Did you see the football game last night between the Kansas City Chiefs and Oakland Raiders?

Even though my beloved Raiders lost, that was a fun game to watch. Harkening (harking?) back to the old AFL days, it was all offense all the time, and the defenses seemed to be there only because they're required by the rules.

Thank you NFL, that was a treat.

Posted by: Ted at 09:50 AM | category: Square Pegs
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This year, the family veered to the practical with most of the gifts given, and there were quite a few homemade items exchanged as well. Amazingly enough, I had a rocket-free Christmas.

My wife made me an apron, including my name embroidered on the front. She also got me a new food processor. Standing orders in the house include strangling me if I ever holler "BAM!" or say "kick it up a notch".

I suspect every discount priced DVD bin within 200 miles of here was raided, and I wound up with a stack of wonderfulness. Some serious holes in my horror essentials collection were filled, along with a handful of truly craptacular titles.

I also got Brian Wilson's long-awaited masterpiece album: Smile. And yes, I am.

What did Santa bring you?

Posted by: Ted at 09:13 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Posted by: Ted at 11:54 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Staying at the top all day, scroll down for new entries.

Posted by: Ted at 04:05 PM | category: Square Pegs
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I'm hopeless when it comes to wrapping presents. They always come out looking like a first-grader did the job, using odd bits of tape to hold down randomly buckled areas of paper. I'm also stubborn enough to do it myself every year, because that's part of my gift too: that I went to the trouble of wrapping it myself so you can laugh at me and my inept pretty paper skills.

I believe the ladies have something in their DNA that lets them whoof out beautifully done giftwrapping without effort, which annoys the hell out of me.

I also believe though, that I've found the perfect solution. Better than those tacky gift bags or pre-folded boxes even. You will never hear a guy complain or kid you about your wrapping job if you put his gift inside a toolbox.

Posted by: Ted at 08:31 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 One of my two brothers has come up with a way to avoid the whole gift-wrapping-by-a-guy dilemma; he brings all his gifts to my mom's house and has one of his three sisters do the wrapping for him. Since this usually happens in the midst of all the xmas eve party madness.

Posted by: Cindy at December 24, 2004 08:37 AM (MMDER)

2 It is nice to know that there is another person in the world who as good as wrapping presents as I am.
Merry Christmas and and Happy New Year to you and your family.

Posted by: Starhawk at December 24, 2004 09:17 AM (GlB9q)

3 Don't worry dad, I suck at wrapping too. I think it's a DNA thing, not a gender thing.

Posted by: Mookie at December 24, 2004 12:08 PM (ZjSa7)

4 I also suck at wrapping, so I think Mookie is right. Maybe we are distantly related?

Posted by: nic at December 24, 2004 04:26 PM (etHvD)

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Everyone has snuck candy and drinks into a movie theater, but I wonder how many of you can top my family.

Mookie once snuck a rootbeer float into the theater in her backpack. In order not to spill, she had to pretend she was an honors graduate of Miss Simmons' Charm School and put on her best posture ever. It was noticable enough that friends remarked on it.

Oldest daughter and wife once managed Chinese take-out. I am humbled.

So what's the craziest thing you've ever snuck into a movie theater?

Me? If there's a balcony, I'll bring a can of Campbell's Chunky Soup. Otherwise, I stick to the popcorn with psuedo-butter-colored liquid squirts and the 55 gallon drum o' soda.

Posted by: Ted at 05:23 AM | category: Square Pegs
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more...

Posted by: Ted at 04:47 AM | category: Square Pegs
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In pictorial format. Click on the links in sequence, they'll open in a new window.

Picture 1
Picture 2
Picture 3
Picture 4
Picture 5
Picture 6
Picture 7
Picture 8
Picture 9
Picture 10
Picture 11

Update: Victor points us to the indispensible Snopes, where we discover that the story is not entirely true.

