The leader of the Japanese cult that used Sarin gas in an attack on the Tokyo subway system got the death penalty today. Appeals are expected to last another decade.

Posted by: Ted at 08:08 AM | category: Square Pegs
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The recipe for prison hootch, Pruno. I had tears in my eyes after reading this, it's that funny. If you do decide to try this, please let me know how it comes out.

Thanks to Blackfive for the pointer.

Posted by: Ted at 11:49 AM | category: Square Pegs
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ThatÂ’s a tiny title for a subject as big as the universe. I have the pleasure of having several real artists as co-workers. IÂ’m not talking about making-a-living-at-it artists, but each of them, in their own way, considers themselves an artist, and I agree with them. These are guys who work for a living. Some artists live for art, but like everyone else, most artists know that itÂ’s kinda nice to have a roof over oneÂ’s head, and you do what needs doing to pay the rent. It makes for interesting conversations.

What got me to thinking about this subject is that a co-worker, Kyle, mentioned that the Hirschhorn Museum is having an event this weekend called 24 Hour Psycho. ItÂ’s kind of an odd one, and we got to discussing aspects of it. Briefly, an artist has stretched the Hitchcock classic into a full 24-hour event, apparently by viewing most of the movie in slow motion. ThereÂ’s more to it of course (thereÂ’d better be), but thatÂ’s the gist of it. My attitude is that IÂ’d love to be able to say I saw it, without actually inflicting myself with the performance, because it sounds deadly dull. more...

Posted by: Ted at 10:50 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Mostly images of the American Southwest, in black and white.

Posted by: Ted at 10:44 AM | category: Square Pegs
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At this rate, I don't even have to worry about going to heck.

Spotted this at California Yankee, who's only slightly less evil than sleeping dachshund puppies.

Posted by: Ted at 11:47 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 I take this post to be a vote for the "evil" banner.

Posted by: California Yankee at February 25, 2004 06:08 PM (KZyUq)

2 I have a dachshund. Trust me, even when sleeping, they are evil big time!

Posted by: Punch Buggy at February 26, 2004 12:00 AM (0KiI4)

3 In fun, yeah, I'll take evil every time. That gets my vote.

Punch Buggy, a co-worker has dachshund, and says the exact same thing!

Posted by: Ted at February 26, 2004 07:12 AM (blNMI)

4 I'm going to hell.

Posted by: Rzo at February 26, 2004 10:29 AM (5Q++3)

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We don't have to bother with that pesky election nonsense...

(in the extended entry)

Thanks to Daniel for the pointer. more...

Posted by: Ted at 08:17 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Hah, fooled you! Maybe someday, but not today.

I realize that starting a blog is like cutting your first record. You've got years of material stored up inside you, and you can pick and choose a personal 'best of' to get a rip roaring start. It's the second album that separates the Elvi from the My Sharona's (to completely mangle a metaphore or whatever the heck that is). Fortunately, I'm ancient and have a vast store of made up bull experiences and stories to draw from.

So remember, when you leave your comments, "Do you really want to hurt me?"

Thank you, thank you very much.

Posted by: Ted at 05:24 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 Nope.

That was the answer to your question. I don't understand the question but at least I can try to answer it :-)

Posted by: Ozguru at February 25, 2004 07:30 AM (56B9D)

2 Well, no. But you should know: Culture Club gives me hives.

Posted by: Victor at February 25, 2004 10:05 AM (L3qPK)

3 I cannot believe you used "My Sharona" in that post. I'm still laughing...

Posted by: Cindy at February 26, 2004 02:28 PM (i1ipe)

4 I am confused, nothing new but it is early still so its understandable. Are you not comparing an artist to a song?
Shouldn't tha be like comparing a In the Getto to a My Sharona? Or maybe an Elvi to a ,,, humm let me think a second, the Knack, right?
Or is it an apple to an orange?

Posted by: Starhawk at February 27, 2004 07:25 AM (SoO2k)

5 You're absolutely correct Starhawk. It's a screwed up comparison. I did it on purpose. And I'm sticking to that story.

Posted by: Ted at February 27, 2004 08:16 AM (blNMI)

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Sometimes in traffic, when some chucklehead really pisses me off, I take a deep breath and remember the words spoken by Lt. Miller (Tom Hanks) in Saving Private Ryan:

"Gentlemen, we can do this with a stickybomb."

