I've seen variations of this floating around in email before, but this is the most comprehensive version I've ever run across. Many thanks to Gordon for forwarding it to me.

(in the extended entry) more...

Posted by: Ted at 06:01 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Welcome to democracy.

Posted by: Ted at 07:51 AM | category: Square Pegs
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It occurs to me that if we move the federal government to Dade County, we wouldn't even have to change the stationery.

Posted by: Ted at 11:35 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice's opening remarks to State employees:

(Applause.) Thank you very much. Thank you. Well, this is a little different welcome than the first time that I came to work at the State Department. Now, that may surprise some of you, but I was, in 1977, an intern in the Bureau of Educational and Cultural Affairs. (Laughter and applause.) Now, there's a lesson in that: Be good to your interns. (Laughter.)

Complete text of her remarks can be found here.

Also distributed (sorry, couldn't find a link):

Message from the Secretary of State

Colleagues, today is the first of many days ahead that we will work together to help our country build a safer, better world. I am honored to lead the State Department at this critical time—a time of challenge and hope and opportunity. And, like you, I owe a special debt of gratitude to our dear friend Colin Powell, who has served our nation with distinction, and has done so much to strengthen the Department of State.

September 11, 2001, was a defining moment for our nation and the world. Under the vision and leadership of President Bush, our nation has risen to meet the challenges of our time; fighting tyranny and terror, and securing the blessings of freedom and prosperity for a new generation. The work that America and our allies have undertaken, and the sacrifices we have made, have been difficult. And necessary. And right. Now is the time to build on these achievements—to make the world safer, and to make the world more free. We must use American diplomacy to help create a balance of power in the world that favors freedom. And the time for diplomacy is now.

In these momentous times, American diplomacy has three great tasks. We will unite the community of democracies in building an international system that is based on our shared values and the rule of law. We will strengthen the community of democracies to fight the threats to our common security and alleviate the hopelessness that feeds terror. And we will spread freedom and democracy throughout the world. That is the mission that President Bush has set for you and me, and the great mission of American diplomacy today.

As we begin our work together, President Bush and I will expect great things from each of you in the service of your country and of a great cause. More than ever, you will be active in spreading democracy, fighting terror, reducing poverty, and helping to protect the American homeland.

I want each of you to know that I have no higher priority than the well-being and personal development of the men and women of the Foreign and Civil Services and the Foreign Service Nationals who work beside us. I know from experience how hard you work and the many risks you take. And I am especially aware of the hardships and sacrifices that your families endure as they also serve our nation. I want you to know that I will personally work to help ensure that you have the tools you need to do your jobs—from training to budgets to mentoring to embassy security.

Colleagues, I am honored to be your Secretary during these historic times. Together, we will serve our wonderful country and the cause of freedom for which it stands.

Let's see... first she thanks outgoing Secretary Powell, next is a reminder about 9/11, then diplomacy, building democracy, fighting terror, and looking out for her people.

Yep. As far as I'm concerned, she hit all the right points. In the right order too.

Posted by: Ted at 05:55 AM | category: Square Pegs
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In St. Paul, Minnesota:

"closed, indefinitely, due to 'cost un-certainty' and high player salaries"

Posted by: Ted at 04:33 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Since everyone in the family except Mookie ended up sick last weekend, she did yeoman's work taking care of us all. For the record, she's closer to Ratchet than Nightengale.

Posted by: Ted at 04:48 AM | category: Square Pegs
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From Reuters (which doesn't rhyme with "neuters"):

Female legislators in Israel have seen red after a leading rabbi compared women who wear the color to prostitutes.

Protesting against a ritual ruling by Rabbi Eliyahu Abergil, head of the rabbinical court in the southern city of Beersheba, banning Jewish women from dressing in red, several woman lawmakers wore the color in parliament Monday.

Overreaction? I mean, it's not like he called them Dubya supporters.

Related thought: there's a city named Beer-Sheba? I dunno about you, but the name conjures up images of Friday nights full of good music, good drinkin' and women of questionable virtue (bless 'em all). I may have to add that to my list of places to visit before I die.

Posted by: Ted at 12:05 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Sharkspage has links and story:

According to the BYU Icecats website:

Jaxon Logan, our teammate, friend, and brother passed away Friday night. While blocking a slap shot, Jaxon was struck in the chest by the puck which led to cardiac arrest and ultimately his death. Jaxon was a great man, talented athlete, and fierce competitor. A memorial service will be held at the LDS church on 85 south 900 East Provo, Monday @ 6 pm. All are invited.

It's just one of those freak things that happens in life, and a good reminder to appreciate what you have.

Posted by: Ted at 06:10 AM | category: Square Pegs
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An announcer on television just breathlessly announced that today's football game is historical because it's the first time that two African-American quarterbacks ever faced each other in a league championship game.

