Burger King's newest ad campaign is the chicken fight between two guys in chicken suits. One is crispy, the other spicy (or some such nonsense). Good to know that they haven't raised their standards since the days of Herb.

Posted by: Ted at 03:02 PM | category: Square Pegs
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No news there, eh?

Actually, I mentioned that I'm having some computer problems. I managed to track it down, and am now running a complete hours-long system scan (I'm posting from my wife's PC). My son generously agreed to purchase the latest and greatest anti-virus software for my PC - let's say he has a vested interest in that, and he won't be visiting certain places on the 'net anymore - but my machine was boinked enough to fight back during the attempted installation. I expect eventual success, but it could be messy and will take some time.

ROFLMAO Mookie just wandered by, read over my shoulder, patted me on the shoulder and said, "Problems can be solved. Issues can't."

Posted by: Ted at 11:03 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Mookie posted a bunch of juvenile but funny condom ads. She also has them stuck all over one of her school folders. She just stopped by to show me her latest addition, the "Condom Fairy", complete with magic wand and irredescent butterfly wings.

As explained to me, "The Condom Fairy stops by in the middle of the night and leaves presents for all the naughty boys and girls."

She comes by it honestly.

Posted by: Ted at 10:58 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Someone put various Thanksgiving decorations up on our office doors. Mine has a turkey.

How redundant.

Posted by: Ted at 02:50 PM | category: Square Pegs
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If Isreal sent a representative, I bet his instructions included poking the body to make sure the sonuvabitch is really dead.

Posted by: Ted at 06:06 AM | category: Square Pegs
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After threatening to "take down" the Ohio State football program during the NCAA investigation caused by Clarett's inability to tell the truth, the nitwit has now come out with a series of charges against his former school.

The school's reaction? Ho hum.

You see, everything that Clarett is alledging was investigated as part of his original troubles. The school was cleared by the NCAA. He seems to think that this time he can hurt them by producing a corroborating witness, a former linebacker from the team. Only problem is, the linebacker is parrotting the same charges, and was thrown off the team for drug possesion. Sounds like an axe to grind to me.

In my view, Ohio State has been trying to do the right thing all through this, and Maurice Clarett refuses to grow up and act like a responsible human being. He reminds me of that player "Leon" in those beer commercials, where it's all about "me, me, me" and nothing is ever his own fault.

I guess the part of this that really burns me up is that he's talented, so someone in the NFL will draft him and pay him millions of dollars. And he'll keep right on being a dick.

Posted by: Ted at 05:29 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Sorry for the tease, there is no video link available.

I am rather proud of that "light sabre through an Ewok" line though, so I suggest pondering that image if you're that disappointed. For raising of spirits, imagine it's Princess Leia weilding that light sabre in her brass bikini.

Posted by: Ted at 05:37 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Wouldn't it be fun to take out a full-page ad in the New York Times that said:

Ok, we admit it.

You already suspected, but Dubya really screwed up when he called Karl Rove "the Architect", and now the cat is out of the bag.

We gotcha! Ever hear the saying, "Bet big or stay at home?" You were so busy looking for all those hidden conspiracies that you didn't see the great big one right in front of you.

That's right, there was no fraud committed during the election. We just plain ol' reelected George W. Bush because we knew it would piss you off, and y'all are fun to watch when you rant and rave and foam at the mouth.

Can't move to Canada either, 'cause they were in on it too.

Don't you feel stupid?

Bill and Hillary helped. Or didn't, depending on your viewpoint.

Oh yeah, some of you are saying you should all go out and arm yourselves for the revolution. Please do. What with the National Firearms Registration Database and background checks and waiting periods that you insisted on, well, they make dandy tools to help identify the ones we really want to keep an eye on.

So to sum up, the election was a huge elaborate joke on you. Every last person that voted for President Bush knew about it. In fact, we held secret meetings just so we could laugh our asses off at how oblivious you were.

That kinda explains that smirk y'all hate too, don't it?

Yep. We're all stupid. How's it feel to be dumber than us?

Four. More. Years.

Sincerely,
Uncle Karl

Posted by: Ted at 12:03 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Doctors Fight To Keep Arafat Alive

Seeya, Yasser!

Posted by: Ted at 08:26 AM | category: Square Pegs
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...is for this story to be true: John Ashcroft to resign as AG. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!

Posted by: Ted at 04:08 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Dawn gets it.

You are going to see me get more involved in my political party during the next four years.

Got that? Democratic Process. It's that thing where you make your points, and I make mine, and we discuss and debate and eventually everyone decides together which way we'll do it for a while. But if you choose to quit if you don't get your way, then not only are you contributing to the problem you're bitching about, but you're also telling me that it's your way or no way.

Really. Screw you then. Enjoy Canada. News flash: your viewpoint isn't the only one that counts, and all your whining and name-calling doesn't change that. It's not even all that interesting anymore. And while we're at it, did you ever stop to think that your "one way" worldview is exactly the same as totalitarianism? Probably not, or you might also realize that your worldview is almost certainly not the "one way" that would become mandatory.

Something else: if the reason you voted for your guy is because he wasn't the other guy, then you don't get to be outraged when others fail to see the second coming where you do. Making a choice based on negatives is a perfectly valid way to vote, but that doesn't infer any special qualities on your candidate. This election framed it perfectly: "Anybody But Bush" didn't work, because the "anybody" wasn't someone that most people could vote for.

So work with the system, push and protest and suggest solutions. Spare us all the theatrics and name calling. The system works, and it has for over two hundred years.

Posted by: Ted at 07:15 PM | category: Square Pegs
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I'm in the top 20 if you Google "girls in superglue bondage". Just thought you'd like to know that.

Posted by: Ted at 08:29 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Thanks to my lovely wife for passing these on.

Some of the musicians from the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate the aging baby boomers. This is good news for those feeling "a little older " and missing those great old tunes.

Herman's Hermits - "MRS. BROWN, YOU'VE GOT A LOVELY WALKER"

The Bee Gees - "HOW CAN YOU MEND A BROKEN HIP"

Bobby Darin - "SPLISH, SPLASH, I WAS HAVIN' A FLASH"

Ringo Starr - "I GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM DEPENDS"

Roberta Flack - "THE FIRST TIME EVER I FORGOT YOUR FACE"

Johnny Nash - "I CAN'T SEE CLEARLY NOW"

Paul Simon - "FIFTY WAYS TO LOSE YOUR LIVER"

Commodores - "ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES TO THE BATHROOM"

Marvin Gaye - "I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPE NUTS"

Procol Harem - "A WHITER SHADE OF HAIR"

Leo Sayer - "YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE NAPPING"

The Temptations - "PAPA'S GOT A KIDNEY STONE"

ABBA - "DENTURE QUEEN"

Posted by: Ted at 04:27 AM | category: Square Pegs
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The undefeated Fire Ants barely escaped with their record intact, squeaking by the Rockets in last week's Blogger Bowl matchup.

It's only a rumor that after they walked off the field in pity, we scored. Three plays later.

Posted by: Ted at 04:17 AM | category: Square Pegs
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"Vote early and often" has become the equivalent of "Have a nice day". It quit being cute after the first four thousand times I heard it.

Posted by: Ted at 02:32 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Work. Vote on the way home. Do a couple of loads of laundry tonight.

Posted by: Ted at 06:03 AM | category: Square Pegs
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