The other day Mookie and I were riding along in the car, and we were discussing the number of nutcase drivers on the road. I conceived the RCI (Rectal/Cranial Insertion) Index to give an idea of just how screwed up and dangerous some of these loons are. I may give updates as we refine the system.

Posted by: Ted at 02:14 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Wife Liz headed off to Michigan this morning to deliver a new PC to oldest daughter Robyn. Her laptop went kaput, and one thing you can't live without in college these days is a computer. Since I have the credit card that allows 12 months payment with no interest, we wound up buying it here and have to take it up there. Kinda like that christmas light that wouldn't light on one side.

Of course, that still leaves me with the boy (who's working now, but still job-hunting for a 'real' job) and Mookie. So no dancing around in my underwear for the forseeable future.

Posted by: Ted at 05:20 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 I still love you! I appreciate it!

Posted by: Robyn at September 30, 2004 08:55 AM (gWcjd)

2 Go ahead and dance around in front of them in your underwear. That job will get found in an astonishing amount of time... She said with love. ;-)

Posted by: Kat at September 30, 2004 05:13 PM (PwX2K)

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Jeanne (or however you spell her name) the hurricane came through yesterday and dumped mucho water on our area. This morning I have some minor flooding in the basement. Not too awful bad, but enough to have to take the day off from work to deal with it.

See you this evening after all the fun and excitement is over. Or maybe tomorrow.

Posted by: Ted at 07:55 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Probably like most people, I had no true comprehension of what reincarnation really implies, until I read this bit of a story (in the extended entry): more...

Posted by: Ted at 04:41 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Iran is surrounded by our allies (not to mention having a population restless for revolution), and North Korea is, by anyone's definition, massively delusional and capable of anything, which makes them less than ideal for our next target in the War on Terror. Since preemption is the concept of the times, I propose a next step that is both bold and preemptive against a re-emergent threat to US security.

We should invade and conquer France.

France has been self-described as "possibly the world's first Islamic nuclear power." Sounds pretty ominous to me. Their military is better than Iraq's was (barely) although stretched woefully thin around the world. Not to mention badly underequipped. Aircraft carriers don't actually need aircraft you know, because that costs money that could be better spent paying farmers their bribes to stay home and not make trouble subsidies.

Eastern Europe (you know, the 'new' one) would be loudly cheering us on. If Spain fusses, we send three cranky WWII vets with hand grenades into their subway system and change their government. And we keep doing it until they elect one we like.

Belgium would tie itself in knots in EU red tape while it tried to figure out what to do. Face it, nobody does indignation like the French, and no matter how hard they try, the Flems and Walloons place a distant second. We can ignore them.

Britain would stay quietly neutral, but I'll betcha that Maggie Thatcher's smiling face will miraculously appear somewhere as reported in the Weekly World News.

Russia would get the message too. Maybe we could soften the reality of the situation by sending Jimmy Carter over for "discussions and consultations", with tacit approval to jail his cardiganned ass when he becomes too annoying to stand. Hell, I'd nominate Putin for the Nobel Peace Prize for that one.

Now some would argue that NATO wouldn't allow it. My response is: "what are they going to do about it?" If they actually wanted to do anything, like say, fight, they'd have to walk to get to the battle, because Europe's armies depend on US Military airlift capabilities. Commercial airliners? Threaten to drop a few Lufthansa Airbusses into the dirt and watch how quickly their fleets would be grounded for maintenance problems. That's assuming, of course, that they can get union approval for war.

Now, once that's all done and over with, we need to do something in order to show old Europe that we're not all stick and no carrot. Like moving the UN to Paris. And making Kerry our ambassador to the UN.

Posted by: Ted at 04:23 PM | category: Square Pegs
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The owner of the Florida Panthers professional hockey team will lose an estimated 10 million dollars by shutting down for the entire season. If they played, his losses would be somewhere around 18 million dollars.

How freaking stupid does the NHL players union have to be to not understand that there's a serious problem if the owners are better off financially with a lockout? Oh, they'll lose money all right, but they'll lose less money.

Vultures fighting over a corpse.

Posted by: Ted at 05:39 AM | category: Square Pegs
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There you are on a beautiful spring day, having a picnic. Fresh air, good food, great company, and then...

(in the extended entry)
more...

Posted by: Ted at 04:53 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Walking may protect elderly men from dementia.

Elderly men who are sedentary or walk less than a quarter of a mile per day are nearly twice as likely to develop dementia and Alzheimer's disease compared to men who walk more than two miles per day.

Anyway, the headline made me think of this joke (in the extended entry because of indelicate language): more...

Posted by: Ted at 06:07 AM | category: Square Pegs
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The weather is turning cool in the evenings, so it's time to start thinking about the gardens again. This fall I want to get rid of my last rose, but it's just too beautiful to just dig up and throw away. Here's a picture showing the blooms. She's a climbing rose, and as long as you keep snipping the spent blooms she keeps going with waves of buds through to late summer. I prune her back hard every fall, and by the next summer she's climbed her way back up the trellis and reaches 8'-12' feet tall. She's touchy about black spot, like most roses, but a weekly spray of orthonex keeps her looking great.

If someone in the metro DC area wants this rose, I'd be happy to give her to you. I'll prune her back and deliver bare root sometime before November so you can get her settled in before frost. The sooner the better.

