1. Never pass up an opportunity to go for a joy ride.
2. Allow the experience of fresh air and wind in your face to be pure ecstacy.
3. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
4. When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
5. Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
6. Take frequent naps, and stretch before rising.
7. Run, romp, and play daily.
8. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
9. Be loyal.
10. Never pretend to be something you're not.
11. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle him or her gently.
12. Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
13. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
14. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shade tree.
15. When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
16. No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout - run back and make friends.

Posted by: Ted at 12:28 PM | category: Square Pegs
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I have a special gift. I kill comment threads. For a while there, I felt hurt by that, because nobody ever responded to my comments, and if I left the first one somewhere, the little number '1' sat there like a tombstone, telling the world that Ted killed another potential conversation. After a while I moved right past the unsettled feelings and began to enjoy it. I kill comment threads. I'm a serial comment thread killer. I wonder if there's a program for that? I wonder if I would bother to go?

Posted by: Ted at 08:39 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 Yay Ted! Everyone needs a special talent!

Posted by: Susie at April 18, 2004 09:35 AM (sf0L+)

2 your sick.... woot

Posted by: Mookie at April 18, 2004 12:34 PM (ZjSa7)

3 i do that too!

Posted by: annika at April 18, 2004 11:41 PM (PCv13)

4 I think it's more like you have a tendency to voice the truth that no one else was intelligent or quick enough to articulate, and potential commenters are thinking, "Yeah, man. What he said!"

Posted by: Dawn at April 19, 2004 12:00 PM (9B1bj)

5 Dawn, you must be right. Ow! My hat doesn't fit anymore.

Posted by: Ted at April 19, 2004 12:39 PM (blNMI)

6 My grandmother said that everyone has a special talent. Mine is playing minesweeper. I once finished the expert game in 26 seconds.

Posted by: buckethead at April 19, 2004 01:41 PM (dqO+A)

7 Oh good! I thought killing comment threads was just me. So glad I'm not the only one!

Posted by: mapgirl at May 02, 2004 12:52 PM (j+MRS)

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In this corner of the world anyway. Get outside and do something!

Posted by: Ted at 03:12 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Which reminded me that we haven't done a Nog Watch report for the month. Nothing special to report, other than it's still there. The surrounding contents of the shelf rotate on a semi-regular basis, but the carton of Nog remains (what an appropriate word) as Lord of all it surveys.

For those wondering what I'm babbling about, pieces of the story are here and here and here and here.

Posted by: Ted at 12:10 PM | category: Square Pegs
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No deep analysis here, just some things that have stuck in my mind as I watch the playoffs. For more knowlegable coverage, check out Off Wing Opinion and The Hockey Pundits. Both highly recommended.

Nashville has taken two in a row at home to tie their series against powerful Detroit. This shouldn't surprise anyone, because the Red Wings have a history of getting knocked out of the playoffs in big upsets. The Sharks did it several years ago, and last year it was the Mighty Ducks. Nobody believes the Predators will actually do it, but still...

The Wings have been spoiled in recent years by spectacular goaltending. This year they had kind of a soap opera in net, but I'm tired of hearing people griping about Manny Legacy. He's not a great goaltender, but he's not as bad as they make him out to be. Plus, he got the Wings into the playoffs. The Wings are going with Curtis Joseph is goal tonight. Good luck CuJo, they're giving you a chance to do your annual playoff choke.

Montreal's Kovalev is lucky his teammates haven't practiced a little 'lynch mob justice' against him. For those who haven't heard, Kovalev was moving the puck when a stick hit him across his (heavily gloved) hand. He quit playing the puck and acted like he was hurt trying to draw a penalty, then ran into his own player. An alert Boston player took the puck and scored the game-winning goal. Oh yeah, it was overtime. Two things really piss me off about this. First, Kovalev has a history of this kind of crap, and secondly, he blamed the teammate that he ran into for it. That's twice in this series that a Montreal player has faked an injury on the ice trying to draw a penalty. Embarrassing.

On the upside, it was fun watching former player and coach Barry Melrose go off about it on television. He didn't use the word "chickenshit", but that's about all he forgot.

Philadelphia is playing great and making the Devils look bad in the process. Broduer looks ordinary.

Tampa Bay is for real. I hate them, especially Martin St. Louis who looks like Richard Simmons. I don't know why, but he just annoys me. Actually, I do know why, it's because of last years playoffs against the Washington Capitals. Yep, I'm holding a grudge.

Toronto vs. Ottawa. *Yawn* Toronto is no fun without the whining, and Ottawa reminds me of the machine-like play of Landry's Dallas Cowboys. Mats Sundin left the game last night hurt, so unless he can come back, Toronto is done.

Colorado, Dallas and St. Louis just look old. All still good teams, but this year speed is king (Tampa, Nashville, Boston, San Jose), and these teams are showing their age.

Those speed teams I mentioned are just making the plays. They seem to be in the right place at the right time. Boston and San Jose in particular are fast and tough. These aren't prissy little speedsters, they check hard, move people off the puck, and plant someone in the crease on offense.

Calgary and Vancouver are too far west for this east-coast guy. I haven't really seen either play all year, and won't until later rounds when they might come on a little earlier. Kiprusof was the Sharks backup goalie last year, and it's beginning to look like San Jose is becoming a goalie factory - Shields, Nabokov, Kiprusof, Teskala, and I understand they've got a couple great prospects still in the minors.