Who gives a shit? In the grand scheme of things, that's like the first-ever matchup between left-handed Ivy League graduates on a Thursday night game when it rained in the third quarter. Bottom line: McNabb is Eagles green and Vick is Falcons red.

Posted by: Ted at 03:10 PM | category: Square Pegs
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If you want frozen onion rings made the old fashioned way, you know, with actual onion rings inside, you have to get gourmet onion rings. Otherwise, you get ring shaped dough with bits of chopped onion.

Posted by: Ted at 01:27 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Crystal Light has come out with mini-packs of drink mix to turn your bottle of water into a bottle of lemonade or fruit punch.

Posted by: Ted at 08:17 AM | category: Square Pegs
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My wife is feeling even worse than I am, so I have no one to whine to. This sucks.

Posted by: Ted at 06:45 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 Hope you are all better soon!

Posted by: nic at January 22, 2005 09:53 AM (etHvD)

2 Eek. That's just adding insult to injury!

Have some tea with milk and honey. I'm having right now. Not 'cause I'm sick, though, just 'cause the winds are blowing all this friggin' snow around and it's c-c-c-cold out there!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at January 23, 2005 05:38 PM (L9A/j)

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Son TJ walked through the door at 11am, looking like crap. They sent him home from work after he started barfing. At 2pm, Liz was home, same thing. Dammit, I better not catch whatever they've got.

Posted by: Ted at 02:55 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Since today is a holiday for me (inauguration), I took tomorrow off as well for a nice four-day weekend. Only problem is, I stupidly promised to paint the living room on my days off.

In painting, 90% of the job is prepwork, so I don't skimp on it, even though I hate it with a passion.

Reading the paint can, I noticed the part that said if you want one-coat coverage, you should apply the paint liberally. Anything to make the job go quicker, says I, even if I don't understand the reasoning. I put The Shawshank Redemption into the DVD player (it's the only Tim Robbins movie we own) , and I let the paint know how disappointed I was in it for being white and how it was inferior to paints of color.

One wall and part of the ceiling is done. It looks nice.

Posted by: Ted at 11:16 AM | category: Square Pegs
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According to a new recent international survey, Icelandic women own more vibrators per capita than women in any other country.

Posted by: Ted at 08:03 AM | category: Square Pegs
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We were supposed to be released from work today at 3pm because of tomorrow's inauguration ceremonies. Instead, this morning we got an inch or two of snow which caused a panic and we were released at 1pm.

So was everyone else it seems.

Three freakin' hours on the commute home. My forty-minute cruise to go 26 miles turned into a neverending slow-motion journey thanks to several nitwits in tricked-out piece-of-shit Hondas (or similar) who believed that physics didn't apply to them. As I finally drove past the multi-car wreck they caused, I could tell that at least two of the cars wouldn't be taking to the roads anytime soon. With any luck they weren't insured either, so it'll take even longer to save their pennies to get their homey-mobiles rolling again. Assholes.

Posted by: Ted at 06:36 PM | category: Square Pegs
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In England, bar and pub owners are being advised to spray their toilet seat lids and covers with WD-40. Seems that patrons like to use the smooth surfaces to snort cocaine from.

"A chemical reaction takes place with the cocaine that causes it to congeal and become a mess so it's unusable," a police spokesman said. "It's one very small, very cheap way in which you can very seriously restrict the amount of drug use in your premises."

The manufacturer of WD-40 has already issued a statement reminding folks that WD-40 should not be ingested (it's right there on the can), but you just know some half-drunk yahoo is gonna do it anyways and the result will be an injury (real or lawyer-real) and, well, you know what comes next.

Posted by: Ted at 10:12 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Over on the right, plus the archive of all taglines that have appeared is here.

Posted by: Ted at 06:05 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Esa Tikkanen spent two decades in the NHL and now he hopes to become a coach. Since the NHL lockout drags on (and on and on and on), he's taken a player/coach position in the new Asian hockey league, with the South Korean team Halla. The league consists of teams from Japan, South Korea, Russia and China.

In less happy news:

The NHL's official puck supplier has laid off half its staff, a result of the hockey lockout that entered its 123rd day on Sunday.

InGlasCo, of Sherbrooke, Quebec, laid off 20 of about 40 employees from a plant that normally produces about 300,000 pucks and souvenirs for the 30 NHL teams.

"The business has been down since September, we haven't shipped anything to any NHL teams, no souvenir or licensed products"

Yet another group of people directly impacted by millionaires having a biggest-dick contest.

Posted by: Ted at 06:12 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Hasbro Toys is ready to roll out a new Mr. Potato Head line, this time tying into the Star Wars franchise.

Darth Tater.

May the force be with Sheila O'Malley for pointing that out.

Posted by: Ted at 02:18 PM | category: Square Pegs
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