December 18, 2003
For Christmas, you can have anything you want. Anything.
Among the DJ's on the morning show, their wishes were:
- The deed to Augusta.
- The same amount of money as Bill Gates.
- Heidi Klum.
- (my new hero wanted) his face painted on every water tower in America.
What is your wish? Leave it in the comments.
Posted by: Ted at
07:04 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (9)
| Add Comment
Post contains 84 words, total size 1 kb.
December 17, 2003
If nothing else, watch because he's got his own drinking game.
I'm sorry, I couldn't resist this:
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
"Make me one with everything."
Posted by: Ted at
06:06 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (2)
| Add Comment
Post contains 81 words, total size 1 kb.
December 16, 2003
It didn't take long, and just in time for the holidays, the "Captured Saddam," action figure, presumably fresh out of an imaginary spider-hole, has been rushed to store shelves.
"We still mold and hand paint each and every action figure right here in the Good Old USA," says Herobuilders.com. Check out their page, it's pretty in-your-face funny.
Among their offerings are a couple of Saddam dolls, two Uday versions (I like the DOA doll), and of course everyone's favorite: Baghdad Bob. For European customers, the company features a Tony Blair "Talking British Ally" model, Gerhard Schroeder in camouflage, and French President Jacque Chirac, whom it calls "le Worm" in a flouncy French maid's outfit.
Well, maybe that last one isn't for the Euro market.
Posted by: Ted at
09:45 PM | category: Square Pegs
No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 133 words, total size 1 kb.
Posted by: Ted at
06:58 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (2)
| Add Comment
Post contains 14 words, total size 1 kb.
December 15, 2003
Six Weeks More War, Or Is It Over?
When they pulled Saddam out of his hole, did he see his shadow?
Posted by: Ted at
10:11 AM | category: Square Pegs
No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 30 words, total size 1 kb.
Posted by: Ted at
06:02 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (1)
| Add Comment
Post contains 16 words, total size 1 kb.
(We take you now to the Oval Office.) more...
Posted by: Ted at
05:17 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (2)
| Add Comment
Post contains 412 words, total size 2 kb.
December 14, 2003
Just think, this is your chance to profoundly influence moonbat thinking. So get busy, get creative, and get digging!
It's obvious that the Russians handed over Saddam to the US as part of the deal to cover Halliburton's overcharging for gas by allowing the Russians to build their pipeline instead of the Turks.
Posted by: Ted at
08:21 PM | category: Square Pegs
No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 79 words, total size 1 kb.
Download and click to run it. And don't worry, nothing installs.
Ho.
Posted by: Ted at
09:27 AM | category: Square Pegs
No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 37 words, total size 1 kb.
December 13, 2003
Get some, 'Boys!
Posted by: Ted at
07:22 PM | category: Square Pegs
No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 34 words, total size 1 kb.
At least they admit it's a useless test (click on the pig).
Thanks to Pixy and Susie, today's intrepid Lewis & Clark of quiz-takers everywhere.
Posted by: Ted at
07:56 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (1)
| Add Comment
Post contains 37 words, total size 1 kb.
December 11, 2003
1. Without a doubt, the best gift to give is the legendary Ant Farm. It comes with a coupon that you mail in and they send you the live ants. Of course the parents aren't going to do that, so save them the time and trouble (and a stamp!) and send it in for them ahead of time. You want to give little Johnny or Jenny a working farm, chock full of crawly little critters.
2. The classics are always simple things. And what could be simpler than Finger Paints? They're a whole mess of fun! Be sure to include a pad of big sheets of paper, and then sit down with the kids and use up 90% of the paper right there getting 'em hooked. This forces mommy and daddy to get more paper or - even better - run out and have the little Picassos decorating the house. If mommy and daddy take 'em away, be sure to ask the kids how they like them so the guilt trip can begin.
3. Related to Finger Paints is another classic, the Spin Art set. So perfectly designed that almost no mess is made under adult supervision, the trick here is to let kids be kids, and they'll manage it all on their own. A nice little mini-spin art kit makes a wonderful pocket stuffer too!
4. Every kid wants an Airbrush. Just not one this crappy! The cheaper the better because it makes a bigger mess. You could also include a custom hot rod magazine, and point out that all the bitchin' flames and pinstriping was done with the same type of equipment. Couldn't mom's minivan use a touch of cool?
5. Suntan Barbie, aka Malibu Barbie. When first introduced, the 'tan' was a thin rubberized spray-on coating which was so sticky that it made it almost impossible to dress and undress the doll. If you do manage to find one of these evil classics, make sure you get the little angel plenty of extra outfits to put on and take off. Mommy and daddy will love you for it.
6. The Fisher-Price Corn Popper has been driving parents up the wall since 1957. There's something to be said about tradition.
7. Barney Bongo's. These are truly inspired by Satan. Each time the kid hits a bongo, it plays the next note of the Barney song! In approximately three days, mommy and daddy will want to put a contract out on you. "They hate you. You're no friend. Ba-by sings that song again..."
8. If you know the kid is a slob, and mommy and daddy are too, then you can't go wrong with Jacks. A good set is ten metal caltrops, perfect for perforating bare feet, and a rubber ball or two to slip on. Cheap too, so go ahead and double up on the fun. Like they say: give until it hurts.
9. When people call it a thoughtful gift, they usually mean it in a good way. What a crock. If the tyke is a little older, then think inexpensive color printer. While you're being congratulated for giving an educational present, just remember that the average color cartridge prints about twelve pages and costs forty bucks. Mom and dad will need a second mortgage to keep up with junior's four-color jones, especially if you also throw in a CD label maker.
Ho.
Posted by: Ted at
08:33 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (5)
| Add Comment
Post contains 637 words, total size 4 kb.
