Mosquito in the room

Must be, what else could be whining like that?

I mean, Victor mentions bad juju because his girlfriend, Nic, becomes a Hot Jet cheerleader for Rocket Jones. Did she pick me over Victor? Of course not, it's all in the timing, and I notice now that Victor has formed a team in the league as well. Rats of Chaos, eh? Good name, Victor. Strong juju.

Then there's Nick, who suspects coercion. Don't forget the bribes Nick. Dig deep and find evidence for bribes too. It couldn't possibly be that I just emailed each and every lady individually, asked nicely, and said 'please'? "Hired", indeed.

Darn mosquito. Probably irate that he didn't think of it first.

It's annika I fear, because she's already doing research. Unless one of us lucks out and the fourteenth best wide reciever available in the draft has an absolutely monster year, she might stomp us all. On the field, that is, because on the sidelines, you all might as well change your names to Jacques.

More classy, sassy, bold and brassy Hot Jets on the squad. Say hello to:

Emma, of Miss Apropos!
Blogoline, of Blogoline's Journal!
Kat, of Mostly Fluff!
Lynn S., of Reflections in d minor!
Tink, of Flitting Here and There!

...to go along with the original batch o'lovelies:

Denita, of Who Tends The Fires!
Cindy, of Squipper!
Susie, of Practical Penumbra!
Nic, of Shoes, Ships, and Sealing Wax!
LeeAnn, of The Cheese Stands Alone!
Gir, of Your Moosey Fate!
Heather, of Angelweave!
Stevie, of Caught In The XFire!
Jennifer, of Jennifer's History and Stuff!
Mookie, of MookieRiffic!

What color are your helmets, toast-boy? I hope they match that lovely shade of green I see hear.

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Too funny

Major thanks to QandO for pointing this one out (via Wizbang). Scroll down, read the last paragraph, and remember Rule Number 1: never piss off the people who make you look good.

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Commitment to Excellence

And the desperation sets in. Annika has already purchased a fantasy football draft guide, and I've heard rumors that one of the other teams is trying to hire Bill Walsh as a draft consultant.

But while secret (and not-so-secret) plans are being laid for future success, Rocket Jones is already whupping the competition. That's right folks, it is my privilege to introduce, for the first second time ever, the Hot Jets, cheerleaders for the Rockets! Give it up for the classiest and sassiest group of ladies to ever shake a pom-pom.

In no particular order (how could you ever put one above another?);

Heather, of Angelweave!
Stevie, of Caught In The XFire!
Susie, of Practical Penumbra!
Nic, of Shoes, Ships, and Sealing Wax!
LeeAnn, of The Cheese Stands Alone!
Gir, of Your Moosey Fate!
Denita, of Who Tends The Fires!
Cindy, of Squipper!
Jennifer, of Jennifer's History and Stuff!
Mookie, of MookieRiffic!

Spirits are high, tryouts continue, and I expect the squad will grow.

For those wondering (humor me), team colors are black, white and red. The reason for that is that NASA and the military did visibility studies to determine the best colors to paint a rocket. Large swaths of - you guessed it - black, white and red, alternated for contrast works best. For extra visibility, we often add sparkly and shiny bits, so they'll catch the light on the way down and make it easier to follow. Come to think of it, that's what we do with cheerleaders too.

Posted by: Ted at 06:39 AM | category: Links
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Win one for the Phipper

Sorry about the title, I couldn't resist.

I'm signed up for Blogger Bowl 2004, yet another foray into the world of fantasy sports. Football this time, in a league that looks to be mostly Munuvian. Thanks to Nick for the invite.

Now, some of you may think you're too inexperienced to join. Poppycock! Sign on up and we'll help you out, because we love fresh meat we're all friends and nice people. Right?

This will be an auto-draft, which means that Yahoo will determine the draft order, and then dole out players based on who's left that's best. In other words, when it's your pick, you'll get the best player left at that position at that time. Based on my fantasy hockey experiences, it's fair.

Now what you might not know is that you can "elevate" players to increase your odds of picking him up. For instance, say you absolutely must have Kelly Ripa at quarterback (or is that Jim Kelly? I get them confused), then you can go into Yahoo and - following their pretty good directions - bump that players' value up so that when it's your turn and he's available, you'll get him. Cool!

Specific tips for my opponents:

1. Mike Ditka is not running for office. Mike Ditka is one of the greatest Tight Ends in history. Put 'em together and you'll notice that he's available!!! Head over to Yahoo and put Mike Ditka as your first draft pick for Tight End.

2. This one is kind of a longshot, but if you draft Howie Long high enough, you'll probably lure him out of retirement. Worth a shot.