Posted by: Ted at 05:25 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 yes, a stickybomb would do the trick.

but wouldn't a MK 15 Phalanx Close-In Weapons System with a M-61A1 Gatling shooting 20mm depleted uranium rounds at a rate of 4500 a minute be so much more satisfying?

aww, who are we kidding? that'll never happen.

I know! twin .50 cals!

That would be great!
especially if you could use the helmet where the guns turn where your head is pointed.

yeah...

wonder if Honda has that option on the new Civics?

Posted by: Rob at February 24, 2004 11:17 AM (rOi9m)

2 Ever play a game called "Car Wars"? Yep, you can do all that and more.

Posted by: Ted at February 24, 2004 11:32 AM (B+qrE)

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When you pull into the parking lot at work with the song "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" rocking at full volume, your co-workers all cheerfully greet you while trying to casually locate the nearest cover and concealment.

Posted by: Ted at 06:04 AM | category: Square Pegs
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In a continuing effort to be fair and balanced, I've googled up a bunch of image links of firemen for Susie, Jennifer and other interested readers. Enjoy, and I hope it distracts you from life's wobbles for a little bit.

But first, a joke:

Why do policemen have bigger balls than firemen?
They sell more tickets.

Now these links will seem so much better in comparison. Some aren't really firemen, but I don't want to hear any complaints. Comprende?
Fireman.
A wrestler called "The Fireman"?
Fireman.
Fireman.
Fireman.
Fireman.
Fireman.

Y'know, while finding these I came across some old old photos of firemen, as far back as 1880's. That got me to thinking about a guy here in town who collects and restores old fire engines. I wonder if he's still around? Hmmmm... maybe something for a future post on Rocket Jones.

Posted by: Ted at 09:55 AM | category: Square Pegs
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A new aphrodisiac pizza is being test-marketed. Called Pizzagra, it features a heart-shaped crust.

The Pizzagra toppings include:

* Tomato, garlic and basil base: Basil is a renowned stimulant, helping to boost sex drive, fertility and produce a general sense of well being for body and mind. Garlic traditionally stirs sexual desires and has been used for centuries to cure everything from the common cold to heart ailments.

* Artichoke: The French once believed women who ate artichokes were reputedly loose.

* Asparagus spears are rich in vitamin E, which is thought to stimulate the production of sex hormones.

* Red peppers are said to stimulate circulation.

* Onions: Egyptian priests were forbidden to eat onions, as it was once believed they stirred up passions.

* Ginger, which stimulates circulation and heightens sensitivity.

* Cardamom, which contains two androgens (hormones that increase sexual desire in men) and cineole, a compound known to stimulate the central nervous system.

* Chocolate spread: Chocolate is a popular aphrodisiac containing the chemical, phenlethamine, which is released naturally in the brain when humans fall in love.

* Banana slices: Bananas are rich in potassium and B vitamins, necessities for sex hormone production.

No mention is made if that's all on one pizza. Yuck.

Thanks to The Meatriarch for indirectly pointing the way to this story. His link to Naked News led me to watch their preview, which had the pizza story. A little google action and voila!

*Oh yeah, their joke: "I wonder if it has a self-rising crust?"

Posted by: Ted at 02:00 PM | category: Square Pegs
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NASA has announced their new Atkins-friendly 'space food' tablet rations. more...

Posted by: Ted at 05:53 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Tick Remover.

*or politicians for that matter.

Posted by: Ted at 05:38 AM | category: Square Pegs
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The Washington Capitals sent Peter Bondra to the Ottawa Senators for a prospect and a second-round draft pick in 2005. The Sens are essentially renting Bondra for the rest of the season as he becomes an unrestricted free agent at the end of the season. The local hope is that Bondra can make a run for the Stanley Cup with the Senators, then be resigned during the off-season.

Whoever has Bondra on their fantasy hockey league team should prepare for a boost in his already good stats. Ottawa is a goal scoring juggernaut, and just got better.

Posted by: Ted at 12:59 PM | category: Square Pegs
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1 Well, shit.

