The standard issue French Army Knife.

All it needs is a foot switch so you don't have to put your hands down to use it.

Thanks to INDC Journal for the pointer.

Posted by: Ted at 12:06 PM | category: Links
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I don't know what's scarier in this story about an adventure while exploring a cave, the eerie atmosphere that the guy captures so well or the idea of squeezing through some of the passages in the photos. Either way, set aside some time and read this, it's chilling.

Major thanks to Rich for the pointer.

Posted by: Ted at 03:51 PM | category: Links
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1 I'm just disappointed... (edited)

And it was a really great horror story, too!

Posted by: Linda at September 30, 2004 12:20 PM (mmKG+)

2 Linda, that was the point! LOL Think about it.

Sorry for editing your comment, but you were giving away the ending.

Posted by: Ted at September 30, 2004 12:38 PM (blNMI)

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How about a subscription to the Unfortunate Animal of the Month Club?

Something dreadful in the mail each month to brighten your life. I encourage you to have them delivered to your office.

They are the very best efforts I produce, mailed Priority Mail, and they will be “wrapped”, like a present from your really, really cool Aunt that you don't have. It may be packed in leaves, wrapped in an odd length of fabric, a placemat, yards and yards and yards of string, joss paper -- you just never know, and it won't be the same twice. There will be a note from the Unfortunate Animal to you, written on god-knows-what, and it's quite likely not to make a great deal of sense, or be written in verse (Unfortunate Animals are very odd creatures, after all); unwrapping it will be an adventure in a different way each time.

Blame J-Walk Blog for this one.

Posted by: Ted at 09:55 AM | category: Links
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In the closest game of the week, the Rockets emerged triumphant over Brendoman! That brings my record to 2-1, with two wins in a row. After Sunday's games I had the victory sewn up, and still had Terry "foot in mouth, head up ass" Glenn of Dallas playing on MNF. The Giants' Ron Dayne also scored the big goose-egg for me as he didn't play despite reports that he'd be ready for the game. On the plus side, Bret Favre, Jamaal Lewis and the Baltimore defense had monster games.

And now, for your websurfing pleasure (annoying Victor is just a bonus for me), may I present the Rocket Jones Blogger Bowl cheerleaders, the Hot Jets!!!

Lemur Girl, of... uh, Lemur Girl!
Lynn S., of Reflections in d minor!
Susie, of Practical Penumbra!
Blogoline, of Blogoline's Journal!
Dawn of Dawn Enterprises!
Stevie, of Caught In The XFire!
Margi, of Margi Lowry!
Gir, of Your Moosey Fate!
Tink, of Flitting Here and There!
Sarah, of Trying To Grok!
Helen, of Everyday Stranger!
annika, of annika's journal!
Cindy, of Dusting My Brain!
Mookie, of MookieRiffic!
Denita, of Who Tends The Fires!
Jennifer, of Jennifer's History and Stuff!
Heather, of Angelweave!
Kat, of Mostly Fluff!
Nic, of Shoes, Ships, and Sealing Wax!
LeeAnn, of The Cheese Stands Alone!
Big Hair, of Left & Right!
Wegglywoo, of On the Beach at the End of the World!

Go visit them, because each one is a unique and excellent read.

Next we come to the trash talking portion of the post. This week is going to be a tough game, because I'm going up against Victor's undefeated Mice of Mischief. I've got a secret weapon, I just hope it's enough.

Posted by: Ted at 04:20 AM | category: Links
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My suggested subtitle: "Bad News Sells More Magazines".

It's not all sweetness and light, but at the same time it's not all doom and gloom like so many of the current headlines lead you to believe.

Good news and optimistic stories from Iraq, courtesy of Winds of Change.

Posted by: Ted at 12:12 PM | category: Links
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Hood ornaments.

Reminds me of a true story that would be perfect for an Air Force Blue post, except that some things must never be put into writing because there is no karmic statute of limitations. You'd laugh your ass off though, it's a good one.

Thanks to Lynn S. for pointing this one out.

Posted by: Ted at 04:49 AM | category: Links
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The Joe Don Baker haiku contest was a rousing success, with forty-six entries received. Despite demands for instant gratification, annika is meditating over the winner from nine carefully chosen and brilliant finalists.

Two of them are mine. Remember when I said I didn't have the talent for poetry? I lied. Or more likely I just don't know my verse from a hole in the ground. No matter, go and read, and see the comments where annika praises me for my total lack of enjambment. That's a good thing. Trust me, I'm a poet and I know about this stuff.

Posted by: Ted at 12:31 PM | category: Links
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Ignore the politics-related context if it helps, but visit Wizbang and enjoy the funniest story I've read in a long long time.

Posted by: Ted at 10:29 AM | category: Links
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Fifty years ago, they were dreaming about home computers...

(in the exended entry)

Thanks to both Silflay Hraka (who also has some kick-ass nursery rhymes) and Curmudgeonly & Skeptical (who may or may not be work safe on any given day). more...

Posted by: Ted at 06:10 AM | category: Links
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Jump over to Flying Space Monkey Chronicles and help him reach his goal of a half-million hits by today! Now!!! Note the exclamation points!!!!! Hurry!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Ted at 02:46 PM | category: Links
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I don't have the talent to create poetry beyond the occasional dirty limrick, so I'll link to some twisted stuff instead.

Courtesy of columnist Lincoln Spector:

Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Half a gig, half a gig,
Half a gig all spent,
Into the upgrade from hell
Went the department.
All the new features now!
All that they have sent.
Into the upgrade from hell
Went the department.

