Fresh blueberry pancakes, it's what's for breakfast!

Mmmmmmm.

Posted by: Ted at 10:35 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I think I've exceeded my quarterly quota for swearing.

Posted by: Ted at 12:13 PM | category: Square Pegs
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1 "Crap-weasel" doesn't count as swearing, fortunately.

Posted by: Victor at June 24, 2005 07:53 PM (IBRcA)

2 I pride myself on creatively blasting people without using ordinary swear words. I still swear like a longshoreman, but I save the creativity for chuckleheads.

Posted by: Ted at June 24, 2005 07:56 PM (+OVgL)

3 I've made it a practice to figure out how to insult someone without resorting to swearing. Swearing is reserved for things that really deserve it, like the goddamn computer!

Posted by: Eric at June 24, 2005 11:46 PM (GNiWO)

4 It's very imoportant to swear with flair. Why say "F@#k you" when you can say "Eat a skidmark-injected cruller"?

Swear with flair. That's the ticket...

Posted by: Tuning Spork at June 25, 2005 12:45 AM (kptCS)

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I've been doing a slow burn over the sheer stupidity demonstrated by recent events. Durbin (no honoriffic for that asswipe) ignoring the worldwide impact his slur upon our American troops has inflicted, just to score a cheap political shot against the administration, followed by the flag burning amendment, to the manufactured outrage by Democrats over Rove quoting from a Dem fundraising organization, to our (you didn't read that "our" with enough sarcasm, go back and try again) Supreme Court deciding that owning property doesn't really mean you own it if someone else with more money wants it.* I've fucking had it.

Right up until I read this article about a Russian woman suing NASA over an upcoming scientific space mission.

When NASA's Deep Impact spacecraft hurls a barrel-size probe at a comet millions of miles from Earth on July 4, Marina Bai of Moscow will take it very personally.

The 45-year-old mother of two is so upset about the space agency's scientific assault on the celestial body that she has taken the unusual step of suing NASA in Moscow courts. Her lawsuit seeks to block the launch of the probe and to recover $311 million in "moral" damages.

Bai, a self-published author and spiritualist, said that she couldn't sleep after watching a television report about the Deep Impact mission, which is led by a team of astronomers at the University of Maryland, when it was launched Jan. 12.

"Somewhere deep inside me a voice told me the whole mission had to be stopped," she said in an interview yesterday. "I fear that it could have an impact on all humanity."

In court papers, Bai asserts that Deep Impact will "infringe upon my system of spiritual and life values, in particular on the values of every element of creation, upon the unacceptability of barbarically interfering with the natural life of the universe, and the violation of the natural balance of the universe."

Dolores Beasley, a spokeswoman for NASA, said it would be "inappropriate" to comment.

"Inappropriate" is NASA legal-speak for ROFLMAO.

And what the fuck are "moral" damages?

But Bai fears the bombardment could disrupt mystical forces. More practically, she added, it might create an open season on celestial objects by the world's spacefaring nations.

"If the Americans can study comets with the help of bombs, why not the Chinese?" she asked. "Americans want to be ahead of everybody. And maybe that's good, but not in this case. It's a barbaric method, to study the universe with bombs."

I'm not entirely certain, but I don't think the probe is an actual bomb. I thought it was just an impactor that would achieve its effect by kinetic energy.

"It's a barbaric method, to study the universe with bombs"

We'll never live up to those paragons of finesse and restraint, the Russians.

I don't care how long the line is Ms. Bai, stand in it and get another roll of tin foil. Your hat is obviously not thick enough.

*And for those proclaiming that this is a victory for WalMart, as if they're the main evil in the world, shut the fuck up and open your eyes. This isn't WalMart's doing, and nobody is going to steal your home to build another one. This is about developers putting up resorts and business parks and convention centers.

Posted by: Ted at 06:09 AM | category: Square Pegs
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We had a wickedcool thunderstorm blow through the other night.

My most comfortable pair of work shoes squeak.

Those two items are totally unrelated, but that's not really the reason for this post, now is it?

Posted by: Ted at 05:51 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I watched that documentary called Real Genius and saw where we could incinerate a person from orbit. Now they claim we're just developing it? No way man.