The Sharks are going to be good for a long time. Young, fast, and good goaltending.

Posted by: Ted at 06:32 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Being a computer consultant in the DC area, I've worked for a few different government agencies over the years. The following is an actual telegram received when I worked at the Department of State, regarding, ah... budget matters... at an embassy overseas. I edited out some of the 'official' jargon to clean it up some.

SUBJECT: HALF MOON OVER GABORONE

1. IN REVIEWING ANALYSIS OF FUNDING PROVIDED FOR CURRENT FISCAL YEAR, POST WAS DISMAYED TO FIND THAT THE BUREAU DELETED DOLLARS 3,000 FOR THE LEASE OF A PORTABLE TOILET. POST HESITATES TO MAKE A STINK OVER PIDDLING PROBLEMS, BUT FROM WHERE WE SIT, IT'S IMPORTANT.

2. POST HAS REPEATEDLY POINTED OUT IN CABLES AND TO BUREAU VISITORS THE THIS NEWLY CONSTRUCTED CHANCERY DOES NOT HAVE TOILET FACILITIES FOR OUTSIDE PERSONNEL LIKE GUARDS AND GARDENERS AND NIGHTWATCHMEN AND DRIVERS AND DELIVERYMEN. PREVIOUSLY, SUCH PERSONNEL DISCHARGED THEMSELVES FREELY AND PUBLICLY ON THE CHANCERY GROUNDS. RECOGNIZING OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO HALT WASTE, AND NOT WISHING TO BE IN BAD ODOR WITH OUR NEIGHBORS, POST RENTED THE PORTA-POTTY TO MAKE UP FOR DESIGN DEFICIENCY.

3. WE REALIZE THE BUREAU IS NO LONGER FLUSH WITH FUNDS. UPON REFLECTION, POST AGREES THAT WE MAY HAVE USED THE WORNG POT AND THE OUTHOUSE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE FUNDED FROM THE S&E ACCOUNT. SINCE ONLY A MODEST ONE-HOLER IS REQUIRED TO RELIEVE OVERSIGHT AND SHOULD QUALIFY AS A "NON-RESIDENTIAL STRUCTURE", POST BELIEVES THE JOHNNY-ON-THE-SPOT SHOULD BE FUNDED UNDER LEASE FUNDS IN LOO OF ORIGINAL.

4. UNLESS INSTRUCTED OTHERWISE, POST INTENDS TO PROCESS FUTURE RENTAL PAYMENTS FROM SAID ACCOUNT.

Posted by: Ted at 04:37 PM | category: Square Pegs
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It's been one of those odd weekends where you look back and realize that you've gotten a lot done without really trying. Besides the rocket launch yesterday, today we cleaned the aquarium, cleaned some junk out of the attic for bulk pickup next weekend, had a nice Easter dinner, baked a couple of batches of chocolate chip cookies, and still managed to get a nap.

I'm sitting here now with an ice-cold diet pepsi and a piping hot cup of tea, watching the hockey game. I'm pleasantly tired and looking forward to a good night's sleep. It's supposed to rain all night. Oh yeah.

Posted by: Ted at 08:06 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Which doesn't bother me nearly as much as knowing that someone else in charge thought it was a fine idea.

(in the extended entry) more...

Posted by: Ted at 01:02 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I posted something a couple of days ago crowing about myself, and ended with this line:

We now return to our modest and self-depreciating self.

I'd just like to thank everyone who didn't point and laugh at me for not using the correct phrase "self-deprecating".

Bragging on yourself is bad enough, but to say something stoopid while doing it is downright embarrassing. Mmmm, foot. The other white meat.

Posted by: Ted at 10:03 PM | category: Square Pegs
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1 We noticed it but let it go. Y? Because we like you!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at April 09, 2004 10:47 PM (zjTJc)

2 We printed a mistake in our daily convention newspaper (no big deal, just omitted a number in a suite -- we put 407 instead of 4007). So the CEO went nuts and printed up signs that he taped in all the elevators to say that the number was printed wrong in the program book (we didn't do the fucking program book). It's like misspelling the word "mistake" when you're trying to correct yourself, but at least you corrected yourself beautifully on the first try.

Posted by: Dawn at April 10, 2004 11:04 PM (TcGTg)

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Forget pink and purple paisleys

Little mellow yellow daisies

Ain't no pot of gold

In her rainbow

Her favorite color is chrome

Trace Adkins

Now that is pole-dancing music, country-style.

Posted by: Ted at 12:04 PM | category: Square Pegs
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It's playoff time, so you'll be bored to tears thrilled to know there'll be more hockey-related posts than usual for a while. I'll try to keep it to some sane level, but I have ice in my veins and frozen rubber in my pocket.

That doesn't sound right, does it? Gives me the squicky mental picture of dating Ted Williams' head. Ick.

