From Rachel Lucas:

Suffice to say some Michael Moore fans hate me more than I hate Michael Moore. Which is kind of flattering but also really scary. John has been telling me for years to stop blogging under my real name, and you know what? I think it's time. I want to blog but I haven't felt free to truly express myself in a long, long time because of the hate mail and creepy folk who know how to do people searches. I don't live in a swanky apartment building with a doorman and security like Michael Moore does, that fat pig of a loathesome scumbag.

So I'm going to go anonymous, with a new blog. How will you, my loyal readers, know that it's me? I don't know. I'm sorry. But I'm guessing, and I know it's a correct guess, that 99% of you understand completely and will support this change wholeheartedly because you probably don't want my doorbell to be rung by some psycho hippie who thinks Fahrenheit 9/11 is the greatest truth ever told.

I still get the occasional comment dripping with venom over a *joke* post I made long ago about Michael Moore, so I have a teeny tiny taste of what this kind and wonderful and funny lady is going through. Go anonymous Rachel, s'ok and you're right. We understand. But I'm still gonna look for you and find you. In a non-threatening, non-stalkerish kinda way of course.

And when I do, I'm gonna read ya.

Posted by: Ted at 06:08 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Q: How many real men does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. Real men aren't afraid of the dark.

Posted by: Ted at 07:14 PM | category: Square Pegs
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I'm talking about the urge to hibernate. I can't remember a year when the onset of winter has had such an effect on me. For the last month my appetite has been mucho grande and all I want to do is sleep sleep sleep. Very unlike me (the sleep part, that is).

If I call my wife "little Boo-Boo" one more time, I think she's going to hit me.

Posted by: Ted at 05:13 AM | category: Square Pegs
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From last Thanksgiving.

Who Gets the Wishbone?

There's nothing better than the whole family getting together for Thanksgiving.

Posted by: Ted at 12:42 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Sounds like a stripper name, doesn't it?

Actually, I'm talking about the color.

Kinda nice, eh? Now imagine that same color done in a beautiful metallic finish. Very nice.

BUT NOT FOR A WHOLE FREAKING CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Too much of that color looks like someone's stomach turned inside out and you're sitting inside the giant bladder, cluelessly rolling down the road. Gahhh.

Posted by: Ted at 06:07 AM | category: Square Pegs
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If you've seen this elf, contact your local authorities immediately. She is armed with a teenager's attitude and could be dangerous to your sanity.

Posted by: Ted at 08:47 PM | category: Square Pegs
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1 I didn't know elves walked around with pens 'round their neck.

Posted by: Victor at November 22, 2004 09:26 PM (etHvD)

2 They won't let them into the Post Office without them. It is another one of those inane Postal Regulations, Reg. 5.34885 Every elf seeking entrance to any postal facility must be properly equipped with an appropriate writing instrument.

Posted by: Tiger at November 22, 2004 10:35 PM (G5PGV)

3 OMG, that's Mookie?! I was about to christen that gal as the obvious heir to the sublime countenance of Maggie Roche.

You have a poet in your care, Dude.

But, Beware! She's exactly why you sometimes sit and ponder whether you have enough love left to love her.

I'd give my right arm for a chance to guide her. All you have to do is knock on her door and say "It's Me: DAD...!" and you're there.

Earn this. For the sake of all of us who'll never know what a hug from an adoring daughter feels like: Earn thst feeling. Just for us.



Yeah, when it comes to reality, it's not just a movie, eh... ?

Posted by: Tuning Spork at November 23, 2004 12:01 AM (UgOX3)

4 *Grumbles* I hate pictures... Fie you, dad, fie.

Posted by: Mookie at November 24, 2004 11:50 AM (ZjSa7)

5 and whose Maggie Roche?

Posted by: Mookie at November 24, 2004 11:51 AM (ZjSa7)

6 Whose Maggie Roche?!!!

Maggie Roche is the elderst of three singing sisters known, collectively, as The Roches.

She is a poet among musicians and a leader among sisters. Next time you're in a record store (do they still call them "record stores"?) take a look through the R section. Or, if the store is kewl, through the Roches section!