3. Gale Sayers was the one who didn't die in Brian's Song, so he's still available. Get thee to Yahoo now! Not convinced? Gale Sayer's didn't die twice!!! Obviously a winner, and someone you'd want on your team.

4. Don't be like the New York Giants, and accidentally draft a dead player. Live players will generally score more points for you than dead ones.

5. Kickers can be the difference between success and failure, and nothing is worse than losing because your kicker was on a bye week. Think creatively, and draft outside the box. Freddy Adeu has no NFL bye weeks, and he's one heck of a kicker.

6. Team names are important. You should spend hours if not days agonizing over yours. For instance, Rockets implies grace and speed, while using muscle and raw power to get it done. If you decide to call your team the Twinkly Fairies, they better be tough. Sometimes you can go for the humorous monicker, like Altoona Fish or Tijuana Lapdancers. The key here is to agonize, because angst makes for very good football.

7. Everyone else in the league is in it for one thing only - to win. Myself, on the other hand, am in it for the fun. And we all know that it's more fun if everyone's having fun. So if I offer you a trade, don't look at it too closely, just rest easy knowing that anything I propose is good for everybody equally. Just click "approve" and we'll all be happier.

8. This is fantasy football, so it's ok to have your weird superstitions. You wanna wear the same lucky underwear all season without washing them? Go right ahead, I don't mind a bit. Oh, and if you believe that the 'fantasy' part means you start having homoerotic daydreams about your players, well, I don't want to hear about it. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course.

8. Yep, I typed eight again, just to see who's still paying attention.

I'm sure there's more...

Posted by: Ted at 05:44 AM | category: Links
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New scam to double my hits

This link is absolutely not safe for work, so you'll have to come back this evening to check it out. And believe you me, it's worth it.

As Wegglywoo says:

thank gaia! someone finally found a way to combine breasts, phonecams, and the web!

That's right, it's Cleavage!

What? You don't visit Wegglywoo? For shame.

[her] head and stomach were in revolt against the alcohol in her system even before we got home, and she complained that i was driving in circles. i told her i knew where i was going, and that i was going quite straight. she explained that she meant vertical circles, like a ferris wheel.

She's witty and wise, and celebrates both Thong Thursday and Tits Out Tuesday. Now how can you argue with that?

As final evidence that she's a classy lady, Rocket Jones is prominently absent from her blogroll.

Posted by: Ted at 04:26 AM | category: Links
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Washington DC's only winning football team

The D.C. Divas professional woman's football team finished the season undefeated and made it into the second round of the playoffs before falling last weekend to two-time champs Detroit in a close game (20-14). The Divas are part of the 30-team National Woman's Football Association.

Divas team colors are burgundy and gold (big surprise there), but what's up with that Cowboy-esque star in the logo?

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Pretty flowers

These pictures make me sooooooo jealous.

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Don't snicker, it's a Vorpal Bunny

Yutaka Fukufuji is Japan's hope for respectablility in Olympic ice hockey. He attends development camps in the US and played for Cincinnati in the East Coast Hockey League.

Here's a picture of Fukufuji in the gear for Kokudo, his home team in Japan.

Thanks to Sharkspage for the pointer.

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Stage right

There've been some new MuNuvians added (there are getting to be quite a lot of us too), and some others added to the blogroll farther down. I recommend finding one you've never visited and give a read. If you like it, tell 'em Rocket Jones sent you. If you don't, well, life is full of little disappointments, isn't it?

Posted by: Ted at 06:51 AM | category: Links
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Tip #1, Never ever forget to invite Bubba

Martha Stewart appears in court tomorrow for sentencing, complete with her friends, family, legal team and a "sentencing consultant".

"A federal prosecution is incredibly adversarial. You can come out of it feeling victimized, saying 'They were mean to me, or they didn't have to go that far,'" says [consultant] Novak. But he emphasizes to them: "Your choices and the consequences for those choices are truly what put you in this position."

Pruno. It's time to pull out the good crystal!

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Happy Birthday Mookie!

Go on over to her place and wish her a happy 16th! And while you're there, remind her to clean her room.

And Mookie, I found this for you. You're welcome sweetie.

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Holding Pattern stuff

One of my favorite features of Movable Type is 'draft mode'. I'll find stuff out on the net, then throw together notes and links and such into a drafted article until I can get around to polishing it until I get bored, then it goes out as is.

Once in a while, when the muse is silent, and I'm too lazy or busy to nudge her the hell up, I'll pull out one of my "Holding Pattern" posts and there you go - instant content.