Seriously though, check out this priceless bit where the mouth breathers manage to go from solar sail powered spacecraft to...

"a military weapon, capable of destroying cities and incinerating armies in the battlefield from space."

...in several tortured leaps of logic (I half expect Spock himself to come back through time to apply the Vulcan Bitch Slap on me for even using the term "logic" here).

Best $4 million dollars we ever spent, eh? Which is, what, a fraction of what we pay for each cruise missile? Hell, for the cost of the free school lunch program, we could blanket the heavens with enough little magic mirrors (my suggested euphemism for "orbital based death ray platforms") to keep America's rich and powerful rich and powerful forever!

Halliburton!!!!

Thanks to Rand Simberg (who may have to disappear after leaking this smoking gun (yes, I torture lots of things, including metaphores, it's the conservative in me)).

Posted by: Ted at 11:45 AM | category: Square Pegs
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The kids are in awe of me now that I've decided to take a public stand about things...

Prunes are hella good.

...even when they don't agree with me. Not only do they not think that prunes are yummy, they claim that I am not allowed to say "hella" anything.

Posted by: Ted at 05:06 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 I call bullshit on the kids, Ted. You can say hella all you want. You are only as old as you think you are. Besides, copping popular teenage vernacular as situations indicate is a hella good way of embarassing the twerps in public ;>).

Posted by: bitterman at June 23, 2005 10:33 AM (94VhM)

2 Peas? Prunes? um...eww.

Posted by: Derek at June 23, 2005 11:16 AM (wEVXE)

3 I refuse to be politically correct and call them "dried plums". Don't like 'em? More for me.

Posted by: Ted at June 23, 2005 12:37 PM (blNMI)

4 I've been giving my kid prune juice added to his apple juice (to keep him regular), I took a swig of the stuff straight the other day... gak. That my friend is the taste of supper coming back up.

Prunes dried kick friggin' ass tho.

Posted by: Oorgo at June 23, 2005 01:30 PM (lM0qs)

5 Yumm, prunes in yoghurt ! (with a handful of almonds just for the crunch.)

Oh, and I thought the prunes have the pits in them, pitted plums are easy on our geezerly old teeth.

Posted by: Ted K at June 23, 2005 09:33 PM (IivaW)

6 You have to listen to a wonderful commercial Stan Freberg made for the Sunsweet company back in the early Sixties. I'll send you an mp3; I bought the "Tip of the Freberg" set for myself for Christmas last year.

"Today, the pits...tomorrow, the wrinkles!"

Posted by: Doug Pratt at June 24, 2005 10:21 AM (D6ZyB)

7 It is the PEAS support of PRUNES in the Middle East that cause the LIMA BEANS to hate us!

PRUNES occupy land rightfully belonging to LIMA BEANS!

PRUNISM = FASCISM!

Posted by: Rob@L&R at June 24, 2005 02:24 PM (SsaPg)

8 Next time try it like this:
"Prunes are hella yummy...bitch."

Just a suggestion.

Posted by: shank at June 24, 2005 06:42 PM (jfEhX)

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In regards to the lack of exposure to classic cinema for my daughters. They can now both say that they have seen Young Frankenstein. They laughed, they cried (Robyn still has her stitches), they enjoyed it.

Posted by: Ted at 04:18 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I've always been, in the vernacular, a linker rather than a thinker. Proud of my place in the grand scheme of things, even when called that less than complimentary term: link whore. If the shoe fits, as they say.

But what does bother me is the idea that I might be the blogging equivalent of People magazine. Somewhere, some tech-savvy blogger takes his laptop into the john and calls up Rocket Jones while he sits upon the throne, because like the aforementioned dead tree rag, my public writings are short, shallow, insipid (or all three) enough to indulge in during the length of an average crap (to paraphrase a great movie line).

I'll never be exclusively a thinker, but in order to add some variety to my normal blogging, I'm toying with the idea of posting more opinion pieces. So, to kick things off, I'd like to say:

Peas. I like them.

A little mental fiber to go along with the flake.

Posted by: Ted at 05:32 PM | category: Square Pegs
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1 woohoo, way to take a stand Ted!

Posted by: Eric at June 20, 2005 10:54 PM (xJTbs)

2 Sure, it starts out polite enough, but in a few minutes this harmless looking "peas" topic will be a major brawl. I've seen it before.

