Ask and ye shall receive!

In the comments, or drop me a line at RocketJones -at- gmail -dot- youknow.

Posted by: Ted at 11:19 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I've been listening to quite a few podcasts lately, and it seems that the hardware of choice is the PowerBook. I did some comparison shopping, and dang, those things are expensive!

So you can imagine my surprise when I saw this ad on television last night, offering me a Book of Power for only $89.95! Plus it's personally autographed by the Right Reverend Joe Jim Skeevy. It's smaller than that clunky thing y'all are using too.

I know, y'all are rolling your eyes at me right now, but listen, this guys' a preacher, and he made this little crippled kid stand up and everything. I trust him.

I plunked down an extra twenty for super-rush-immediate delivery. So y'all can expect the first Rocket Jones podcast real soon now, as soon as my new Book of Power shows up.

Boy howdy, I'm excited.

Posted by: Ted at 08:14 AM | category: Square Pegs
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...and then Sears called, asking if I wanted to extend my warranty on, of all things, my freezer.

I know she was just a drone, but it still felt good to rip into yet another Sears employee after the way they screwed us over.

I didn't even swear. Honest.

Posted by: Ted at 04:37 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Got home from work yesterday afternoon, chatted with Liz and Rachael for a short bit, said no to dinner, then went to sleep until this morning. I remember getting up twice for a glass of juice and once to let the dogs out.

Once in a while you gotta catch up.

Posted by: Ted at 06:12 AM | category: Square Pegs
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The word "crusade" is generally accepted in the West as a term meaning a great struggle for a cause. To us, it's a strong word to denote a noble and just effort. Yet we're not allowed to use it because it offends Muslims who only see it as a historical reference.

The word "jihad" is generally accepted in the West as a term meaning a great struggle for a cause. The cause may be good, but good is defined by the individual, and we hear most often about the jihad against us infidels, and how they want us all dead or enslaved. So, basically, jihad means war against the West.

Explain to me why we can't use our word, yet they can use theirs?

Posted by: Ted at 11:45 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 BECAUSE YOU'RE A RACIST HEGEMON!!!!!

Didn't you go to school/college/watch television/read newspapers/read magazines?

Posted by: Brian J. at August 11, 2005 03:31 PM (V04ml)

2 Nope. I'm a blogger.

Posted by: Ted at August 11, 2005 04:37 PM (+OVgL)

3 What's stopping you?I pretty much us any word I feel is properly fitting the issue and/or person being refered to.Fuck the libs!Like I said once before you don't have a right to not be offended.You do,however,have a right to ignore what I say if you don't like it.Also,to walk away.Anything else is censorship in my book and nothing more than a bunch of liberal bullshit to try and make people feel guilty about not being the same kind of suck ups that they are.
Besides the simple truth is that no-one can offend you except YOU.If I say something to you and it hurts your feelings then that's YOU'RE problem/weakness*.More lib bullshit.After all if they can just get people to thinkin' that we're all not responsible for our own emotions then maybe they can convince us all that we are not responsible for any of our actions.Queers,murderers,thugs and terrorist all just need a hug right?They just wanna talk to us.....right?It's not their fault.That should serve me right for leaving my door open at night and tempting that poor thief.Gee....if only I had just been more sensetive to HIS needs.......
Just in case ya can't tell I'm being sarcastic.

*the one exception to this is lying about people.That's just flat out wrong and when someone lies about you,you should get pissed.

Posted by: Russ at August 11, 2005 04:49 PM (ObxzR)

4 I use the word "crusade" regularly. Though I've never been known for my political correctnessitude.

I use it with both definitions as appropriate for the meaning I'm trying to convey at the time.

To my understanding both definitions are legitimate.

That said, I'm neither a republican nor a democrat so I use a great many words differently than those two congregations.

Posted by: BLUE at August 12, 2005 11:04 AM (4Xncc)

5 The correct answer, of course, is that we're PC-addicted trolls who care about others' feelings and they aren't.

"I am on a jihad against you!"

"H'well, then, I'm on a crusade for you!"

"Why, you aggressor, you...!"

Fear not. It'll all come out in the wash so long as we sticjk to our guns.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at August 12, 2005 10:51 PM (PrCdB)

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Robyn (about her boyfriend): I have to take him to work on Monday because his car failed inspection.

Me: Bummer.

Robyn: He's hoping to get his motorcycle fixed this weekend, but he needs a truck to get it to his Dad's house so they can work on it.

Me (remembering): Doesn't he own a truck?

Robyn: Yeah, but it's parked at his house. Needs a transmission.

Me: You might be a redneck if...

Robyn: Be nice.

Posted by: Ted at 11:22 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Not to mention letting Moses head up the NRA. Yet another "nun gun fun" post.

(in the extended entry - safe for work) more...

Posted by: Ted at 04:56 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Guys, if you're packing to the left, try switching to the right, or vice-versa. Of course, if you're scoring plenty then you should ignore this.

