My very first ever "official" poll, over on the right column. I needed something to tabulate the thousands of votes submitted so far, although "Viagra" and "Human Growth Hormone" weren't valid choices and were immediately eliminated. Hey, is it ok for a guy to say his box was stuffed?

And I just had to add Spork's suggestion. Wish I'd have thought of that one!

So vote away, and unlike some elections, it's expected that you'll vote more than once. C'mon, feed my ego. Carryout dreams are depending on you.

Posted by: Ted at 01:28 PM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 91 words, total size 1 kb.

He just won his seventh MVP award (fourth in a row, both records), without any real protection behind him in the Giants lineup. He's third on the all-time home run list, and will certainly pass Babe Ruth this season and could make a serious run at Hank Aaron. The man gets walked intentionally more than some teams over the course of a season. His mere presence at the ballpark automatically influences the game, which no other player currently playing can say (and few in history for that matter).

And for those who think he might have cheated to accomplish this, a sportswriter puts it as well as anyone I've ever read:

Yet in the absence of positive tests on Bonds and the lack of convictions in the ongoing investigation, the only conclusive evidence is the fact that Bonds is doing things at bat that simply can't be attributed to any known drug.

There isn't a steroid in the world that can account for his patience at the plate as he waits for hittable pitches, or his uncanny solid contact with the ball when he does swing. His body armor lets him hug the plate, and his short, compact swing is the deadliest in the game.

Bonds has two seasons left on his contract in San Fransisco, and he'll break the home run record sometime in that span. After that, if he wanted to he could sign on with an American League team (Yankees anyone?) and play DH for another ten years. Nine hundred homers isn't out of the question. I honestly don't think he'd go that route, but the possibility is there and kinda fun to consider.

Posted by: Ted at 04:18 AM | category: Square Pegs
No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 295 words, total size 2 kb.

Lionel Trains files for bankruptcy!

Not so fast though, there's this:

M.T.H., owner of Columbia, Md.-based Mike's Train House, accused Lionel and a South Korean subcontractor, Korea Brass, of getting drawings and plans for the toy train that were stolen from M.T.H. subcontractor Samhongsa, also based in South Korea.

A jury found Lionel guilty, and it's the awarded judgement that's driving the bankruptcy notice. Very sad, every aspect of this is very sad.

Posted by: Ted at 05:05 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 89 words, total size 1 kb.

Rocket Jones got a comment that I won't reprint here (it's deleted now), but the gist was that I've been voted one of the 100 worst websites on the net. If I want to rebut, blah blah blah, send an email to (hotmail address).

Note to commenter: Gee, thanks for the opportunity to get on your spam mailing list, but no thanks. Thanks also for assuming that I'm an idiot, and while we're on the subject, you can kiss my ass. Thank you.

Note to everyone else: If I *were* voted one of the 100 worst, you can bet I'd be doing the happy dance and shouting it from the rooftops.

Posted by: Ted at 06:06 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 140 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Almost Congrats, Ted!

Posted by: AnonymousKyle at November 15, 2004 07:55 AM (blNMI)

2 People sure do feel free to say whatever they want to on the internet, don't they? Pfft.

Posted by: Kat at November 15, 2004 01:34 PM (PwX2K)

3 I would probably put you on the "Top 100 BEST Web Sites that talk about rockets, hockey, bad movies, cooking, and turnips", but competition for that list is pretty tight.

You can join me on the list of "Top 100 male bloggers who live in Woodbridge and showed up for the 11/6 NOVAAR Sport Launch".

Pardon me while I scream for attention.

Posted by: Maelstrom at November 15, 2004 01:40 PM (z62e3)

4 oh please. take that as a compliment. my site is much worse than yours. in real terms.

your site rocks, and so do you. you make us laugh, cry, think. your a good person, and it shows in the quality of this blog.

happy monday sweetie

Posted by: vadergrrrl at November 15, 2004 04:29 PM (LhmlK)

5 Ted, who's vadergrrrl and why is she calling you sweetie?

Posted by: Victor at November 15, 2004 08:35 PM (etHvD)

6 It truely is a compliment. My site sucks ass and I didn't voted into the club. You're bad enough on their list exactly because you're good enough to be noticed and read by the enemy (whoever the #@&% they are...).