Posted by: Ted at 04:27 AM | category: Square Pegs
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(in the extended entry) more...

Posted by: Ted at 12:08 PM | category: Square Pegs
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If they're flying, ya just lead 'em a bit more.

Posted by: Ted at 04:34 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Which proves he's magical. If I did that, I'd be arrested.

Posted by: Ted at 04:55 AM | category: Square Pegs
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This is staying up top all day, so scroll down to see new posts.

Posted by: Ted at 11:49 PM | category: Square Pegs
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According to Kyle (who remains intermittently anonymous), the Nog still stands, and probably could even without the carton. We've long passed disgusting and have moved into the realm of the scary.

What is Nog Watch? Background story here and here and here and here and in the name of all that is holy please stop here and here.

Posted by: Ted at 11:55 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 Could it be that there is now Chicken Nog? Could that be young chicken feathers growing on the outside of the carton?

Posted by: Bob at December 20, 2004 01:12 PM (blNMI)

2 Steps have to be taken to preserve that nog!

We CAN'T LOSE the NOG. We've come too goddam far in this.

Posted by: Paul at December 20, 2004 01:41 PM (vbP6L)

3 OMG, I forgot about that! IT'S STILL THERE!

Please remind me that, at least, the carton still sealed. If not, thems some nuclear-age preservatives in there and it's probably best that it wasn't consumed even when it was fresh.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at December 20, 2004 10:15 PM (Y5hVY)

4 Spork, the carton is half-full. I'd suggest sleeping with a light on from now on.

Posted by: Ted at December 21, 2004 10:18 AM (blNMI)

5 The Nog - a fine example of American Culture.

Posted by: Alan E Brain at December 23, 2004 10:46 AM (qMZW4)

6 Alan, you misspelled 'cuisine'.

Posted by: Ted at December 23, 2004 03:16 PM (ZjSa7)

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The CEO of Phizer has announced that they are not going to take Celebrex off the market.

For us, that's a good thing. You see, Celebrex is one of the suite of drugs that my wife takes that keeps her from needing to go back to her wheelchair. There are alternatives, and she's tried them as she and her doctors have tinkered with combinations and dosages over years. None of the alternatives work as well. Some don't work at all.

So yes, we're concerned about the eventual effects, but so far the increased danger has only been observed in one study. A second study showed no such problems, and we remain hopeful. And thankful for modern medicine that produces little pill-sized miracles that we too often take for granted. All of us are walking a chemical tightrope our entire lives, and sometimes even the safety net isn't 100% perfect.

Posted by: Ted at 06:10 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Someone on the newsgroups posted a bunch of vintage cards and I thought I'd share some. For the bandwidth impaired, they're in the extended entry. more...

Posted by: Ted at 04:01 AM | category: Square Pegs
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No white Christmas according to the forecasts, but it's beautiful out there this evening.

I'll worry about the commute tomorrow morning, tomorrow morning.

Posted by: Ted at 08:21 PM | category: Square Pegs
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I may have mentioned M1ke before (yes, that's a one, and it's how he spelled it online). He had the ability to write some of the funniest dirty stories I've ever read. He 'retired' in 1997, but before he disappeared (or more likely changed his online name), he left us an unforgettable short story titled The Night Before Christmas. This story is neither dirty nor funny, and I hope he's still somewhere around and sharing his amazing talent.

I'm serious about this, go read the story.

Posted by: Ted at 09:05 PM | category: Square Pegs
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When Daniel first started blogging, he did a series on "how and why things work" that was very interesting and informative (sorry, no link to specifics, couldn't find anything on his page for that).

Being a grad student and lab rat research assistant, he probably doesn't have time for that series anymore, and we haven't seen one in quite a while. That's a shame.

So as a service to the Rocket Jones readers, I'm going to pick up the torch and run with it, much like the scissors mom warned you about. Not being a professional scientist (or even one in training), I'll have to apply my innate parental skills to the task.

