1 Actual onion rings are a dying breed, friend. There's a joint not far from where I live that still sells the best rings ever, though...Wonderfully crisp breading coating actual rings of sweet onion...If they ever go to the minced version, I shall officially declare this civilization declined.

2 Eh. How 'bout one of those big shiny deep-fried appetizer onion-flower things they sell at places Outback Steakhouse? I know, I know, they aren't RINGS. Hell, they probably aren't even actual onion. They're made out of simulated onion, uhh, a more economical substance found in the desert: yucca shards. Hence the upright posture or "bloom." But you dip the shards in enough of that horse-radishy sauce and I mean, who cares?

3 The inventor of those recently died in, like, the last two months.

Now, before you start saying "Good!" and other less-than-nice things about the recently departed, keep in mind this person was the father or grandfather (I've forgotten which) of one of my gf's friends (which is how I know about his passing).

Also remember: If you even *think* less-than-nice things about the recently departed...Karma Is A Bitch.

4 The inventor of onion rings? Or those bloomin' onion things?

Don't matter, I like deep fried onion.