Posted by: dogette at June 21, 2005 10:20 AM (W05E+)

3 Since this is my site, I reserve the right to ban those pushy succotash gangbangers any time I want.

Posted by: Ted at June 21, 2005 11:42 AM (blNMI)

4 Peas stole the election!

Peas started an illegal war for vegetable OIL to enrich their carrot cronies at Del Monte!

Peas went AWOL from the Vegetable National Guard!

PEAS LIED! LIMA BEANS DIED!

Posted by: Rob@L&R at June 21, 2005 01:45 PM (SsaPg)

5 Peas are ok, but Lima Beans are disgusting.

Always willing to do my bit to encourage enlightened discourse.

Posted by: owlish at June 22, 2005 12:32 PM (QqkkN)

6 Well, I must chime in here t'say that you're links are kewl, always. But, t'tell ya the truth, the real highlights, fer me, are when you do actually spout off an opinion piece.

More opinion and actress Star Cards posts, please!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at June 22, 2005 11:02 PM (Odjy8)

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The fourth sentence of the book lets you know that you're not in your half-remembered childhood version of Oz.

Though winter storms and the crowbars of agitators had torn up the road, still it led, relentlessly, to the Emerald City.

That's from the Prologue of Wicked, subtitled The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West.

If you've never read the Oz books then you might not realize that the stories are satirical commentary on a par with Orwell's Animal Farm or Swift's Gulliver's Travels. If you've ever wondered where the Wicked Witch came from, or Dorothy's posse, or how the Wizard came to rule Oz, well, this book gives the background.

There's charm and delight here, but very much buried under a layer of grime and despair that many of the characters struggle with in their early lives. This feels right, because ofttimes strength of character is forged by overcoming adversity.

My recommendation? It's in the title. Just go in with your eyes open.

The book was the basis for the Broadway show Wicked, which has a kickass soundtrack too.

I started reading this yesterday during my wait at the hospital. I'm also in the middle of P.G. Wodehouse's Something Different in eBook format, but during yesterday's stressgrinder it was comforting to hold a solid, substantial book in my hands.

Posted by: Ted at 09:23 AM | category: Square Pegs
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One of my quirks is that I have to be covered when I sleep. Not necessarily all the way under blankets, but I sleep better if there's something thrown over me at least a little bit.

Now that summer is here, we've pulled out my Care Bear sheets. I don't remember which daughter they belonged to*, but they're at least 15 years old and worn enough to watch TV through. So thin that they don't block the breeze from the fan. Perfect for covering up Dad while he naps on the couch during the dog days.

I sleep much better curled up with my Care Bears.

*My family actually had a discussion about the other night when oldest daughter Robyn referred to "her" Care Bears. I immediately corrected her and we rediscovered the following facts:

• they were originally used by Robyn


• they were bought in 1986 (how does my wife remember stuff like this?)

When I'm not.

Posted by: Ted at 06:07 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 That's kind of you, Ted. Do you share your Pooh sippy cup as well?

Posted by: Wolf at June 17, 2005 07:16 AM (vbP6L)

2 Ah, now which is your favorite care bear?
We have pound puppy, unicorn and seasame street sheets. We did have baseball sheets but I think they have disappeared now.

Posted by: Rachel Ann at June 17, 2005 07:35 AM (sA34C)

3 I'm not a fan of Pooh. He always struck me as being the slow kid of the neighborhood that the normal kids all tolerated.

No sippy cups either, sorry. Although there is one special coffee cup that the kids better leave the hell alone.

As for favorite care bear... hmmmm... this sounds like fertile ground for a follow up post.

Posted by: Ted at June 17, 2005 08:11 AM (+OVgL)

4 Care Bears?

Only have need of them to remember where we're parked at Kings Dominion.

Posted by: Rob@L&R at June 17, 2005 08:50 AM (SsaPg)

5 CORRECTION:

Sorry, Kings Dominion has the HAIR BEAR BUNCH for parking reference.