By the age of 18, the average American has witnessed 200,000 acts of violence on television, most of them occurring during Game 1 of the NHL playoff series. -- Steve Rushin

A puck is a hard rubber disc that hockey players strike when they can't hit one another. -- Jimmy Cannon

Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept. -- Doug Larson

Half the game is mental; the other half is being mental. -- Jim McKenny

How would you like a job where, every time you make a mistake, a big red light goes on and 18,000 people boo? -- Jacques Plante

I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out. -- Rodney Dangerfield

We take the shortest route to the puck and arrive in ill humor. -- Bobby Clarke

I'm not dumb enough to be a goalie. -- Brett Hull

Posted by: Ted at 04:54 AM | category: Square Pegs
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The Washington Capitals, my second-favorite hockey team, have won the lottery for the first pick of the upcoming draft and will almost certainly take Russian forward Alexander Ovechkin, who is compared to Pittsburgh great Mario Lemieux.

I know Victor is one happy camper!

Now, if I could just get Nic to post pictures of herself doing the happy dance...

Posted by: Ted at 05:01 PM | category: Square Pegs
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1 Now, if I could just get Nic to post pictures of herself doing the happy dance...
It wouldn't compare to Seduction Cinema, I'm sure. ;-)

I'm glad, but not that excited. I mean, look what we did with Jagr...

Kiss of Death, Ted, I'm tellin' ya. How much will you give me to root for St. Louis?

Posted by: nic at April 06, 2004 05:57 PM (16A49)

2 Apples *and* oranges sweetie. It's not an 'or' thing, and never was.

Eric over at Off Wing Opinion has an interesting take on it. I don't see how the Caps *can't* take the Russian kid, but it could very well backfire on them.

The Blues scare the bejeebers out of me. It's going to be one heck of a series.

Posted by: Ted at April 06, 2004 08:44 PM (ZjSa7)

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Down on the bottom of the right-hand column, permanent bait for the 'bot.

Idiots piss me off. Thanks to Simon for the tip.*

*The referenced expression of appreciation was interpreted and approved by whoever-the-hell is really in charge in Hong Kong.

Posted by: Ted at 06:49 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Or you can just read a sports story about cricket:

Vice-captain Yousuf Youhana, who had struck a fighting century in the first test at Multan, was on 33 on an increasingly friendly wicket for batsmen.

Pakistan had resumed on their overnight 61 for one with Farhat hitting leg spinner Anil Kumble for four in Tuesday's first over and then driving left arm paceman Irfan Pathan backward of point for another boundary.

Yasir Hameed joined in, immaculately driving Pathan on the up through the off side.

But the 26-year-old was out for 19, edging a wide delivery from medium pacer Ajit Agarkar to Rahul Dravid at second slip.

Agarkar was nippy in his five-over first spell, which got him one wicket for 17, hitting Inzamam on the helmet with a well-directed bouncer.

The Pakistan captain shrugged off the blow, cutting Agarkar behind square for four and then slashing him through the covers.

Huh? Don't try to explain, it's rhetorical.

Posted by: Ted at 06:04 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Prison birthday cards, because sometimes being your bitch just isn't enough.

Posted by: Ted at 05:34 AM | category: Square Pegs
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The season is over and I finished a respectable 6th out of twenty teams. Not too shabby, considering I had no idea what I was doing when the season started and had to learn the rules as I went.

Highlights for the year for me were one glorious day when I stood alone in first place. I was fighting for third as recently as three weeks ago. Third through sixth were closely contested.

Offensively, I was in the top five for goals scored, power play points, short handed points, game winning goals and shots on goal. I also finished on the plus side for the +/- stat. I consider that a victory because I spent much of the season in the negative and made several trades specifically to improve in that area.

For goaltending, I was in the top half for wins and shutouts, but only because I had three goalies that played a lot. They werenÂ’t very good, but enough mediocre adds up. Everyone ahead of me was significantly better in net.

Early on I talked about some things IÂ’d noticed in our league, and now that itÂ’s over I think those observations held up pretty well.

Lessons learned: Play lots of games. Get starters for every slot on your roster. A lot of teams fall behind because they have marginal players on the fourth line. They donÂ’t play often, and when they do they donÂ’t get many minutes.

Manage injuries. I was lucky, and only suffered four major injuries to my team all year. Three I was able to put on IR and wait for their return, and the fourth player returned to the ice sooner than anyone expected. Move those injured players and pick up replacements as soon as possible. When the injured players return, cut loose your least-productive players. Which brings us toÂ…

DonÂ’t be sentimental. If your favorite player is having a lousy year, trade for value or otherwise get rid of him. Same thing if you stock your team with your favorite teamÂ’s players. Diversify, and donÂ’t get too attached.

Consider trades early. By this I mean trading hot players while theyÂ’re still hot, when theyÂ’re worth maximum value. The perfect example of this for me was Atlanta Thrashers goalie Pasi Numinem. He was insanely hot for the first third of the season, and I should have realized that he (and the entire Atlanta team) couldnÂ’t keep the pace up. He faded badly, and I shouldÂ’ve traded him before the all-star break for another scorer or solid everyday goalie.

So I had fun, and I'll probably play again next year. Any fellow Munuvians interested, start thinking about it and we might get enough for a "fun" league amongst ourselves. You too Nic, you're an honorary Munuvian as far as I'm concerned.

Posted by: Ted at 06:21 AM | category: Square Pegs
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The San Jose Sharks found one more marvel in their bottomless bag.