Maggie is the one with your eyebrows and facial expression!

recent http://www.roches.com/maggie/index.html

Posted by: Tuning Spork at November 24, 2004 10:02 PM (fQhXy)

7 Oopsie. The direct link to a recent photo of Maggie is HERE.

Hope ya don't fear your beautiful future too much!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at November 24, 2004 10:47 PM (fQhXy)

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Happening to me. Lots of it too. I'll post more when I get a chance.

Posted by: Ted at 12:34 PM | category: Square Pegs
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I was impressed by the sheer number of religious symbols and bumper stickers plastered over the back of your vehicle.

And then you went and flipped me off.

You proclaim to believe in Jesus. Well, I believe in turn signals. Try using them next time, and maybe that and your righteously pure heart will inspire me to make room for you to change lanes in front of me.

Posted by: Ted at 08:45 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Rebel officials and the Sudanese government committed themselves Friday to ending the 21-year civil war in southern Sudan before January, signing an agreement at a special meeting of the U.N. Security Council in Africa.

Sudanese Vice President Ali Osman Taha and southern rebel leader John Garang, the main negotiators for the two sides, made a similar pledge last year that never came to fruition. But this is the first time the warring sides have put a deadline in writing before the U.N. panel.

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. I'm not getting my hopes up too much.

Sudan's southern civil war has pitted the Islamic government against rebels seeking greater autonomy and a greater share of the country's wealth for the largely Christian and animist south. The conflict has left more than 2 million people dead, largely through war-induced hunger and disease.

A conflict in the western Darfur region started in February 2003, when the government attempted to crush two non-Arab African rebel groups who took up arms to fight for more power and resources. The government responded by backing Arab militias now accused of targeting civilians in a campaign of murder, rape and arson.

Where have we heard this before? And for those who haven't been paying attention, the government has been known to send it's Air Force to bomb and strafe random villages in revenge attacks. Slavery is also rampant in the region. A thriving business has grown where Muslims from the north kidnap southern Christians and animists, forcing them to convert to Islam before selling them into servitude. A related industry functions as a conduit between those willing to pay ransoms (often clueless western Christian missionary groups) and slave owners.

Like I said, hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Posted by: Ted at 07:47 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I've been waiting for someone to make the obvious joke.

Posted by: Ted at 05:48 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Wouldn't it be more interesting if they played by "Aztec" rules? You know, where the losing team gets ritually sacrificed at the end of the game. I'd watch that.

Posted by: Ted at 05:03 AM | category: Square Pegs
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...unwinding after work, and recalled that PETA wants me to believe that fish are intelligent, feeling creatures and that we shouldn't eat them. Just then, a Guorami swam by with a string of poop twice his body length trailing from his little fishy butt.

Sorry guys, no sale.

Posted by: Ted at 03:52 PM | category: Square Pegs
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A fourth of all Californians are thinking about moving — either out of state or just to another town — to bring down their housing costs, a new survey shows.

I grew up in San Jose, California. In the mid 70's my parents sold their house and we moved into a brand new and very nice double-wide mobile home. In the mid 80's my folks sold that place for nearly three times what they paid for it new. Mobile-freakin'-homes appreciate in California!

only 19 percent of the state's households can afford the state's median-priced home of $465,000. That's a 5 percent drop from a year ago. Nationally, the median-priced home — where half cost more and half cost less — was $186,600 in September.

I love California, but I've never wanted to go back. The insane cost of housing there has always been a major factor in that.

Posted by: Ted at 02:01 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Back to back tracks on a CD full of love songs:

"Kiss the Girl" from Disney's Little Mermaid

"Damn, I Wish I Were Your Lover" by Sophie B. Hawkins

Posted by: Ted at 04:04 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I was offered up to three little kittens at work today. I told the lady that I appreciated the offer, but I already had two house dogs and they wouldn't know how to deal with live food.

Posted by: Ted at 06:38 PM | category: Square Pegs
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My very first ever "official" poll, over on the right column. I needed something to tabulate the thousands of votes submitted so far, although "Viagra" and "Human Growth Hormone" weren't valid choices and were immediately eliminated. Hey, is it ok for a guy to say his box was stuffed?

And I just had to add Spork's suggestion. Wish I'd have thought of that one!

