Wind Rider officially retires from the Air Force on 1 August after more than 24 years of service.

Visit him at Bloviating Inanities or Silent Running and say thanks.

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Everyone loves to harrass the umpires or speechifier or ballplayers or comedian or other public performer.

So what's the best heckle you've ever heard?

Idea shamelessly stolen from the excellent San Fransisco Giants blog, Waiting for Boof.

Posted by: Ted at 08:02 AM | category: Links
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1 A spruiker was trying to drum up business for a Billy Graham crusade at an AFL (Aussie Rules) game during half time. He finished off by saying that everyone was welcome regardless of denomination or religious affiliation because "after all, we're all Christians". Someone in the crowd shouted loudly "Except the Umpires".

Posted by: Ozguru at July 30, 2004 08:17 AM (wQBle)

2 Being the mascot to a school sucks...Someone from admissions tried to kick clyde today, so Clyde had to **innocent smile** accidently hit them in the back as she turned around...Can you guess who Clyde was today Dad??
HAHHAHAHA

Posted by: Robyn at July 30, 2004 10:15 AM (gWcjd)

3 Some guy at an ECHL Chesapeake Icebreakers (the team is long gone) game was hilarious. Sadly, I can only remember one of his heckles: "Ref, if you had one more eye you'd be Sammy Davis Junior!"

Some guy at a Caps game last year, when everyone was skating (and playing) as if they were in tar: "OK, slow it down!"

And me, after the first period of Game 3, Stanley Cup finals, Washington vs Detroit. The Caps had only *one* shot on goal that period (while Detroid scored on their second shot): "OK, which one of you jokers took the shot?"

Posted by: Victor at July 30, 2004 10:21 AM (L3qPK)

4 Me and my pal Norm have built up a good repertoir of heckles, such as:

I've seen better bunts at a bake sale!

C'mo-o-o-n! Yoko Ono has better pitch control!

This game has more foul balls than a rooster convention!

[to an infielder who flubbed a grounder:]
You shoulda realized something when Allstate turned you down...!

[To Jose Canseco when he did a brief stint in the Atlantic League:]
C'mon, Jose, let's see ya play like you did in the majors!! Oh wait....


[Delivered slo-o-wly and gutterally with a fair measure of frustrated anger:]
SWING at the STRIKES and TAKE the BALLS!


Okay, those aren't show-stoppers. But we usually get a cackle or two from the surrounding folks.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at July 30, 2004 09:28 PM (UQ7tM)

5 works at any sporting event with an official...

"get off your knees ref, cause you're blowing the game."

or for the hockey fans out there...

"are you sure your not pregnant ref, cause you already missed the first 2 periods"

those are my best 2

Posted by: Thomas at January 30, 2005 11:26 PM (utW5S)

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What Hot Jets cheerleader lives in a castle (for real) and has a prehensile tail?

Ok, trick question. The answer, of course, is our newest lovely (ta dahhhh!): Lemur Girl!

I'm not positive about the tail, but she only appears in long skirts and didn't deny it when I asked. I'm earnest and forthright, not nosy and pushy thankyouverymuch. She's also added her email address to her page, which is one of the ones I commented about a few days ago.

Our latest addition brings the Hot Jets squadron to an uneven seventeen eighteen. That appeals to the non conformist in me (mental note: take shoes off next time to count). The rest of the crew:

Sarah, of Trying To Grok!
Emma, of Miss Apropos!
Lynn S., of Reflections in d minor!
Heather, of Angelweave!
Kat, of Mostly Fluff!
Nic, of Shoes, Ships, and Sealing Wax!
Susie, of Practical Penumbra!
Mookie, of MookieRiffic!
Helen, of Everyday Stranger!
Gir, of Your Moosey Fate!
Tink, of Flitting Here and There!
Stevie, of Caught In The XFire!
Jennifer, of Jennifer's History and Stuff!
Cindy, of Squipper!
Blogoline, of Blogoline's Journal!
LeeAnn, of The Cheese Stands Alone!
Denita, of Who Tends The Fires!

I wish I could claim the power to unleash the power of an Instalanch, even a mere feeble shadow of one, but I can't without your help. So go to each one of the sites listed above and enjoy the great blogging there. There's more to becoming a Hot Jets cheerleader than just the swimsuit audition. It takes brains, and these ladies have it in spades. So go visit and drop a comment on 'em.

Posted by: Ted at 05:35 AM | category: Links
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Coming Appearing soon on a television screen near you: LOGO. A network devoted to gays and transgendered people.

Is there really a big enough audience to make this work?

Posted by: Ted at 04:46 AM | category: Links
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Bill's pee pee is all better. Translation: his prostate infection is well on the way to being cured.

Meanwhile, news breaks that Saddam has a prostate infection.

