"T&A stands for 'Time and Attendance',
T&A stands for 'Time and Attendance',
T&A stands for 'Time and Attendance',
T&A stands for 'Time and -"

"Excuse me, Ted, did you have a question?"

"Oh. No, just making sure I have the terminology right."

Posted by: Ted at 06:43 PM | category: Square Pegs
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1 I thought it stood for 'Tits and Ass'?

Posted by: Victor at June 24, 2004 08:11 AM (L3qPK)

2

I never use that term if I can help it. I call it a timesheet or by the form name and the software by it's name.

Posted by: jen at June 24, 2004 06:50 PM (UQLgi)

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JCL stands for Job Control Language, and it's been around since the 50's. It hasn't changed much over time, which means that computer jobs written decades ago still run perfectly today.

I'm (re)learning JCL as part of my new project, and here's a couple choice tidbits from the reference book:

"The role of JCL sounds complex and it is - JCL is downright difficult."

"This book will explain JCL, but it won't try to make you like it because JCL is not a likable language."

Posted by: Ted at 08:00 PM | category: Square Pegs
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Would you kill him in his bed?
Thrust a dagger through his head?
I would not, could not, kill the King.
I could not do that evil thing.
I would not wed this girl, you see.
Now get her to a nunnery.

Posted by: Ted at 04:16 AM | category: Square Pegs
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My first day was memorable in a quiet and unassuming kinda way. The drive home was hella traffic and I'm beat. More tomorrow after I work a more normal (for me) shift.

Goodnight.

PS: The new job is jes' ducky!

Posted by: Ted at 07:48 PM | category: Square Pegs
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A woman walks into a deli, points to a pepperoni and says, "I'll take that one."
The guy asks her, "Do you want that sliced thick or thin?"
She replies, "What do I look like, a piggy bank?"

Posted by: Ted at 05:13 AM | category: Square Pegs
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But this is huge:

In a joint statement at the conclusion of two days of talks in the Indian capital, officials said the dedicated secure hot line between the countries' foreign secretaries was intended to "prevent misunderstandings and reduce risks relevant to nuclear issues."

An existing hot line between directors-general of military operations in both countries also will be upgraded and secured, the statement said.

Posted by: Ted at 10:01 AM | category: Square Pegs
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If we're talking about someone, and you can't exactly place the person I'm talking about, and if I describe him for you and begin with "he's black", that doesn't make me a racist. Skin color or race is the most obvious feature to start with because then you narrow down the group pretty quickly, just like "male" or "female" instantly eliminates about half of the possible population to consider.

So lose the chip on your shoulder and grow up, because I never expected that shit from you, and it bothers me that you think that lighter skin color than yours is a sign of the devil.

If it happens again, we're no longer friends, 'cause I don't play that game and I don't want to be around those who do. Of course, you'll probably just assume that it's because of your skin color.

Idiot.

Posted by: Ted at 10:38 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Things have slowed down here at Rocket Jones lately as I prepare for the big job change on monday and other random bits of reality interfere with my blogging time.

This weekend's projects include hanging a new bird feeder, building a new DVD rack for my den, finishing up some drywall work I'm doing in the dining room (and maybe beginning to paint), and replacing the motor in the attic fan (bearings seized).

In unrelated domestic news, wife Liz has a new red blouse, which inexplicably got mixed in with a load of whites. Since I do all the laundry, I have no one to blame but myself. Fortunately, pink is in style right now, because half my underwear is a lovely shade of coral. Eat your hearts out.

Posted by: Ted at 09:04 PM | category: Square Pegs
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LMIS (pronounced "Limmis") stands for Logistics Management Information System, and I've spent a considerable portion of the last 14 years working with it. New modules, new customer requirements, Y2K, the list goes on and on, it's been a fun project precisely because there always seemed to be some new project on the horizon. But like all things, change happens, and in this case we got new managers who, although nice enough people, lack the vision, skill and leadership of the former bosses, so LMIS quit evolving and adapting. The final nail came when upper upper management realized that LMIS is old. It's been in use since the mid-80's, which is fairly ancient for computer systems. Never mind that over the years it's been finely tuned and customized to do exactly what the users needed. Never mind that the original design was so brilliantly flexible that it's never been unable to do what was asked of it. And don't even think about the fact that LMIS could've been easily modified to do everything the new system is supposed to do, for probably one-third the cost. Upper management could never get past the fact that LMIS is old.

Also, the users are supposed to ignore the fact that the new replacement system doesn't work. I'm extremely biased, but it's the truth to say that the new system that was bought to replace LMIS cost a whole lot of money to do a whole lot less for the users and customers. Of course, "whole lot less" only applies to the parts of the hideous nightmare that actually work.

I can vent about all this because this is the same stuff I've been telling management for two years now. It's not like I've been holding back. It's also part of the reason that I'm so looking forward to the next project.

I'm going to miss the people though, that's for sure. I've collected addresses and phone numbers from the folks I definitely don't want to lose touch with, and gone around to say goodbye to just about everyone. The desk is cleaned out, the PC is about as personally uncustomized as possible, and I'm leaving at lunch today.

I tried to keep it low key, but some close friends got together and are taking me out to lunch today, and they got me a gift certificate to my favorite rocket shop. How cool is that?

Since some of you guys read this, I'll put it in writing (you've already heard me say it): I'm going to miss you. You made it worthwhile coming in to work every day. Good luck, don't let the twinkies get you down, stay sane and in touch.

Special note: it's a misdemeanor if intentional damage to a vehicle is less than $500, but you can reach that limit just by keying the paintjob. Might as well just set fire to the fucker.

Thanks also to the folks who suggested wonderfulness to program my function keys. There are multiple job search sites and plenty of dancing, singing, flying, poking and viking cute things all there at the touch of a button.

