make him ride in the back of the truck. They pick women at random and psychologically abuse them before robbing them.

When they kidnap Lonnie's girlfriend, Lonnie and Titus the gardener become the title heroes and head out to rescue the fair maiden and save the day. This takes a while because mucho time is spent in close ups, car chase scenes and incredibly badly done fights. Did I already say that? Gee, just like this movie! Oh, and there's a gorilla loose too, for no reason that I could figure out. Also, there are many long close ups, car chase scenes and badly done fights.

If - and I mean that in a questioning-your-sanity kinda way - IF, you need to see this just to complete your viewing list of all-time worst movies ever, you have my sympathies. Otherwise, leave it alone. Or go watch "Giant Gila Monster".

Posted by: Ted at 05:13 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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Wow.

I mean it. Just. Wow.

I started to write a review, and said the heck with it. Go read this review. If it sounds at all interesting to you, see it.

Definitely. See it.

Wow.

Posted by: Ted at 08:48 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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Mookie will be posting a review soon of our theater experience last night.

Posted by: Ted at 09:35 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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Mookie and I watched the sequel Ginger Snaps: Unleashed last night (here's the Rocket Jones review of the original movie).

No spoilers for you, but I will say that it has one of the most infuriating endings I've ever seen, so original that it blindsides you like a truck despite the foreshadowing (clear in hindsight, as it should be).

This one is being added to my personal library. See Ginger Snaps first, and then definitely see this one.

Posted by: Ted at 09:16 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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Saturday night, Mookie and I will be attending Synetic Theater's production of "The Fall of the House of Usher". The last time I saw one of their productions, it was "Dracula" (I talked about it here). I'll let you know how it goes.

Posted by: Ted at 04:57 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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This week at Joe Horror, I review two, count 'em, TWO vampire hunter flicks.

Go read the Rocket Jones take on Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter, and yes indeedy, Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter.

Just all kinds of fangy, cheesy, holy, blood-dripping goodness at the other end of that link.

Posted by: Ted at 03:02 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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This week at Joe Horror is my review of Gwendoline, the movie version of the classic 1940's comic strip "Adventures of Sweet Gwendoline". Complete with mondo boobage, bondage galore and Tawny Kitaen in the title role! Woot!

Posted by: Ted at 07:36 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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At least, I've fooled the ones who think I'm a nice guy. Evidence: my recent movie viewing, and I'm talking about the stuff I'm not writing reviews for over at Joe Horror.

Movies like Flower and Snake, where professional dancer Shizuko is handed over to the Yakuza by her industrialist husband when they threaten blackmail for some shady business dealings. She spends much of the movie in various stages of undress and in beautifully done Japanese-style Shibari bondage as the gangsters force her to star in sexual fetish shows. She had kinky fantasies before being betrayed by her inattentive husband, and over time she begins to enjoy the constant humiliation and frequent gangbangs. It sounds like an odd thing to say, but the film is very beautiful to look at, as the director and cinematographer were both at the top of their game during the making of the film. Japanese Pinku are not for everyone tastes, but I enjoyed it. There are sequels too.

At the other end of the quality spectrum is Black Candles, a creepy low-budget Italian flick from the 80's in which a woman and her fiance travel to England for her brother's funeral. Her sister-in-law and the locals are all part of a satanic cult and things get topless confusing in a hurry. The "highlight" of the movie is a ritual involving beastiality with a goat. That's a kind of horror porn I've never seen before, and realistic enough to make you wonder if it was really simulated. Ick. Besides that, there's lots of nudity and softcore sex between good looking humans, but overall this one is only recommended for fans of the genre and PETA activists (trust me, the goat looks happy).

Yeah, yeah, I'm going to hell. But I also keep cute little bunnies as pets. It all evens out.

Posted by: Ted at 08:48 AM | category: Cult Flicks
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This week at Joe Horror, I contributed reviews for Happiness of the Katakuris (previously reviewed here on Rocket Jones and Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. Go check 'em out.

Posted by: Ted at 03:42 PM | category: Cult Flicks
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