Totally unrelated, but doesn't it make you grit your teeth to hear someone talk about their prostrate gland?

Posted by: Ted at 04:42 PM | category: Links
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...around and about, at various blogs (the ones with class and good looking women), a little picture for Rocket Jones and the Blogger Bowl 2004? I have, and they look goooooood.

Babes with Brains, gotta love the Hot Jets!

Denita's template-meister Eric even put together an animated version. Woot and tres cool (pardon me, my nuance is showing).

Susie's got one.
Nic is one of the cool kids too.
Now Gir really shines with not one, but two Rocket Jones logos and a blip. It's a good thing she likes spontaneous combustion, because she's on fire!
Squipper has the logo up! Squipper, Squipper, Squipper. That's a fun word to say!
And let's not forget:
Helen gave a hearty cheer and shout-out.
Emma, official spokeswoman for "Security Mom's for Rocket Jones".
Now Lynn is a cultured lady, so it should be no surprise that she's a Hot Jet. Cream rises.
Stevie cheers on in her own no-bull style.
Jennifer's gone missing, but before she left she gave a Hot Jet holler.
Now Mookie is a special head case. She's had the summer blahs, complicated by the fact that she's been working, planning for vacation, and doing a ton of summer homework. I don't remember having to do that much over the summer.
The lovely Blogoline lent her voice to the cheering. Yay!
Now LeeAnn is going on vacation, so her cheering is being rationed to make it last.
Heather has been busy with summery fun-ness, but not too busy to cheer.
A little bit sweet, a little bit dark. Kat.
Tink has been having a rough month, family-wise. Send good thoughts her way, she could use the well-wishes and strength.
Sarah tries to grok, which could possibly interfere with cheering, or it might mean that she understands on a deeper level what it truly means to be a Hot Jet.

I've heard from reliable sources that Jim has been recruiting cheerleaders as well. Best of luck, guy, too bad the truly great ones have already become Hot Jets!

Posted by: Ted at 06:04 AM | category: Links
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The Hot Jets just keep getting hotter!

Welcome Helen from Everyday Stranger to the Rocket Jones Hot Jets cheerleader family. Yay!

This is significant because she's living near London, and she says:

And the Monarchs? Puh-leeze. I want real men playing real football!

Hey, listen to the sizzle:
Susie, of Practical Penumbra!
Nic, of Shoes, Ships, and Sealing Wax!
Gir, of Your Moosey Fate!
Emma, of Miss Apropos!
Lynn S., of Reflections in d minor!
Stevie, of Caught In The XFire!
Jennifer, of Jennifer's History and Stuff!
Mookie, of MookieRiffic!
Blogoline, of Blogoline's Journal!
LeeAnn, of The Cheese Stands Alone!
Heather, of Angelweave!
Kat, of Mostly Fluff!
Tink, of Flitting Here and There!
Denita, of Who Tends The Fires!
Cindy, of Squipper!
Sarah, of Trying To Grok!

Recap: Rocket Jones - Real Man. Hot Jets - Best.

Posted by: Ted at 06:41 AM | category: Links
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Seems that our beloved Mu.Nu domain has been banned in South Korea because one of our bloggers has a link to the terrorist beheading videos. Actually, it was originally on his old Blogspot site, and in an amazing show of restraint, the government of South Korea has apparently banned all access to Blogspot sites as well.

What is that they say about judging one's character by the enemies one makes?

Simon has more.

Posted by: Ted at 06:25 AM | category: Links
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...an ordinary day, where you do ordinary things and go to your ordinary job. But today is different - even if you don't know it yet - because when you log on, something extraordinary will happen. You won't just be gaining access to your files, today, you'll be gaining access to The Twilight Zone.

Classic television introductions! Mondo retro-hipness thanks to Fred, who also posts wicked cool Mars pictures of the day.

Posted by: Ted at 05:44 AM | category: Links
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The problem with the L.A. media isn't that it's dominated by liberals but that it's dominated by idiots. -- Cathy Seipp

Posted by: Ted at 11:30 AM | category: Links
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But still, I really like this picture.

(in the extended entry - no nudity, but use your own judgement concerning your workplace)

Found at Kimochi-ii!!!, which definitely isn't work-safe. more...

Posted by: Ted at 04:39 AM | category: Links
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Time to call in the big guns, literally! Get yer mind outta the gutter, because I'm talking about Sarah, who has a picture on Trying To Grok of herself in a tank. Woohoo! Ya know, it never hurts to have a little armor support.

She graciously accepted, and mentioned that she's already been recognized for her cheerleading - check this out. Actually, don't bother, unless you want to deal with a bunch of annoying popups, and then read some lame anti-intelligence (in the literal sense, not in the "spy" kinda way) nitwittery. It's a hate site, and Sarah's been named to their Hall of Infamy for being a true supporter of the US military. At least they mention that she writes well and interestingly, they just don't like her opinions.