Edgar Allen Poe

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, eyes too bleary,
Over messages most eerie, errors that would not compute-
Windows, and I now must sum up, would not run or even come up,
Not a desktop would it drum up; operating system mute.
Cryptic message on my screen and in all else Windows was mute.
OS sick and most acute.

Ernest Lawrence Thayer

It looked extremely rocky for the Mudville Corp. that day;
The office suite was sour and Paint's colors all were gray.
So when Cooney needed tech support, and got that old dial tone,
He hoped that mighty Casey would be answering the phone.

But first came a recording, and he knew just what to do;
He listened to that little voice, and then pressed number Two.
That little voice returned again, and told him of his fate,
But Cooney knew just what to do and so he pressed the Eight.

Those are mere snippets, there's lots more to enjoy. In fact, click on the little "past articles" link on that page, and be prepared to laugh out loud at computer geekdom's version of Dave Barry. I especially loved his Shakespearian version of Customer Support - The Tragedy of DSL.

Posted by: Ted at 11:59 AM | category: Links
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Check out Google!

Posted by: Ted at 07:15 AM | category: Links
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While this is not even close to the scope of the CBS story, this one's been going on quite a bit longer. A group of collectors over on the alt.binaries.pictures.eroctica.vintage newsgroup have been having a grand ol' time for several years, trading old postcards and scanning girlie magazines from way back when. I visit occasionally, and contribute once in a blue moon, and you've seen some of their work here on Rocket Jones in various pinups and book covers. There's some real historical knowledge there, as well as a few inevitable trolls and nitwits.

So anyways, a while back someone got curious about a specific series of photographs taken at a location that's come to be known as the "spider pool". There's a picture (safe for work) in the extended entry, along with the rest of the story. more...

Posted by: Ted at 05:24 AM | category: History
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Victor knows how to hijack a comments section.

After annika blows off her Poetry Wednesday, Victor jumps in and declares Joe Don Baker Haiku day in her stead.

I contributed, you should too. Rumor has it there's prizes and everything. Woot!

Posted by: Ted at 04:55 AM | category: Links
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From Spot On, via Dean Esmay:

1. Why did you start a blog?

2. Do you have a blogmother/blogfather?

3. Has it helped/hurt/had no effect on your professional life?

4. Do your 'real world' friends know that you blog?

5. Do you have a blog crush?

Leave your answers here in the comments, go to Karol's place and leave 'em in there, or post them to your place with a trackback. I'm easy.

Posted by: Ted at 06:10 AM | category: Links
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Please smite that stupid asshole Jimmy Swaggart.

Posted by: Ted at 07:16 PM | category: Links
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Indonesia is the largest Islamic nation in the world, and they've just held peaceful democratic elections. Thanks to Simon for pointing that out.

Meanwhile, in Afghanistan, there's another bunch of good news that you just don't hear about. Thanks to Winds of Change for this one.

Posted by: Ted at 09:55 AM | category: Links
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This is the funniest thing I've read in a long long time, if you follow politics via blogs. Oh lord, don't miss the comments, they're the best part!

Thanks to Q and O for pointing this one out.

Posted by: Ted at 05:14 AM | category: Links
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Victor jumps into the cheerleader wars with both feet by introducing the Hot Rats. To be honest, the first thing I thought of was Frank Zappa (Rat Tomago was an instrumental piece of his), then this month's cover to Mad Magazine (issue #446, scroll down and click it to see), and only then did the "awwww, so cute" moment hit me. I dig a rat named Leather though. Good juju.

Kalashnikov Vodka. The only way it'll be available in California is if there's less than 10 shots in a bottle.

Q and O transmogrifies itself into a portal for all things neolibertarianistic. Adjust your blogrolls and hang on for a wild ride. If these guys aren't already a daily read for you, then you're really missing out on something special.

I've been getting to Captain's Quarters via Q and O for quite a while now, it's time to add him to my blogroll.

Also new to the blogroll is Interested Participant. Apparently I've been on his blogroll for quite some time, but I'm a lazy and unobservant bastard (just ask my wife).

InstaPundit finally got the word and is now providing a PDA-friendly version. Yay!

Imagine keeping a secret for over 50 years. That's what this rancher did, quietly letting archeologists work in a canyon on his land that contained the remnants of an ancient Amerind civilization.

Yoni sent a nice email asking for a link and a mention for his blog, where the focus is college basketball. All you SportsBlog junkies can also add his site to your daily visit list.

No link here, just because. Madonna calls for world peace, french kisses Pope. Rumor has it that Britney is pissed because she was upstaged again.

*Ripple Fire is a term used by the military when several rockets are fired sequentially in a short period of time.

Posted by: Ted at 06:50 PM | category: Links
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1 Hot Rats was a Zappa album title, too. And, is that Madonna-french-kissing-the-Pope story true? I haven't heard that one yet!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at September 20, 2004 08:34 PM (LYY6j)

2 Hockey
Hockey
Hockey
*sigh

Posted by: Tricia at September 20, 2004 09:25 PM (lRTFS)

3 Ya know, I would've sworn Hot Rats was a Zappa album, but when I Googled all that came up was Rat Tomago (I only checked the first page). I remembered that one too, so I thought maybe my memory was faulty.

I made up the thing about Madonna. Sounds odd enough to be half-believable though, eh?

Posted by: Ted at September 21, 2004 06:02 AM (blNMI)

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Please, make sure you put down the beverage before going here. Warning: may be unfunny to the Rather humor impaired.

Posted by: Ted at 02:13 PM | category: Links
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