For instance, here's two that I've been sitting on for a while now, both courtesy of Alan E. Brain.

The CSS Zen Garden . Site design ideas and inspiration.

And for those more inclined to the arts, presented here are Earth songs in Klingon - funny funny stuff!

Enjoy!

Posted by: Ted at 10:35 AM | category: Links
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Found her!

A while back I wrote about a rocket I fly called Ain't Misbehavin', and posted a picture of the decal for it. I'd mentioned that the pinup-style lady on the decal was from an artist named Shannanigan, but that I'd lost the link. Well, I found it again, and her site is well worth a visit.

Psst. She does Sims stuff too.

Oh yeah, Yahoo has taken down all my old photo pages, so I've included the decal for Ain't Misbehavin' in the extended entry. more...

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It is a silly place

Major thanks to Lawren for pointing out that next year the Broadway musical version of Monty Python & the Holy Grail premiers.

Let the spankings commence!

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I'll take 'ass whooping' for $1000, Alex

Have you been watching Jeopardy lately?

Jennings is making the most of a change in "Jeopardy!" rules. To mark the start of its 20th season last September, the quiz show lifted its five-game limit for winners and allowed them to keep going until they lose.

He's won 28 nights in a row, and has over $900,000 in winnings so far. The article talks about how self-deprecating he is, and it's true. This guy has had the opportunity to really run it up and hasn't done so. He makes modest, non-greedy Final Jeopardy wagers - which he almost always wins - and just destroys the competition by being faster on the button and giving the right answers. I've also never seen him buzz in just to guess at an answer, the guy has his act together.

By the way, my wife reminded me that we'd seen the longest contestant appearance streak ever on a show called Tic Tac Dough, hosted by Wink Martindale. On that show, a Naval officer named Thom McKee stayed on the show for 45 straight games.

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The Trailer Trash Culture Thingy

Lynn from Reflections in D minor has put together the latest quiz to show just how uncivilized we are. Personally, I'm such a gentleman I take the dishes out of the sink before I pee (who recognizes that quote?).

Anyway, the choices are in the extended entry, and my preferences in bold. more...

Posted by: Ted at 10:04 PM | category: Links
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A musical interlude

Saddam's visit to court, soundtrack provided by ZZ Top - Sharp Dressed Man.

Thanks to Travelling Shoes for the pointer.

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What would she call me if she weren't college educated?

Here ya go, Susie. No links for monkey boy, but in his honor I just watched Bride of the Gorilla, starring Raymond Burr, from 1951. Good flick.

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More PDA reading stuff

I'm discovering that trying to read internet sites not specifically formatted for PDA viewing can be a royal pain in the butt.

Eric McErlain's Off Wing Opinion is wonderful. He's got a dedicated mirror site that formats everything nicely, so that when I 'sync' and it gets downloaded, it shows up beautifully on the screen of my iPAQ. So I get all the great OWO sports articles in a handy, easy to read format.

On the other hand, sites like Scrappleface or USS Clueless are difficult to deal with because of scrolling issues, as in horizontal scrolling, because the pages are too wide and don't format properly (if at all) when being downloaded.

Now it's certainly not their problem, because I imagine it's another bit of work involved to put up a PDA-formatted site with your content, and who wants more to do just for a relatively few readers.

So I was wondering, might it be possible to use an RSS aggregator to collect posts from hither and yon, using it to strip away the problem bits, and then point the AvantGo channel to the RSS output?

Must do more research...

Posted by: Ted at 11:51 AM | category: Links
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I'm in a good mood, honest!

World Court Rules Isreal's West Bank Barrier Illegal. Oops, I think they misspelled "effective". I've struggled with this one, because of the parallels between this wall and the Berlin Wall. Major (and critical) differences exist, but the two absolutely share the trait of being effective.

Moving right along...

The headline should've read "This Security Briefing brought to you by the letters 'C', 'Y', and 'A'". What exactly was the reason for that worthless little infomercial? Besides having something to point to later when the idiots start whining about not being warned, that is. Intelligence gathering is difficult and an incredibly inexact science art, and people need to start admitting that. The best organizations in the world get it wrong as often as not, and you'll seldom hear about the successes because it can compromise future operations. Yet now we get officials holding nonsensical press briefings to say the same thing they've been telling us all along in anticipation of some future molehill-sized fingerpointing fest.

Norbizness does this so much better than I do.

Redefining "jumping the shark".

All right, that's enough. I just saw a headline about cell phones damaging sperm, and the first thing that came to mind is "hang up while driving and getting a hummer".

Posted by: Ted at 06:10 AM | category: Links
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