Anyways, welcome to the Hot Jets Sarah!

That little banner is starting to crop up in other places...

The Hot Jets are:
Stevie, of Caught In The XFire!
Jennifer, of Jennifer's History and Stuff!
Mookie, of MookieRiffic!
Emma, of Miss Apropos!
Blogoline, of Blogoline's Journal!
LeeAnn, of The Cheese Stands Alone!
Gir, of Your Moosey Fate!
Heather, of Angelweave!
Kat, of Mostly Fluff!
Lynn S., of Reflections in d minor!
Tink, of Flitting Here and There!
Denita, of Who Tends The Fires!
Cindy, of Squipper!
Susie, of Practical Penumbra!
Nic, of Shoes, Ships, and Sealing Wax!

Pick a sweetie, any sweetie. In fact, go visit them all.

Posted by: Ted at 09:04 AM | category: Links
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Velociman did this one a while back, and I meant to, but never got around to it. My results are in the extended entry.

Which Childish Practical Joke Are You?

Aside to Velociman: you've been comment spammed on the post with some rather rude links. Just lettin' ya know. more...

Posted by: Ted at 02:11 PM | category: Links
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So I'm putzing around the rocket workshop today, taking care of some items on the ol' to-do list, when I remember an old post idea I wanted to do. Jot it down and come back to it later, and when I do I googled up a few things to research. And I found this page, which has nothing to do with what I was looking for - honest! - but with a title like Bikini Karate Babes, how could I not investigate, eh?

In the interview with the creator, he has this to say:

Bikini Karate Babes is a fun and silly game. If you're looking for the greatest fighting game since Tekken... you won't find it here. But if you're looking for something unique with solid gameplay and high replay value, then this game is for you!

BKB uses actual video images of real women. You can control these women in real time. It is by far the best example of interactive video controlled in real time ever made. The animation is excellent, not choppy like so many 'other' games using video images. The full range of motion is captured for every punch, kick, and jiggle!

Posted by: Ted at 01:45 PM | category: Links
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Tombstone Generator thanks to LeeAnn, Susie and others...

Posted by: Ted at 11:07 PM | category: Links
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Title courtesy of the spirited Gir. How can you not love someone who quotes Invader Zim?

Well, using my pitiful Paint Shop Pro skills, I've come up with a banner for the Hot Jets.

Feel free to add it to your template, or post it once up, or ignore it altogether. I'm easy.

Posted by: Ted at 04:56 AM | category: Links
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Must be, what else could be whining like that?

I mean, Victor mentions bad juju because his girlfriend, Nic, becomes a Hot Jet cheerleader for Rocket Jones. Did she pick me over Victor? Of course not, it's all in the timing, and I notice now that Victor has formed a team in the league as well. Rats of Chaos, eh? Good name, Victor. Strong juju.

Then there's Nick, who suspects coercion. Don't forget the bribes Nick. Dig deep and find evidence for bribes too. It couldn't possibly be that I just emailed each and every lady individually, asked nicely, and said 'please'? "Hired", indeed.

Darn mosquito. Probably irate that he didn't think of it first.

It's annika I fear, because she's already doing research. Unless one of us lucks out and the fourteenth best wide reciever available in the draft has an absolutely monster year, she might stomp us all. On the field, that is, because on the sidelines, you all might as well change your names to Jacques.

More classy, sassy, bold and brassy Hot Jets on the squad. Say hello to:

Emma, of Miss Apropos!
Blogoline, of Blogoline's Journal!
Kat, of Mostly Fluff!
Lynn S., of Reflections in d minor!
Tink, of Flitting Here and There!

...to go along with the original batch o'lovelies:

Denita, of Who Tends The Fires!
Cindy, of Squipper!
Susie, of Practical Penumbra!
Nic, of Shoes, Ships, and Sealing Wax!
LeeAnn, of The Cheese Stands Alone!
Gir, of Your Moosey Fate!
Heather, of Angelweave!
Stevie, of Caught In The XFire!
Jennifer, of Jennifer's History and Stuff!
Mookie, of MookieRiffic!

What color are your helmets, toast-boy? I hope they match that lovely shade of green I see hear.

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1 I got a shout-out and I fargin' missed it?! I'm so ashamed.

And thank you (belatedly - and is belatedly really a word?).

Posted by: Kat at July 23, 2004 09:08 AM (PwX2K)

2 Okay - I put a little something in my post. )

Posted by: Kat at July 23, 2004 09:35 AM (PwX2K)

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Major thanks to QandO for pointing this one out (via Wizbang). Scroll down, read the last paragraph, and remember Rule Number 1: never piss off the people who make you look good.

