This is a must-read. Trust me. You'll thank me when the shock wears off, because it's hilarious/scary/true.

We are living in A.E. VanVogt's Cyril M. Kornbluth's** universe.

*Title acronym brazenly stolen - and mangled - from Derek.

**I misremembered the author who created the character Poopy Panda.

Posted by: Ted at 11:44 AM | category: Links
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The title doesn't begin to cover it. I've been meaning to blogroll Ian, aka EDog, since... well, for quite a while now.

Is finally done. Go say hi.

Posted by: Ted at 09:00 PM | category: Links
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But I'll shop there any day over Target. Here's one reason why: Target sells "trendy" Che Guevara logo merchandise.

Remember, Che had a direct hand in the murder of children by firing squad in Cuba.

Thanks to Transterrestrial Musings for the pointer.

Posted by: Ted at 05:52 AM | category: Links
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In Washington D.C., everything that Redskins owner Dan Snyder touches turns to crap. Besides the neighborhoods surrounding his new football stadium, where residents were getting tickets for parking in front of their own homes during football games (possibly reducing Dan's parking revenues), he is also the first (and only, as far as I know) owner to charge admission for loyal fans who travel long distances to attend Redskins training camp practices. Dan Snyder has proven himself to be a self-centered, money-hungry jerk with all the delicacy of a hammer and anvil.

His latest effort in anti-community relations revolves around his radio "network". He's purchased three stations in the area in order to broadcast his team's games, but that wasn't enough. He is now in final negotiations to buy the last remaining classical music station in the region, and has already announced plans to switch to all-talk sports and, you guessed it, Washington Redskins football games.

At his funeral, I hope they play His new theme song should be the Blue Damn You Waltz.

Posted by: Ted at 04:25 AM | category: Links
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This AP article has me seeing red. Here's the opening:

When hordes of police and immigration officials stormed meatpacking plants in six states this week, the illegal workers arrested may not have been the only victims.

Victims? Illegal workers arrested for breaking US law are not victims because they got caught!

Who are the other victims? Why, you and me of course, because we may have to pay more for meat because all of those other victims (you know, the ILLEGAL aliens) got busted by big, bad Uncle Sam.

The meatpacking industry has become dependent on an unauthorized labor force, and it is not good government to destroy an entire industry.

Lets parse that out. "The meatpacking industry has become dependent on an unauthorized labor force...". Sounds to me like the meatpacking industry needs some civic lessons on being a good corporate citizen.

"...it is not good government to destroy an entire industry." I agree with this completely. Just ask tobacco what they think. However, when you put those two statements together like some kind of hybrid rationale, the entire argument is bullshit.

According to the article, union membership is down and wages are way down since the meatpacking industry moved out of the northeast and into the plains states. The reason behind the move is clear and undisputed. There is a larger, cheaper labor pool (translation: illegal aliens) in the midwest.

Personally, if my meat prices go up because criminals are no longer involved in the supply chain, well, that's ok with me. That includes those criminals who knowingly hire illegal aliens to cut costs and boost profits. If you need a touchy-feely aspect, think about the meatpackers who lost their jobs when the plants relocated. This is outsourcing an industry without even leaving our own porous borders.

And don't ever, Ever, EVER try to tell me that those busted illegal aliens are victims.

Posted by: Ted at 12:14 PM | category: Links
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Surfing in Cleveland?

It sounds worse than I could imagine:

To reach the lake, surfers drag their boards across snow drifts and beaches littered with used condoms and syringes, Ditzenberger said. The most popular surf spot is Edgewater State Park. It is nicknamed Sewer Pipe because, after heavy rains, a nearby sewage treatment plant regularly discharges untreated waste into Lake Erie.

As if that's not bad enough, I keep picturing Drew Carey in a speedo.

Posted by: Ted at 12:18 PM | category: Links
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Princess Cat offers up some dead-on holiday eating tips. For instance:

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

What really made me laugh was the closing quote, because I just happened to get an email on a similar subject with the same quote at the end. So for your educational enrichment, I present:

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And the closing quote:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming : Woo Hoo, what a ride!"

A.Men.

Posted by: Ted at 08:34 PM | category: Links
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Hockey Live, games via streaming video courtesy of Comcast.

According to Off Wing Opinion, this service is now available to everyone. Here's the entire schedule, and although it's heavily weighted towards northeast teams, there are still some very good matchups coming up.

Posted by: Ted at 09:27 PM | category: Balls and Ice
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Over at Dusting My Brain, Cindy has been posting a series of photographs she's taken of birds. Beautiful work, and you should go check it out.

Posted by: Ted at 08:48 PM | category: Links
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In the classic Rocket Jones style, babes dressed (more or less) in Christmassy clothing.

Not safe for work. Ho Ho Ho.

Posted by: Ted at 05:18 AM | category: Links
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List of weapons that don't exist, but should.

Ninja sheep, the Radioactive Zombie Badger Launcher, and the so-deadly-the-UN-will-shit Landmine that shoots Grenades filled with Nunchucks with Shuriken tips. Plus more. Much, much more.

Posted by: Ted at 09:05 PM | category: Links
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