Keep on doing, Champ!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at November 15, 2004 09:08 PM (T/hsA)

7 Ooops. Should read: "...bad enough TO BE on their list..."
But you knew that...

Posted by: Tuning Spork at November 15, 2004 09:10 PM (T/hsA)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Safe for work, but in the extended entry anyway.

Thanks to Kimochi-ii for the pic (that link is not safe for work!) more...

Posted by: Ted at 03:15 PM | category: Square Pegs
No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 38 words, total size 1 kb.

Burger King's newest ad campaign is the chicken fight between two guys in chicken suits. One is crispy, the other spicy (or some such nonsense). Good to know that they haven't raised their standards since the days of Herb.

Posted by: Ted at 03:02 PM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 61 words, total size 1 kb.

No news there, eh?

Actually, I mentioned that I'm having some computer problems. I managed to track it down, and am now running a complete hours-long system scan (I'm posting from my wife's PC). My son generously agreed to purchase the latest and greatest anti-virus software for my PC - let's say he has a vested interest in that, and he won't be visiting certain places on the 'net anymore - but my machine was boinked enough to fight back during the attempted installation. I expect eventual success, but it could be messy and will take some time.

ROFLMAO Mookie just wandered by, read over my shoulder, patted me on the shoulder and said, "Problems can be solved. Issues can't."

Posted by: Ted at 11:03 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 126 words, total size 1 kb.

Mookie posted a bunch of juvenile but funny condom ads. She also has them stuck all over one of her school folders. She just stopped by to show me her latest addition, the "Condom Fairy", complete with magic wand and irredescent butterfly wings.

As explained to me, "The Condom Fairy stops by in the middle of the night and leaves presents for all the naughty boys and girls."

She comes by it honestly.

Posted by: Ted at 10:58 AM | category: Square Pegs
No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 89 words, total size 1 kb.

Someone put various Thanksgiving decorations up on our office doors. Mine has a turkey.

How redundant.

Posted by: Ted at 02:50 PM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 22 words, total size 1 kb.

If Isreal sent a representative, I bet his instructions included poking the body to make sure the sonuvabitch is really dead.

Posted by: Ted at 06:06 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 25 words, total size 1 kb.

After threatening to "take down" the Ohio State football program during the NCAA investigation caused by Clarett's inability to tell the truth, the nitwit has now come out with a series of charges against his former school.

The school's reaction? Ho hum.

You see, everything that Clarett is alledging was investigated as part of his original troubles. The school was cleared by the NCAA. He seems to think that this time he can hurt them by producing a corroborating witness, a former linebacker from the team. Only problem is, the linebacker is parrotting the same charges, and was thrown off the team for drug possesion. Sounds like an axe to grind to me.

In my view, Ohio State has been trying to do the right thing all through this, and Maurice Clarett refuses to grow up and act like a responsible human being. He reminds me of that player "Leon" in those beer commercials, where it's all about "me, me, me" and nothing is ever his own fault.

I guess the part of this that really burns me up is that he's talented, so someone in the NFL will draft him and pay him millions of dollars. And he'll keep right on being a dick.

Posted by: Ted at 05:29 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 227 words, total size 1 kb.

Sorry for the tease, there is no video link available.

I am rather proud of that "light sabre through an Ewok" line though, so I suggest pondering that image if you're that disappointed. For raising of spirits, imagine it's Princess Leia weilding that light sabre in her brass bikini.

Posted by: Ted at 05:37 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 53 words, total size 1 kb.

Wouldn't it be fun to take out a full-page ad in the New York Times that said:

Ok, we admit it.

You already suspected, but Dubya really screwed up when he called Karl Rove "the Architect", and now the cat is out of the bag.

We gotcha! Ever hear the saying, "Bet big or stay at home?" You were so busy looking for all those hidden conspiracies that you didn't see the great big one right in front of you.

That's right, there was no fraud committed during the election. We just plain ol' reelected George W. Bush because we knew it would piss you off, and y'all are fun to watch when you rant and rave and foam at the mouth.

Can't move to Canada either, 'cause they were in on it too.

Don't you feel stupid?

