At the recent blogmeet, the Maximum Leader told me more than once, "More Wernher Von Braun!" He also hinted at some Von Braun stories that I'm going to beat out of him if plying with beer doesn't work insist he tell next time.

But you know me, I'm always happy to oblige...

In my own way, of course.

Posted by: Ted at 08:00 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Australia launches world's largest sheep database.

Posted by: Ted at 05:55 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Worth passing along:

Ever wonder what the difference between prison and work is?

Just in case you ever get the two mixed up, this should make things a bit clearer.

IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK...you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK...you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.

IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family.

IN PRISON...the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON...you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...they are called managers.

Have a Great Day at WORK!!

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Posted by: Ted at 06:03 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I was feeling so lousy on Friday that I didn't mention that my review copy of MaddenNFL 2006 arrived.

Neener neener.

Posted by: Ted at 04:17 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Just saw the first-ever shootout in Washington Capitals history, and they beat the Tampa Bay Lightning 3-2.

Posted by: Ted at 08:44 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Fantasy football, and two, repeat TWO of my starting wide receivers didn't play today. Both were game-time decisions, so thanks guys, for giving me a little warning. I'm glad the Steelers lost (Hines Ward), and I wish the Bengals had too (T.J. Houshmandzadeh).

Serves (half of) you right, dammit.

Update: Somehow I'm hanging in there. Now I need Edgerrin James to have a great Monday Night and the rest of the Colts to fall off the face of the planet, and I might just pull this one out.

Posted by: Ted at 05:20 PM | category: Square Pegs
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There was a time when the National Park Service would provide an estimate of the crowd size for events held on the mall in Washington DC. After being criticized for not sufficiently inflating the estimates to soothe the egos of various organizers, the parks people did an intelligent and reasonable thing. They declined to provide crowd estimates any more.

That made everyone happy. The National Park Service no longer had to deploy people to "count" the crowds, and they deftly sidestepped various complaints ranging from bad mathematical skills to racism.

The organizers of various events were happy too, because now their "official" numbers were, in fact, official.

Yesterday was a classic example. After hearing reports throughout the day about "thousands massing at the mall" or "a throng numbering in the thousands", the Nation of Islam released their official crowd count at 1.8 million people.

I'm happy, because now I know for sure that every estimate I hear from these events is complete and utter bullshit.

Posted by: Ted at 10:53 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Earlier this week we had the headline:

Avian Flu Found in Turkey

Today we see:

Thousands Attend Millions More March

But of course, this is deliberate:

Rice Fails To Gain Russian Support Over Iran

When the more accurate statement would be:

Russians refuse to change mind despite Rice efforts. But hey, she failed, you know?

Posted by: Ted at 10:54 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1. There are about 1/2 ton of termites living for each human being on the planet.

2. Termites fart.

3. Farting releases methane.

4. Methane is a greenhouse gas.

5. Therefore, killing termites can stop global warming.

(Chemistry in Context: Applying Chemistry to Society, 4th edition, page 125)

Hand me that aerosol can of bug spray, would you?

Posted by: Ted at 08:54 AM | category: Square Pegs
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You do realize that there's a salty side and a not-salty side to a Pringles, don't you?

Posted by: Ted at 08:04 AM | category: Square Pegs
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If you wanted to have the KFC chicken dinner last night, don't.

Uh oh. Gotta run.

Posted by: Ted at 04:32 AM | category: Square Pegs
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At my old worksite, there was the nog. At the current one, the fridge is full of whipped cream and beer.

Psychology paper? Coffee table book? Either way, there's an opportunity here.

Posted by: Ted at 11:44 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Click for biggie size

Posted by: Ted at 04:13 AM | category: Square Pegs
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*checking trash can*

Yep.

Posted by: Ted at 05:13 PM | category: Square Pegs
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I heard on a radio news report this morning (and if it's on the radio then it must be true, right?), that according to an AOL (*snicker*) user survey, half of all bloggers list "therapy" as the reason they blog.