Brad Stuart tied the game with two goals in the final 20 seconds of regulation, and Vincent Damphousse scored with 3:10 into overtime to send San Jose into the playoffs with a 4-3 victory over the Los Angeles Kings on Sunday.

With three goals in 3½ minutes, the Sharks capped the best season in franchise history with a stunning comeback in both teams' season finales. The Pacific Division champions, seeded second in the Western Conference with 43 victories and 104 points, wound up with the NHL's third-best record one year after finishing 25th.

I said early in the season that following the Sharks was going to be a roller-coaster ride this year. I meant the ups and downs bit, I had no idea I'd be having this much fun on the way!

Posted by: Ted at 05:13 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 Your fun is fin to end, buhahahahahah.



hln

Posted by: hln at April 07, 2004 01:03 PM (CWwGn)

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According to the news last night, pole dancing is the newest fitness fad for ladies. So be it, who am I to argue? Now just on the off chance that some wonderful lady wants to pole dance for me, here's a few songs I'd love to hear during the show:

Feel Like Making Love - Bad Company
South City Midnight Lady - Doobie Brothers
Dreadlock Holiday - 10cc

C'mon folks, let's hear from the peanut gallery. Guys, what would you want to hear? Ladies, what songs would inspire you to give your best performance?

(6/8/2005) Update: Besides the great suggestions still trickling in in the comments, I've collected a lot of them into one long list of "Favorite Stripper Music". Enjoy, feel free to add to the list via the comments, and most of all, thanks!

(8/22/2005) Update: Up until now, when someone asked about where to find pole dancing lessons, all I could do was offer generic advice about where to look in their local areas, and to wish them luck.

Until now.

This first link, A Pole Lot of Fun, looks to be a 'party' style setup, similar to the way Tupperware used to work.

We bring the pole, you bring the friends and together we create a magical night of fun, laughter, and support.

Follow that link above and see if there's someone local to you.

This link, PoleStars, is based in the UK and Australia. It looks like this is more of the traditional class instruction on the art of pole dancing and strip tease.

Both sites offer equipment and clothing too. If you try either of these, or something else you've found in your area, drop by and leave a comment to let everyone know how it went.

Posted by: Ted at 10:12 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 Sharp Dressed Man -ZZTop
Come Together -The Beatles
Feel Like a Woman -Shania Twain (Really, seen it done)

Now, when Mamamontezz comes with me, her favorite stripper songs are Welcome to Jungle (who knows who did that one), Cut the Cake -Average White Band, and Love to Love You Baby -Donna Summer (that can be an almost religious experience with the right girl).

Yep, it's great having a wife/blog-mama who will go out to the tittie bar once in a while.

Posted by: delftsman3 at April 03, 2004 12:36 PM (AaBEz)

2 "Crazy On You" by Heart.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at April 03, 2004 05:05 PM (JLnAx)

3 Can a female interject...? ;-)

Actually, the songs that make me want to grind my hips are: "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails (gotta love it when the main chorus includes the line "I Wanna F**k You Like An Animal"), and Indus", by Dead Can Dance. Indus is a very asp-slithering-among-the-alabaster-halls sort of song...

My Mom used to be a titty dancer waaaaay back when and her favorite song to shake it to was "Frankenstein". (Was that the Allman Brothers...? I forget.) As in, the whole friggin' song. She'd make up to $1000 a night because no-one could believe anyone had the stamina to pole-dance for that long...

--TwoDragons

Posted by: Denita TwoDragons at April 04, 2004 12:52 PM (+YZrx)

4 "Frankenstein" was by the Edgar Winter Group. Album was "They Only Come Out At Night". Great disc, the entire thing, Ronny Montrose played lead I believe.

Posted by: Ted at April 04, 2004 02:15 PM (ZjSa7)

5 Historically speaking, I'm a big, big fan of poledances to "Rocket Queen" by Guns & Roses, though now that I'm older and more easily bored I wouldn't object to an amusing juxtaposition of politics and sex with something like "Oh Bondage, Up Yours!" by X-Ray Spex or "The Roars Of The Masses Could Be Farts" by the Minutemen. For that matter, why don't more people try to poledance to hardcore? That'd be fun!

Posted by: Johno at April 05, 2004 10:53 AM (Jm+Pc)

6 I'm with Denita on "Closer"...LOVE that one.

Posted by: Jennifer at April 05, 2004 11:48 AM (DdBLw)

7 "Polka Your Brains Out" by Weird Al

The William Tell Overture

Amazing Grace (with real pipes)

"Don't Worry, Be Happy"

Posted by: Phelps at April 05, 2004 07:04 PM (HlHi7)

8 Maybe I'm a leftback 80's geek, but I love "Sex Shooter" by Apollonia 6 and "Nasty Girl" by Vanity 6

Posted by: Mare at April 21, 2004 12:25 PM (E7aRi)

9 the song "Peach" by the Neptunes, awesome jam

Posted by: no name at May 22, 2004 11:35 AM (ICBWp)

10 How bout having a whole teacher striptease thing. Wear a little teacher outfit and dance to "Smoking in the Boys Room" by Motely Crue and "Hot for Teacher" by Van Halen. Now that is what I would do!