Posted by: Ted at 04:22 PM | category: Square Pegs
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We have one of those tower fans in our living room. You know the kind, with three or four little fans stacked vertically. It does a nice job, oscillates, different speeds, all that happy crap a fan does.

But they slipped up on the design. They forgot to hide its intelligence.

This thing has LED displays on the front face, at the top, where it's convenient to read. But when you set it to oscillate on low speed (arguably the most common setting), these two lights look like shining red eyes, tirelessly scanning back and forth across the room. Noting the positions of all life forms in the vicinity.

This fan has a remote control! And guess where it sits? That's right, it's brain sits under a clear plastic canopy on top of the beast. Where it can control things.

Granted, this thing is seriously limited in the amount of malevolence it can project. I mean, it's on a pedestal base. But don't let that fool you, because they've already figured out how to use remote mobile robots to recconoiter your home. Roomba? Small, cheap, dispensible. Sounds like a scout to me.

What we're seeing here is the very beginnings of the takeover. Hollywood gave us the Terminator, then T2 and T3. This fan is probably something like T1/64th. But don't let it's relative weakness lull you into a false sense of security. It wants that. And it's eyes never stop scanning.

For another few weeks, until it gets unplugged and put it up in the attic.

It's nice to air out your darkest paranoias once in a while. But if you forget to put it away again, you wind up on talk radio.

Posted by: Ted at 06:05 AM | category: Square Pegs
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(in the extended entry - safe for work) more...

Posted by: Ted at 04:38 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Last week some wasps decided that the crevice between my front storm door hinge and door jamb would be a dandy place to construct a nest. I grabbed the can of wasp killer (Mookie was impressed that you could aim it accurately out to twenty plus feet) and we hosed the area down pretty good, killing what were probably the insect version of the doozers.

This afternoon at work I got a phone call from the girls, letting me know that the wasps were back in force. I told them where the can of spray was and how to work it. We're not alergic to stings, so bees and such get no drama or hysterics, if they become a pest they are simply dealt with. Humans two, wasps zip.

When I got home, the front stoop was littered with dead wasp carcasses. The girls weren't kidding when they said "back in force".

A little while ago I stepped on a wasp that managed to get into the house before dying, the living room carpet being pretty good camoflage. I was barefoot and the stinger got me on the instep. I swear I heard, in a tiny little buzzing whisper, "From the depths of hell, I spit at thee."

Posted by: Ted at 08:27 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Our Skye Terrier Sam has a new scam going on. If someone's in the kitchen cooking, he'll hang out near the food and water bowls, just kind of loitering. When you go to open or close the fridge, he manages to get in the way of the door, getting whacked in the process. Then he looks up with this expectant look in his eyes and a wide smile*, trying to con you into giving him a goodie since he just got "hurt".

Freakin' ambulance-chasing begger.

*When I say Sam smiles, I mean a full human-type smile showing teeth and all. It's not a snarl or baring his teeth, because I've seen those and this isn't at all menacing. He just looks like a friendly damn dog with a big toothy grin.

Posted by: Ted at 07:49 PM | category: Square Pegs
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To the person who reached Rocket Jones by googling "honkies favorite TV shows":

1. Cops. I keep hoping I'll see one of my relatives.
2. Jerry Springer. Same reason.

Hope that satisfied your curiosity.

Posted by: Ted at 11:17 AM | category: Square Pegs
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No, this isn't a movie review of Midget Gangbangs #4.

Gak, would they even make such a movie? Sure they would, but that doesn't mean I'd want to watch it. Even I have standards, low as they may be.

*consulting notes*

... trigger NetNanny... done...
... quickie...

Mind out of the gutter, intrepid surfer (those faint of heart have long since clicked the back button), this supposed-to-be short post is just to let you know that reality has been hectic lately, so posting will be light for a while longer.

Of course, in blog-speak, that means there's a 75% chance of an increase in volume from the norm from me.

Coming in the near future: more about my mixed feelings about Empty Nesting, the financial education you get before setting foot on a college campus, geektech wizardry and an interesting trend in blogdom that may have touched yours truly.

Yes, it's exciting times around ol' Rocket Jones! In the words of the immortal bard:

And gentlemen in England now-a-bed

Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,

And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks,

Who partook of the merry company 'round Jones.

Yeah, I made that last line up. Sue me. Or pretend it's Danny DeVito reading it to you. Whatever floats yer boat.

Posted by: Ted at 05:28 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I must've slept through this part of catechism class.

(in the extended entry - safe for work) more...

Posted by: Ted at 05:14 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Disclaimer: This should in no way be taken as an endorsement by the Catholic Church on the proper method of dealing with zombies.

(in the extended entry for the bandwidth impaired - it's safe for work) more...

