The takeover was pretty darn hostile, but Oracle finally absorbed PeopleSoft. Now they're announcing immediate layoffs, and rumors hold it could be up to half of the original PeopleSoft workforce.

Good.

I've dealt with PeopleSoft products and they're less than impressive, in a violently inhaled cave-in-your-cheeks sort of way. Bitter? Nahhhhhh.

Posted by: Ted at 07:03 PM | category: Square Pegs
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(in the extended entry) more...

Posted by: Ted at 12:06 PM | category: Square Pegs
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In football, playoffs are those extra games at the end of the year between all the teams in the league who win enough games. They use the playoff games to figure out who the best team is that season.

I know some Washington Redskins fans are confused as to why some teams are still playing. In recent seasons, the Redskins have sometimes stopped playing football as early as October.

Posted by: Ted at 09:43 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I'm sure this has been all over the net and email, but what the heck.

(in the extended entry) more...

Posted by: Ted at 04:24 AM | category: Square Pegs
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If you display an American flag at your house, replace it when it gets faded or worn. Check your phone book for a local American Legion or Veteran's of Foreign Wars (VFW) post and they'll take the old flag and dispose of it properly.

In fact, ask about attending a flag disposal ceremony. It's a stirring tribute to Old Glory, and something everyone should see at least once.

Posted by: Ted at 05:32 AM | category: Square Pegs
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On Futurama, one of the newscasters is Morbo, an alien with a serious dislike for humans. When asked "how's the family?", he replies, "numerous and belligerent."

Oh yeah, every time.

Posted by: Ted at 06:05 AM | category: Square Pegs
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PETA is oblivious to how stupid they appear to most people:

A prominent U.S.-based animal rights group urged former President Jimmy Carter on Monday to give up fishing on the grounds that the activity was inconsistent the Nobel peace laureate's humanitarian efforts.

This kind of argument could actually sway the man, which makes me shudder to think he occupied the oval office for four years.

Posted by: Ted at 11:22 AM | category: Square Pegs
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To the person who got here by Googling "true erotic paperboy story", well, I'll 'fess up now.

Never. Nada. Zip.

Thanks for asking, though.

As for the person looking for "indentations above ass crack", they're called dimples.

Posted by: Ted at 05:55 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Baseball's Los Angeles Anaheim California Los Angeles Anaheim Angels have announced that their new official team name is the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

Never one to miss a marketing opportunity, George Steinbrenner has announced that his team will henceforth be known as the Boston Yankees of New York, and the Irsay family hopped on the bandwagon by renaming their team the Baltimore Colts of Indianapolis.

Lawyers for Al Davis are looking into the possibilty of suing all North American sports leagues over ownership of the name "Los Angeles".

Posted by: Ted at 05:16 PM | category: Square Pegs
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I'm looking forward to that new Fox series Point Pleasant (link is bandwidth intensive). I just hope the actual show lives up to the hype.

I also will not drink Miller beer as long as those lame-assed referee commercials air. Miller is quickly joining the short list of products I refuse to use on principle, because they blatantly insult my intelligence.

Posted by: Ted at 03:26 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Firefox. It's actually been downloaded onto my PC for a couple of weeks now, but I never got around to installing it until this morning. It seemed like a nice way to welcome the New Year.

In other trivial news, yesterday I discovered that my oldest daughter has no funk in her soul. She is funk-free. How sad.

Posted by: Ted at 09:59 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 "yesterday I discovered that my oldest daughter has no funk in her soul. She is funk-free."

Maybe you can find a donor. Is anybody in the family a soul match? Would a telethon help?

Posted by: nic at January 01, 2005 09:56 PM (etHvD)

2 She's young. Perhaps she'll find her funk.

Posted by: Catt at January 02, 2005 12:12 PM (2XMgB)

3 On the other hand, if she fakes the funk, her nose will grow.

Posted by: CGHill at January 02, 2005 03:01 PM (AUDQP)

4 Fake funk is what caused disco.

Posted by: Ted at January 02, 2005 03:22 PM (ZjSa7)

5 I'd just like to hear the story of how you discovered this.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at January 02, 2005 07:29 PM (EI8+J)

6 There's no story, just a definite lack of enjoyment as Sly & the Family Stone were playing on the stereo.

It's been kinda fun though, because she's rather insulted that I would write that about her.

Posted by: Ted at January 03, 2005 06:01 AM (blNMI)

7 CODE FUNK-A-LERT!

get that girl some Tower of Power and some P-Funk!

IV!

STAT!

Posted by: Rob@L&R at January 03, 2005 12:21 PM (dDlA0)

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Here's hoping that all of my friends and family have a safe, healthy and joyous 2005. May all your wishes come true.

Posted by: Ted at 11:59 AM | category: Square Pegs
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2004 that is. We've got uncommonly warm temperatures for the next couple of days, so I'm going to take advantage and paint the front fence. It's been needing it, but I couldn't get days off to match up with nice weather all autumn, and I thought I'd missed the chance until springtime.

My wife is at a job interview. Someone saw her resume on Monster and called her yesterday. We'll see how it goes. She's been talking about maybe going back to substitute teaching, which would be ideal for her since she can set her own schedule. Last time she did that she was in great demand and was often booked up a month in advance.