Posted by: LouLa at June 28, 2004 12:52 PM (U074K)

11 I would have to say "Cream" by Prince... or "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls

Posted by: Ashley at June 28, 2004 12:57 PM (Vtxaf)

12 what kind of love are you on - aerosmith

Posted by: bob at October 14, 2004 01:05 AM (eQ2Os)

13 Gotta love, pour some sugar on me by Def Leppard & Lick- from the movie XXX soundtrack- Great Stuff

Posted by: Michi at December 02, 2004 05:57 PM (YJhVh)

14 you gotta love "sex on wheels (remix) by thrill kill cult!!!

Posted by: lindz at December 03, 2004 07:28 PM (YFDFI)

15 Erotic City = Prince. . a classic strippers song.

Posted by: Badass at December 04, 2004 12:10 AM (osohm)

16 "Toxic" by Britney Spears. That's a great song for pole dancing.

Posted by: Alielle at December 08, 2004 10:54 PM (fLlQ8)

17 I'm gonna craw by led zepplin is good (except for the intro). Porcelain by moby is good (depending on the club). If you've got the pole dancing skills "yall wanna a single" by korn is good- but you have to be pole dancing to pull it off! Also i like dancing to mairlyn manson songs the best (and yes, i AM a dancer)

Posted by: Berlin at December 11, 2004 03:15 AM (/Tb7C)

18 "Possum Kingdom" by The Toadies. Good stuff!

Posted by: T2B at December 22, 2004 05:00 PM (ywZa8)

19 "Engel" and "Stripped" by Rammstein

Posted by: typer100 at December 23, 2004 09:46 PM (lZLkq)

20 thanks to all of you that posted-- ive never stripped before, and i was looking for some ideas for a birthday present. so, thanks! ...and im sure my boyfriend thanks you too

Posted by: dothedew at December 25, 2004 12:00 PM (Qv8NZ)

21 Hey Dothedew, where are you? I"m a former dancer and now I teach exotic and pole dancing in Quincy, MA, just for regular women who want to see what it's like to dance like a real stripper...and good songs everyone too! Gave me some good ideas for my classes!

Posted by: Wendy at December 31, 2004 04:18 PM (XSDAG)

22 I would dance to Fire by Ohio Players! My boyfriend loves it!!!!

Posted by: Nikki at January 10, 2005 10:58 AM (Azck9)

23 I dance for my boyfriend on occassions and he loves it when I dance to Fire by Ohio Players! It sends him out of this world!

Posted by: Nikki at January 10, 2005 12:06 PM (Azck9)

24 This is from an observer point of view, but the all-time greatest stripper song is "You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC. Nothing even comes close to its historical, visual, and economic impact. When strippers enter Stripper School, they play that song the very first day, and if you don't cut it, then they expel you on the spot. Hands down, it is simply the very best stripper song of all time, anywhere. I would even venture to say that under the right circumstances it would cause slightly intoxicated non-strippers to actually start stripping. Second up might be a tie between "Emotions in Motion" by Billy Squier or "Dr Feelgood" by Motley Crue. Toss in a little Bad Company, "Slow Ride" by Foghat, and a few Prince-related sex disco/R&B hip-shakers, and you should have one hell of a mix tape. Honorable mention: I was in Myrtle Beach years ago, and a blond danced to "The Battle of Evermore" by Led Zeppelin and blew my mind.

Posted by: Jim Schortz at January 12, 2005 11:25 AM (qZr6+)

25 britney spears- breathe on me, and depeche mode- personal jesus. my specialties

Posted by: T at January 13, 2005 05:35 PM (6krEN)

26 Gotta say these two are the ultimate: Personal Jesus-Depeche Mode Closer-NIN They make me do things with parts of my body I didn't think i could do..

Posted by: Tricia at January 14, 2005 01:04 AM (EHH1V)

27 hell yeah! all of these are great hits! i personally enjoy dancing to the aerosmith cover of "come together"

Posted by: roxy at January 27, 2005 06:48 AM (khxOD)

28 I have signed up for poledancing and striptease in New York. I am interested to find out what music they will use.

Posted by: Pisces at February 01, 2005 11:26 PM (GHu8h)

29 Darling Nikki- Prince and LAP dance by NERD

Posted by: mikey at February 08, 2005 02:41 PM (PtPtR)

30 When I was thirteen (!) I saw a stripper for the first time. I was with my Dad as he went into a Main Street bar in rural South Dakota, looking for one of my brothers. I don't think he realized I could see anything. (We were barely in the door, and didn't stay for more than twenty seconds.) In that eternity of twenty seconds, I saw a blonde girl with sparkly green pants, dancing topless to Sugarloaf's Green Eyed Lady. I was completely embarrassed, and also completely hypnotized. Green Eyed Lady continues to bring back vivid memories, even thirty years later. I hear it, and I'm transported back to the dark smoky Peacock Bar in South Dakota, and I'm thirteen, and I'm hypnotized.

Posted by: Keith at February 23, 2005 07:32 PM (7j8lk)

31 I used to be a stripper as well- tons of fun. My fav songs were Metallica- Enter Sandman (that one is awesome-upbeat great if you are a good dancer) Metallica- No Leaf Clover Metallica- Sad but true KORN- ADIDAS =) good one As you can tell I like the upbeat rock stuff- it gets um going and gives you something good to dance to.

