PeopleSoft is the product that put me out of my last job. You could say that I'm amused by this news: PeopleSoft profits down 70% last quarter.

But, we were told it would solve all of our problems! And after using their worthless crappola software products, I would rather have a vinegar and ground glass enema can't imagine why people aren't lined up to be bent over like we were to use their systems.

Of course they know exactly what the problem is. It's someone else's fault!

...weak demand that the business software maker blamed on distractions caused by rival OracleÂ’s $7.7bn takeover bid.

Posted by: Ted at 04:55 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Two more inbred mouth-breathers left comments on this post about Michael Moore. The DNC must have the extremists all stirred up, and I can just imagine them wrapping extra tin foil around their heads to ward off the deadly rays while they tax their googling skills.

Just to find Rocket Jones and leave comments like that.

Maybe I'm being too subtle for these nitwits, because they're sure taking it seriously.

[cheap shot at the Kennedy family removed]

On the other hand, Paul probably finds those comments refreshing. Ahhhh, balance is restored.

Posted by: Ted at 05:22 AM | category: Square Pegs
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It's bad enough when someone remakes a song and screws it up, but to do it to yourself...

Seals & Crofts have redone Summer Breeze, and call it Summer Breeze 2004. It's heavy on the synth and electro bass beat, and sounds like a bad garage dub. They must need the money.

Posted by: Ted at 04:50 PM | category: Square Pegs
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"Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic."
-- Lewis Carroll

Posted by: Ted at 01:19 PM | category: Square Pegs
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I received an email asking why only the ladies were invited to join the Hot Jets cheerleaders, and all I could do was grunt, scratch and ponder.

Ok guys, there's your invitation. Wanna be a cheerleader for the Blogger Bowl 2004 team with the bestest lady cheerleaders? Just email me (address on the right bar) and you're all set. See how easy that is? Just because the ladies went through an excruciatingly detailed personal history questionaire - Susie fogged up my glasses twice - which was followed by an extensive background check (and secret photos too! but I'm not sharing those). Y'all are just guys, you just have to sign up.

I'm not at the same level as Bill, but can I milk a concept or what?

Posted by: Ted at 09:23 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 Boys, eh? Well, they're going to have to shave their legs before they can wear the mini-skirt!

Posted by: Lynn at July 25, 2004 02:39 PM (eAcba)

2 So who's the girlie-man?

Posted by: Victor at July 25, 2004 04:42 PM (etHvD)

3 Shave? We have to shave? Ah, man...
oh... legs. Okay then.

Posted by: LeeAnn at July 25, 2004 06:15 PM (HxCeX)

4 I'll just cheer from bleachers...

Posted by: Tuning Spork at July 25, 2004 07:38 PM (ogmnA)

5 What sport was all this about again?

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at July 25, 2004 08:21 PM (4819r)

6 What does it matter, there are cheerleaders to watch! Where's that beer vendor?

Posted by: Ted at July 28, 2004 04:46 AM (ZjSa7)

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"The enemy is not just 'terrorism'. It is the threat posed specifically by Islamic terrorism."

-- Final Report of the 9/11 Commission, as reported by the Wall Street Journal

Posted by: Ted at 09:10 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I found a spam in my email this morning that tickled my funny bone. The subject was:

Qcute Teen Girl Sexed Up Inertially

Posted by: Ted at 07:32 AM | category: Square Pegs
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In Ted's Universe, when the ladies are walking to work and they're wearing a nice skirt, and instead of heels or strappy shoes they're wearing white sneakers and socks (for comfort I guess), well, I like that.

Posted by: Ted at 06:48 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I had Vietnamese food yesterday for lunch, which was a first. Remember that scene in the original Carrie where Piper Laurie is telling Sissy Spacek about sinful, evil sex with her drunken husband? She got that creepy wild smile and said, "and I liked it!" Yep, that was my reaction.

No momma, please. Not the closet...

Posted by: Ted at 06:23 AM | category: Square Pegs
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A lot of people don't have contact email addresses on their blogs. Lots of folks who do, have outdated or broken ones. Just something I've noticed lately.

Posted by: Ted at 07:28 PM | category: Square Pegs
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1 I used to have my email address throughout my blog, but thanks to the evil spam lords, no more.

Posted by: cindy at July 21, 2004 08:35 PM (rCeQ1)

2 too much effort to update it. heh. And mines not out of date, I just can remember the password

Posted by: Mookie at July 21, 2004 08:50 PM (ZjSa7)

3 Mine is right there on my right sidebar.

I guess you didn't want to e-mail ME, though. *pout*

Heh. Kidding. Sorta.