Mea Culpa

Posted by: Rob@L&R at June 17, 2005 08:53 AM (SsaPg)

6 Yes, Pooh is certainly a dullard. And a glutton. But Rabbit's just downright nasty.

Posted by: Wolf at June 17, 2005 09:19 AM (vbP6L)

7 Hey man, me too. Uhh, about the cover to sleep, not the care bears.

Posted by: Maelstrom at June 17, 2005 11:13 AM (z62e3)

8 Yeah, I'm a me-tooer about being covered as well,forget to say that.Even on the hottest night i just have to have something on me.

Posted by: Rachel Ann at June 17, 2005 11:31 AM (Cx6I2)

9 Ted,if you ever need any Care Bear traps just let me know.

Posted by: Russ at June 18, 2005 02:32 PM (ObxzR)

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And I don't think it's me.

I can't find the exact quote, but yesterday while speaking about the Congressional apology about lynchings, Prince William County Supervisor Jack Johnson said (something like):

The apology is nice, but I think the healing will happen when there is verbal atonement.

I wasn't aware that Congress did that bit of business via interpretive dance.

Posted by: Ted at 06:13 AM | category: Square Pegs
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GreenPeace
PETA
Amnesty International

Because with them, it's their way or no way, and we've all heard how that kind of black & white thinking is wrong.

Posted by: Ted at 05:55 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 wow, and you harass me about quippy off the cuff inflammatory comments

Posted by: Oorgo at June 13, 2005 11:45 AM (lM0qs)

2 You have better manners than I do in someone else's comments.

Posted by: Ted at June 13, 2005 04:07 PM (+OVgL)

3 It's everything I can do to keep from going fuckin' ballistic right now.First,Ted,you tease me by bringing up the Second Ammendment now you throw these self-righteous lyin' ass liberal hippie freaks at me? You're trying to give me a stroke aren't you?
You know,even though I don't do politics I still can't stand a wussy ass liberal crybaby.Simply put these ass wipes are all dangerous.The sooner they're gotten rid of the better for everyone.That goes for their freakin PC shit,too.Sorry but NO! you don't have a right not to be offended.You do have a right to walk away when you don't agree with me just as I you.Don't like it?Tuff shit!Believe me when I say that checks and balances isn't worth it.Then again C&B was never suppose to be about one side of a debate being totally full of shit and hell bent on destroying every basic principal this nation was founded on either.
Also,you are only fooling yourself when you make up bullshit and try to pass it off as prime rib.Do you all really think we're that stupid?
BTW,if you're one of the gullible,moronic dumbasses who happens to be braindead enough to follow these cum belchin' shitty dick lickers then perhaps you should drop by activistcash.com and check out who you human heros in the pink tights are sleeping with.
Speaking of bullshit have you ever wondered where this trash comes from?Check out Penn and Teller's Bullshit:College on Showtime for an eye opener.
Gun control?Sorry asshole but it's a Bill of Rights and NOT a Bill of Needs.Also,if you wanna argue that then you don't NEED more than one car,or more than one painting on your wall.You don't NEED to read more than one newspaper...blah....blah....Get it?If you wanna throw that "need" shit around then let me tell that I can disappear into the woods right now and live just as fullfilling and comfortable a life as I can here at home.All the while the only thing I'll "need" is a sharp knife,a ball of string and a .22 pistol.I wonder how many city bound liberal wussy woodsman wannabees will follow me?None I'll bet.
Plus,don't throw that "guns where only supposed to be for the army" shit at me either because i'll throw back dozens of quotes from early Americans,including our forefathers,at you that prove otherwise.Sorry dipshit but this is America,I'm an America,I want to shoot my gun so I will.Period!Don't like it?Then fuckin' leave!
while we're on the subject of guns let me take a moment and explain why it is that libs hate them.You see it is much easier for libs to pick on a harmless mechanical device than to admit that their own liberal free for all lifestyle is the root of most problems,especially murder.These people don't believe in God so they haven't a higher authority to answer to when they act like degenerates or let's coddle the crook and just blame the gun."Oh,but if he din't have a gun he would have never killed".Bullshit!For thousands of years manking went without guns and they did a pretty damb good job of slicing and dicing each other back then.
Let me tell you a story about me.Growing up in the mountains of Va. I always carried a gun with me everywhere I went.Very much the thing to have handy when you're in the woods miles from anywhere as we often where.Everyone else I grew up with was the same way.Whenever we would walk to the store we always knew who was inside by who's gun was on the porch.It had been this way for hundreds of years.Now did any of us ever kill each other?NO!Playing football and winding up in a fight did any of us ever feel tempted to pick up his gun only feet away and shoot the other?NO!Why?Because we had christian family morals and values.Something that libs care nothing about.A fight is a fight and defending yer home or your life is another story.Lib terds don't believe you have a right to defend yourself.However,if you kill someone else you do have a right to not go to jail.After all the gun made you do it.Right?To them even if you do try to kill someone and get shot you are a VICTIM of gun violence.Don't believe me?Don't think they're that bad?Check this out:http://www.niagara-gazette.com/story.asp?id=1776
this should put a knot in yer bloomers.
Now as for animals if I am bearing down on a big ol' buck with my .300 weatherby he has a right be killed quickly and cleanly by me in a sane and humane fashion.He also has a right to not be wasted unnecessarily.Beyond that PETA can kiss the fattest,whitest part of my venison fed ass.To make this long story short don't buy into their "caring about the animals" shit.Most "animal rights" activist care very little about animals.In fact I love confronting these idiots on Yahoo and watching them flunk out of the most rudiment trivia about animals,their habitat,natural resources management and the environment in general.Most of these people really are stupid.That's why they're so quick to just readily accept any old junk science that comes along.All you have to do is make sure that your "research" makes humans look bad.Being as how most "animal rights" activists are really just anti-human activists in disguise that's usually all it takes.
Well gotta go.To wrap this up i'll ask a favor.If you are a liberal tree huggin,gun grabbin,butt pumpin hippie freak then please do the environment a REAL favor by finding the tallest building you can and taking a flyin fuckin leap!
Oh,and one last note.How long do you think you'll be able to exercise your First Ammendment right to make up lies and run yer freakin' yap after you succeed in taking away my Second Ammendment rights?If you said anything besides "not long" then you really are stupid and probably should be queer just so you won't fuckin' breed.