Finally, a secret. I'm sure it kept you up at night, wondering. Remember I told you that I worked in a cage? I shared that cage with pallets of blank passports, visas, and all the machines used to process them.

Posted by: Ted at 08:21 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Not safe for work (in the extended entry).

Mookie, don't look, it's dirty. For those of you at work and over the age of 18, come back to look later and double my daily hits. more...

Posted by: Ted at 05:09 AM | category: Square Pegs
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1 So are you saying I should have been getting diamonds for that? Nobody tells me anything...

Posted by: Susie at June 18, 2004 06:26 AM (0p8rw)

2 If you have proof, you could probably sue. Got pictures?

Posted by: Ted at June 18, 2004 07:45 AM (blNMI)

3 My lawyer kept them...

Posted by: Susie at June 18, 2004 09:35 PM (0p8rw)

4 Drat! Foiled again.

Posted by: Ted at June 19, 2004 07:51 AM (ZjSa7)

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Long but funny (in the extended entry) more...

Posted by: Ted at 05:51 AM | category: Square Pegs
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My cultlike following is now accepting applications.

Posted by: Ted at 12:07 PM | category: Square Pegs
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1 Do we get a membership card and a monthly newsletter?!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at June 15, 2004 12:27 PM (xPu6v)

2 What flavor is the Kool-Ade?

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at June 15, 2004 01:15 PM (UquFN)

3 No Kool-Aid please - I'm on a diet. A membership card would be nice, however.

Posted by: Patton at June 15, 2004 01:57 PM (cLlFA)

4 Fridge magnets.

Posted by: topdawg at June 15, 2004 08:02 PM (JMaAr)

5 If this is one of those low-carb things I'm not interested. Otherwise where do I sign?

Posted by: Simon at June 16, 2004 01:17 AM (FUPxT)

6 Do you accept applications from unemployed aussies?

Posted by: Ozguru at June 16, 2004 02:35 AM (IDkHx)

7 "The Cult of Ted" actually has kinda a nice ring to it.

If the kool-aid is Jack Daniels or George Dickel flavored, I'm in.

Posted by: Victor at June 16, 2004 01:38 PM (L3qPK)

8 Um, applications for what?

or more importantly...

Applications OF what?

And where!?!

Posted by: Wind Rider at June 17, 2004 11:27 PM (X5gsh)

9 Fridge magnets WR, anywhere you want. All the cool kids are doing it these days.

Posted by: Ted at June 18, 2004 07:47 AM (blNMI)

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I'll take "Unfortunate Names" for one thousand, Alex.

Who is the only person worse off than this guy?

Thanks to Simon for pointing at the first poor soul.

Posted by: Ted at 11:49 AM | category: Square Pegs
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My PC at work has programmable function keys, and I have them set up to take me various places like our work systems, Google, Rocket Jones, and so on. Seeing's how the average user in the building isn't very technologically sophisticated, I was thinking that it'd be fun to reprogram the function keys to lead to weird and wonderful places on the internet. I'll leave the important work related ones, but I need some ideas for other destinations.

I was thinking Despair.com to start, but I need your evil suggestions. No porn, this is a work computer.

Posted by: Ted at 07:17 AM | category: Square Pegs
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In traffic, bopping with Earth, Wind & Fire, I spied a dump truck chugging along. And as Philip Bailey croons:

We have a magic box
One that is never locked

For all your dirt needs
call 555-9999

Posted by: Ted at 06:42 AM | category: Square Pegs
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All the I's are crossed and the T's are dotted, and this is my last week on this project. Beginning next monday, my commute distance doubles, my hours start even earlier, and I'll be back in a learning environment again. I'm looking forward to this change because I've gotten stale and too comfortable where I'm at.

I may vent and bitch about work at some future date, but then again, what's the point? I take great comfort in the fact that I'm being replaced by a singularly unhelpful "help desk", and their personnel turnover so far is massive and constant. Most of my users have already stopped by to say goodbye and tell me how sorry they are to see me go, which is always good for the ego.

I may occasionally do a remote Nog Watch, so those anxiously riveted to their seats need not worry.

I like working early hours, so I've already gotten the ok to work 6am-3pm at the new place. This is good because I'll miss the worst of the traffic both ways. It's bad because I'll have to leave my house at 5am, at least until I figure out exactly how long it'll take to get there.

During the interview, the big boss explained what they were doing and where they were going with the new project, then asked me what I thought about it. I told him it sounded like fun.

*nipple check* Yep, I'm excited.

Posted by: Ted at 10:41 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Why the Chicken Crossed the Road -- USAF Interpretation

Colonel: Successful crossing, well planned and carried out in accordance with my directives.

Chief: About time that thing worked; hope the Colonel's finally happy.

NCO: Changed two wings, a beak, and removed a bad egg, and the silly thing still can't fly!

2nd Lt: Look at the pretty bird!

(there's more in the extended entry) more...

Posted by: Ted at 06:19 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Congrats to the Lightning. Normal sleep patterns shall now resume.

Posted by: Ted at 05:39 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Really. A dirty cartoon with nudity and sexual content. In the extended entry. more...

Posted by: Ted at 05:26 AM | category: Square Pegs
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Rates on federal student loans have fallen to around 3 percent — a 35-year low. Even better, students can lock in those rates, potentially saving thousands of dollars by ensuring their payments won't increase even if interest rates do.

But a proposal in Congress could shut down the party. The measure would end the fixed-rate option, making all federal student loans issued after July 2006 subject to variable rates. Repayments would then rise and fall each year in sync with interest rates.

Posted by: Ted at 01:02 PM | category: Square Pegs
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