Posted by: Emma at July 21, 2004 09:52 PM (NOZuy)

4 Email and alternate URL present and accounted for!

Posted by: Ghost of a flea at July 21, 2004 11:48 PM (Y5gTE)

5 I'm protecting mine from the spam-bots. My thinking is that anyone with a brain can figure it out - and it they can't - I don't want to hear from them anyway!

Posted by: Clancy at July 22, 2004 09:27 AM (EGVPL)

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(in the extended entry) more...

Posted by: Ted at 06:42 PM | category: Square Pegs
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So I'm in the recliner after dinner, having told my wife that I'm going to close my eyes for an hour, when the Martha Stewart news comes on the TV.

I startled the wife and both dogs as I came flying out of my chair when Martha Stewart actually compared herself to Nelson Mandella.

I'm trying to maintain some perspective, but it's hard when that condescending and sanctimonious bitch whines about how she's being treated.

Posted by: Ted at 11:18 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Now you can get and cure the clap, all in one easy pill.

Just don't take it with beer (in the extended entry - safe for work). more...

Posted by: Ted at 04:55 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Thanks for all the good wishes yesterday. The three of us went to a local dinner theater, Mookie was along as part of her (upcoming) birthday present. Like most places of the sort it's small, dark and intimate, and the actors and technical crew double as wait staff.

Our waitress was a nice lady who was only an understudy for this show, she told us her primary job was "chief electrician". Reading the actors bio's in the program, we found out that she'd appeared several times on the television series M*A*S*H as Nurse Able and also (more memorable to me) as Frank Burn's wife - remember the "home movie" where she wouldn't let him drive?

I thoroughly enjoyed myself. The food was fair (advertised as "Pennsylvania Dutch" style buffet - lots of dumplings and casseroles and such). The show was excellent: Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. This particular theater seems to specialize in musicals, and they have a pretty good cast for singing and dancing.

All in all, a nice day.

Posted by: Ted at 05:18 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 Glad y'all had a good time! :-)

--TwoDragons

Posted by: Denita TwoDragons at July 12, 2004 12:29 PM (E0RVk)

2 Happy Anniversary! As usual, I'm fashionably late...

Posted by: Susie at July 13, 2004 01:05 PM (k57UC)

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Gahan Wilson. You may recognize his style, if not the name. Wonderful cartoonist who appeared for years in Playboy and National Lampoon, among other publications that teenagers searched through looking for pictures of boobs.

Posted by: Ted at 09:30 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I just finished lunch, a "spinach pocket" from a little coffee shop downstairs. It sounded intriguing. They took spinach and a whole bunch of mushrooms (more than I expected, but it was too late to tell 'em to hold them), threw it on the grill, topped it with a scoop of cottage cheese, then melted provolone over the top. Folded into a hot flatbread, it tasted better than it sounds.

Not that I'll be ordering it ever again.

Posted by: Ted at 12:27 PM | category: Square Pegs
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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to New York. The lawyer asks if she'd like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and lots of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and vise versa." Again she declines and closes her eyes. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer I'll pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word. She reaches into her purse, pulls out a fiver and hands it to the lawyer.

Okay says the lawyer, your turn.

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, thinks for a while and then takes out his laptop and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the internet and the Library of Congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends emails to all his friends and co-workers, to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you", and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer is more than a little miffed, so he wakes the blonde again and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

And you thought blondes were dumb.

Posted by: Ted at 05:20 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Group A thinks that the way to reduce gun violence is through more education, while Group B wants legislation to deal with the problem.

Meanwhile, Group A thinks that legislation is needed to reduce the number of abortions, while Group B believes that education is enough.

Lots of facets to this one, consistency isn't one of them.

Posted by: Ted at 06:00 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Over on the right column, in the usual place. That and new banners is about all the furniture rearranging that happens here on Rocket Jones. It's a guy thing.

Posted by: Ted at 09:06 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Oldest daughter and I were driving to the hardware store saturday morning, and as we came up on a stop sign in our residential neighborhood, we spotted a large bird standing in the middle of the road.

My first thought was "chicken", then "turkey" as I realized just how big it really was. As we slowed down, it walked out of the way of my truck, and I saw the hairless red head. It was a Turkey Vulture. Not terribly uncommon, but rarely seen standing around in the road like that.

Ugly thing.

Legend has it that in the earliest of times the sun lived very close to the earth making it almost unbearable. The vulture was the most beautiful and powerful of birds-its head covered with rich feathers that all other birds envied. Knowing that the earth would burn up unless someone moved the sun, the vulture placed its head against the sun and began to fly toward the heavens. With powerful strokes of its mighty wings, it pushed the sun further and further away from the earth. Though it could feel it crown feathers burning, the vulture continued until the sun was high up in the heavens. The earth was safe, but unfortunately, the vulture lost its magnificent head of feathers for all eternity.

Posted by: Ted at 07:24 AM | category: Square Pegs
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