Or in my case, evidence of the need for.

Posted by: Ted at 05:59 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I am still employed. To my mind, it was touch and go there for a bit.

See, last week I made an incredibly silly mistake which happened at precisely the wrong moment, resulting in spectacularly bad results all out of proportion to the size of the original mistake.

It took the entire team most of a day to put us back on track, and the fact that it's the beginning of a new fiscal year only added to the festivities. There was no finger pointing or gnashing of teeth, just professionals digging in and making things right.

Our boss was on vacation last week. I stressed big-time all weekend about this morning, and whether I would still have a job. I got the expected (and deserved) ass chewing, and then we moved on.

But the back of my neck is still cringy, and I've become rather maniacal about double-checking and triple-checking things. A little late, but better than never.

Posted by: Ted at 07:24 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Yesterday, Dawn surprised me by saying that this print was me.

I was so surprised that when she asked me what I saw in it, I babbled some incoherent nonsense. She was right though, because the image resonated and stayed with me. So here's an attempt to answer your question.

I see serenity and solitude. The empty basket tells me that the day is ending, the toil of the day is over, and there is time for reflection. The mountain in the distance is unchanging, and even when the moods of the volcano change, underneath is permanence.

It occurs to me that the rippling path underneath the tree may be water, but my first impression was that it was a road, perhaps signifying one's life, with the ups and downs that happen to everyone. I also think it significant that the difficulty of navigating the road is trivial compared to the mass of the mountain beyond, or even to the lesser permanence of the tree itself, which live far longer than any single person.

I suck at this introspection stuff.

Posted by: Ted at 08:02 PM | category: Square Pegs
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1 This isn't cheesecake pinups and zombies.

Posted by: Victor at October 09, 2005 07:15 PM (l+W8Z)

2 This is yet another fascinating side to the Ted we all know and adore.

Posted by: dawn at October 09, 2005 07:43 PM (Dh1V0)

3 Maybe it's just a guy stuck in a tree?

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at October 09, 2005 08:27 PM (ics4u)

4 Dude, it's art. It's deep and shit.

If you want "guy stuck in a tree", see Norman Rockwell's "Proctologist Practical Joker".

Posted by: Ted at October 10, 2005 07:52 AM (+OVgL)

5 Interesting. To me, the empty basket would signify that the person hasn't done the task yet [like, maybe, going to town for groceries], saw a good place to stop for a rest, and is enjoying the view before going on.

Projection works.

Posted by: owlish at October 10, 2005 11:30 AM (bJF7u)

6 Seems t'me that the empty basket represents the boy's limitations. He packed some food and went off to reach the mountain, but the food is gone and he seems no closer. He is staring at the unreachable, knowing that he must turn around and go back home. Either he is thinking "Some day I will pack a basket big enough to last me 'til I reach that mountain," or "There ain't no way in hell I'm ever gonna get to that mountain so I think I'll just sit here for a while and appreciate what I CAN know about it. It's probably alot prettier from here, anyway."

Posted by: Tuning Spork at October 10, 2005 08:50 PM (jNDp0)

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Used to be, there were a lucky few who got to write blurbs for trashy paperbacks:

No man could satisfy her. Four men tried to tame this wildcat who knew no end to the daisy-chain game of sin savagery... until she met a woman as explosive as herself. Together they stormed into an arena of perverted pleasures that knew no parallel except in hell. -- I Want You, by Lester Lake

Nowadays, I think they hang out in AOL chat.

Posted by: Ted at 04:14 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Look at this picture (reasonably safe for work). The ladies pictured are topless, but the body paint is good enough to hide that fact except under close and careful examination.

Disregarding everything except the spirit of fun and adventure, could you do that?

Posted by: Ted at 05:44 AM | category: Square Pegs
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He's a good interview:

"Just put down 'bleep.' It's OK. Lots of things I say in the paper have bleeps in them." -- Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen

He's a good interview, with a little judicious editing.

Posted by: Ted at 04:48 AM | category: Square Pegs
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