Posted by: Ted at 04:58 AM | category: Square Pegs
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• It's located in Staunton, Virginia.
• It was founded in 1842.
• It was ranked #22 of top American colleges by the US News & World Report.
• The student/faculty ratio is 11/1 and the average class size is 18.
• The Virginia Women's Institute for Leadership is the only all-female corps of cadets in the world.
• They have the only early college entrance program in the country specifically for gifted young women.
• They boast an excellent technical theater degree program.
• Mookie has been accepted and will be skipping her senior year of high school to attend. Classes start at the end of this month.
• Their mascot is a squirrel. (Not Foamy though, darn it).
• Here's their home page.

Posted by: Ted at 07:31 PM | category: Square Pegs
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1 Woohoo!

Way to go Mookie!

Posted by: Pixy Misa at August 05, 2005 07:36 PM (4N+SC)

2 CongRATulations, Mookie!

Posted by: Victor at August 05, 2005 09:52 PM (l+W8Z)

3 When they honor her they only honor her father and mother. Way to go Mookie, Ted and Liz!!!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at August 05, 2005 11:31 PM (O7hg0)

4 Way to go, kid! When you get to campus, fly a rocket!

Posted by: Doug Pratt at August 08, 2005 09:57 AM (D6ZyB)

5 WOW! Way to go! That's so cool!

I hope you weren't counting on that extra year for college saving purposes, of course.

Also, are you sad that she's leaving you a year early? I think, speaking as the father of a daughter, that I would be quite seriously bummed.

Posted by: RP at August 08, 2005 08:59 PM (fWrQ6)

6 Thanks, everyone for the good wishes!

Doug, the plan was for Rachael to get back from Governor's School and build her Level 1 rocket for the student certification (whatever they call it) this fall. With the revised timeline, the new plan is build probably in November over Thanksgiving break and fly over Christmas.

RP, You've given me blog fodder with your comment. Thanks!

Posted by: Ted at August 09, 2005 06:08 AM (blNMI)

7 Glad I could help, Ted. And my wife was quite impressed, too, with Mookie's accomplishments.

Posted by: RP at August 09, 2005 09:05 AM (LlPKh)

8 Guess the month away from you for Governor's School helped her make up her mind, eh? ;-)

Seriously, though, congratulations. And it's a nice drive to Staunton, especially in the fall.

Posted by: nic at August 09, 2005 05:05 PM (l+W8Z)

9 When she is ready to fly that Level 1 rocket, let me know and I'll send an H70 load for it.

Posted by: Doug Pratt at August 10, 2005 09:23 AM (D6ZyB)

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Remember during the last election when the Dramacrats were so vocal about moving to Canada if Dubya won?

Didn't happen:

Canadians can put away those extra welcome mats -- it seems Americans unhappy about the result of last November's presidential election have decided to stay at home after all.

In the days after President Bush won a second term, the number of U.S. citizens visiting Canada's main immigration Web site shot up sixfold, prompting speculation that unhappy Democrats would flock north.

But official statistics show the number of Americans actually applying to live permanently in Canada fell in the six months after the election. (emphasis mine)

Apparently they all decided to stay and whine. It certainly doesn't seem as if many decided to join the political debate in any meaningful way.

Posted by: Ted at 11:40 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Have you seen that television commercial where the guy walks through a lab and "reads" the ingredients from an anonymous drink? It sounds horrible and even he can't pronounce some of those evil chemicals.

Then he says, "or you can have my favorite, orange juice. Ingredients: fresh air, rain, sunshine."

Damn, that's the ingredients for hemlock too! And marijuana! Or the actual freakin' orange tree itself by that logic. Mmmmm, liquified tree.

Here's a thought, instead of assuming I'm an idiot, why don't you read me the actual chemical composition of OJ, and lets see how many compounds you mispronounce.

I think I'll have a glass of apple juice.

Posted by: Ted at 08:59 PM | category: Square Pegs
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1 Hahahaha, yeah, that marketing bullshit aggravates me too.

Posted by: Maelstrom at August 04, 2005 10:37 PM (h8+48)

2 Watch Out! There's arsenic in apple juice!

(Well, apple seeds anyways...)

Posted by: GEBIV at August 06, 2005 09:57 AM (imGML)

3 I seem to remember an american 'justice' TV show :

"OJ kills!"

Posted by: Stu Savory at August 06, 2005 10:37 AM (n1pEb)

4 J'ever read the ingredients on a bottle of hair spray?

But, then again, you don't eat hair spray...

Posted by: Tuning Spork at August 06, 2005 11:07 AM (cgoUW)

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Former Capitals defensiveman Sergei Gonchar signs with Pittsburgh. Added to Lemieux, Crosby and goalie-phenom Theury (assuming he's over the shell shock from last season), the Penguins are very much improved. Haven't heard much about moves to buck up their defense though (Gonchar is an offensive-minded guy).

I may have to update this later to correct mispelled names.

Posted by: Ted at 05:13 AM | category: Square Pegs
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