December 09, 2003
We are conducting a survey, among those who utilize email, usenet groups, and other online systems in an attempt to make money through multi-level marketing schemes, sales of "get rich quick" publications, etc.
Please take a few moments to complete the following multiple-choice survey. Your help is genuinely appreciated, and will greatly assist our project.
1. Are you aware that you're a complete and utter idiot?
_ No, I honestly had no clue.
_ Yes, I admit it - I'm a completely clueless wanker.
2. Do you really think you're the first clueless twit who thinks they've discovered a way to make money by spamming about a REVOLUTIONARY NEW CONCEPT IN INTERNET MARKETING?
_ Gosh - yes, I really thought it was something no one had thought of before.
_ No, I realize others have tried before, but in my pathetic stupidity I truly believed that I could make money where no one else had succeeded before.
3. Are you supremely confident in your ability to avoid the life-long designation as a "pathetic loser", now that you've joined the ranks of half-witted, mentally defective drool-tards who conduct this sort of activity over the internet?
_ Yes, I truly believe I'm different from all the other retards like me.
_ No, I see what you mean - I now realize that I'm destined to be known forever as the blathering, drooling, defective pants-wetter that I am.
Thanks for taking a few moments to complete our survey. Please forward to 5 people on your mailing list, and request that they each forward it on to 5 others each, etc. etc.
(c)2003, everyone on the internet. Distribute freely without charge.
Thanks to BB on the rockets newsgroup for this one!
Posted by: Ted at
06:48 AM | category: Square Pegs
No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 299 words, total size 2 kb.
December 08, 2003
Thanks to Susie, I found out that some misguided soul nominated Rocket Jones in the most likely to get the chair Best Marauding Marsupial category. Thanks!
Posted by: Ted at
06:50 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (1)
| Add Comment
Post contains 61 words, total size 1 kb.
December 07, 2003
The food's great, but an hour after you eat, you're hungry for power.
Posted by: Ted at
08:05 AM | category: Square Pegs
No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 27 words, total size 1 kb.
December 06, 2003
I just realized how simple LOTR has made this explanation for me, because now you all know what a Balrog is, and just how formidable it can be.
Anyways, the author tells how the Dungeon Master controlling the game built the scenario up with words, and each player had to envision the action in their heads, and at the end they barely managed to defeat the demon by the flukiest once-in-a-thousand longshot magic spell.
He went on to tell about another game played later, this time using little lead miniature men and monsters and graph paper maps and such. At the climactic point of the adventure, the Dungeon Master ominously announced "Your path is blocked by a Balrog". Then he placed a two-inch tall painted figure on the map.
And that Balrog didn't seem nearly the obstacle that the first one was, and the team beat it. They had won the game, but that first group had had an adventure!
Some of you may remember Zork, the classic text adventure by Infocom. If you remember it well, you understood the title of this post right away. For those that don't, Zork was the best known of text adventure games, where all information was presented to you in story format, and you interacted by typing in words and short phrases as commands. For instance:
"You are on a forest path."
SOUTH
"You see a house."
EXAMINE HOUSE
"It's a small one-story house painted yellow. There is a window on this side."
OPEN WINDOW
"Opened."
...and so on. The idea was to figure out what was going on, and then complete the objective (not always obvious), usually by poking around and exploring things and solving problems. Some of these problems were devilishly tricky! In one early game (not Zork) the scenario was that you were on a submerged submarine, working inside an airlock, when a traitor among the crew used poison gas to kill everyone. It was just you and the traitor (or traitors), and you were stuck in an airlock. First step was figuring out how to get to an oxygen mask. Then it got really tough.
The key to all of these games was that you had to use your imagination to build on the vivid descriptions of the landscape and action, just like in a book. Much different from the graphic-intensive games of today. And in my mind, this was a strength, because more thought and creativity went into the story itself, and not the glitz and glamour of the graphics and user interface.
One interesting review of these games, written by someone too young to play them when they originally came out, was that because they were text based (and old), they were small, which made them perfect to play on a Palm or other PDA. Hmmmm... now there's a thought!
I'll be digging around a little bit and I'll post updates as I find out more. I owned a lot of Infocom adventures in various formats for various machines, and I'd like to find compatable copies again. They're that good.
Posted by: Ted at
08:57 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (3)
| Add Comment
Post contains 576 words, total size 3 kb.
December 05, 2003
1. Bagpipes
2. Steel Drum
3. Steel Guitar
4. Xylophone
5. Fiddle (not violin, I mean fiddle!)
Didja know that for a little more than a hundred dollars ($US - I keep forgetting Munuviana is international), you can get a chanter, which is what pipers practice with?
Och, and if that don't blow a warm breeze up yer kilts mon, I dinna ken what woot!
Posted by: Ted at
06:54 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (2)
| Add Comment
Post contains 84 words, total size 1 kb.
The expiration date on the carton is December 28th. It's way in the back where it stays coldest.
Due to the massive turnover of the last year, I may be the last person left in the section who knows that it's December 28, 2002.
I have dark fantasies.
Posted by: Ted at
06:19 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (3)
| Add Comment
Post contains 69 words, total size 1 kb.
December 04, 2003
Posted by: Ted at
11:02 PM | category: Square Pegs
No Comments
| Add Comment
Post contains 66 words, total size 1 kb.
I donÂ’t have a lot of gray in my hair. We came to an agreement long ago, my hair and I: rather than go gray, it just falls out.
Posted by: Ted at
07:27 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (3)
| Add Comment
Post contains 105 words, total size 1 kb.
79 queries taking 0.1057 seconds, 253 records returned.
Powered by Minx 1.1.6c-pink.