Posted by: Russ at June 13, 2005 08:02 PM (ObxzR)

4 Dang Russ, first you ask if I'm trying to give you a stroke and then you practically have one.

Calm, my friend.

Posted by: Ted at June 13, 2005 08:33 PM (+OVgL)

5 Wow Russ... that just...


wow

Posted by: Oorgo at June 14, 2005 06:42 PM (lM0qs)

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I saw someone (sorry, forgot who) mentioned that new show "Hit Me Baby One More Time" or whatever it's called, and that you get to *vote* on which washed-up relic was the best during the episode. It's getting so that you can't have a program anymore without a viewer vote. Before you know it, on "The L Word" you'll be deciding who gets to eat who.

Posted by: Ted at 07:35 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 *Before you know it, on "The L Word" you'll be deciding who gets to eat who.*

Seriously, that's when you'll be seeing a rise in demand (ahem) of 3-D goggles.

Posted by: dawn at June 12, 2005 11:42 AM (Dh1V0)

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Our next blogger get-together will be on June 25th at the Prince William County Stadium to watch the Washington Nationals farm club play the Baltimore Orioles farm club. This could be the start of a long and heated rivalry.

I'll be there for sure, and I believe the rest of the family is in this time too. Rob & Big Hair have confirmed as well.

Last time we got a block of seats and they were pretty darn good at only $9.00 each. We had a great time, so c'mon out!

Posted by: Ted at 09:44 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Something that really irritates me is when listening to a song and coming across something like this:

"I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch" -- Pink, Just Like A Pill

I love that song, really I do. But I cringe every time I hear "shortage in the switch". I realize that the tune flows better with that phrase, but c'mon, it's not slang or idiom, it's an intentional misuse of a word that makes it nonsense. You can have a short in a switch, but not a shortage.

Nitpicky? You bet.

Need another example? How about in Maria Muldaur's Midnight at the Oasis. A very sexy song with a wonderful melody, sung by a singer with a great voice for it, and the word play and imaging is excellent. Oasis, sultan, camel, sheik, belly dancer, nomad, and so on, right up until the line:

Come on, Cactus is our friend

Cactus?!?!?!?! Where the hell did the cactus come from? I thought we were in a thousand and one Arabian nights, not a Roadrunner cartoon. You say cactus and I'm picturing the American southwest or Mexico. Your romantic camel just became a burro refusing to budge for no damn reason while Gabby Hayes mutters "dagnabbit". Talk about a mood breaker.