Posted by: Victor at February 18, 2004 03:05 PM (L3qPK)

2 Capitals? Senators? With mascots like that no wonder it's hard to get excited about hockey. :-)

Posted by: Lynn S at February 18, 2004 10:13 PM (Y5t7B)

3 Well, I'm a Sharks fan, if that's any help. It does seem though, that capitals are required to have either totally innocuous names (Senators - baseball and hockey, Roughriders - CFL, etc), which makes the Redskins a complete anomoly. Personally, I love that one Indian reservation high school that adopted the name "Fightin' Whitey's" a few years ago!

Posted by: Ted at February 19, 2004 08:36 AM (blNMI)

4 I must say this:

Long live the Mighty Whale.

That is all.

Posted by: Scott at February 20, 2004 11:07 AM (zL4bg)

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I've been informed that lately I've made several posts that are rather... insensitive to women. To achieve more fair and balanced blogging, I give you the following "stupid men jokes" (thanks to Brain Candy).

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they're all pigs.

Posted by: Ted at 05:14 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Q: What do the Japanese do when they have an erection?

A: They vote.

Posted by: Ted at 10:34 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 Dats out of rine!

http://www.engrish.com/

Posted by: Mad William Flint at February 17, 2004 12:13 PM (jRssG)

2 I applaud you! *crap crap crap crap...*

Posted by: Tuning Spork at February 17, 2004 08:51 PM (13Q5a)

3 The odd thing is, they even do this in writing. The Japanese equivalent is actually somewhere between the R and L sounds in English, and many native Japanese speakers can't distinguish the two. So it really is something of a, um, deaf spot.

Interestingly, there are some vowel sounds in British and Australian English that have been lost in American English. Again, American English speakers can't distinguish those sounds, because they're simply not used to hearing them.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at February 18, 2004 12:26 AM (kOqZ6)

4 ...unless they watch Fawlty Towers..

Posted by: Tuning Spork at February 18, 2004 12:32 AM (13Q5a)

5 I have zero aptitude in language. Even growing up where I heard Spanish nearly as often as English, I never picked up more than a smattering of words. I very much envy those who can speak multiple languages.

Posted by: Ted at February 18, 2004 08:30 AM (blNMI)

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The wisdom of Elvis, as it applies in Ted's Universe.

Update: Work-safe, except for conservative environments. Happy now? more...

Posted by: Ted at 07:01 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I dreamt I met the Pillsbury Doughboy and went to poke his tummy. In a tragic case of mistaken identity, he turned out to be an albino midget sumo wrestler, and he kicked my ass.

Posted by: Ted at 08:30 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Oldsmobile, soon to be pinin' for the fjords.

The hottest car I've ever driven was a 1972 Olds Cutlass Supreme 4-door. Looked like a family car, left the line like a scalded cat and never looked back.

They knew how to name 'em too (in the extended entry). more...

Posted by: Ted at 07:03 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Yesterday's dinner turned out, uh, ok. The taste was good but bland instead of the delicate I was going for. The recipes are promising enough that I'm going to try it again, adjusting things here and there. Maybe at some point I'll post them.

There's a new category on Rocket Jones, called Cult Flicks. It will include the reviews of those odd little films I love so much, and related nonsense as well.

Speaking of related, West Virginia (sorry, cheap joke). I was in SunCoast video today, perusing selections for next weekend's triple-points extravaganza, and talked to the manager about special ordering some things. I recently purchased a DVD from them and found the company's website, which has all kinds of classic crappy movies that look right up my alley, but SunCoast doesn't carry them. Believe it or not, SunCoast will not order them for me. Rotten customer service, that.

On the plus side, I did spot a copy of Trinity Is Still My Name on the rack!

Finally, in a perverse twilight zone-ish reversal, wife Liz and I went to Sears today to pick out my Valentine's Day present. A new washing machine (ours conked out friday night). Oh joy. I've never done so before, but she's getting a new toaster for her birthday. That'll teach her, you betcha. Plus, I'll have weeks of great blogging for you to enjoy as I recover from my injuries.

Update: In the "When it rains it pours" category, my shop television just went bosoms-to-the-sky. I don't need much for TV, but this 13" replacement I snagged from the spare bedroom is for the birds. I mean, Christy Canyon looks flat! (link not work safe, scroll down a bit)

Posted by: Ted at 06:46 PM | category: Square Pegs
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