First question:

continued in the extended entry more...

Posted by: Ted at 09:43 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Hockey. Fed up with it. Disgusted. Barely paying attention to the labor problems because the average NHL player busts his ass for more than a million dollars per year while I bust my ass for a pitiful fraction of that. Shut up you whiny bitches and enjoy your season playing in Podunk, Russia. Hope like hell you don't suffer a career-ending injury there either. If I sound sympathetic towards the owners, it's only a matter of degree. They've done it to themselves with idiot owners (why are the biggest nitwits always in New York?) who wildly overpay for average talent. But you know what? The players agreed to the contracts. I never heard of an owner saying "I'm not going to pay you what we agreed to because you didn't perform up to expectations." Hockey is a business, and the players seem to think that the owners owe them the ability to make a living playing professional hockey for top dollar. I wonder how many owners have secretly admitted that they'd be better off folding their team and being done with the annual ritual of losing money? To the players: the owners don't owe you squat. How do you say "Bend over and enjoy it" in Swedish?

DC Baseball. The Nationals might never be. Boo freaking Hoo. I'm an Orioles fan and it wouldn't break my heart at all not to have a "local" team (transplanted from Canada and known for it's distinct Latin character) move in and take away televised games I actually care to see. Nobody local should be surprised, because it's Washington DC fer pete's sake! What did you expect?!?!?!?! The Nationals were a political hostage from the day they were announced, I'm just surprised their official uniforms weren't announced as orange jumpsuits.

Update before I even posted this: I just caught the briefest radio flash on this so the details might be wrong, but apparently DC is requiring a non-refundable $10,000 payment with each financing plan. This fee will be used to hire private auditors or some such because the District's CFO is out of the country until mid-January. This doesn't make much sense to me as I write it, but the additional up-front money is typical DC gov.

Posted by: Ted at 05:55 PM | category: Square Pegs
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1 In Swedish: kröka över och njuta av den

Just thought you'd want to know.

Posted by: Silver Blue at December 18, 2004 07:56 AM (G/XfQ)

2 WHen Montreal announced that they were moving to DC I figured it was a done deal. Then it kinda wasn't a done deal -- yet. Now it might not be at all! Where in tarnation did these people get their business degrees? Telling someone you're gonna do something before you even know if you can isn't management, it's trashtalk, and it belongs on the field, not off.

That said, the Ex-pos oughta just screw DC and move to Havana. The folks down there will not only actually show up to the games, but the DC government will get to watch themselves being passed over for a frickin' communist hellhole. And Castro (a former ballplayer himself) will have to open the island's "culture" to outside influences, however piddling it'd be.

Grrr...

Posted by: Tuning Spork at December 18, 2004 07:59 PM (lq74+)

3 Thanks SB, I knew someone would know that.

Spork, in January the new city council takes office, and they're decidedly *not* pro-baseball, so this needed to be a done deal before the end of the year. Cropp is running for mayor, and this was an effective way to torpedo current mayor Williams, who should have seen it coming. I don't disagree with Cropp, DC should have private funding for the stadium, and the city agreed to way too much to get the team. Last week it was announced that part of the deal with MLB was that the city picked up all costs for police and security during games, whereas the Capitals, Wizards and Redskins all pay the city for that. It's a bad deal for DC, and the best thing might be for it to fall through.

Posted by: Ted at December 18, 2004 08:53 PM (ZjSa7)

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The repair guy showed up late yesterday afternoon to fix the oven. Two hundred dollars for 10 minutes worth of work, it was a straight part swap-out of the igniter module. Apparently they lose efficiency over time and ours lasted more than twice as long as average. To make the one stove burner "just like new" would be another hundred and a half, but we've learned to work around it even though it works "just like old", so we passed on that. I can't complain much because the range is 12 years old and this is the first trouble we've ever had from it.

Posted by: Ted at 06:13 AM | category: Square Pegs
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