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And the desperation sets in. Annika has already purchased a fantasy football draft guide, and I've heard rumors that one of the other teams is trying to hire Bill Walsh as a draft consultant.

But while secret (and not-so-secret) plans are being laid for future success, Rocket Jones is already whupping the competition. That's right folks, it is my privilege to introduce, for the first second time ever, the Hot Jets, cheerleaders for the Rockets! Give it up for the classiest and sassiest group of ladies to ever shake a pom-pom.

In no particular order (how could you ever put one above another?);

Heather, of Angelweave!
Stevie, of Caught In The XFire!
Susie, of Practical Penumbra!
Nic, of Shoes, Ships, and Sealing Wax!
LeeAnn, of The Cheese Stands Alone!
Gir, of Your Moosey Fate!
Denita, of Who Tends The Fires!
Cindy, of Squipper!
Jennifer, of Jennifer's History and Stuff!
Mookie, of MookieRiffic!

Spirits are high, tryouts continue, and I expect the squad will grow.

For those wondering (humor me), team colors are black, white and red. The reason for that is that NASA and the military did visibility studies to determine the best colors to paint a rocket. Large swaths of - you guessed it - black, white and red, alternated for contrast works best. For extra visibility, we often add sparkly and shiny bits, so they'll catch the light on the way down and make it easier to follow. Come to think of it, that's what we do with cheerleaders too.

Posted by: Ted at 06:39 AM | category: Links
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1 Like the Heinlein reference in their name.

OTOH, recruiting someone else's gf is bad juju.

Posted by: Victor at July 22, 2004 08:51 AM (L3qPK)

2 I've got your cheering section up on my sidebar now. LeeAnn, a cheerleader? What did you bribe her with?

Posted by: Lynn at July 22, 2004 01:50 PM (eAcba)

3 LOL I said "please". Y'all underestimate my charm.

Posted by: Ted at July 22, 2004 02:54 PM (blNMI)

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Sorry about the title, I couldn't resist.

I'm signed up for Blogger Bowl 2004, yet another foray into the world of fantasy sports. Football this time, in a league that looks to be mostly Munuvian. Thanks to Nick for the invite.

Now, some of you may think you're too inexperienced to join. Poppycock! Sign on up and we'll help you out, because we love fresh meat we're all friends and nice people. Right?

This will be an auto-draft, which means that Yahoo will determine the draft order, and then dole out players based on who's left that's best. In other words, when it's your pick, you'll get the best player left at that position at that time. Based on my fantasy hockey experiences, it's fair.

Now what you might not know is that you can "elevate" players to increase your odds of picking him up. For instance, say you absolutely must have Kelly Ripa at quarterback (or is that Jim Kelly? I get them confused), then you can go into Yahoo and - following their pretty good directions - bump that players' value up so that when it's your turn and he's available, you'll get him. Cool!

Specific tips for my opponents:

1. Mike Ditka is not running for office. Mike Ditka is one of the greatest Tight Ends in history. Put 'em together and you'll notice that he's available!!! Head over to Yahoo and put Mike Ditka as your first draft pick for Tight End.

2. This one is kind of a longshot, but if you draft Howie Long high enough, you'll probably lure him out of retirement. Worth a shot.

3. Gale Sayers was the one who didn't die in Brian's Song, so he's still available. Get thee to Yahoo now! Not convinced? Gale Sayer's didn't die twice!!! Obviously a winner, and someone you'd want on your team.

4. Don't be like the New York Giants, and accidentally draft a dead player. Live players will generally score more points for you than dead ones.

5. Kickers can be the difference between success and failure, and nothing is worse than losing because your kicker was on a bye week. Think creatively, and draft outside the box. Freddy Adeu has no NFL bye weeks, and he's one heck of a kicker.

6. Team names are important. You should spend hours if not days agonizing over yours. For instance, Rockets implies grace and speed, while using muscle and raw power to get it done. If you decide to call your team the Twinkly Fairies, they better be tough. Sometimes you can go for the humorous monicker, like Altoona Fish or Tijuana Lapdancers. The key here is to agonize, because angst makes for very good football.

7. Everyone else in the league is in it for one thing only - to win. Myself, on the other hand, am in it for the fun. And we all know that it's more fun if everyone's having fun. So if I offer you a trade, don't look at it too closely, just rest easy knowing that anything I propose is good for everybody equally. Just click "approve" and we'll all be happier.

8. This is fantasy football, so it's ok to have your weird superstitions. You wanna wear the same lucky underwear all season without washing them? Go right ahead, I don't mind a bit. Oh, and if you believe that the 'fantasy' part means you start having homoerotic daydreams about your players, well, I don't want to hear about it. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course.

8. Yep, I typed eight again, just to see who's still paying attention.

I'm sure there's more...

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