Posted by: cali at March 04, 2005 02:36 PM (jBNPt)

32 I am a stripper and a lot of you have some good songs listed on here, I have already used britney spears breathe on me... But some other good songs to use that I get really into is christina aguilera's - Get mine get yours, Britney Spears - Toch of my hand, Montell Jordan's Lets Ride and a very sexual song by Janet jackson - would you mind. Also some great stripper music is over seas that most america hasnt heard, European rave music... Muah...

Posted by: Crissy at March 16, 2005 02:37 PM (fLlQ8)

33 I saw a stripper dance with "Tell Him", the version of Celine Dion and Barbara Streisand and it was awesome.

Posted by: joey at March 20, 2005 05:12 AM (TJH27)

34 Gotta love Kid Rock - I'll f**ck you blind Bitch. Really pumps the crowd up.

Posted by: Jojo at March 31, 2005 08:56 PM (hbbfU)

35 pour some sugar on me - def leppard. classic!

Posted by: samantha at April 03, 2005 02:07 PM (/16Fe)

36 " Beast of Burden " by The Stones would br totally hot

Posted by: Mary at April 03, 2005 10:14 PM (a5reU)

37 " Beast of Burden " by The Stones would be totally hot

Posted by: Mary at April 03, 2005 10:14 PM (a5reU)

38 I'm a strip club DJ and I love playing: Great White - House of Broken Love Blue Six - Music and Wine Everything but the girl - Wrong (Night Sky Mix) Goldfrapp - Strict Machine Groove Armada - My Friend IIO - Rapture Jean Jacques Smoothie - 2 People Junkie XL Ft Dave Gahan - Reload Just a few but all sexy songs to move to...

Posted by: paul at April 12, 2005 07:50 PM (Axgj1)

39 Paula Cole's "Feelin' Love", Kenny Wayne Sheppherd's "Blue On Black" and also agree that "Closer" by NIN

Posted by: David at April 17, 2005 04:01 PM (SM4vb)

40 Hey Peeps, Yeah I'm a Strip Club DJ Too, Thanks for all the great songs. I can say definitively that Breathe on Me is a song I can play for just about ANYONE, even the hardcore Hip Hop and Rap girls (90% of the girls these days) Allow me to make a few more suggestions: Music Instructor - Technical Lover (if you can find it, another universally accepted SEXY song, especially with a good light show) Nine Inch Nails - Sin (and just about any other song on Pretty Hate Machine, Sanctified etc...) Sneaker Pimps - Bloodsport Sublime - Caress Me Down Led Zeppelin - Dazed and Confused Scorpions - The Zoo (it's the base lines that really make the last 2 work) Satisfaction/In Da Club -Benny Bennass vs. 50 Cent (one of the few "vs" remixes I have ever heard that actually works) Who Da Funk - Shiny Disco Balls (techno, but sexy techno) Rob Zombie - Pussy Liquor (Upbeat and hardcore sexy in your face) Lil Kim - I don't want dick tonight (a favorite of the girls) Phil Collins - In the air tonight (ben liebrand mix) sexier than the original Lil John and the Eastside Boys - Ooh na na nah (the most blatant sex song ever) 504 Boyz - I Can Tell You Wanna f... - (maybe there is a tie here) White Zombie - Grease Paint and Monkey Brains (for the S&M girls it has that kinda sound) Brooks and Dunn - Rock My World Little Country Girl (Put a cowgirl outfit on for this one) Neneh Cherry - Move With Me (Sultry and sexy) Primal Scream - Some Velvet Morning Well that ought to get you started... enjoy!!!

Posted by: Jonez at April 22, 2005 07:25 PM (OjFI6)

41 Hi, This question is totally out in the left field, but i live around the Framingham area and would like to know if anyone knows if there is a pole dancing class around that area that i can join. Many Thanks!! Terri

Posted by: Terri at May 03, 2005 10:38 PM (AKevn)

42 In my club there isn't an hour that goes by without "Closer" NIN. But I love Seether's "Fine Again" and "Driven Under" That's sexy. Guys tend to like the Metallica sets, and "Getaway Car" by Audioslave. (off the new cd) AEROSMITH rocks!

Posted by: Ariel at May 07, 2005 12:00 AM (tayjm)

43 Well I was a bar tender at a strip club and some of my all time fav. sets included songs like: blood leading by concret blond, mouth by bush, change(house of flies) bye deftones, most of type o negatives music is good to dance to, i touch myself...the jack off jill version. nymphtmine by cradle of filth, coin operated boy by the deresden dolls for the right type of girl, and there are so many more that i could list but those are some of my favs.

Posted by: melanie at May 08, 2005 06:13 PM (WHBRF)

44 hey i am a 22 male from canada i thank you for some of the songs i am thinking of geting in to it all i have lots of gfs that work in the biz and they are pushing me to get in to it so i think i am going to grow some balls and do it and c what happens my fav song would have to be system of adown-Tocixcity Bobmarley&lauren-hill turn your lights down 50cent-just a little bit

Posted by: eclipse at May 13, 2005 03:32 PM (pAPNl)

45 Depends on the guys in the club. But a favorite classic is a necessary must, so try Rod Stewart Tonight's The Night and don't forget the pretty French gown. Or Hall and Oates Man Eater is good to.