One way or another, she's outta here because I need to clear the spot she's in, and I don't have a good place to transplant her to. Here's your chance to pick up a showstopper of a climber. Let me know in the comments or email me, either way, because I'd really like to find her a good home.

Posted by: Ted at 07:27 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Or is that Miss Hockey?

(in the extended entry) more...

Posted by: Ted at 05:25 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Salt and pepper.
Peanut Butter and jelly.
Ham and eggs.
Pirate and rocket launcher, natch.

Posted by: Ted at 09:12 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Aye matey!

(in the extended entry) more...

Posted by: Ted at 09:02 AM | category: Square Pegs
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These lyrics always struck me as more than a little kinky:

PUPPET MAN
Fifth Dimension

Baby, baby you know it's true
I'm a puppet just for you
I'll do anything you say
I won't have it any other way
Take my heart and take my soul
Giving you complete control
If you wanna see me do my thing
Pull my string, pull my string
Puppet man, puppet man

Baby, baby I'm your sweet pet
Just your personal marionette
Wind me up and let me go
don't you know I'm a one-man show
Raise your finger and I'll perform
I'll cracker Jack till the crack of dawn
If you wanna see me do my thing
Pull my string
Puppet man, puppet man

Baby, baby I'm more than you need
Satisfaction guaranteed
Any time you feel uptight
I'm at your service
Morning, noon and night
Do what you want me to
I'm a puppet just for you
If you wanna see me do my thing
Pull my string
Puppet man, puppet man

Posted by: Ted at 08:27 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Hurricane Ivan reached our little corner of the world this afternoon and evening and immediately started raising hell. Literally dozens of tornadoes spawned off and tore through the area, and at one point the weatherman was warning folks to just assume that every cloud rotation on the radar was on the ground.

At least one was referred to as the "Dale City" tornado, which is where we live. It passed within a mile of us, to the east. Liz had the kids ready to go to the basement on her say-so. Me? I was napping on the couch, I assume she would've woke me up too. Then again, maybe she upped my insurance recently without telling me...

Round two of Ivan is almost upon us. Happy happy, joy joy.

Posted by: Ted at 08:08 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Japanese baseball players have voted to strike despite last-minute attempts to negotiate a settlement. The players want to postpone for one year the merging of two teams in the Pacific Division, which would result in an imbalance between the divisions (the other division would have six teams). Also, approximately 100 players and front office workers would lose their jobs. Owners maintain that the Kintetsu Buffaloes are losing $36 million a year and need to be merged with the Orix Blue Wave.

This is probably the most polite strike I've ever heard of. Both the player union rep and the owners have come out and apologized to the fans, and the league commisioner has stepped down for not being able to avert the strike.

Oh yeah, the strike only affects weekend games. All baseball during the week will continue on schedule.

Posted by: Ted at 02:06 PM | category: Square Pegs
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In "Ted's Universe", Fire Engines would be about twice as big, have 4-foot wide tracks instead of wheels and a big honkin' snowplow blade on front. If you can't hear the sirens over your freakin' stereo, then they'll either move you themselves or go right over the top. I'd pay money to see that.

Taking a step into policy-land (since I'm fantasizing here), if you do get injured while being "displaced" by an emergency vehicle, then emergency help would be sent - AFTER - the original call is handled. If you're too stupid to get out of the way of a hootin' and screamin' behemoth bearing down on you, then it shouldn't be a priority to save your miserable contribution to the gene pool.

No, I'm not in a bad mood. Why do you ask?

Posted by: Ted at 06:05 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I watched the World Cup finals last night between Canada and Finland, and between the first and second period they interviewed the head of the players union and the owners representative.

Millionaires arguing with millionaires over who gets a nickel extra before they collectively destroy the league. At least the owner's guy had the decency to acknowlege that this was going to hurt people like concessionaires and ushers, rink workers and back office personnel (the scalpers! who's thinking about the poor scalpers?!?!? ... sorry). When that was mentioned to the player's rep his response was basically "the owners are trying to screw the players". Self-centered bastards. Not that I'm sympathetic to the owners either. Both sides refuse to budge, and I'm so frustrated that I just want to knock heads and pound some perspective into their thick skulls.

Here's an idea: top salary = $4M a year, minimum salary = $1M a year. Teams have salary cap and salary floor (minimum required). Owners guaranteed a profit. Ticket prices are reduced and capped. Extra money; $1M a year to player pension fund (increase if it's already more), and increase advertising and youth hockey outreach programs. Hey, get the NASCAR people in there to pump some life back into hockey.

Silly? You bet. I'm no expert, I don't even play one on the internet. I'm just a pissed off fan.

Posted by: Ted at 05:05 AM | category: Square Pegs
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The Finns played 'em tough, but Canada wins the World Cup of Hockey, 3-2. Great game.

Posted by: Ted at 09:37 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Apricot preserves on whole-wheat Ritz crackers. Yowza!

Ritz cracker blogging, how low can you go?

Posted by: Ted at 08:55 PM | category: Square Pegs
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I'll never own any of their products or use their services, just because their commercials insult my intelligence and piss me off.

Posted by: Ted at 08:07 PM | category: Square Pegs
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