Bill and Hillary helped. Or didn't, depending on your viewpoint.

Oh yeah, some of you are saying you should all go out and arm yourselves for the revolution. Please do. What with the National Firearms Registration Database and background checks and waiting periods that you insisted on, well, they make dandy tools to help identify the ones we really want to keep an eye on.

So to sum up, the election was a huge elaborate joke on you. Every last person that voted for President Bush knew about it. In fact, we held secret meetings just so we could laugh our asses off at how oblivious you were.

That kinda explains that smirk y'all hate too, don't it?

Yep. We're all stupid. How's it feel to be dumber than us?

Four. More. Years.

Sincerely,
Uncle Karl

Posted by: Ted at 12:03 PM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 286 words, total size 2 kb.

Doctors Fight To Keep Arafat Alive

Seeya, Yasser!

Posted by: Ted at 08:26 AM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 24 words, total size 1 kb.

...is for this story to be true: John Ashcroft to resign as AG. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!

Posted by: Ted at 04:08 PM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 24 words, total size 1 kb.

Dawn gets it.

You are going to see me get more involved in my political party during the next four years.

Got that? Democratic Process. It's that thing where you make your points, and I make mine, and we discuss and debate and eventually everyone decides together which way we'll do it for a while. But if you choose to quit if you don't get your way, then not only are you contributing to the problem you're bitching about, but you're also telling me that it's your way or no way.

Really. Screw you then. Enjoy Canada. News flash: your viewpoint isn't the only one that counts, and all your whining and name-calling doesn't change that. It's not even all that interesting anymore. And while we're at it, did you ever stop to think that your "one way" worldview is exactly the same as totalitarianism? Probably not, or you might also realize that your worldview is almost certainly not the "one way" that would become mandatory.

Something else: if the reason you voted for your guy is because he wasn't the other guy, then you don't get to be outraged when others fail to see the second coming where you do. Making a choice based on negatives is a perfectly valid way to vote, but that doesn't infer any special qualities on your candidate. This election framed it perfectly: "Anybody But Bush" didn't work, because the "anybody" wasn't someone that most people could vote for.

So work with the system, push and protest and suggest solutions. Spare us all the theatrics and name calling. The system works, and it has for over two hundred years.

Posted by: Ted at 07:15 PM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 334 words, total size 2 kb.

I'm in the top 20 if you Google "girls in superglue bondage". Just thought you'd like to know that.

Posted by: Ted at 08:29 AM | category: Square Pegs
No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 33 words, total size 1 kb.

Thanks to my lovely wife for passing these on.

Some of the musicians from the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate the aging baby boomers. This is good news for those feeling "a little older " and missing those great old tunes.

Herman's Hermits - "MRS. BROWN, YOU'VE GOT A LOVELY WALKER"

The Bee Gees - "HOW CAN YOU MEND A BROKEN HIP"

Bobby Darin - "SPLISH, SPLASH, I WAS HAVIN' A FLASH"

Ringo Starr - "I GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM DEPENDS"

Roberta Flack - "THE FIRST TIME EVER I FORGOT YOUR FACE"

Johnny Nash - "I CAN'T SEE CLEARLY NOW"

Paul Simon - "FIFTY WAYS TO LOSE YOUR LIVER"

Commodores - "ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES TO THE BATHROOM"

Marvin Gaye - "I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPE NUTS"

Procol Harem - "A WHITER SHADE OF HAIR"

Leo Sayer - "YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE NAPPING"

The Temptations - "PAPA'S GOT A KIDNEY STONE"

ABBA - "DENTURE QUEEN"

Posted by: Ted at 04:27 AM | category: Square Pegs
No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 173 words, total size 1 kb.

The undefeated Fire Ants barely escaped with their record intact, squeaking by the Rockets in last week's Blogger Bowl matchup.

It's only a rumor that after they walked off the field in pity, we scored. Three plays later.

Posted by: Ted at 04:17 AM | category: Square Pegs
No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 50 words, total size 1 kb.

"Vote early and often" has become the equivalent of "Have a nice day". It quit being cute after the first four thousand times I heard it.

Posted by: Ted at 02:32 PM | category: Square Pegs
Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 30 words, total size 1 kb.