Posted by: janet at May 22, 2005 10:46 AM (/zU3U)

46 Hey EVERYBODY: I heard this great song in a strip club and have not been able to track it down! It is a techno/dance track...it seems like the name is "Triple x". I can only remember part of the lyrics, which I think goes, "... it's triple-x ... it's triple x" Can someone help me find the name of the band and the real name of this song? I love it! Thanks

Posted by: Luvsiren at May 30, 2005 01:13 AM (jA71s)

47 I am a professional pole dancer and private dance teacher in japan. Thanks for your ideas. I love to dance with Ramses, Madonna (like a virgin, chemical brothers, U2. try it!!!

Posted by: sandy at June 09, 2005 05:58 AM (YhX9k)

48 Black Crowes - She Talks to Angels

Posted by: Rob@L&R at June 09, 2005 08:45 AM (Bif8D)

49 Send Me an Angel by the Pet Shop Boys

Posted by: angie at June 13, 2005 03:28 PM (hBpTT)

50 I, too, am a strip club DJ in Portland, Oregon. Here is a list of some of my favorite dancers' favorite music: ICP - Cherry Pie Gangsta Boo - Can I Get Paid B.I.G. & Jodeci - #$%^ You Tonight Liz Phair - H.W.C. (Hot White Cum) gotta love this one Mark Growden - Fuck Boy Peggy Lee - Why Don't You Do Right (Jessica Rabbit song) Trillville ft. Cutty - Some Cut Yin Yang Twins - Whisper Lil Ricky - Grind on Me Soundgarden - Big Dumb Sex Avenue D - Do I Look Like a Slut? Deftones - Passenger, Digital Bath, Change, RX Queen Tool - 46 & 2, Sober, Prison Sex Thompson Twins - Hold Me Now Just to name a few.... any particular genre requests, let me know! DJ P

Posted by: DJ Profit at June 15, 2005 11:42 PM (6WwYs)

51 Whatever your country's national anthem is. That should get the conservative guys in a tizzy :-)

Posted by: Stu Savory at June 17, 2005 12:05 PM (zael2)

52 Kiss - Take It Off Ton Loc - Wild Thing Alannah Myles - Black Velvet

Posted by: WV at June 22, 2005 12:36 AM (eyw/W)

53 Thanks for all the ideas everyone! I teach a pole dancing class and am always up for suggestions on what works! Thanks again xx

Posted by: Mieah at June 23, 2005 12:50 AM (IfAEO)

54 Cherry Pie-warrant Pour some sugar on me- def leppard Breathe on me- Britney Spears Smack my bitch up- prodigy NAsty girl- nitty Avenue d - do I look like a slut I have an auditon for a club in about 5 days now these are my favorites so far i prolli will dance to pour some sugar on me. I love the 80's rock thing!

Posted by: pynkslip05 at June 26, 2005 09:38 PM (pO1tP)

55 From a girl these songs make me feel like dancing sexy; Cherry Pie - Warrant Milkshake - Kelis Breathe On Me - Britney Spears Stronger - Britney Spears I Wanna Be Bad - Willa Ford Ashlee Simpson - LaLa Closer - NIN (agreed) Ruberneckin' - Elvis the Paul Oakenfold remix There's so many more but those are my favorites I guess. Thanks for the list, though.

Posted by: Meg at June 27, 2005 12:10 PM (cOZap)

56 there is a cd out called Stripper Tunes that's hot

Posted by: Ashley at July 13, 2005 01:23 AM (6krEN)

57 these boots are made for walking-nancy sinatra & closer-nine inch nails AWESOME STRIPPING SONGS!

Posted by: none at July 26, 2005 09:16 PM (dVTKE)

58 britney spears breath on me is a good one .... it was diffinitly made to do a sexy dance too and it really works!!!

Posted by: Jessica at August 02, 2005 03:44 PM (ywZa8)

59 Number One Crush by Garbage is also a slow, sexy one. Just thought I'd add to the list. ;-)

Posted by: Duchess at August 15, 2005 04:20 PM (6krEN)

60 My friends and I were interested in taking a stripper pole class...I need more information! Please e-mail me at Satine7679@aol.com. Thanks!

Posted by: Juliet at August 20, 2005 09:46 PM (pKGmM)

61 IF YOU ARE A srtrip club DJ YOU MUST PLAY "dolphins cry" by LIVE and "blow" by The Prom Kings.Also "Get Naked" by Methods of Mayhem is good.

Posted by: Matt at August 27, 2005 05:33 PM (MSqJc)

62 the song that gets me going. mmmm just thinking of the songs already gets me hot. ha ha 1) slept so long - orgy( queen of the dam soudtranck) 2)flash dance - deep dish 3)goldfrapp - stric machine 4) kid rock - cowboy ( mmm i love cowboys.. u can get really kinky with this song... rope tie ups ... * wiNK*

Posted by: MeL at August 29, 2005 05:06 PM (ZRgYg)

63 Thank u for the songs Im gladyou have this webpage

Posted by: Terence at September 10, 2005 07:29 PM (M7kiy)

