A good friend of mine took his family to DisneyWorld, and they had a great time. Among his stories about their vacation, this little bit of insight really stuck with me:

I amused myself by attempting to calculate something I call the Disney Critical Number: the maximum number of steps between two opportunities to buy something. The biggest DCN I got was 48, in the MetLife pavilion. My stride is a little under 3 feet.

Let the kids enjoy it, and you can marvel at it for what it is: an amazingly efficient machine designed to separate you from your money. Every place where there's a chair, someone has calculated the average amount of time you'll spend sitting on it. Everything you see, they know how long you'll look at it and what you're likely to do next. It is social engineering on a grand scale, and can be appreciated as such.

Posted by: Ted at 08:38 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I think it's terrible that the bomb killed so many, including this cleric. But I also find it encouraging that everyone seems to be looking at this as what it was - a terrorist attack attempting to destabilize Iraq. The Iraqi population is being alienated by al-Qaida and Saddam's loyalists, which can only help us in the long run as the terrorists find fewer willing to help or hide them.

In response to the bombing, a highly respected Shiite cleric suspended his membership in the U.S.-chosen Iraqi interim Governing Council, citing a lack of security.

Mohammed Bahr al-Uloum, in exile in London until Saddam's ouster, said Saturday that his return to the council depended on the U.S.-led coalition's handing security matters to Iraqis, so that Muslim shrines could be under Islamic protection.

He's absolutely right about this too. We're training an Iraqi militia and police force, who need to take over security of the holy sites. The problem is already recognized and being addressed, it just takes time.

After this terrible incident, thousands of pissed off Iraqi citizens march and complain that the US isn't providing enough security. We're not hearing about the US being anti-Islam, nor are the Iraquis saying the US should pull out and go home. They are behaving exactly like citizens in the US do, they complain about the lack of police protection. I don't care what anyone says, we are winning in Iraq.

Posted by: Ted at 08:28 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I'm not one for polls and following trends, but I got curious. Sue me.

more...

Posted by: Ted at 02:21 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Taking a break while the last floor dries. Mookie and I just finished cleaning the house since mom had to work today. She picked up, dusted and vacuumed, while I did the kitchen, mopping and laundry. We each did a bathroom. In the spirit of diversity, I picked the music today, so we listened to my new Busboys CD, followed by Ray Stevens Live*, and then Mookie got her first exposure to Frank Zappa - You Are What You Is.

I asked her if she'd like to watch a movie later, one of those flicks that mom hates, and she asked if we could watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Gotta love that kid!

She's upstairs now, working on the last of her summer homework. Man, I can't believe the amount of stuff she had to do this year. Read and annotate All Quiet on the Western Front, plus an assignment for her history class that ended up being 40 double-sided pages about world events, including maps and diagrams. Her class schedule arrived in the mail yesterday; this year (sophomore) she's taking Algebra II, Chemistry, Government, English, Speech and Drama, Theater Production, and PE/Health/Drivers Ed (oh joy).

Break over - dryer's buzzing. Almost done, there's a lot less laundry now that Robyn is gone away to school.

* The main track I wanted Mookie to hear was Ray Stevens' version of Misty. I love the original done by Johnny Mathis (?), but Stevens won a grammy with his toe-tapping arraingement, and it's one of those that makes you wonder why nobody ever did it like that before.

Posted by: Ted at 01:20 PM | category: Square Pegs
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I used to think that apple juice looked like a urine sample, but I've decided it's closer to cheap scotch.

Posted by: Ted at 11:29 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I'd like to thank Carl for the awesome cartoon he drew for me. I told him the name of my blog and he ran with the idea. Great job Carl!!!

Posted by: Ted at 04:57 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Dawn over at Caterwauling has posted Haiku Error Messages. My favorite:

Chaos reigns within
Reflect, repent, and reboot
Order shall return

Add in a good roundhouse kick to Bill Gates, and the world will be in balance.

Posted by: Ted at 07:40 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Q: Why do they call it PMS?
A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Now that I've annoyed my cherished female visitors, on to the PSA...

Give blood. There is never enough blood on hand for emergencies, but they're desperate for donations right now. Our local blood bank has just 30 units of Type O in stock, and they average 400 units a day to local hospitals. Critical shortage. It doesn't hurt. It doesn't take that long either, so please help.

Do I practice what I preach? I used to. The American Red Cross has deemed me an unsuitable doner because I spent time in Europe during the mad cow crisis (see, there was a tie-in there). A significant percentage of doners in this area have been disqualified, which contributes to the ongoing shortage.

Posted by: Ted at 07:20 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Zionazi. Jewpropagandist.

This is the crap that Michele dealt with over at 'a small victory'. She pointed out two wildly different versions of the same story, one posted by Newsday, the other by Indymedia. She points out that the IM version seems to be lacking in credibility, not only because of the source and itÂ’s obvious bias, but because of the lack of facts.

And as one commenter pointed out, she handled it as an adult, which meant that he could indulge in name-calling.

Hey, itÂ’s only fair, right? I mean, they started it.