So vote away, and unlike some elections, it's expected that you'll vote more than once. C'mon, feed my ego. Carryout dreams are depending on you.

Posted by: Ted at 01:28 PM | category: Square Pegs
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He just won his seventh MVP award (fourth in a row, both records), without any real protection behind him in the Giants lineup. He's third on the all-time home run list, and will certainly pass Babe Ruth this season and could make a serious run at Hank Aaron. The man gets walked intentionally more than some teams over the course of a season. His mere presence at the ballpark automatically influences the game, which no other player currently playing can say (and few in history for that matter).

And for those who think he might have cheated to accomplish this, a sportswriter puts it as well as anyone I've ever read:

Yet in the absence of positive tests on Bonds and the lack of convictions in the ongoing investigation, the only conclusive evidence is the fact that Bonds is doing things at bat that simply can't be attributed to any known drug.

There isn't a steroid in the world that can account for his patience at the plate as he waits for hittable pitches, or his uncanny solid contact with the ball when he does swing. His body armor lets him hug the plate, and his short, compact swing is the deadliest in the game.

Bonds has two seasons left on his contract in San Fransisco, and he'll break the home run record sometime in that span. After that, if he wanted to he could sign on with an American League team (Yankees anyone?) and play DH for another ten years. Nine hundred homers isn't out of the question. I honestly don't think he'd go that route, but the possibility is there and kinda fun to consider.

Posted by: Ted at 04:18 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Lionel Trains files for bankruptcy!

Not so fast though, there's this:

M.T.H., owner of Columbia, Md.-based Mike's Train House, accused Lionel and a South Korean subcontractor, Korea Brass, of getting drawings and plans for the toy train that were stolen from M.T.H. subcontractor Samhongsa, also based in South Korea.

A jury found Lionel guilty, and it's the awarded judgement that's driving the bankruptcy notice. Very sad, every aspect of this is very sad.

Posted by: Ted at 05:05 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Rocket Jones got a comment that I won't reprint here (it's deleted now), but the gist was that I've been voted one of the 100 worst websites on the net. If I want to rebut, blah blah blah, send an email to (hotmail address).

Note to commenter: Gee, thanks for the opportunity to get on your spam mailing list, but no thanks. Thanks also for assuming that I'm an idiot, and while we're on the subject, you can kiss my ass. Thank you.

Note to everyone else: If I *were* voted one of the 100 worst, you can bet I'd be doing the happy dance and shouting it from the rooftops.

Posted by: Ted at 06:06 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 Almost Congrats, Ted!

Posted by: AnonymousKyle at November 15, 2004 07:55 AM (blNMI)

2 People sure do feel free to say whatever they want to on the internet, don't they? Pfft.

Posted by: Kat at November 15, 2004 01:34 PM (PwX2K)

3 I would probably put you on the "Top 100 BEST Web Sites that talk about rockets, hockey, bad movies, cooking, and turnips", but competition for that list is pretty tight.

You can join me on the list of "Top 100 male bloggers who live in Woodbridge and showed up for the 11/6 NOVAAR Sport Launch".

Pardon me while I scream for attention.

Posted by: Maelstrom at November 15, 2004 01:40 PM (z62e3)

4 oh please. take that as a compliment. my site is much worse than yours. in real terms.

your site rocks, and so do you. you make us laugh, cry, think. your a good person, and it shows in the quality of this blog.

happy monday sweetie

Posted by: vadergrrrl at November 15, 2004 04:29 PM (LhmlK)

5 Ted, who's vadergrrrl and why is she calling you sweetie?

Posted by: Victor at November 15, 2004 08:35 PM (etHvD)

6 It truely is a compliment. My site sucks ass and I didn't voted into the club. You're bad enough on their list exactly because you're good enough to be noticed and read by the enemy (whoever the #@&% they are...).

Keep on doing, Champ!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at November 15, 2004 09:08 PM (T/hsA)

7 Ooops. Should read: "...bad enough TO BE on their list..."
But you knew that...

Posted by: Tuning Spork at November 15, 2004 09:10 PM (T/hsA)

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Safe for work, but in the extended entry anyway.

Thanks to Kimochi-ii for the pic (that link is not safe for work!) more...

Posted by: Ted at 03:15 PM | category: Square Pegs
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