64 And here's your list thus far ladies and gents . . . Feel Like Making Love - Bad Company South City Midnight Lady - Doobie Brothers Dreadlock Holiday - 10cc Sharp Dressed Man -ZZTop Come Together -The Beatles Feel Like a Woman -Shania Twain Welcome to Jungle - Guns N Roses Rocket Queen - Guns N Roses Cut the Cake -Average White Band Love to Love You Baby -Donna Summer Crazy On You - Heart Closer - Nine Inch Nails Sin - Nine Inch Nails (And Any Other Song On "Pretty Hate Machine" & "Sanctified") Indus - Dead Can Dance Frankenstein - Edgar Winter Group Oh Bondage - XRay Spex Up Yours - XRay Spex Sex Shooter - Apollonia Nasty Girl - Vanity 6 Peach - Neptunes Smoking in the Boys Room - Motley Crue Girls Girls Girls - Motley Crue Dr Feelgood - Motley Crue Hot For Teacher - Van Halen Cream - Prince Erotic City - Prince Darling Nikki - Prince I Touch Myself - Divinyls What Kind Of Love Are You On - Aerosmith Come Together - Aerosmith (Beatles Cover) Cherry Pie - Warrant Pour Some Sugar On Me - Def Leppard Lick - XXX Movie Soundtrack Sex On Wheels (remix) - Thrill Kill Cult Toxic - Britany Spears Breathe On Me - Britany Spears Touch Of My Hand - Britany Spears I'm Gonna Craw - Led Zepplin (Cut Intro) The Battle of Evermore - Led Zepplin (Play At Your Own Risk) Dazed and Confused - Led Zepplin Porcelain - Moby Yall Wanna Single - Korn ADIDAS - Korn Possum Kingdom - The Toadies Engel - Rammstein Stripped - Rammstein You Shook Me All Night Long - AC/DC Emotions in Motion - Billy Squier Bad Company - Bad Company Ready For Love - Bad Company Feel Like Makin' Love - Bad Company Slow Ride - Foghat Personal Jesus - Depeche Mode LAP Dance - NERD Green Eyed Lady - Sugarloaf Enter Sandman - Metallica No Leaf Clover - Metallica Sad But True - Metallica Get Mine Get Yours - Christina Aguilera Lets Ride - Montell Jordan Would You Mind - Janet Jackson I'll f**ck you blind Bitch - Kid Rock Beast of Burden - Rolling Stones House of Broken Love - Great White Music and Wine - Blue Six Wrong (Night Sky Mix) - Everything But The Girl Strict Machine - Goldfrapp My Friend - Groove Amanda Rapture - IIO 2 People - Jean Jacques Smoothie Reload - Junkie XL Ft Dave Gahan Feelin' Love - Paul Cove Blue On Black - Kenny Wayne Sheppherd Technical Lover - Music Instructor Bloodsport - Sneaker Pimps Caress Me Down - Sublime The Zoo - Scorpions Satisfaction/In Da Club - Benny Bennass vs. 50 Cent (One Of Few Remixes That Actuallys Works) Shiny Disco Balls - Who Da Funk Pussy Liquor - Rob Zombie I don't want dick tonight - Lil Kim In The Air Tonight - Phil Collins (ben liebrand mix) It's sexier than the original Ooh na na nah - Lil John and the Eastside Boys I Can Tell You Wanna f**ck - 504 Boyz Grease Paint and Monkey Brains - White Zombie (for the S&M girls it has that kinda sound) Rock My World Little Country Girl - Brooks & Dunn (Put a cowgirl outfit on for this one) Move With Me - Neneh Cherry Some Velvet Morning - Primal Scream

Posted by: JP at September 16, 2005 04:00 AM (NRqKO)

65 How about: No Doubt - I'm Just a Girl Annie Lennox - Sweet Dreams Cheap Trick - I Want You to Want Me Pat Benetar - Hit me with Your Best Shot Eagles - Victim of Love I know they're kinda cliche, but... Hot Chocolate - You Sexy Thing Jay-Z - 99 Problems Nelly - Hot in Here (or "Number One")

Posted by: Steve at September 21, 2005 03:58 PM (ZlWXr)

66 Feelin love - Paula Cole Dont 'cha - PCD...I have a thing for Nicole..<>

Posted by: Dharma at October 25, 2005 05:14 PM (fEJ8R)

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This came via email, and I haven't checked the numbers (not going to, either), but the gist of it is correct.

Compared with Gasoline

Think a gallon of gas is expensive? This puts things in perspective.

Diet Snapple (16 oz @ $1.29) = $10.32 per gallon

Lipton Ice Tea (16 oz @ $1.19) = $9.52 per gallon

Gatorade (20 oz @ $1.59) = $10.17 per gallon

Ocean Spray (16 oz @ $1.25) = $10.00 per gallon

Brake Fluid (12 oz @ $3.15) = $33.60 per gallon

Vick's Nyquil (6 oz @ $8.35) = $178.13 per gallon

Pepto Bismol (4 oz @ $3.85) = $123.20 per gallon

Whiteout (7 oz @ $1.39) = $25.42 per gallon

Scope (8 oz @ $3.99) = $59.04 per gallon

And this is the REAL KICKER...

Evian water (9 oz @ $1.49) = $21.19 per gallon?!?

$21.19 for WATER - and the buyers don't even know the source.

So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, or - God forbid - Pepto Bismal or Nyquil.

Posted by: Ted at 10:11 AM | category: Square Pegs
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