What about you? Got some song lyric that just grates on your nerves?

Posted by: Ted at 05:57 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I'm *still* getting comments and email about my posts on stripper music. If you Google "Stripper Music", Rocket Jones comes up #1.

No idea what I'm talking about? Follow that link and read the comments, then let everyone know what your favorite music is to watch and/or dance to.

Posted by: Ted at 06:06 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I don't think I've mentioned my view of the whole spectacle.

When that much money is involved, I start with the assumption that everyone is lying. Since I can't see for myself the mannerisms and reactions of the parties involved, forming any opinion would just be shooting off my mouth.

I have to trust the system to do the right thing.

Posted by: Ted at 05:20 AM | category: Square Pegs
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That probably should be Dad Bachelor instead, to put it into the right order.

My wife Liz needed a break, so she left from work on an overnighter out of town (tomorrow is her day off). She had enough travel points for a freebie at one of the hotel chains, and is now, even as we speak, pulling the handle on slot machines and maybe even placing a bet or two on the ponies.

I'll probably do something similar this fall, 'cept I'll head south to spend the weekend launching rockets down in North Carolina. She's got her ways of burning money. I've got mine.

Mookie has been agitating for a party. Her birthday parties always suck because in July everyone is out of town for the summer. This year she came up with the idea of a birthday/end-of-school party, to be held in the afternoon of the last day of school. After much wailing and gnashing of teeth, and two fake heart attacks on my part, she whittled the guest list down to 50.

The next battle was over the venue. Her idea (and not all that bad) was to have the party in our backyard and the common area behind our house. The stopper there was the certainty of neighborhood crashers, some who would probably be taking full advantage of the chance to case my home for a later, unsupervised, visit. Nope, our house was out for that many kids.

We suggested checking into pavilions at some of the local parks, and this afternoon Mookie and I drove to one close by and looked around. Even if it was too late to reserve a pavilion for next friday (as I suspected), there was still plenty of room to spread out blankets and toss frisbees and footballs and kick around the hacky sack. We found the number for the park office and she made the call.

Half an hour later we were in the park office and I was signing the contract to reserve the largest pavilion for the entire day. We got it for half price because it was a weekday ($20 bucks and some change - cheap!), and we were about 15 minutes ahead of a cub scout leader who also wanted it. Maximum of 50 kids, no alcohol, no live band or DJ, all the usual stuff you'd expect.

So that was the "dad" part. The "bachelor" part isn't that my wife is away until tomorrow night, it's because I had a bowl of corn flakes for dinner.

Posted by: Ted at 07:22 PM | category: Square Pegs
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What the hell happened?

I remember when you'd have a barbeque by throwing some hot dogs and burgers on the grill and lay out a bowl of baked beans, another of potato salad, and maybe some cole slaw and pickles. Then Atkins came along and the meat disappeared instantly while everything else went untouched. So you adapted and grilled a ton o' critter-du-jour and maybe a few veggies alongside. Now it's like the pendulum swung back the other way while I wasn't looking.

We've been eating a lot of salads lately, because that's what we do in the summer. I might cook up a burger or chicken breast each, but just as often we'll forage from the salad bar in the fridge.

We've also had quite a few visitors over for dinner recently, but apparently they're all on the anti-Atkins diet and nobody bothered to warn me. Going through the fridge this morning, I found Italian sausages, marinated chicken breasts, pork roast and a big bowl of leftover Chicken Mo Fo. I'm not a fanatic about wasting food, but throwing out that much would be ridiculous.

For lunch today, I'm having a bowl of meat. For dinner tonight, we're having leftovers.

Posted by: Ted at 06:09 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Driving past Ikea, an employee wearing the standard blue and yellow work outfit was waddling through the crosswalk, and not being brisk about it. Sitting there, waiting for said employee to clear the street, it occurred to me that since Ikea gives everything some odd name, he probably works under a sign that says "Rolypoly".

Posted by: Ted at 12:09 PM | category: Square Pegs
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