I don't know how much posting will happen for the remainder of the weekend. After we finish the fence we've got some household electrical work to do (replace a couple of outlets and rehang a ceiling fan). Mookie is going out tonight to a house party with drama friends and oldest daughter doesn't have plans as far as I know. Well, she had plans but I wasn't real happy about them so she cancelled. She was invited to drive into DC with a group to go clubbing, but what they really wanted was her to be designated driver so they could get ripped. Oh yeah, big fun - on the road on New Years with a carload of very drunk nitwits.

Us? We're planning our usual very quiet evening. At midnight we'll hug and kiss, exchange "I love you"s and mock Regis. Then we'll go to bed, happy that we've spent another entire year together.

Y'all take care and have fun.

Posted by: Ted at 09:51 AM | category: Square Pegs
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When I got home from work yesterday, I found that both dogs had been given badly needed haircuts, leaving me as the last shaggy beast in the house.

Afterwards, the dogs always spend a few days humping everything in sight, as if they were so traumatized that they instinctively look to spread their genetic material.

I was warned to check my sneaker before inserting foot, just in case.

Posted by: Ted at 10:45 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Jerry Orbach, dead at age 69 of prostate cancer.

Posted by: Ted at 11:44 AM | category: Square Pegs
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It is impossible to mistake Brian Wilson's music for anybody else's. He uses vocals in his songs to echo or replace bass and rhythm lines. His melodies are simple yet unforgettable. Every tune he writes is unmistakably his. The (finally) released album Smile is no exception. It opens with an a cappella piece that evokes images of a church organ. A church organ playing Beach Boys music, of course. The music turns melancholy, but even when Wilson writes a dirge, in your mind you picture the funeral being held on a bright clear sunny day.

If you're unfamiliar with Smile, it's because it was unfinished for almost 40 years. Because of professional obstacles and personal demons, Brian Wilson only recently completed the work that was to be his Magnum Opus.

In late 1966, fueled by the Zeitgeist, psychedelics, hubris and hashish, Brian set out to create his ultimate "teenage symphony to God." Earlier in 1966 he had almost singlehandedly created the acclaimed Pet Sounds, and had followed up that masterpiece with the gorgeous single, Good Vibrations. (Paul McCartney has called Pet Sounds "the classic of this century.")

Good Vibrations was always to be the finale to this work, and throughout you'll hear echoes and teasers from it, as well as from other Beach Boys music. Bits and pieces of their well-known music are strewn about, and as you listen your ears perk up as you recognize a familiar tone phrase woven into the music, but joined together in unexpected and interesting ways. Even Good Vibrations is new again, the arrangement is a bit different and the mix is less polished than the classic we grew up hearing.

I've listened to it twice straight through now, and I think it's aptly named. This is a musical smile on a bright sunny day. I like it.

Notes: My wife had a heckuva time finding this for Christmas. Look under "Wilson", not "Beach Boys".

I intentionally did not read any reviews of Smile beforehand, wanting to hear it with an open mind. Here's one reviewer who agrees with me, but says it so much better.

Posted by: Ted at 05:52 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Obviously not very good porn, because he's reading with both hands (in the extended entry - marginally safe for work). more...

Posted by: Ted at 05:00 PM | category: Square Pegs
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1 I don't know what kind of comments you were expecting for this post, but I'll it wasn't this:

That's just about the cutest thing I've ever seen!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at December 29, 2004 11:36 PM (a9n1e)

2 And it's STILL just about the cutest thing I've ever seen!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at March 10, 2005 10:58 PM (XvLoj)

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This morning in the shower I noticed a whole bunch of new bottles and jars in the rack and stacked precariously on any level surface. Not unexpected because I live with three ladies in the family, and bath items are popular for gift giving. As I was reading the different labels, it occurred to me that my shower routine is simple.

1. Find the squirty bottle marked shampoo and wash hair.
2. Find the squirty bottle marked "Dove" and put some on my scrubber thing*. Wash everything else.
2a. In absence of squirty bottle marked "Dove", find alternate squirty bottle of soap and proceed as normal. Make mental note to ask why "Dove" isn't there.

No weird combinations of flora essensces and oils. No "morning" scrubs and "evening" scrubs. If I happen to get a zit, I congratulate myself on my continued youth and vigor and be done with it.

*My scrubber thing can be any color - I don't care - as long as nobody else has one the same color.

Posted by: Ted at 04:44 AM | category: Square Pegs
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I still get comments on a post from last April about good songs for pole dancing. Just for fun, I googled "stripper music" and Rocket Jones came up #1 for that search.

You come for the content, you stay for the class.

Posted by: Ted at 04:11 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Over on the right sidebar, and you can see the archive of previously posted taglines here.

If you haven't voted yet to name my new Chinese Chicken recipe, please do. It's also on the right hand column (so's a link to the story behind the recipe). If you already have, then vote again. This isn't some democratic process, it's my blog, and management says voting is fun.

The banner at the top of the page is the original one from Rocket Jones, and was done by my good friend Carl. He's an incredible talent, and you may have seen his work on CD covers and children's books.

Posted by: Ted at 10:34 AM | category: Square Pegs
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