I think this is what bothers me the most about politics today. You have a great mass of people who are so politically correct that they cannot call a shovel a spade, but off to either side are groups who must label everyone who doesnÂ’t agree with them with the most vile and juvenile terms they can come up with, and they happily revel in the slime. But at it's root it's the same problem, the true message is less clear because of intentional distortion.

Zionazi. Jewpropagandist.

HereÂ’s two more:

Paleosimian. Colon Bowel.

Yep, both sides do it.

Hyperbole? Humor? Venting? Maybe, but there are others out there who use the same terminology, only they hate. IÂ’m talking about that mad, incoherent, unthinking, genocide-is-possible, room-for-nothing-else hatred. They hate and they use words like that because it demeans and dehumanizes and belittles the object of their hate.

There are a few popular blogs that I don’t read because I don’t like the general attitude. A friend called it mean-spirited, and that’s as good a term for it as any. I’m not slamming personal style, because it’s exactly that – personal. I just don’t read them, and I probably miss out on some good stuff too. But at the same time, if you spend that much time calling someone clever names, your audience may miss the meaning of the message you’re trying to put across.

And isnÂ’t conveying your message the whole point?

Posted by: Ted at 11:27 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Just a few odds and ends to kick off the week.

Frank Zappa said it best, "Just make sure you do it right the first time, 'cause nothings worse than a suicide chump." This woman is a suicide chump. If you really want to kill yourself, it's just not that hard. It sounds unfeeling, but I'm tired of 'Iamgoingtokillmyself(pleasesomebodystopme)'.

We've got sedums planted in the front yard along the picket fence, and right now they're covered with thousands of tiny pink blooms. I love to sit outside and just watch the activity around the flowerbeds. It's like the worlds busiest airport in miniature. You see bees of all types, mayflies and other insects too numerous to count buzzing in and out and around. Look close enough and you'll notice at least a half dozen spiders spinning their webs in strategic places. And butterflies. Butterflies love the sedums. And early in the morning, you can catch the toads out sunning themselves before it gets too hot and they retreat back into the darkest corners of the bed.

I didn't put this in my launch report, but something pretty cool happened while I was retrieving the rocket that landed behind the barn silo. I was walking along a dirt road skirting the meadow, and suddenly I was engulfed in a cloud of butterflies. There must have been close to a hundred of them. Painted Lady's, sulpher-somethings (the ones with white wings), and some small metallic blue ones. My first thought was that it was like being in a Disney movie. Happened again as I walked back through the same area after fetching my rocket. You've got to enjoy the little things.

I want to die on my one hundredth birthday. Shot dead. In bed. By a jealous husband.

I believe in planning ahead, so I need a date for early September, 2059. Any takers?

The Doobie Brothers' Jesus Is Just Alright is kickass driving music. Locomotive Breath by Jethro Tull is another great one. What makes you crank it up while driving?

Posted by: Ted at 06:24 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I'll leave you with this, then get back to loading up the truck for today's launch.

A blonde lady is speeding down a highway, and gets pulled over by a blonde cop. He asks her for her license and registration, and as she's digging through her purse, her compact comes open and she see's her reflection in the mirror. Thinking it's her license, she hands the open compact to the cop. He looks into it and says, "If I'd have known you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

Posted by: Ted at 08:28 AM | category: Square Pegs
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European soccer champ AC Milan signed a young Brazilian player known simply as "Kaka" for about 2 million a year.

Posted by: Ted at 03:05 PM | category: Square Pegs
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...if I've posted this before or not, but it's my all-time favorite out-of-context quote:

Dr. Suess probably made a fortune on the side writing porn.

Posted by: Ted at 02:35 PM | category: Square Pegs
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I heard a radio commercial yesterday that had me laughing out loud. It was one of those Bud 'celebrates-the-little-man' spots, and it was a tribute to the guy who invented the Giant Taco Salad. Some bits of it (from memory):

Thanks to American ingenuity, we've managed to invent what no one thought possible: the 12,000 calorie salad.

Ground beef, beans, guacamole, sour cream, cheese, and - if there's any room left - a few shreds of lettuce.

You might ask, "is it healthy?" Yes it is. Because it's a salad.

Good stuff.

Posted by: Ted at 12:39 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Over at Mr. Helpful, the latest episode of the Shatner Chronicles is up. Funny stuff. Trust me, I spent five winters in North Dakota. Remember that movie Fargo? That was a freakin' documentary. Uf-da!

Posted by: Ted at 09:52 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Which is the diplomatic way of avoiding the words 'Raiders lose'.

Posted by: Ted at 06:00 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I was noticing something about the building where I work - there are signs everywhere. Most fall into the "DO" or "DO NOT DO" category, and have been printed by some chickenshit busybody concerned coworker who feels that we all need to be treated like children reminded to behave in a manner that meets his personal standards.

While reflecting on that (in the mens room, face to face with a sign telling me that courteous people flush), I realized that all of these signs said basically the same thing. So I'm going to write up a suggestion form and turn it in for management to consider. Think of all the untidy and non-standard mini-signs taped and stapled up all over the workplace, and we can be rid of all of them with one simple sign. In big neon letters, as you walk in the front door:

Posted by: Ted at 08:48 PM | category: Square Pegs
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